Philip Jeremy Moyer Imagination, Unlimited in association with Offthetopofmyhead Writer's Guild presents A Wam-Andrew Coproduction Of An ASCII/BINARY Film SERENDIPITY (part 1) Written By Philip Jeremy Moyer With Trevor W. Schadt --- CAST --- (In Order Of Appearance) Gordo ................................................... Gordo Edwards Rufus ..................................................... Rufus Brown Aerianne .............................................. Aerianne Connor Philip ............................................ Philip Jeremy Moyer Korzon ..................................................... King Gleep Ray ........................................................ Ray Rabbit Petty ............................................ General Larson Petty Deeds ..................................... Daniel Dukke (that's 'duk') Ferdy ................................................ Ferdinand V. Fox Trevor ............................................... Trevor W. Schadt Sloop ........................................................... Sloop Wyndi .................................................. Wyndi Anderson Rebecca ................................................. Rebecca Dodds Peter ................................................. Peter DeGlopper James .................................................... James Rogers Galen ............................................... Galen Silversmith Horse ................................................... Edward Deemon Shaggy ......................................................... Shaggy Charley ................................................ Charles Raptor Emmy ................................................... Emerson Raptor Winnie .............................................. Winchester Raptor Mommy ...................................................... Mary Moyer Christopher ......................................... Christopher Moyer Daddy ...................................................... Paul Moyer --- Guest Appearances By --- Fred ....................................................... Superroach Tigris ..................................... Emperor Tigris sel Ratharg HalfFlat ................................. sam@iagu.itd.adelaide.edu.au Gryphon .......................................... Benjamin D. Hutchins Sinapus ............................................... Patrick Chester Scanner ..................................................... Eric Luce Ryouko ................................................. Danielle Scott PCKitsune ................................................. Martin Rose Shogun ....................................... Lord Mike Tatsugawa-sama Xaemyl ................................................. Raa Amon Zepol LF ...................................................... Franklin Wang CMU Student ........................................ A. Passing Student Shawn .................................................... Shawn Knight Ann ....................................................... Ann Kopchik Arch ..................................................... Arch Moberly Charley ................................................... Raptor Bait Joy ...................................................... Joy Weismann BJ ..................................................... BJ TE Freshman Spud ......................................... Johnathan Q. Peabody III Jim ...................................................... Jim Hooligan Mrs. Wiz ............................................... Anne Wisnewski Kevin ....................................................... Kevin Yeh Jeff ................................................... Jeff Hostetler Aaron ................................................ Aaron Greenhouse -- With -- The performing talents of ERASABLE, INC. --- Credits --- Based On An Original (?) Concept and Story By Philip Moyer Special Effects By Damage, Inc. Costumes by Various Closets And Drawers, Etc. Hair Styling by Olympian Barbers and Fire-Water-Air-Earth Styling Salon Vehicles by TechieThings And LargeMechas Ltd. Dinosaurs provided by International Genetics, Inc. Dinosaur Handling courtesy of Michael Crichton Stuntwork by MacCleod Stunts, Inc. Sets built by the students of THET 170 Lighting by the staff of Tawes Theatre Music by Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem Vocals by Rockapella Research By Freidman Associates Story Editing and General Comments by The D-Hall Group and the wonderful folks at #Eyrie Storyboarding by the Closet Of Comics Film Crew provided by the folks at channel U62 Video Editing by The Flagship Channel Projection Services by the Hoff Theatre Mutagen courtesy of Eastman and Laird Hellicott Hall characters created by Eric L. Dunn Daniel Dukke and Ferdinand Fox characters created by John Staton Captain Jim characters created by Dan Sandler Smirk(tm) is a licensed trademark of Eyrie Productions, Uninc. Evil/Maniacal Grins(tm) are licensed trademarks of TCS PRODUCTIONS, LIMITED All Poems of the Day are (c) 1990-1994 by The Poem of the Day Foundation Telly Monster courtesy of Martin P. Robinson and CTW IRC Transcript for #anime! on 9/21/93 was provided by CUT'N'PASTE Archival Services Published by Magnetic Terrapin Studios, ErasInc. Some portions of this film were shot on location in the Bajoran Wormhole. We would like to thank the Bajoran Provisional Government and the crew of Deep Space Nine for the use of their facilities. DISCLAIMER: _Some_, but not _all_ of the Characters exist. _Some_, but not _all_ of the events happened. We have confidence that you can determine which is which. story copyright (c) 1993-1994 by Philip Jeremy Moyer ---Acknowledgments--- Philip: Dedicated (and Thanks) To: My Mom: For putting up with me, and encouraging me to be *Me*! (And for shuttling me back & forth to UM when I didn't want to take the bus) My Dad: For letting me use the Citation, for the late night talks, for the support, and for listening. My friends at Blair: For putting up with me as I described the story (again and again and again and again and again....) To Jeff, Kevin, and Aaron: "You can step into the same river twice, but you cannot lead a fish to ride a bicycle." -- Rev. Xmos You guys know what I mean ;) To the original writers of _Undocumented Features_: for making my first year of college a much more fun one than it might have been, and showing me that imagination is a thing to be shared! (It's all YOUR fault!! ;) To the gang on #Eyrie and #anime!: Thanks for showing interest! I'm glad to see there'll be _some_ audience for this thing... To Jim Henson: "That's the way it is around this place. The fantasy always wins." -- Jim Henson You will be missed. To anyone else: "I write because I am personally amused by what I do, and if other people are amused by it, then it's fine. If they're not, then that's also fine." -- Frank Zappa But most of all: To Aerianne. Trevor: I would like to thank the following people for