The Strange Medium Guy with a Bad Haircut (aka Pearson Mui) with Martin Rose presents Anime Detective The Case of the Vanishing Vehicles Today was *supposed* to be a typical day. Basically, fill out a bit of paperwork, chomp on some donuts, that sorta deal. Unfortunately, it's not gonna work out like that, mainly because it's time to fill out those damn expense account papers and quarterly reports. That alone is gonna take up the whole friggin *day*! Great. Just great. Where the hell is Ryo? Half this stuff *is* his, y'know. Knowing him, he's probably trying to look up a girl's skirt, down her shirt, or invite a girl to a hotel. I still can't believe that the Chief made *him* my partner. Sure, he's good at what he does, but he's also *incredibly* ANNOYING! I mean, just *try* to take a deposition from a girl while he's drooling buckets over her. I gotta calm down. Too much stress isn't good for my stomach. Hoo-kay...relax. Breathe in...breathe out... Hey, it's actually working. I'm relaxing---8:30?!!! Crimanately, he's probably decided to blow off the entire day just to chase some girl in a micro-mini skirt (not that he's all that picky about length or anything). I'm gonna kill him. Nope, nope, nope...I'm not gonna kill him. I'm gonna pound him into a thin paste. I'm gonna put him in a cannon and fire him to Antarctica. I'm gonna ship him off to Streamline and have him---no, wait...that may be a tad *too* extreme. Knock knock knock. "C'mon in, it's open." The door swung open, and I was a little surprised to see Nene. It's not her day off because she's in her uniform, but she seems too casual to be on official business. I wonder what she's doing here? "Hey, kid." I greeted, rising from my desk. "What brings you here?" She blinked in a very cute, (what'm I talking about? Just about everything she does is cute.) yet confused manner. "You mean you don't know?" "Know what? I've been kinda struggling with all this," I gesture to the tower of paperwork on my desk. "Well..." she looked down at the floor, shuffling her feet nervously. "I...sorta...kinda...got myself transferred here." "You wha--wait, wait...*here*? Right *now*? As in, *this* department?" "Mm-hm." she nodded. "When'd you put in the request?" "About a couple of weeks ago." she admitted. "Um...can I ask you something?" Crimanately, where the hell are my manners? "Go ahead, kid...sit down." She did so as I slumped into my seat. "Ookay...did you transfer here because of the job or because you wanted to be here for some...other reason?" Gah, that was awkward. But, if I asked her if she transferred because of me, that'd sound really presumptuous, wouldn't it? I mean, we haven't really gone on any dates or anything. Well, unless you count that time I treated her to that banana split, but I don't. "Weeellll...a little of both." she said. "Meaning?" I prompted. "I thought it'd be a nice change of pace from my old job. You know, get some time in the field and away from a stuffy office." "Uh huh. Well, don't get me wrong, kid. It's not that I'm not happy to see you, but..." "But...?" she asked, her smile fading a little bit. "I...don't exactly have a desk for you. This took me totally by surprise, y'know." "Your Chief said it was okay for me to start today." "He did, huh?" "Mm-hm. Besides, there's a desk over there--" "You don't wanna sit there! That's Ryo's desk. He's got some of his...stuff in there, if you know what I mean." "Oh." She started blushing. "I think I've got another seat around here somewhere." I muttered, checking the closet. "Aha! I knew I had one of these around." "What is it?" "One of those new ergonomic deals. I got it for my birthday last year, but I never used it. Why bother? The old recliner special's all I need." "Umm...thanks." "Hey, no problem. I think there's a computer over there you could use," I wave to my left to a slightly dusty terminal. My office isn't exactly the best-funded, but at least you can use the computers without going blind. Normally, that'd be Ryo's computer, but he stopped using it after I deleted all his wallpapers...not to mention a firewall for H-anime sites. "Need any help logging in?" I asked, before common sense could intervene. "I think I can manage." she replied. Thankfully, she didn't sound patronizing or annoyed. "So, what do we start on first?" "Unfortunately, we've gotta start on the quarterly reports. Then, if we manage to get those done before armageddon, there's the matter of the expense accounts..." "How do you ever manage to *finish* all this stuff?" "It's one of the great mysteries of life, kid. I have *no* idea." Well, it was about two hours into the paperwork that my missing partner finally decided to come to work. Ordinarily, the way that he dressed would be the last thing on my mind (the first thing being how hard I should pound him should he start acting up) mainly because he usually dressed impeccably. This time, however, he looked like he'd encountered one of Kaori's 250-ton mallets and then decided to go play on the interstate. He's gotta be tired...he hasn't even noticed Nene. "Do I really wanna know what happened, Ryo, or should I make a few guesses?" He plunked his head down on his desk for a few seconds. The guy looked pretty tired, and somehow I don't think it's from a night at a hotel. "Have you ever noticed how hard it is to get a taxi in this town?" He asked no one in particular. "What happened to your car?" I ask him, shooing Nene behind me. "Don't tell me the Austin broke down." "Broke down, HELL! It was stolen!" "Stolen?" Nene asks from behind me. "Yeah...I had to walk all the way here. Horrible way to start the day, what with all that construction and everything going on...but I think it's going to get better..." he said, rising from his desk towards the kid. "Unless you want to start eating oak, Ryo, I suggest you sit your butt down and start doing your paperwork. Otherwise, your dental insurance might go up." I tell him with an evil grin on my face. "You never let me have any fun." he replied sulkily, slinking back into his seat. "If your idea of fun was talking to girls without mentally undressing them or watching non-ecchi videos, we'd be just fine. Anyway, sorry about your car. You know the drill with the forms and all that, right?" "Right, right...dammit, I miss that thing already." "Well, let's see if it doesn't come up or anything, hm?" It stayed quiet for another hour or so, during which time, Ryo actually managed to focus on his workload. Well, that and the occasional peek over the stacks of paperwork to see what Nene was doing. "Um, excuse me..." The door opens a crack, and somebody peeked in. "C'mon in, it's open." I tell them. Hmmm....sounds like a girl. Yup, it *is* a girl, and I think I know...oh, boy. Wouldn't you know it? The one person on this Earth that Ryo fears, and she just waltzes in: Kaori Makimura, Ryo's former partner when they were in business together. This just isn't his day, is it? Out of the corner of my eye, I can make out Ryo trying to hide behind the stacks on his desk. "Are you Detective Mays?" Kaori looks a little stressed. I wonder what happened? "That's me. What can I do for you?" I ask her, gesturing for her to take a seat, which she does. "Well, it's about my ca---hmm....." Uh oh...she noticed that something seems amiss. "There's something familiar about that guy over there." "He's my partner. Kinda busy with all that paperwork, y'know." I don't believe it...I'm actually defending Ryo from Kaori? Well...yeah. I may not like the guy, but I do respect the way he gets the job done. Besides, if she clobbers him now, we'll *never* get the expense accounts finished. "Anyway, you were saying something about...?" I prompted her. "Oh, right. It's my car...it's been stolen." "The Fiat or the Honda CRX?" "The Fiat...hey, how'd you know---?" I allow myself a small smirk. "I'm the Anime Detective. I *know* things." "Hmm..." She caught a quick glimpse at Ryo's desk as he peeked over the top of his paperwork. She blinked twice, as if she didn't believe her eyes, then slowly crept towards his desk. It was pretty funny, though, the way whenever she peered around the stacks, he hid behind another one. Finally, though, he ran out of stacks, and she got a good look at him. I think Ryo was about to die right then and there, because he had this really sheepish look on his face. Kaori, on the other hand, had this big grin that was growing by the second. She cleared her