their support. The mediums in which they delivered it may have varied, but all were important. -My parents, for teaching me to respect skill in all its various forms; -Philip, for giving me the chance to be part of this long, strange trip; -All my ex-girlfriends (especially the ones featured in this story) for dealing with me when I was being insane; -Susan and Becky, for helping me to finally make a decision in my life :); -All those people (too numerous to list here) who stood by me and supported me when I was at my lowest points; -Ann, Lynne, Arch, Christa, Marybeth, Jonah, Pam, Dave, Ray, Chala, Tracy, Renee, Argo, and Michael, for making me feel a part of something bigger than myself; -Shawn, the older version of myself, for teaching me so much about life and all its hidden secrets; -Joshua and whoever my other guide is, for looking out for me from the other side of the mirror. ser-en-dip-i-ty \-'dip-et-eE\ n [fr. its possession by the heroes of the Persian fairy tale "The Three Princes of Serendip"] (1754) :the faculty of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for -- Webster's Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary, First Digital Edition 1) --- Just Passing Through ------------------------------------------- "What are you?" -- Entity to Cmdr. Sisco There were no definitions in the void. There was no such thing as time or space in that space between dimensions. Everything was of thought and of the mind. The beings that existed there, if there even was a "there" to begin with, lived in a state of pure communication, pure oneness. If there was individuality in the void, it could never be perceived as such, since any one thought was echoed to all the others. How long the void had existed was a moot point, since the passage of time in the void was variable. A second could pass in a thousand years, and an eternity in a moment. Others entered the void at times, but their passage was not worth noticing to the dwellers. Their entrances and exits did not have any effect on the beings of the void. They continued in their existence, not noticing, not perceiving, just _being_. Until now. <<>> A flash of non-light and a burst of non-sound heralded the entrance of the newcomers. This type of event had happened many times in the void's non-history. For many of the dwellers, distanced by time or space from the newcomers' entrance, this was nothing new, nothing old; just another passage through the unperceivable void. For others, relatively closer to the event, this time was different. <@Eh, What are they?@> thought one of the entities. <#We do not know. These are...different,#> responded another. <$They are strange. We do not like them,$> commented. <%Check ourselves, this bears observing,%> added a fourth. <$Oh, very well.$> <#Examine this one. It...No, "HE"!#> observed the second. <#This is a "He"!#> <@A "He"? Amazing! A sense of difference! Perceive this!@> %Strange. Although they communicate with one another, they are also individuals.% <#That is unusual. Wait a moment!#> # reached into the mind of one of the travellers. The information found there truly surprised #. <#This one is not just an individual. It is aware of itself as an individual! It has self- definition!#> <@%Incredible!%@> the two entities chorused. <$Hmmph. We don't understand what you are getting so engrossed about,$> commented $. <@Oh, be still.@> Meanwhile, % examined the traveller that # had made contact with. <%Strange. They have a self image. They also use communication to define themselves. They are aware of differences among themselves, and assign identifiers to themselves and to others.%> <#This one here has several definitions...This one calls itself...Brian Bikowicz...MegaZone...Zoner?#> <%Multiple identifiers for a single individuality. Strange.%> <@These others also have multiple identifiers. One of them is identified as Robert Mandeville or ReRob.@> <%This other one is defined by either Ben Hutchins or Gryphon.%> <$Stop this at once!$> sent $ frantically. <@#%Huh?@#%> replied the others in unison. <#Why?#> <$These are things that we should not concern ourselves with!$> <@But what is the problem with acquiring information?@> <$It will change us! Ruin our oneness!$> <%Well, I see nothing wrong-%> <$There! THERE! You used a concept that we have never experienced before! "I"! The change has already begun!$> <@But in any instance, the "damage" has already been done. We _have_ made contact.@> <$You will regret it!$> <%Oh, be silent, $.%> $ stewed in silence. @, #, and % returned their attentions to the three travellers. <%There is something else odd about these individuals. They have a sense of "direction".%> <#What do you mean by that?#> <%I mean that they have a sense of progression from one location to the next. They "left" a location, and are now "going" to a place they do not recognize. They also have a sense of the movement of time, used to perceive this progression.%> <@That is bizarre. I would like to learn more about this "individualness" and this "direction".@> <#May I accompany you?#> <@%That is acceptable.%@> At about this time, $ noticed that the three travellers were nearing the end of their journey. <$Well,$> it said smugly, <$It would seem that you will not find out. They are leaving!$> @, %, and # reacted. <@We must follow them!@> <%Hurry!%> <#Wait for me!#> @, %, and # gathered their energies to begin the dimensional crossing. <$No, I forbid this!$> <%We don't have much time!%> @, %, and # gave chase to the three travellers. $, in trying to convince them to stop this nonsense, got caught up by accident in the energy vortex created by @, #, and %. Various other dwellers in the void also became caught up in the energy needed for the crossing, as the three entities passed them in pursuit of their quarry. ReRob, Gryphon, and Zoner, the three travellers, approached the end of their journey. <@They are getting away!@> <%We can't afford to lose them!%> <$You don't know what you're doing!$> <#Hurry!#> With a flash on non-light and non-sound, the three visitors began to exit the void. <@#%NOW!!!%#@> <$NOOOO!!!$> @,#, and % focused their combined energies on the point of exit. The resulting puncture in the void caused the three entities to be sucked through the opening, taking with them $, as well as the other void entities who had been either caught up in the energy vortex of @, #, and % or who had been near the point of exit. With a flash of non-light and a burst of non-sound, they left the void. Unfortunately for them, they had left the void a few seconds to the right of their desired exit. 2) --- Exit 25: College Park ------------------------------------------ "We are glad you have chosen UMCP!" -- 1992-93 Orientation Staff "Whaddya mean, CHOSEN? It's the only place I could GET!!" -- J. Random Student WENDSDAY, JUNE 16, 1993 It was yet another fine summer's day that faced the University of Maryland at College Park. The sky was clear, the sun was shining, and the breeze that blew across the campus refreshed everyone who was touched by it. The sun brightened the many Georgian columns of the buildings, causing them to almost blind students who weren't wearing sunglasses. Students walked unhurried towards their summer session classes, or sat in the shade doing their homework, or just laid on the campus mall getting a tan. Every once in a while an orientation group would walk by, the soon-to-be freshmen being led by a tour guide. Others, shunning the moderate heat of the day, chose instead to perform their tasks inside the many air-conditioned buildings. Some of them performed research in the large libraries, while others decided to log on in any number of WAM or GLUE labs dotted about campus. With a sound not unlike a small cough, three people appeared out of thin air in one of the WAM labs. Not that anybody noticed. They were all engrossed in their monitors. The first of the new arrivals was a tall man. He wasn't overtly muscular, but one look at him would give you a feeling that to cross this man would not be a good idea. He observed the room with a hint of amusement, taking in the rows of computers, and wondering what would cause so many people to be oblivious to their sudden appearance. He wore a red U of MD tee-shirt and jeans, and his brown, unkempt hair went down his back in a ponytail. The second arrival was shorter than the first. He too was male, but he was thinner than the first, and he didn't seem to have the brute physical ability of the taller one. He had more of an inquisitive look to him, and the eyes behind his glasses glanced about, taking in the IBMs, Macs, and NeXTstations that filled the lab. His short, blond hair barely moved in the air conditioner induced breeze. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his green tinted lab coat, which hung open, revealing his thin green striped shirt and his black jeans. The third arrival was most definitely female. She was about middle height compared to the two others. Her bright red hair trailed down her back freely, stopping right after the waist, and was secured with a shiny blue hair clip. She wore a light blue tank top, and dark blue jean shorts. Blue sandals on her feet completed her ensemble. She glanced about the room with a sense of wonderment, taking in everything. A small smile of amazement played across her face. If anyone had been looking at them when they appeared, they would have said that the strangers in their midst were almost physically perfect. Soon after that, they would have most likely have proposed marriage to any one of the three, depending on their preferences. However, since everyone in the lab was still "involved" with the computers, these events did not happen. Instead, the three arrivals just stood and watched, taking in everything, and especially observing the student in front of them, intently typing away on a NeXTstation. 3) --- First Impressions ---------------------------------------------- "Humina, Humina, Humina!" -- Telly Monster Actually, Philip Moyer wasn't _typing_ away at the computer. He was, however, very intent in his computer, reading. He did that a lot, reading the news, sending email, and downloading stuff. His interests ranged all over the net, from Rec.arts.startrek.current to Alt.tv. muppets. He had also recently taken an interest in Rec.arts.anime and it's subgroups, which had been triggered by the downloading, printing, and reading of the Undocumented Features saga. , Philip thought. With that thought, Philip continued to read the news and the speculations on the TNG cliffhanger's ending. Would Lore and Data become one? Would the Borg led by Lore turn out to be renegade Borg, who would be stopped by Hugh and the rest of the Borg? The possibilities were staggering. Then he thought, Philip thought with a smile. He continued to read the news, occasionally switching to another window to look up a book or edit some text. In a little while, he would be going to the library to do some xeroxing of some campus newspapers for the comics that were within; but for now, he was just killing time. Feeling a little bit tired, he leaned back and stretched his arms, closing his eyes as he did so. He pushed away from the terminal with his legs, and totally by accident hit something. It wasn't the wall. On first touch, Philip could tell that it was solid, and warm, and apparently covered with cloth. Unsure of what had happened, Philip opened his eyes. Looking down on him (upside down from his point of view) was a teenage girl with a bemused smile on her face. A quick glance to the right and to the left revealed to Philip that she was accompanied by two humans of the male persuasion. And taking into account where his fists had landed on the girl behind him, Philip did what any 100% red-blooded American boy would have done. He panicked. "Um..er.aae...e...yt.y.r..ew.rwe." With these oh-so-literate words, Philip spun his chair around so he could see the three people better. The sight of the three looking at him didn't help his vocabulary any. "Humina! Humina Humina! Humina!" Panic raced through his mind. The guy in red looked like he could give Lt. Worf scare lessons! Pairing that with the hypothesis that the girl next to him was probably his girlfriend, Philip's mind began to theorize on their possible reactions. The majority of them were ones that would involve his being in the medical center for the next couple of days. The three travelers, on their part, just stood there looking at this blathering example of humanity. The girl in blue, sensing an opportunity, cut in with a hesitant and caring "Excuse me?" At about this time, Philip finally remembered that the language that he spoke was English. That didn't help much. "OhmigodOhmigodI'msosorryIdidn'tmeantohityoutherehonestIwasjust- stretchingbackandIhityoubyaccidentandIdidn'tknowyouwerethereI'msorry- Ididn'tmeanitPleasedon'tkillme!" "Calm down," she said, soothingly. "We aren't about to kill you," said the girl, coming closer to Philip in an effort to calm him down. However, it did not seem to have the desired effect, as Philip continued to babble in an ever increasing stream of speech. The girl decided to try a different tack. Kneeling down, she came in close to Philip's blathering face and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. This action did have the desired effect. It did quiet him down. But that was because Philip Moyer had passed out. Philip awoke slowly, unaware of what had just happened. He slowly pulled himself upright in his chair and looked around his terminal fuzzily. he wondered to himself, rubbing his eyes. He turned his chair around, and began to get up. He saw something out of the corner of his eye, and he turned to get a better view. He saw the girl standing there, with a small smile on her face, just looking at him. "Oh, boy..." he said. The memory of what had just happened to