throat, and I could see that she was trying not to burst out laughing. "Umm...hello, Ryo." she said politely. "....hi, Kaori." "You look..." she cleared her throat again "well." "thanks." he muttered. "And how're you?" "I'm fine. I, um...I have to go. It was nice...seeing you again." By this time, she looked like she was about to die laughing. "Same here." he muttered, totally mortified. Here he was, the self- proclaimed "Stud of Shinjuku," able to do some pretty amazing things with his gun, and he was stuck doing paperwork. That has *got* to be humiliating. God, I love seeing the guy squirm. "Um...I'll...see you later." She rushed out of the office, and barely turned the corner when she finally let go. The laughter rang throughout the halls for a good five minutes before she stopped to catch her breath. Through all that time, Ryo's head seemed to sink lower and lower. "Who was that?" Nene whispers into my ear. "Ryo's old partner when he used to be in business for himself. Just before he got picked up by the police force, she kicked him out for...advances on the company assets." I hope she gets the point. I really don't want to elaborate more on that. "He was caught embezzling?" Oog. So much for that idea. "Noooot exactly..." I croak awkwardly. "What do you mean?" Oy. Looks like I'm gonna have to spell it out to her. I look around to see if my perverted partner is peering over his proverbial prison of paper. He isn't. Good, because if he saw what I was about to do, I'd be tempted to kill him. I put my hand just in front of my chest, and flexed my fingers repeatedly. She must've gotten the hint, because her already big eyes widened, and she started to blush. "Oh." was all she could say. "'Course, there was also the fact that business went way down after they passed that referendum a while back. Basically, he didn't have anywhere to go in the private sector, so he got picked up by the force." "Do they still live together?" "Nope. He's got a flat in Ecchiville. He told me once that the rent was cheap, and the ambience was his style." Knock knock. Again? "Come on in." "Detective?" "Hey, Rally. Where's Bean?" "The last time I saw, Inspector Percy was running after him." "HAHAHAHAHAHA! ROADBUSTER!!!" Ouch. Yup, they're out there, all right. Oh yay, this is shaping up to be a helluva day. Let's see, I've got a borderline-maniacal Inspector Percy trying to throttle Bean Bandit, Speed Racer worrying whether or not his father'll kill him for losing the Mach V, Ryo buried in paperwork (although he's been kinda quiet. Gotta check if he's reading a magazine under there.), and Nene frantically trying to keep up. Does it get much better than this? BRRRIIING! "Mays, Anime Detec--" "SOME ASSHOLE STOLE MY BENZ!!!" someone shrieked from the speaker. Reflexively, I pulled the receiver away from my ear, wincing. Everyone in the office just looked at me, stopping whatever they were doing, even Inspector Percy. Whoever you are, you have just made a *seriously* bad mistake. Oh, good...there's a video signal with this call. Might as well find out who this joker is before I pound 'em. Good thing the department finally gave me one of these things. I flicked the screen on, and my jaw dropped. "S-SYLIA?!" Oog. Good move, Mays. Real subtle. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nene getting up from her improvised work area. To say that the expression on her face was unusual would be an understatement in the extreme. You know that look that Akane has just before she's about to pound Ranma into a thin paste? Imagine it five times as bad, with the hair at odd angles and all. Don't worry, that chill going down your spine is perfectly normal, considering the circumstances. "Is there a reason why you've suddenly decided to blow my ears out, or is that just the effect I have on you, Sylia?" I sounded a lot calmer than I really was. It's an image thing. Sylia coughed demurely, and with an effort, calmed herself down somewhat. "I'm sorry, Detective. It's just been a rather stressful time. I've just found out that my car is missing." "I'm sure it has been. If you'd care to give me a few details, I'll get on it as soon as I can. Oh, and Nene says `hi.'" I added, as I noticed her waving from her desk. Hm, gotta get her a phone, too. "I'd appreciate that." Terrific. Sylia is actually ticked off about something, and she's showing it. What other unusual things could show up on my doorstep? Knockknockknock. "Excuse me? Are you Detective---Mays?" Thank you, whoever's up there. You've just managed to top yourself. The source of the voice, a dark-haired female Animate, peeked through the door as she swung it open. Behind her, a borderline-jailbait teenager with lighter hair looked on in confusion. Of course. It's gotta be Rally Vincent and her partner, Minnie May Hopkins. Hold on a sec...shouldn't there be some sorta space-time thing happening? After all, her "older self" is sitting between Bean and Inspector Percy. Then again, what do I know? "Yup, I'm Mays," Although right now, I sorta wish I wasn't. "C'mon in, and have a seat. Just one little thing." "That being?" Rally asked, stopping short. "There's a little rule about weapons I have. Basically, if you've got explosives, you've gotta turn 'em over." I turned my overworked gaze towards Minnie, who blinked innocently. I fought down a twinge. "Me?" she asked. "I don't have any explosives." "What do you call grenades?" I asked her. "I didn't bring any." Yeah, right. "Ryo? I don't suppose you could spare a moment?" He peered over his paperwork, sighing heavily. "Are you going to hit me again?" "Not quite yet. Could you do me a favor and check Minnie for any grenades?" He blinked, and then smiled broadly. "And here I thought that you didn't like me. Do you want me to do a quick frisk, or do you want something more...thorough?" he asked, rising from his desk in anticipation. "Your discretion." I knew that he wasn't going to do something so disgusting as to do an all-out strip search, but I knew that his reputation preceded him. "Eep!" KLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNKKLUNK! The grenades fell to the floor in rapid succession. I guess she had 'em stored in Who Knows Where or something. "Only nine grenades?" I mused. "I dunno..." Ryo said, assuming a pondering pose as he eyed Minnie. "If I were her, I'd have one hold-out right about..." he reached for her. KLUNK! "That'sallIswearnomorenowgethimAWAYfromME!!!" she practically shrieked, hiding behind Rally. "Okay, Ryo...back off." My partner deflated, giving me a dirty look. He returned to his desk, and peered at Minnie. "You shouldn't have worried," he said. "I don't bite...hard." he muttered the last part. "Go on, ladies, have a seat. Lemme guess...your Cobra's missing, right?" "How'd you know?" Rally asked. "Lucky guess." The rest of the morning did *not* go well. In fact, I'd say that it was a little slice of Hell. I think that it was a minor understatement to say that crowding so many Animates into my office was *bound* to have some minor repercussions. Thankfully, the building didn't blow up or anything. I will say, though, that I haven't seen so many cabs and buses in front of the station in quite a while. On the other hand, things settled down a bit after the initial chaos. In fact, I think Nene was actually beginning to adjust to her situation, after I finally wrangled a desk from the supply guys. Noontime didn't come soon enough for me, what with my workload and all. Cruising out to one of my favorite restaurants (a quiet little place just this side of Mechatown), I was more than a little surprised to see a certain redhead looking for a table. Eh, why not? "Hey, kid. Need a seat?" "Sure! I mean, if you don't mind." "Don't worry about it. C'mon." "Thanks." She sat down and started eating. I followed suit. "Funny how we seem to be running into each other," I commented. "If I were more paranoid, I'd almost think you were following me." "Me? Following--? Andy, I'm not *that* kind of girl. You make it sound like I transferred just because I wanted to be with you or something." "Then it must be one of those `cosmic coincidences' I heard about." "Maybe." she smiled, then resumed eating. "So, what d'you think of your first day on the job?" I asked her, having devoured my lunch. "It's...unusual." she admitted, picking through her chicken salad. The kid says that she's on a diet, but she looks okay to me. "It's about average. I've had weirder