him a few seconds before rushed back into clarity. "Oh my god..." Philip sat back down and looked up at the three people in front of him. "I can't believe I just made a fool of myself!" he thought out loud. The green one spoke for the first time. "Fascinating. He is capable of rational thought. And he has a sense of remorse!" He looked closely at Philip. Philip, for his part, just wondered what the heck he was talking about. "If this is an example of what this location has to offer, we are in good hands!" commented the red one. "This is truly a marvelous opportunity!" Philip continued to observe the three people in his midst. They were older than him, that was for sure, although he could not tell exactly how old. , he thought to himself morosely. Then, with a quick glance towards the ceiling, he thought, He returned his attention to the three newcomers. The red one and the green one were currently involved in a discussion of which Philip could make nothing out of what they were saying. He then focused his attention on the girl. She, for her part, had her attention focused on him. He began to blush slightly. thought Philip. Trying to clear his mind and get back on track, he addressed the three people. "'Forgive me for intruding on your conversation,'" he began, "but who are you guys?" The man in red jerked his head up, and looked at Philip intently. "Excuse me?" "Uh...," Philip replied, fumbling, "Who are you?" The red one looked at Philip for a while, and then looked at his comrades. The green one looked confused, while the girl was preoccupied, and didn't return his glance. "Hmm, that is a good question," replied the red one, "since we are not totally sure of that ourselves. However," he continued as he then looked at Philip once more, "I do believe that _you_ can address me as... Gordo." mused Philip. He turned his attention to the man in green, who now looked confused. "And you?" he asked, tentatively. The man looked at himself, glanced over at "Gordo" and the girl for a moment, and then looked at himself again. "I do not recall ever having a--AH!" he exclaimed, startling Philip. "My designation, or 'name' as you might put it, is Rufus. Five letters, two of them the same," answered the green one, "which I must note is the same situation as Gordo's name!" "Quite right, Rufus!" replied Gordo. "And the third member of our company goes by the name of... That's strange... What is your name?" he said, addressing the girl in blue. The girl, apparently just really noticing the other two for the first time, since she had been focusing her attention on Philip, turned to the others and spoke. "I _guess_ my name's Aerianne," she said to them, meeting their eyes for confirmation. "So I guess that's what you can call me. Do you like it?" she asked them. Philip just nodded, which apparently pleased Aerianne, who smiled. Then Gordo spoke again. "I say, sir, do you happen to know where we are?" he said with some concern. "In a computer lab under a parking garage," replied Philip, with some wondering as to why they didn't know this already. "A computer lab," whispered Rufus to himself. "And where is this, 'computer lab'," continued Gordo, "in the grand scheme of things?" "In the middle of campus," answered Philip, now definitely wondering what was going on. "Ah. And what is this 'campus' called?" asked Gordo earnestly. Philip thought to himself. But he continued the strange conversation by saying, "You are currently in the University Of Maryland at College Park, the Flagship Campus of the UMD system, and also, incidentally," he said ruefully, "An institution for higher learning." "Oh!" interjected Rufus. "So this is a place where individuals can go to increase their knowledge of the world around them, and to also develop new theories about the workings of the world? Fascinating!" "Well, yes, but I wouldn't have put it so... analytically." And then as an afterthought, he said, "But then again, you're not me and I'm not you, so you can do it anyway you want to." Rufus thought this over for a moment and then nodded. "I see what you mean. So far my replies have been rather technical. I shall try to curb my natural tendencies when appropriate. Thank you!" he said with a smile. "Of course, it's all your choice," reminded Philip. "Of course." Philip then returned his attention to Gordo, who had been waiting patiently for him. Gordo addressed him. "So, back to where we were. Which is, 'Where are we?'" "You're at UMCP, which is a college, where you learn things about the world," reiterated Philip. "And what if we wanted to 'learn things about the world'? How would we go about it?" "Well, I guess you'd have to apply for membership in the University," he answered, wondering where Gordo was leading him. "And then register for classes, and pay tuition, etcetera blah yackety shmackety," he finished with a smile. "Excellent! Where do we go to register?" "You'll need to go to Mitchell building to get a Summer Session booklet, and a course bulletin, and a Undergrad Catalogue. The Bursar's is in Lee Building." "That is all well and good, but," he said with a trace of sarcasm, "Where are *they*?" After a moment's consideration, Philip unzipped one of the pockets of his backpack, and brought out the campus map that he always carried with him. (He had once been quoted as saying, "Just because I live on campus doesn't mean I know where everything is.") Pointing to several buildings, he indicated, "We are in the basement of this parking garage *here*, and Mitchell building is just down the road _here_. Lee building is on the opposite side of Main Administration from Mitchell building, right *There*. You can ask the people in the buildings themselves if you have any questions about the process. I don't claim to have all the answers when it comes to the bureaucracy." "Thank you," replied Gordo when Philip had finished. "Would it be acceptable if we borrowed this map to find our way around?" "Sure, go ahead! I can always get another." "And if we wanted to get accounts on these 'computers'?" asked Rufus. "Sorry, but you have to be official UMD students in order to have a WAM or GLUE account. Sorry," replied Philip with a shrug and a small smile. "Very well! We thank you for your help," stated Gordo, gathering himself up in preparation for leaving, "and we shall be sure to stay in contact, Mister..." At this, Gordo for once seemed to be at a loss for words. "I'm sorry," he apologized, "But I never found out what your name was!" "Well, my full name is Philip Jeremy Moyer, but you can call me Philip." "Very well, Mr. Moyer! We shall surely meet again." "I guess so." "Farewell!" With that, Gordo, Rufus, and Aerianne left the lab, leaving a still somewhat bewildered Philip in their wake. After a few minutes of silent thought, he logged out of his long-forgotten terminal, gathered up his backpack, his acting notebook, and his umbrella, and left the lab. As he walked back to his car in Lot 1, the only thought that he could glean from his mind was that something strange had just happened. He had no idea how right he was. 4) --- Dangerous Alliances -------------------------------------------- "Wot we gonna do tonight, Brain?" "The same thing we do every night, Pinky; TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD." --Pinky and the Brain THAT NIGHT "Very well. Let's get this meeting started, shall we?" The other figures nodded, and headed towards the single table. The room was dark, and a single light illuminated the table. The figures arranged themselves around the table, and sat down (except for Korzon, who hovered). "I trust you all have read the documents?" The figured gestured towards the stacks of paper on the table with his cigarette holder. The others nodded. "Good. I trust that we will not make the...mistakes that our predecessors did, will we?" The others nodded, although with a bit more caution than before. "Excellent. Now, onto business." With that, the figure with the holder moved the papers to one side, revealing a campus map underneath. "This, my friends, is the University of Maryland, College Park." He paused for a reaction. None was forthcoming. "It is a large campus, holding over 40,000 students. It has over 40 majors, in varying fields and subfields. Also, it is the 'Flagship College' for the entire University of Maryland system. The Campus is top ranked in several majors, and it has ready access to various national institutions and programs due to it's departmental connections and close proximity to the nation's capitol." "Why are you telling us this?" asked a small figure at the end of the table. "Expository Dialogue, Fred," the leader answered. "It has to go somewhere." "Oh." "However, as you can see," as he returned to his speech, "this campus is too big to take over in one climactic action. A single surgical strike will have no effect, since the campus can easily take up the slack of lost people. And an assassination of the campus president or other high- placement figure would just cause an uproar for a few weeks, but then settle down as a new president would be chosen. And things would continue just the same as before." "So. What are our options?" asked a large figure, whose claws tapped on the metal table. "They are few, Tigris, but I believe that we can accomplish them with great success and minimum effort. I mean to clear this campus, of *everyone*, so that we can use it as our staging point for eventual world domination!" "Impressive speech, Ray," commented Petty, "But how do we know that *you* will be successful?" "I can understand your doubt, Petty," Ray said, pointing with his holder, "but not to worry. If we combine our efforts, this campus should fall right into our hands." "Ok. So what are we going to do?" asked Korzon. "Ideally, we shall try to infiltrate the campus and city, and select one of them to be the new campus president and/or mayor. Once he is elected, we can use him or her to declare a campus state of emergency, thereby evacuating the campus, and allowing us to move in." "But what about resistance? We are sure to encounter it," interjected Tigris. "That is an understandable concern, Tigris. However, while we are attempting to undermine the campus bureaucracy, we shall also be taking steps for more...physical means of takeover. The first thing to do is to create an acceptable base of operations. Once that is done, we can staff it and begin our production facilities. Korzon," he said as he pointed with his cigarette holder, "you shall be in charge of the design and construction of the base." "I think I already have a place in mind." "Good. Also, I have a backup plan to make our arguments for evacuation of the campus more...persuasive, should the need arise, and I want you to be in charge of that, also." Korzon nodded (an interesting trick, that.) "Petty and Tigris, I want you two to be in charge of staffing and training. You'll be able to switch off most of your duties, and I believe the College Park airport will be an acceptable staging place for your forces." "I believe that we will be able to devise a method of transport for their vehicles," Korzon interjected. "Good. Also, Tigris, I want you to be in charge of spy operations." "Acceptable," growled Tigris. "What about me?" challenged Fred. "Ah yes. In case of any...unforseen difficulty, we shall call for your special talents. Do not worry, I am sure that you will be called." Fred nodded. "Very well, this meeting is ended. Shall we seal the deal with an evil laugh?" The laughter from the room was deafening. 5) --- Take Two ------------------------------------------------------- "You never get a second chance to make a first impression." -- Advertisement "...Unless you're really lucky. ;)" -- Anonymous THE NEXT DAY THURSDAY JUNE 17, 1993 Philip Moyer walked into PG2. He had just finished his Thet 120 class for the day, and was ready to wile away several hours reading netnews. But, as he walked towards the entrance of the lab, he began to reflect on the previous day's occurances. "Surreal doesn't even do justice to it," he thought out loud. "I never even finished reading r.a.a! *Perhaps* today will be normal." Philip peeked into the lab. "Phew. All clear." Philip walked to a Nextstation and dropped his backpack next to it. Plopping down into a chair, he logged on, and began to read. So intent in reading was he, that he didn't notice three people sit down on both sides of him. Three people who he had only met yesterday... "Excuse me, Mr. Moyer," said Gordo as he handed back the campus map to Philip, "But I believe this is yours?" "Thanks." Philip took the map, and put it back into his backpack. He returned to his reading, until a little something in the back of his head realized that these three sitting next to him were logging *into* the Nextstations, instead of doing a remote login. And what were they doing here, anyway? Philip leaned over and peeked at Gordo's station. Yes, NeXTstep, the operating system for the NeXT's, was booting up on the display. Turning around, he could see Rufus looking at the Workspace Manager, and Aerianne clicking on Nextmail. "Excuse me," said Philip as he turned towards Gordo. "How did you get accounts?" "We registered for classes. That is what you said we needed to do." "Wait..A..Minute.." Philip focused on Gordo directly, trying to get a handle on things. "You just said that you registered for classes, yes?" Gordo nodded, and Philip continued. "I can understand joining a college to gain access to the internet. I mean, even _I_ would do that. But taking *Classes*?! Why would you want to do that?" "Is there anything wrong with it?" countered Gordo. "Well...no..." "Then my point is proven," and smiling, Gordo returned his attention to the Nextstation. "Err, um, yeah...right.." Feeling totally confused, Philip returned to his terminal as well. He tried to get back into the swing of things, but to no avail. His mind was working full stream on the 'problem' of the three visitors, and he sat a while in thought until a tap on his shoulder brought him out of it. Startled, he turned around suddenly and made direct eye contact with the person who had tapped him. In this case, it was Aerianne. "Philip?" Philip's mind scrambled to organize itself, and failed. "Um, er, um, hrmmm?" "Your name *is* Philip?" Seeing an opening, Philip's mind snapped into full gear. "Well, it isn't 'Um, er, um, hrmmm?'