days, but, um...you've been a big help. I don't think I could've taken all those depositions without you." "Thanks." Oh boy...there's that smile again. "No prob." Why the hell's my throat so dry? Coffee, yeah...that's what I need. I pick up my mug full of java and begin to take a long pull of the stuff. While I was doing that, she put down her fork and propped her face on one of her fists. She had this big, impish smile on her face, like she was about to do something really mischievious. Of course, I didn't notice any of that until it was too late. "So..." she began, almost as if she wasn't sure what to say next. "You wanna head over to my place and check out my system?" Almost immediately, I start choking on my coffee, spewing the brown stuff through my mouth *and* nostrils (yes, it *did* hurt!). Once the flow had stopped (in the process totally covering the table and ruining all the food), I was hacking out whatever remained. Fortunately for her, she'd dodged the fountain, and was now patting me on the back. Once the coughing subsided, she handed me a couple of napkins while *still* smiling. Actually, it looks like she's trying to hold back her laughter. "Just kidding." she whispers into my ear. "Oh, and coffee's bad for your health." "Y'don't say." I croaked. "Are you all right?" KAFF! "Yeah, great. I always love having second-degree burns in my nasal passages." SNIFF! She covered her mouth, still trying to stifle her laughter. "Sorry." "I can't *believe* you used that old pick-up line." "Why?" she asked, looking a little indignant. "You don't think it suits me?" "You *do* look a little young to be saying that kinda stuff to guys who're older than you." "Sorry. But you should've seen how far that coffee went." "You realize that I'm going to get back at you for this..." I ruffle her hair. "...kid." I finish with a smirk. "Ooh!" she fumed. "Stop that!" "What, you're not giving an old man his simple pleasures in life?" She pouted, and I had this sudden urge to give her a peck on the forehead. I don't, but I do pat her on the shoulder. "I'll see you at the off-oog..." I felt my stomach do flip-flops as I caught sight of C-ko comparing notes with Azusa Shiratori. I tried to calm myself down and keep the shakes to a minimum, but I couldn't do much about the cold sweat that washed over me. "Are you all right?" Nene asked, looking a bit worried. "Y-yeah..." I grunted, propping myself on one hand as I got up. "Just gotta...gotta get some air, that's all." I wouldn't say that I stumbled out of the restaurant. Then again, I wouldn't qualify my exit as being one of the most graceful. Let's just say that I leaned against an outside wall, catching my breath. "What was that all about?" "I have this little problem with certain kinds of Animates." "`Problem?' What kind of `problem?'" "It's sorta like this. Y'know how epileptics sometimes get a major seizure when they see a certain kind of light?" "Yes? So?" "Well, I have a similar problem with certain Animates. Specifically, I'm talking about the oh-so-adorable kind of cute characters that could just send a diabetic into a coma. That, of course, includes C-ko, any two of the five main characters on Sailor Moon in the same area, either version of Minky Momo, Azusa, Sasami, and Ryo-oh-ki, among others. Well, okay, so I didn't go nuts when I last saw Azusa, but I was kinda looking *above* her, not at her. Anyway, I've gotten better." "How so?" "A couple of years ago, *you* would've set me off. Of course, I used to go into convulsions, but I guess I got used to it." "So, I could show you a cute teddy bear, and you'd--" "No. First of all, the subject in question has to be an Animate, or at least an object that looks like one. I dunno why, but those magical girls... yeegh." I cringed. "I guess I'm not cute enough to set it off, huh?" she asked, sounding a little on the disappointed side. "Oh, you're very cute. Don't make any mistake about that. I guess it's probably because you don't *act* `cutesy' around me. Your cuteness is internal, and it's something I can handle. Or, maybe it could be that I like you." She stared at me, surprised. "As a friend," I added. "Remember, we're working together now, and I don't want rumors to start flying. Speaking of which, it's about time we got off lunch, don't you think?" "Uh, sure. You know, I think I should rework the network in the station. It's *way* too slow." "Why don't you call in Skuld for the debugging? She's good at that." I joked. An impish smile worked her way across her face. "You wouldn't." "Why not? You're right about one thing. She's perfect for debugging." "I was just kidding about that. Besides, I don't think you have her phone number, do you--ah, no...don't tell me." I said as she pulled out a piece of paper from her purse. "We sorta met at Ben and Jerry's one time." "Why am I not surprised? Okay, call her in if you want. Just one thing, though." "That being?" "Tell her to pop in via the ladies room this time. It gets kinda distracting when you hear her scream." Wince. "I can imagine." "Y'ever notice that strange things always happen in the city?" "What makes you say that?" she asked, maybe a bit sweetly. "SPOOOOOOOOOOON!!!" Oy. Okay, who invited the seven-foot blue behemoth? Moreover, who saw this one coming, as soon as I said "the city?" "Ho, there, servant of justice!" he exclaimed, landing (if you can call embedding himself into the sidewalk a landing) in front of us. "Would you care to accompany me on my vigil against those who commit naughtiness? My sidekick would normally do this, but he's come down with a headache or something. Besides, I like your outfit. Very film noir, as it were." "No, I don't think so. I'm going to say this once, guy, so listen up. This isn't your city." "Eh? Whaddya mean?" "Take a look around. Does it look familiar?" "Uh...not really." "Have you ever seen me before?" "Um...no." "Have you ever seen people in The City with eyes as big as Nene's, here?" "Can't say I have." "So, what does this tell you?" The big guy thought it over for a couple of seconds, his antennae twitching all the while. "It means...GADS! Someone's rebuilt The City and populated it with strange, big-eyed (yet cute) people!" "No. It means you're in the wrong city." "Oh. Sorry to bother you, citizens..." he muttered, extricating himself out of the crater he created. "That was kinda fun." Nene commented. "Yeah, well, it doesn't happen often. Thankfully." "Hey, Andrew! Who's the cutie?" "Cutie? Where? Oh." Nene pouted. "Stan, this is Nene Romanova. She's helping me out in the office so I can actually find out what sunlight is like. Nene, this is Stan, the Sentai Detective." "Nice to meet you. Wish I had someone as cute as you in my office." Stan smiled, not in the "I'd like to have you for breakfast in bed. You're the breakfast" kind of smile, but an honest one. He may be weird, but he's never lied to me yet. "Um..." "Awright, quit flirting with the help. Where're you off to?" "Got a call from Saban. Seems like the Power Rangers had a motorcycle accident." "All six of 'em?" "Five." he corrected me. "Geez, don't you ever keep up with the show?" "Since when do I have the time?" "There *are* VCR's, you know." he said, a bit sourly. "Since when do I have the inclination?" "Touche. Anyway, from what I can tell, someone replaced the visors in the helmets with stuff that becomes opaque on a remote command. Someone pushed a button, and BAM! Instant motorcycle pile-up. Anyway, I've gotta head off. I'll see you two---" WHISHWHISHWHOOFWHOOFWHISH "--later." he finished with a cocky smile. "Weird." Nene remarked. "So what else is new? At least I don't have to deal with him for a while. I dunno why, but strange things always happen when he's around." "`Strange?' Even compared to your job?" KRAKATHOOM!!! "Yup, even compared to my job." "Funny, I thought it was clear outside." she remarked. "It *is*." Two hours (and an ugly little incident that involved Nene's underwear) later, we finally finished up the paperwork. I told the kid to take a break, work on the network, whatever. She didn't seem too happy that I had to take Ryo instead of her out into the field, but she understood. After all, someone's gotta keep an eye on the office, and I can't trust Ryo to do that without getting sidetracked. I'll make it up to her later. I almost lost track of how many crime scenes we visited, and every one of 'em was the same story. There were a lot of witnesses, but no one who had anything substantial. They saw some kinda trailer or car carrier pull up to the car in question, with two guys hitching it up. "I dunno about you, Ryo, but this isn't one of my better days." I was tired and grumpy, and was leaning my head against a lamp post. It seemed to help this headache which was developing. "I've had better myself. I think I'd *almost* prefer one of Kaori's 250 ton mallets. Almost." Sigh. "What else could *possibly* go wrong?" I asked, holding out my arms in that pose a person makes when all Hell has broken loose. The next thing you know, I heard a high-pitched scream from above, and before I know it, someone lands in my arms. "GYAH!" Who the hell--?! Recovering my balance, I took a look at my passenger. She had her eyes closed, probably expecting to hit the concrete. Her long black hair was a mess, but then again, what'd you expect? Looking down, the next thing I noticed was that she was wearing a *very* short sailor fuku in red, white, with a bit of purple. This, of course, left a lot of her legs showing (a bit too much for a 14 year-old, in my opinion). A finishing touch was a pair of red high-heels that, according to my sister, would *not* be made for running. Yay. The powers that be decided to dump Sailor Mars in my arms. Thank you, God, but that was a rhetorical question. She cautiously opened one eye, then another. "Tuxedo Kamen?" she asked, then turned to face me. Of course, she yelped when she saw me. "Gimme a break, willya?" I groused. "I'm *not* that ugly. 'Course, I'm not a shojo-style pretty boy, either, but--" "You're not Tuxedo Kamen!" Sailor Mars exclaimed. "Obviously," I said dryly. "Wow, your powers of deduction are *amazing*. I think I should watch out for my job one of these days with you around." Okay, in retrospect, I should've kept the sarcasm down to a low roar, but I was having a Hell Day. That doesn't excuse it, it's just a fact. "What're you doing here? And who's the guy with the muscles?" "Saving you from becoming sidewalk pizza, I guess. Oh, and the guy's my partner, Ryo." "Hi." he waved, a broad smile on his face. "Down, boy. Besides, isn't Rei just a tad *young* for you?" "Hey, age isn't a barrier for someone of my caliber! Besides, she's older than she looks, remember? Now, let's take a look..." he murmured, lifting up her skirt. "Take a look at THIS! FIRE SOUL!!!" Sailor Mars shouted, and the next thing you know, Ryo's imitating the Human Torch. "EEEEEYYYYYAAAAAHHHH!!!! WATERWATERWATERWATER--" SPLOOSH! KLUNK! KERWHAMMO! Hey, that's a personal record. Not many guys can say that they both put out their partner and knocked 'em out with one hand--YI! Damn trenchcoat got singed. "Hey, watch it WILLYA?! You nearly burned me with that fireball of yours! I'm only human, y'know!" "What was I supposed to do?! Let him take a peek?!" "Yeah, right! Let him peek at what?" I muttered. "What's that supposed to mean?!" she shrieked. "You're still sprouting, remember? You're not exactly all grown up, y'know." "I am VERY grown up, thank you!!" "Oh, and MATURE, TOO! Nothing like a mature young woman who starts arguments with overstressed detectives!" "Hey, it's not *my* fault! Lemme go!" "Gladly." WHUMP! "OW!" she exclaimed, getting up and rubbing her rear. "What was that for?!" "Never let it be said that I'm not obliging, Rei--oogh." Time for the Mylanta. Damn. I shouldn't have gotten into a shouting match with her. "You okay?" she asked, stopping in mid-rant. "Hold that thought," I muttered, reaching into my pocket. Shakeshakeshake. Gulpgulpgulp. Ahhh...*much* better. "What's the matter?" "Occupational hazard. My stomach bugs me when I get *stressed*." I hinted. "Have you thought about another job?" "Nobody else would want my old one." "Oh." "OwWwW...wha' hit me?" Sniff sniff. "And why do I smell bacon?" Ryo asked, half-dazed. "That's just you. You kinda spontaneously combusted, and I had to put you out." "Oh, izzat all?" Shakeshakeshake. "You know, you should really control that temper of yours, kawaiikochan. Not many guys like being set on fire." he said cockily. "`Cutie?'" Rei asked, not believing how quickly Ryo recovered. "You *really* wanna be barbecued again, don't you?" I commented. "BTW, I don't suppose you've seen anything unusual around here? Scratch that, anything unusual not involving youma." "Hmm...not really--" WHISH! THUNK! Waitaminute, I know that sound. I looked up and saw a rose embedded in a nearby roof. Three guesses who that is. "Whoop! That's Tuxedo Kamen! He's kinda late, though...anyway, gotta go!" Rei said, making one of those really high jumps. "Y'know," Ryo began, looking upwards. "I didn't know Rei was into thongs." WHACK! "Nice try, Ryo. Anybody who's watched the show knows it's more like a leotard." Needless to say, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. I knew that it wasn't going to get any better when I got back to the office. I would've initially thought that someone left the faucet on--except that I don't have one in my office. A water cooler yeah, but not a faucet. Just then, as I opened the door, I heard something that could chill the souls of the toughest men. "BWWAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I know that wail anywhere. I hope it's not-- Oh hell, it *is*. Usagi Tsukino is currently wailing like a banshee while doing the Soun Tendo Waterfall Cry (tm). Next to her was her boyfriend, Mamoru Chiba, and he didn't look too happy, what with that Big Sweatdrop and all. Nene wasn't much better off, as she scrambled to put her computer on to higher ground. Time to hit the reserve bottle. "Hey, how come you're guzzling--oh." Ryo stopped short as he saw the office. With whatever professionalism I had left, I sloshed my way into the office. Behind me, Ryo made several disgusted faces as each step produced about a quart of tears. "Easy now, Usako. The Detective's here, and he'll try to find my car." The bubbleheaded blonde sniffed. "B-but now we can't go on our date...WAAAAAHHHHH!" Oog. Instinctively, I gripped the corner of my desk. "You all right, Detective?" Mamoru asked. "I *will* be, once she stops crying," I told him through gritted teeth. "Shh...it's all right. Everything's going to be okay. Besides, we can go somewhere else tonight." Usagi sniffled, the waterfall ceasing. "Really?" Be still, my gurgling stomach. "Let me guess. Your car's gone, right?" Mamoru nodded. "One minute, it's parked near my apartment. The next thing I know, it's gone." I got a quick description of his car, and promised him that I'd do the best that I could. I had the sinking feeling, though, that my best wasn't satisfying anybody, least of all myself. I spent the rest of the day thinking about a lot of things. Why didn't the Chief tell me about Nene? Who was stealing all these cars? Why is it only confined to Animates' cars? Would Ryo *ever* grow up? And why the hell didn't I pick Toontown as my beat? At least there, the cars would scream if you touched them the wrong way. Tired and caffeine-fried, I trudged out of the office and went home. The next day wasn't much better. Animates were lined up in the reception area, and the officer on duty looked like he was gonna freak out. Rookie. I promised them that I--we'd do the best we could, but even with Nene's help, I knew it was going to be a challenge just to clear the reports. She had network connections and open computer cases sprawled all over the office, which made it look like some kinda mad scientist's lab. I wouldn't say that it was as bad as Washuu's handiwork, but it was pretty close. "Andy?" "Hm? Yeah, kid?" "I'm going to see if I can't get some more ethernet cable. I'm a few feet too short." "Oh, I dunno...I think you're just the right height." She looked at me in shock, not sure of what to say. Her eyes caught on something, and she chuckled. "What's so funny?" "Your mug. `I put Juan Valdez's kids through college *and* grad school.'" "A little gift from my brother. Go on, kid. Ryo and I can hold down the fort here." "Well, I've gotta go, too. Gotta look up a friend of mine who might know something." "You wouldn't, by chance, be going back home to fool around with the neighbors, are you?" "Detective!" he sounded shocked. "It's not even 9:00! I wait until at least 10 for that." "Whatever." Crimanately, I never knew there were so many ways to steal a car. Sure, there's the usual smash-and-grab hotwiring tactic, but this isn't random. I decided that there was some more