!" Aerianne laughed. Heartened, Philip continued. "Yeah, I'm Philip..." Realizing who he was talking to, and what happened yesterday, he decided that right now would be a very good time to apologize. "Umm, about yesterday? Look, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you there, It's just that I didn't know you were there and I just reached back to stretch and..." "Oh, no, that's ok! Actually, it was kind of funny!" "It was?" Philip was reminded of _Forum_, put it out of his mind, and continued with the slightly surreal conversation. "Ohhkaayy... whatever. Anyway, what was it you wanted to talk about?" "Well, I wanted to ask you..." she said, leaning close to him on his shoulder. "How do you use the NextMailer?" Visibly relaxing, Philip got up and headed over to Aerianne's station. "Here, I'll show you." He sat down in the chair, and Aerianne stood next to him. "Ok, here's what you do..." Falling into his 'teaching newbies about NeXT's' mode, he described and demonstrated the Nextmailer to Aerianne. She paid rapt attention, even when he went into the arcania about the differences between how the NeXT handled mail and how the UNIX system handled it. He even opened up a terminal window to his own account, and mailed a message to Aerianne as an example. Finally, mouth dry, he finished with the demo and relinquished the chair to Aerianne. "Wow, I didn't realize there was so much to learn about this!" "Well, don't worry, I took a while for me to learn it, too. Just keep experimenting, and you'll do fine." "I'm not worried about the time it's going to take. It sounds like fun!" Philip thought. "Well, if you have any other questions, don't hesitate to ask!" "Don't worry," she smiled, "I won't!" Trying to restore some sense of normalcy, he returned to his terminal, but it wasn't long until he received a tap on his other shoulder. Turning, he saw Gordo, who asked, "Excuse me, but how do you use the NextMailer?" 6) --- In The Good Old Summertime ------------------------------------- "The friends you make can last a lifetime." -- Anonymous ABOUT 6 WEEKS LATER (THURSDAY, JULY 28) Philip entered the parking garage computer lab, feeling quite pleased with himself. His summer acting class had just ended a week ago; he had done admirably well for someone who had been a computer sciences major from the beginning. (Alright, so he had taken an acting class in high school, but that isn't the same, now is it?) Now, with the class ended, and not much else to do during the day, Philip spent more and more time in the lab before going home in the afternoon. And, by and by, the times in the lab were getting to be one of his favorite times of the day, right up there with reading books and attending Wildwood Summer Theatre. , he thought to himself. Life could do some pretty strange things at times, but for one, Philip was glad that it had happened. The three friends (as if you couldn't guess ;) ) were Gordo, Rufus, and Aerianne; they were in the lab so often that Philip gradually lost his initial uneasiness around them, and began to accept them as they were. Who they _were_ was still a matter of some debate, seeing as Philip never really heard anything about their personal lives other than what they encountered during the day at Maryland. But Philip wasn't about to pry since he figured that they would tell him when they wanted to. Since they were in the lab when they were not in class, they spent long hours reading newsgroups (natch!). Gordo took to the newsgroups easily, especially the talk and soc groups, and made good on his promise to "learn more about the world." Aerianne read mostly the rec and alt groups, apparently trying to learn more about the culture of the world. And judging from Rufus' enthusiasm the first time he had logged onto a NeXTstation to read sci and comp, before long he would easily surpass Philip's own minor prowess on the nets; Hell, before long he would probably surpass the ability of _anyone_ on the net. Philip wasn't taking any bets against him, that was for sure. Philip's teaching abilities had been stretched to the limits the past weeks as the three asked him one question after another about the NeXT, UNIX, and the Internet. Philip tried to answer as many questions as he could; but there were just some really arcane questions (most of them asked by Rufus) that he couldn't answer, and he had to go to a first-aider for help. Fortunately, a friend of his, Cameron McNary, was working as a first-aider that summer, and he was able to take up the slack when Philip stalled. However, now that the college was in Summer Session two and the three were taking classes, Philip planned to come in early, to allow him to catch with his r.a.a. reading before they came and started pelting him with questions. However, it was not to be, since as he entered he could clearly see the three sitting in a line, with a station "reserved" for him between Gordo and Aerianne. Philip smiled. he mentally giggled. Gordo, at the NeXTstation, noticed Philip and waved him over. "Good day, Philip! How may I enquire are you doing?" "How about saying 'What's Up?'" "Very well, I shall! 'What's Up?'" "Oh, the Sun, the Moon, the Stars...nononono," He looked up in anticipation. Blank stares answered him. "Oh, never mind," he grumped as he slid into a NeXTstation station next to Gordo's NeXTstation. "I guess you just had to have read it," he mused out loud. "hm," muttered Rufus, who was currently hip deep (metaphorically speaking) in a technical report in some sci. newsgroup, and had totally missed Philip's attempt at a joke. "Don't mind him," Gordo commented as Philip logged on and checked his mail, "He has just discovered the joys of sci.aeronautics." "Oh. Ohhkay. Whatever." He turned his attention to the newsgroups. R.a.s.c was pretty quiet, considering that everyone was waiting for the new season to begin. Just a few minor comments here and there, and perhaps a new bit of fanfiction. He changed groups to Rec.arts.animation. This was a bit more lively, and then he changed to r.a.a.s, which he hadn't read for a week and a half due to his extended WST commitment and the general fallout from finishing a summer course. Looking at the 'unread articles' prompt, he could see that a new story had appeared, and he scrolled down to it. He read the title (since NewsGrazer ignored the ^L's): Eyrie Productions in association with Up Too Late Productions, DisInc. presents A Discordia Production Of A WaveDrag Film Hopelessly Lost (It's not Undocumented Features, really.) Benjamin D. Hutchins Brian D. Bikowicz Copyright (c) 1993 Benjamin D. Hutchins and Brian D. Bikowicz Philip thought with excitement. Philip began to read, and as usual, put everything else aside as he read it. Only a giggle or two came out as Philip tried, and failed, to keep quiet as he read the story. One especially loud giggle, almost a laugh, caught Aerianne's attention, and she leaned over to see what was causing the noise. "Hey, Philip," Aerianne said over his shoulder. "Hmm?" he replied, _totally_ engrossed in the story in front of him on the screen. "Philip?" Aerianne tried again. Philip snapped out of his reverie. "Huh? Oh, uh, hi Aerianne! What is it?" "What are you reading?" she asked, moving her chair to get a better view. "Oh, this?" He chuckled. "Oh, just the newest part of, IMHO, the greatest anime fanfiction series ever written." "Excuse me?" she asked, looking at the screen. "It's (not really) a part of Undocumented Features, a really cool series that got me into Anime, for which I am _eternally_ grateful!" He chuckled again. Aerianne looked at the text a little longer, and smiled. "Yeah, I think I could see why. Is there any way I can get a copy of this?" "Sure!" Philip opened a terminal window, ftp'd WPI, got a copy, uncompressed it, enscripted it to two columns and sent it to the laser printer. Aerianne got up to get it, and Philip continued to read. She came back with a stack of paper, sat down at her terminal, and began to read. Philip thought with a grin. After a few minutes (and more than a few giggles), Aerianne glanced at her watch. With a gasp, she began to pack up her backpack and log out of her station. "I've really got to get to my class... Where did you say I could get the rest of the stories?" "Just ftp to wpi.wpi.edu, cd /anime/FanFiction and get anything with dp.u*. You'd better make sure that you've got plenty of space though. Actually, a better idea would be to cd /tmp and ftp from there. Then just enscript to two columns and courier seven, and pipe it to the printer. And don't say I didn't warn you..." "Don't worry, I won't say anything of the sort," she smiled as she got up and slung her backpack over her shoulder. "See you tomorrow!" "Seeya!" Philip watched as Aerianne exited the lab. A look of not-quite-longing-but-close-to-wistfulness crossed his face as he returned his attention to the terminal. As he continued to read HL, he reflected on his life. He sighed. <<>> Ah yes, which brings us to the question of Aerianne. Philip _knew_ that he liked her. She liked computers (a plus, at least in Philip's eyes), she was very personable, she was intelligent (although just a *little* bit naive on some things (but not much :) )), and she now seemed to be developing an interest in Anime! What could be better? If he didn't know any better, he could almost say he was falling in love. Well, except for the fact that he had no idea what falling in love was like. Except from the examples in UF, other stories, and in the various musicals that he had seen, Philip had never had a true "relationship" with a person of the female species. Quite frankly, he didn't even know where to begin! Philip also had another problem, closely related to the fact that he had never had a "relationship". His view on relationships were seriously colored by the aforementioned textual sources. He _believed_ in love at first sight. Sure, the logical part of him fully realized that such a thing was very improbable, almost impossible in real life; but the emotional, sentimental side believed in it just the same. He most certainly didn't want to become a victim of "Trevor Syndrome", he had seen the result of that firsthand. So what to do? "I guess I'll have to go to the usual plan," he mumbled to himself. "Just be a friend". But then again, he reflected, that kind of relationship was more satisfying anyway, as that way no one would get hurt. Sighing, he returned to his terminal. And so the summer passed.... 7) --- School Daze ---------------------------------------------------- "We're BAAACK!!!" -- G. Neric Students THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 1993 "Ah, to be back in the old dorm room again," said Philip as he unpacked his various boxes and bags and set himself to the task of getting settled into his dorm. It had taken him a while to actually get his stuff into the room, since his mother had decided to not carry anything in with him. Back problems. he thought, But, now he was *home*, and he began unpacking with gusto. First came the file cabinet, with its class folders in the top shelf and his printouts and downloads in the bottom. "A lotta trees died for me," he quipped to himself as he placed each story carefully into the bottom drawer. Next came his books, which filled several shelves, and his supplies, which went into the desk and under the bed. He was putting up his Tiger print above his corner bed when he heard a knocking at the suite door. "Hold on, Hold on, I'm coming!" he yelled as he approached the living room door. "Yeah, who is it?" he asked as he looked through the security peephole. The fish-eye lens gave a distorted, but still attractive view of.... "Aerianne?" said Philip as he opened the suite door. "Oh, hi Philip!" she answered. "I didn't realize that you were living here!" "And I didn't know that you were living *there*!" he said, indicating the suite across the hall. "How'd you get into a suite your freshman year?" "Two Words: Gordo and Rufus." "Ah, that makes sense. I'm surprised they didn't set you up in the honors house instead." "Well, they wanted to, but the roster was already finalized, and they couldn't change it without alerting them that something was amiss." "So, how's it going? What's it like, going into the 'great unknown'?" "Actually, kind of boring. There's nothing open, the stores are all closed, and I have no idea where I can find food at short notice!" Philip nodded in agreement, knowing the feeling. "Oh! Before I forget, could you come over to help me with something?" "Um, er, what?" he answered, wondering where she was going with the conversation (besides the other room). "Well, I've got some bookshelves that need assembly..." "Wait right there," Philip said with a smile. He returned to his room and picked up his bag of theatre tools, and then went over to Aerianne's suite. The suite that Aerianne lived in was rather small, but still serviceable. It had a small living room, two double rooms, two single rooms, and two baths, very much like the suite that he lived in. He followed her into the single where she apparently lived. However, even for a single, it was remarkably...empty? "A single? Hey, even *I* wasn't able to get one when I got here... waitasecond..." "What?" "Where's your stuff?" "What stuff?" "*Your* stuff'." "I don't have any 'stuff'." This was getting nowhere. Philip