sophisticated method of grabbing the cars involved. Of course, in this town, I can't exactly rule out tractor beams or flatbeds or even mobile armors (although, to be honest, that's gonna be a *lot* more obvious). Where the hell do I start? I'm still at a loss for a motive, too. I mean, what kind of nut tows away cars that are as conspicuous as those? I've got too many questions and not enough answers. All this, and I'm *kinda* obligated to find the perp ASAP. It's a no pressure kind of thing. Just then, life decided to toss another monkey wrench into my mental gears, as someone rapped impatiently at my door. "Come on in, it's open." "Ah. Very good." a moderately-high, nasal voice said, entering. It didn't take too many observational skills to tell me that the man who just came in was a pencil pusher. He was most definitely not an exercise buff; in fact, the only exercise he probably got was walking to and from whatever cubicle was his office. He looked like he was in his 50's, with a high forehead and rapidly-thinning grey hair. He had a low, sloped brow which hung just above narrow, shifty eyes. His nose reminded me of a vulture's beak, yet somehow defied gravity as it seemed to always point upward. The scowl on his face was etched in like granite. I wondered if he ever smiled, then shelved that thought. If he did, he'd probably crack his face. I'm not one for making snap judgements. You don't get very far on the force if you do that. However, in the three seconds I had before he gave me a limp, lifeless handshake, I decided that I didn't like this guy. "Geoffrey H. Paulsen, from the city council. Well, now that we have the formalities and frivolities out of the way, shall we begin?" "Whoa, hold it. Exactly what are you here for, anyway? I didn't get any notice that you'd be coming." "Consider this your notice, Detective. Now...shall we begin?" he said, taking a seat. "Have a seat, why don't you?" I muttered. "Thank you, no. I already have one." he said, the sarcastic remark totally lost to him. "Well, what can I do for you, Mr. Paulsen?" I asked, trying to be as civil as possible. The guy exudes something that practically screams, "hate me, I'm a pencil pusher." "You will do me a great favor if you were to vacate these premises in 1 week and prepare for a transfer." "Excuse me?!" "Do you have a problem hearing, Detective? Fine, let me make it plain. In 7 days, your department will cease to exist, and will be reincorporated throughout the precinct." "D'you mind if I ask...WHY this department is being `reincorporated?'" Right before I'm tempted to shove your pencil-pushing butt through the window, that is. "It's a matter of numbers, Detective. This department is simply not reducing crime in the city. In fact, various crimes of Animate or Animate- related origin have remained steady before and during the operation of this department. It simply isn't cost-effective, you know." "What about the Post-Miyu Incident agreement, that says, and I quote, `there shall be adequate law-enforcement familiar with Animates and non-biased representation in court?' What about the fact that my office and *only* my office is a neutral area? What about the various alien armadas orbiting in space which could easily annihilate this city if they felt they weren't getting a fair shake? Y'ever try to reason with a Jion soldier?! Some of 'em are so single-minded, it's disgusting!" "Trivialities. In seven days, the city council will vote on whether or not to dismantle your apartment. I am confident that they will see my points." That did it. "Get the hell out of my office." "It isn't your office, anymore." "Maybe not in a week. However, I am mandated by the city council under section 9, sub-section 3, paragraph C, sentence 4 of the powers of the police to advise civilians of imminent injury, or possible death from circumstances beyond my ability to control. I am now *ADVISING* you to get the hell out of my office before said injury occurs." "You may be smug now, but when I get through with you, you'll wish you--" "--were never born? Never saw you? Had a 500-ton anvil which I could use? Save us both the cliches, Paulsen, and get out." "We'll see each other again, Detective, right before I have your carcass tossed into the street so you can do *real* work. Good day." Peachy. Just peachy. Why do I even *bother* getting out of bed? I mean, I don't even have a *clue* as to where the missing cars are, and some political guy's trying to cut my department out. In other words: Life sucks, I'm in Hell, what else is new? I'd better talk to the Chief about this guy. Something tells me he's gonna be trouble. "Hey, Chief...you in there?" "Come on in, Andrew. I've been expecting you." his voice rumbled from behind the door. Funny...he sounds pretty tired. The Chief's behind his desk, as always. He's gained a little weight, some wrinkles, and lost some hair since I first saw him as a kid, but he's still pretty much the same. All around the office were a bunch of trophies, pictures, awards, and some other mementos of his younger days. The Chief himself looks like he's seen better days. When I close the door, he puts down a report he's been reading and gives me that "I have to give you bad news" sigh. "Heard you've been having a Hell of a day." he began. That's what I like about him. He gets to the point. "I've had better. From the looks of it, you haven't had such a good day yourself." "Yeah. Just finished talking to my contact in the city council." "And?" He shook his head. "As it stands now, you've got a 50/50 chance of keeping your office. Paulsen's been spitting out some serious venom on your name. Says you don't enforce the law, and that you get so involved with the people you protect, you lose sight of the bigger picture." Sigh. "That figures. Just what I did *not* need. Is there anything you can do to keep him off my back?" "No luck so far. I'm only a police chief, not a politician. Besides, anything I say on your behalf would be considered `biased' and `unreliable.' That doesn't mean that I haven't put in any good words for you; it just means that you're going to have to argue your case in person. Lawrence and Simmons are pulling security duty that day; they'll let you in." Whoa. The Chief doesn't pull strings like that too often. "Thanks," I muttered, still not quite comprehending what he did for me. "Don't mention it. Remember two things, Andrew. First, politicians will do almost anything to look good. Second of all, they like sound bites and facts, not opinions. Right now, he's getting a lot out of opinions, but he'll dig up some facts to support him. Politicians do that. That's what *you* might have to do as well." "I have to go *that* low, huh?" "Sometimes you have to get down and dirty. Was there something else you wanted to talk to me about?" "I never could hide anything from you, could I?" He shook his head. "That comes from your father. Anyway, I don't suppose you're going to complain about your new addition?" "Complain? Nah. I mean, she's got a good attitude, she takes things in stride, she's good with computers--" "--she's incredibly cute?" the Chief interrupted. "Well, yeah, that's a given. Is there a reason why she's been assigned to my department?" Shrug. "She requested a transfer. Besides, even though you may not have said it out loud, I know you hate spending your time in the office doing paperwork. Unfortunately, I didn't know about Paulsen's little agenda, and by then it was too late to tell her. I only found out this morning." "Murphy's Law in action," I sighed. "Yeah," the Chief agreed. "Been there too many times myself. So, any luck on finding those cars?" "We're just getting started. I got a feeling, though, that we're gonna be up late for a few days." The next four days are pretty much a blur. Between me, Ryo, and Nene, we've managed to rule out a few obvious dead-ends. Most car buffs, for example, would prefer not to resort to using a car carrier. They tend to go a little nuts about the paint. Then, there were the two or so days that Ryo spent shaking up his leads...literally. He'd pretty much concluded that nobody he knows is involved in this. The only things we came up with were the fact that the cars were stolen eight or nine at a time, and that they were taken in the morning and at night. There weren't any afternoon thefts. At the academy, they taught us that a crook has to have three things before he/she can commit a crime: Motive, method, and opportunity. Rabid otakus and overzealous car buffs have both 1 and 3. Smugglers *might* have all three, but Ryo's been shaking them up a bit. In the meantime, I've adopted a bit of Sun Tzu's philosophy by having Nene compile a little info on Councilman Paulsen. Seems like he's got a few ties to anti-Animate groups who pretty much hate my guts. Surprise, surprise. "Find anything interesting on Paulsen?" Ryo asked. "Loads. Here's something that might be interesting. It says here that he was the driving force behind Referendum 119. That mean anything to you?" Ryo blanched a bit. "It was only the thing that forced me to shut down my old job. So *he's* the sonovabitch who put me out of business." "What's Referendum 119?" Nene asked. "Basically, it's something that makes it illegal for anyone to hire mercs, etc., for the purpose of mass destruction or investigation. It also pretty much killed anyone in the private detective business who needed access to bigger and better guns." "Won't someone find a way around it?" "I've tried," Ryo replied. "There's only so much even I can do with small caliber handguns. It's amazing how hard the border patrols are on the arms dealers. Hell, even Gunsmith Cats is having a hard time. And you think Paulsen might be involved in all of this?" Hm. Ryo seemed to change the subject real fast. "Maybe. One out of three isn't good, though. Sure, he hates my guts, but what does he have to gain by shutting me down? I mean, it just seems too damn convenient, y'know?" "Maybe it's some political thing," Nene suggested. "If he gets enough public support, he could probably go for a higher office." "Like mayor." "And, in the meantime, we're out on the street, and all hell breaks loose." Ryo finished. "WON-derful." I muttered. "Anything else we should know about the oh-so-amiable Councilman Paulsen?" "Well," she began, flipping through some printouts. "he's got a younger brother, Todd. I think he's a used car dealer or something." "A used car dealer," I repeated. "Why do I get the impression that honesty is *not* one of the family traits?" "The words `honest' and `car dealers' don't mix." Ryo reminded me. "There's something else, guys," Nene interjected. "I've done a little checking, and I don't think that Paulsen has enough money for a campaign." I looked at her out of the corner of my eye. "You checked his bank records." She laughed nervously. "You wanted me to be *thorough*, right?" I couldn't help but smile a little. "Good job, kid. Now, I dunno about you guys, but I'm running on empty. Who's for watching some TV?" "I would, but you had the Playboy channel blocked off." "Is it any wonder why?" I clicked on the TV, surfing until I saw Tricia's face. She's an old friend of mine who occasionally gave me some info. We might've clicked a few years back, but...well, she had her career and I had mine. At least we're still friends. "This is Tricia McMasters, reporting from the city council. Today, Councilman Geoffrey H. Paulsen has unveiled plans to eliminate specialized police units. Councilman, what's the reason for this move?" "Basically, I feel that the resources of the city and the police can be put to better use than to divide into overspecialized, elitist, redundant departments. A prime example is the Anime Detective's office, which exclusively serves the Animate population. Now, I'm not saying that Animates shouldn't have access to the police; I'm just saying that there's a better way to go around it than to overwhelm Detective Mays' limited resources. Besides, the whole concept smacks of segregation. Is there a reason why normal police officers cannot interact well with Animates? Why should Animates get special privileges? We're all equal, and we should all have equal opportunities." "Ouch," Ryo commented. "That guy's really doing a hatchet job on us. Are you sure you don't want me to take him down? I know some friends in the business who work cheap and don't ask questions." "I don't think so, Ryo. For one thing, tempting as it may be to blow him to smithereens, I have this thing against killing defenseless people. For another, what makes you think people won't trace it to you? You've got motive and method, remember? Then, the media'll have a field day. Tricia's my friend, but she can only cover for me so much." "So, we just sit here and do nothing?" "No. We sit here, gather clues, solve this thing, and gently shove this into his face." "I dunno," Nene spoke up from her desk. "Paulsen sounds like a prime suspect. Remember that background check with his brother?" "Yeah...a parking garage would be a great place to hide some cars, especially if the roads leading to it are blocked. Are you sure those construction orders came from Paulsen's office?" Nene gave me this look that practically screamed "are you doubting me?" "Right. Sorry. Just had to check," Hmm...I wonder if Ryo's into that high-tech stuff? "Ryo, didn't you have a tracer in your car?" "Yeah...until they found it and tossed it into a garbage can. Whoever stole it was probably expecting something like that." "It only makes sense, considering your former line of work." "Hm." Ryo stretched, yawning in an exaggerated way. "I have *got* to get out of the office. I was never meant to be a desk jockey." "You've gotta go out and pound the streets?" I could understand that. Sometimes the bureaucracy is a bit much, so a lot of cops just wander around, just to take their minds away from the office. Hell, we've been working 16-hour days, so of course we're going to feel the burn, as they say. "Something like that." he replied vaguely. Nene and I stuck it out for a few more hours. By that time, I was staying awake by willpower, lots of coffee, and various kinds of take-out food. After a while, I noticed that she seemed to be in some kinda trance. I checked the time, and decided to cut my losses and get some sleep. "Isn't it about time for you to head home? It's getting kinda late." "I'll be done in a--" Yawn. "--minute. Excuse me." "All right, I give up. How long have you been at this?" "Oh, since--it's 8:00 already?" "Yup. What're you working on?" "Oh, um...just something that popped up a couple of months ago. Looks like some kind of high-priority encrypting over a secure 'net." "If it's so secure, how could you--?" I stopped short when she gave me this little impish grin. "Right. Never mind. Want me to stick around?" "What for?" "I dunno...just in case, you know? It never hurts to have a second pair of eyes." She turned herself away from the monitor to face me. I could see that she was beginning to run on empty herself, but she managed a smile. "Thanks. It might be a while, though. I've been working on this thing on and off for two months. This is a *tough* code." "S'okay." We didn't say anything else, and she just went back to her decrypting. It was actually pretty quiet in the office, with only the occasional tap of the keyboard as she worked. It stayed like that for a few minutes, when a little nagging thought occurred to me. "Not exactly the fieldwork I promised you, hm?" "Well...maybe next time." "Yeah, I hope so. Don't wanna keep you chained at the desk or anything." A little while later, I found myself in that state between sleep and awareness, drifting between the two. Half-formed images of vultures with Paulsen's face floated in front of me before I woke up. "BINGO!" Nene exclaimed. For my part, I just lifted my head from my desk. "I hope that's good news, kid." "The best, Andy. I finally broke through that firewall!" "And...?" "I've got transcripts, records, even money exchanges. There must be almost 3 gigs of stuff in here!" "Eureka," I was exhausted, but I could feel my mouth curl in satisfaction. "Are you--" "--downloading?" she finished. "Doing it right now. Think I should send a little good-bye present?" "After you grab what you need, kid. No sense wiping out evidence." "Got it." I rubbed my temples, trying to keep from smacking my face into the desk. Nene had to have been at least as tired as I was, but she was running on pure adrenaline. My eyes wandered about the office, and I noticed something odd about her computer. "Kid, are those wires glowing?" "Mm hm." "What're--nevermind. I *don't* want to know." "Everything's downloaded. Sending virus...now." "What've you got?" "Looks like a lot of pre-orders for cars...and Councilman Paulsen's name is on every one of them! Hm..." "Is that a good `hm' or a bad `hm?'" "Just something interesting. All of the buyers are really wealthy collectors." Something clicked inside me. "That makes sense. It all makes sense!" "What makes sense?" "Work with me, okay kid? Paulsen wants to be mayor, right? So, he needs two things: Public support and enough money to fund a campaign. Now, who're easy scapegoats?" "Animates." She was following my train of thought. Good. "Bingo. Now, what if there were some kinda public outrage between regular people and Animates? All he has to do is cruise in with a campaign platform to clamp down on 'em. Problem is, I'm something of a threat to him, knowing Animates like I do. Lucky me." "So, he's planning to discredit you with the thefts?" "That's what I think. If it doesn't look like I'm doing my job, I'm out on the street. Without me, or someone like me, things'll get a lot more tense around here. There'll probably be a lot more incidents, property damage, the whole spiel." "And he'll be running the campaign with money from the stolen cars, promising to end all this. If he gets elected, everyone except him and his friends lose. That's not fair!" she exclaimed. "You're right, it's not fair. It's immoral. It's unethical. It's politics. But with that info and a little help, maybe we can knock him down." "But there isn't anything I've seen that mentions where the cars are being held, though..." "Well then, we'll have to find 'em in order to get something more solid. What we've got there is good, but it's not gonna hold up in court. The way you got it was kinda sorta illegal, y'know. I'm gonna need some bait." "Bait? I don't think there're that many cars left, unless you count that Honda that--you're not going to..." her eyes went wide. "Hey, they're available." I shrugged, trying to be nonchalant. "Do you know what happened to the last person who asked for that car? Why not ask Ryo to do it?" "'Cause I don't believe in passing the buck. Besides, Ryo's good, but he tends to get distracted now and again. Besides, I didn't know you cared." I said cockily. Her mouth moved, but there weren't any words coming out. I wasn't sure if she was indignant or just plain shocked. "Just do me two favors, okay?" "Which are...?" she asked, finding her voice. "Get some sleep. Also, fax over a requisition form to their office before I get there, okay?" "Un." she nodded, as I gestured her to the door. She powered down the computer and walked towards me, stopping halfway in the door. "Good luck." "Thanks, kid." "DARLING!!!" "GYAH!" Whump! "Oww..." Yay, that figures. 7:00 already, and it feels like I've just closed my eyes. Why is it that I never seem to get more than 6 hours of sleep just before something big happens? "Detective Mays! I haven't seen you here in a while! What's the occasion?" Yoriko asked me. "I don't suppose you happen to know where Natsumi and Miyuki are? It's important." "They're on patrol. They should be back in a few minutes. C'mon, you can tell me," she said, her voice a whisper. "What's all this about?" "None of your business." I told her, enunciating very clearly. "Aw, come on..." "Yoriko, do you remember the last time you spread around rumors about Natsumi's, Miyuki's, and Ken's various love lives? I'm not including the stuff that's not fit to be printed in a tabloid." "Would I do that?" Blinkblink. "Don't push it--oh, there they are. Hi, ladies. Need to ask you a favor." "What *kind* of favor?" Natsumi asked. She sounded leery, and I can't blame her. "Well...it's something like this..." "How'd it go?" Nene asked me as I came through the door. "About like I expected. They weren't pleased." "No kidding," Ryo commented. "I guess that explains why you look like you've been through the wringer?" "Basically. A point of advice: If Natsumi is mad at you, run away. Run *far* away." "I dunno...I kinda *like* a little spirit to my women." "She's got spirit, all right. She also has the ability to shove anything down your throat." "Is that why your tie's damp?" Ryo asked. "Something like that. Anyway, everything's set up. Tonight, we wait and hope for the best, because tomorrow, the Council votes." Planting a micro-tracer on the Honda took a lot longer than we expected, what with the tech boys reassuring Miyuki that the finish will be okay, and *yes* it'll transmit within a 20 mile radius. There was also the little matter of Ken looming over the guys. He didn't say much, but his eyes promised great bodily harm if anything were to make Miyuki upset. I've always hated waiting. Waiting gives you time for things to gnaw at your gut, and little niggling doubts and recriminations to pop up in your head like some stupid commercial jingle. It's reduced a few cops I know to chain-smoking, desk-bound wrecks. I've often told myself that I wouldn't end up that way. I was right. I've ended up a coffee-guzzling *borderline* desk-bound near-wreck. Whoa. Hang on. Movement. "What've you got, Ryo?" "Couple guys in a car carrier." he replied. "Looks like they're hitching up the Honda--ouch! They nicked the bumper." "Damn. Miyuki's gonna go ballistic." I turned on the radio. "This is Unit 1 to Unit 2. They've taken the bait. Repeat: They've taken the bait." "Affirmative," Nene responded. "Good luck, guys." "Is that micro-tracer working, Ryo?" "Signal's nice and clear. Wish I had that on *my* car, though. Would've saved us a lot of time." "Maybe." We followed the carrier around a few blocks, finally ending up at Paulsen's Auto Emporium. It was your average car dealer's lot, with harsh lights, shiny cars, and questionable prices in big numbers. The carrier pulled in near the service garage. We just passed by, noting that the tracer was relatively stationary. I rounded the block, then parked the car in the lot. Ryo and I walked up to the service garage. Knock knock knock. "Sorry, but the garage is closed right now," a tinny voice said over the speaker. "We'll be open at 9:00 tomorrow morning." I don't think I can wait. Besides, I think they'll eventually find that micro-tracer. Time to say the magic words. "I'm Detective Andrew Mays, Anime Detective. I've got a warrant to search these premises and the immediate surrounding area for stolen property. Open up. Please." "That was unusually diplomatic of you." Ryo commented. "What'd you *think* I'd say? `Open up or I'll run ya in?'" The door opened, and we were met by a thin, vaguely psychotic-looking man in a cheap suit. A well-worn poker face creased his features, one that'd probably been used to sell more than a few lemons. "Detective Mays," he greeted me, ignoring Ryo. "We're closed right now, but I'm *always* happy to aid a member of the city's finest--" "Mr. Paulsen, my search warrant is here, and I'll thank you to keep out of the way if you want to help." I pressed the papers into his hand and we walked in while he sputtered. Even at this late hour, there were quite a few mechanics still present. That alone made me suspicious. Take into account the fact that none of the lifts were raised to service car underbodies, and that only added to my suspicion. There didn't seem to be any cars in the place. "Business has been rather slow lately, Detective." Todd explained, almost reading my thoughts. "We've been running inventory in the meantime." "I see." I replied blandly. I hinted to Ryo that he should look in the pits. He nonchalantly ambled towards one of them and took a peek. "I think we've just hit jackpot!" Ryo shouted, looking down the pit. Bingo. No *wonder* the garage hasn't had any business. Inventory, yeah right. They're keeping the cars here! I'll bet that the conveniently closed parking garage is holding whatever's left. "Interesting color scheme for a Honda Today," I remarked. "I'm sorry, Detective, but I think you've overstayed your welcome," Todd said, gesturing to the mechanics. Whoof, those are big guys. "Now, would you like to go out on your feet...or dragged out?" "Oh, look," I said, about as bored as I could make myself sound. "We're outnumbered 4 to 1." "Want me to take your share?" "Cute, Ryo." Now, an ordinary cop probably would've made a strategic advance to the rear and called for backup. I think everyone knows by now that I'm *not* ordinary. The one-ton mallet is proof enough of that. Add in a one-man wrecking crew for a partner, and I usually feel more secure about the odds. On Ryo's end of the fight (all 15 seconds of it), it went something like this: "That ain't possible! *No* one's that--" "Fast?" BAM! "Strong?" POW! "Cool?" WHOMP! "Good-looking?" SMACK! "You know guys, you *really* have to learn how to finish your sentences." My end was a little slower, but no less effective. Who needs spin kicks when you can just whomp on the guy? 'Course, I didn't go full out; not many human heads can withstand that. Just a light smack was enough to put two guys out of commission. After the last thug collapsed, Todd Paulsen ran for the exit. He huffed his way for about 5 seconds before a bullet whizzed just above his ear, sparking on a garage railing. "I wouldn't." Ryo warned, eyes of steel hidden behind a cocky half-smirk. Todd Paulsen stopped, raised his hands, and sighed. "All right, you've got me. Just put the cuffs on and I'll go quietly." I read him his rights. Who's willing to bet that Todd here is covering for his brother? "You did all this alone?" I asked. "Yup." "No help from your brother?" "Nope." "Thinking about changing that story?" "What story?" Gah, this guy is a horrible liar. I pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Nene? Would you mind sending in the girls? I've got someone they'd *love* to meet. Oh, and come on in, too. I'm gonna need some help cuffing a few guys." "OK. How'd it go?" "About as I expected." After we cuffed and booked the thugs, Natsumi decided to give Todd a demonstration of *how* strong she was by ripping off a good portion of a counter. She then proceeded to crack her knuckles, smiling maliciously at the car salesman. "How...?" Todd asked. "As you can see, Natsumi is extraordinarily strong. 'Course, my partner here's no slouch either. You've managed to get both of them *very* angry at you. Now, they can't do much to you, seeing as how that'd be police brutality and all...but imagine all the other people you've managed to tick off. They're not gonna stop at just a little pounding. A lot of these people have guns, and they're damn good shots. We can keep an eye on you, yeah, but not every minute of every day. Sooner or later, one of those people might slip by, and...well, these things happen. It's sad, but true. Now," I took out a notepad. "Care to change your story?" Paulsen's place was your usual political affair, with tasteful deco in all the right places and a well-trimmed lawn. They say that how a person acts is reflected in how they decorate their place. In Paulsen's case, it was spartan and functional, with few of the ever-present frills most guys in his station would have. I did notice, however, that all of the statues were of predators. I was going to enjoy this. From the moment we caught Todd and processed the paperwork, I told myself that I was going to enjoy this. Dingdong. Paulsen answered the door in a shirt and tie, hardly the clothes that a man would wear at this time of night. The four extra cars told me that he'd been expecting company, rich from the looks of it. "Detective," he said in a disgusted tone. "I expect there to be a *very* good reason for this disturbance." "Councilman. We've found a break in the car thefts." "You have. How interesting," he replied, his expression blander than usual. "I am a busy man, Detective." "You'll have plenty of time. I have a warrant for your arrest..." "WHAT?!" "...for conspiracy of theft with intent on trafficking the stolen goods to fund your upcoming campaign." "Oh, *really*..." his voice dripped with acid. "Surely you can think of something better than--" "We've got computer records, your bank records, the cars, and your brother. Now, from where I'm standing, I've got a certain part of your anatomy in a sling. So, why don't we cut the BS, hm?" He glared hard. "You're bluffing." "I don't bluff. Do I, Todd?" I said into a microphone. Todd's nervous laughter filtered through. "Why you lousy--" Paulsen muttered. "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand these rights?" He glared at me with unconcealed fury. "Yes." he said through clenched teeth. "Oh, good. I also have warrants for Messrs. Buckley, Dillon, Marshall, and Colson, who were going to fund you in return for the cars. Ryo, if you'll be so kind as to let them know...?" "You got it." I could hear his grin through the speaker, and I knew he was enjoying this little fringe benefit. After a few minutes, he led out a few *very* peeved-looking businessmen, all dressed impeccably, except for the handcuffs. I cuffed Paulsen and led him to a squad car. "Oh, just wondering about something." Ryo began, leaning into the driver's side window. "Yeah?" "We gonna distribute the cars tonight or tomorrow?" "It's gonna take some time to get 'em all out of the garage. We won't be giving 'em back until after Paulsen's trial is over. After that, they go back home." "I was just wondering if I could, uh...make a *personal* delivery?" Funny. I've only seen Ryo this nervous around his old partner. "This doesn't happen to involve the Fiat, would it?" "What makes you think that?" "Oh, I dunno...what *would* make me think that?" "This is Tricia McMasters, reporting live from the city council. Shocking allegations of Councilman Geoffrey H. Paulsen's involvement in the recent rash of auto thefts has led the council to put on hold the dismantling of several specialized police forces, including both the Anime and Sentai Detectives' offices. Prosecutors are highly optimistic with their end of the case. "Detective Andrew Mays, the officer responsible for Paulsen's arrest, had little to say. When questioned about the incident, he merely shrugged and said, `Just doing my job. It's a tough one, but it's gotta be done.'" I turned the TV off and settled back into the couch. The Chief'd given me, Ryo, and Nene the rest of the day off. I, for one, am going to spend it catching up on the sleep I lost when I tracked down that Honda. I was halfway off to dreamland (on the couch? What can I say? It's a very comfy couch.) when someone decided to ring my doorbell. Mumbling incoherently, I got up and peeked through the door. Wonder who it--oh. This is a surprise. Not an unpleasant one, but a surprise nonetheless. "Hi, Andy!" "Hey, kid. C'mon in." I opened the door for her. "Welcome to my humble abode...emphasis on `humble.'" "Hmm...definitely a bachelor's pad." she remarked with a smirk as she noted the mess. I dunno why, but my face felt kinda warm for a sec. "Anyway," she resumed, "I was just wondering if you kinda felt like doing something tonight?" "Such as...?" "Well, I rented a little something on the way here. How do you feel about `My Neighbor Totoro?'" "I can handle it." Sort of. "Good." Whoa. Suddenly the room seems a lot brighter when she smiles like that. "Just one little question. This is just a straight movie, maybe dinner deal, right?" Nene half-frowned. "Aren't *we* being presumptuous, Mr. `I don't want to start any rumors?'" "Well, it gets annoying when the guys at the precinct ask `so, how was she' every time I so much as look at a girl." "You worry too much." "You're telling me? Well...maybe you're right. Maybe I've gotta learn how to relax. Here, why don't you pop the tape in while I get some popcorn?" "Okay." Four and a half minutes later, I emerged from the kitchen with a bowl of nuked popcorn and set it on the coffee table. Taking hold of the remote, I pressed play and we watched. (And for you people who think that we made out: We didn't. I will say that I hadn't this good of a time in *quite* a while.) THE END ---------------------------WARNING!--AUTHOR BABBLE!---------------------------- Wow. Three Anime Detective stories and an Undocumented Features two-parter under my belt, and I'm *still* going. Okay, maybe my productivity leaves something to be desired, but at least I'm still writing. For those of you who just joined us, this is Pearson "Doc" Mui at the keyboard. It's a couple of days before Christmas, and I'm wondering how to finish two seasonal Anime Detective stories before Armageddon arrives. Of course, I still have the monumental eight-part series for UF I've called Dimension Hopping still being pounded out. If enough people bug me about it, I'll post a sneak preview. Hint. Hint. :-) Okay, enough with the story queue rant. I'd like to thank the gents on #Eyrie, Traveller on #anime! and Jeff Hosmer for pre-reading, proofreading, and storyline-type help. Couldn't have done it without you guys. BTW, here're some of the in-jokes: A lot of the antagonists' names were drawn from various Wing Commander games (especially the buyers, who're named after several wingmen). Everything else is pretty much straightforward.