tried a different tack. "I mean, where's the things that you plan to put in your dorm room? Things like posters and pictures to put on your wall, papers and books to put on your desk! Things from home that you can't live without!" "Oh, *that* stuff? Oh, don't worry, Gordo and Rufus are bringing it over later." "Oh, ok." Philip smiled. He sat down, unpacked his tools, and got to work. The shelves were not that hard to assemble, although it did require at times some reading of the directions and a little bit of forcing on the part of the crescent wrench. As he was finishing their assembly, the door intercom buzzed. Aeri moved over to it and spoke into it. "Who is it?" "It's us, Aerianne!" "Oh, hi! I'll be right there!" She left the apartment to open the door. "Be right back, Philip!" "Ok," Philip said, as he finished tightening the last screw in the shelves. As he lifted them up, he could see Rufus and Gordo come in, their arms loaded with all sorts of stuff that a college student could need. They went back and got another load. Philip helped Aerianne put stuff on the shelves, and Gordo and Rufus continued to bring in boxes of supplies. "Wait a second," commented Philip as Gordo was bringing in his tenth load. "This can't *all* be Aerianne's stuff?" "You are quite correct, Philip. This is *our* stuff," and Gordo took the load into the double room at the end of the hall. "WHAT?!?" Rufus stuck his head into the room. "Huh?" Gordo exited the double room. "What is wrong with that? The listing said coed, which does mean 'open to or used by both men and women', doesn't it?" "Well, yeah; but they usually mean that as applied to the _building_, not to the _room_." "Hmm, that may be, but they were not that specific about that point in the notices..." "Whatever. The point is, what will Resident Life say when they find out about it?" Gordo chuckled. "I have little doubt that they will find out, but there will be little they can do about it." "Huh?" "You see," answered Rufus, "When I accessed the resident life computers, I rewrote our entries so that we were listed as female. However, our main university files list us as male, so I also wrote code to automatically translate between the two formats whenever each computer queries the other." "Ah," commented Philip, not really understanding, but accepting all the same. "So, now what?" "Well, I do believe that Physical Nourishment would be acceptable at this time," commented Gordo. "But the dining halls are closed until Monday," commented Aerianne. "So where should we go?" continued Gordo. "Well, what do you want to eat?" "Actually, I'm not that sure...." "Well, there's a place right down the street. Want to come?" "That would be acceptable..." said Gordo as he began to put on his jacket. "What's the name of the place, anyway?" added Aerianne as she got her purse. "The Bagel Place," said Philip over his shoulder as he went back to his suite to lock up. 8) --- Dukke and Fox Season ------------------------------------------- "The things you've gotta do to get some service around here!" -- Ghengis Khan "I've never really been down this way before," said Aerianne as they walked down the street towards the center of College Park. "Wait a minute," Philip paused and thought out loud. "You've been on campus for 3 months now..." "Eleven weeks, One day, and Four hours," interjected Rufus. "Thank you, Mr. Data," Philip replied before continuing, "And you've never been down to College Park? Where did you go when you needed supplies and food?" "We went to the Union, which *is* what it is for, correct?" "Well, yeah," Philip admitted to Gordo, "But you still need to find out what's here in town, just in case." "Point taken. So what *is* here?" "Well, there's the Book Exchange, Closet of Comics, a couple of bars and other shops, and the Bagel Place." "Ah." They arrived at the crosswalk and waited for the light to turn green. Philip held the door open for the three as they entered, acting as a doorman, even tipping his hat as they entered. Aerianne smiled, and Philip blushed slightly. They waited in line, and eventually got their orders. Moving to a nearby table, they sat down, and began to eat their bagels. "So, what classes are you taking, Philip?" asked Aerianne after they had sat down. "Welmph, I'mp takingh Cmshc Thretrhty," began Philip, forgetting that he was still chewing a bagel sandwich. "Huh?" "Oph, oops, soryph," Philip apologized. He leaned down and pulled out his laminated schedule. "Hrmph," he handed it to her. "Thanks." She took it, and looked at it while Philip finished chewing and swallowed. "There. Sorry about that," he apologized. "No problem," she replied, while looking at his schedule. Thinking a moment, she then reached into her purse and pulled out her schedule. "Hey, look!" She pointed to one block of time on the schedule. "We've got the same Theatre 110 class!" "We do?" Philip looked over the table at the two schedules. "Well, whaddaya know? We do!" He then looked closer at the schedules. "Waitasec, you're also taking cmsc 311..." "So? What about it?" Aerianne replied, drinking a Coke. "I didn't know you were a CompSci major. But how come you're taking a higher level course? When did you take the prereqs?" "Over the summer," she stated, before biting into her own bagel sandwich. "Ah. Whatever," Philip replied, and did the same. As they continued to eat, Philip learned more about their courses. Rufus was leaning towards the Engineering Major, while Gordo was focusing more on History. However, both were also planning to minor in Compsci, so they were going to be taking the same programming course that Philip was going to be taking, CMSC330. Aerianne stated that she was going to wait on 330, since she was also taking an honors-level history course that semester, as well as dance and stagecraft. They continued to talk, even after they finished their lunches, about all sorts of things (although mostly about computers), and they didn't pay attention to the rest of the room. So, of course, they didn't notice the eight men in skimasks enter The Bagel Place, and get in line. "May I take your order, sir?" asked the cashier. "Yeah," replied the first man, who wore a blue mask. "I'll take a Terrapin bagel, a large coke," he pulled out a Cobray assault pistol, "And all the money in the register." Visibly startled, the cashier still managed to blurt out, "Is that for here or to go?" as she opened the register and began pulling out money. "All right, NOBODY MOVE!" yelled out the second punk, clad in a yellow mask, as he pulled out his gun and trained it on the crowd. The other three also pulled their weapons and covered the crowd. "What the?..." cried Philip as he turned around in his seat. "I said, DON'T MOVE!" yelled Yellow, as he aimed the gun at Philip. "Eep!" squeaked Philip as he froze in place. "Comeon, comeon, we don't have all day," gestured the blue gunman with the gun as the cashier finished emptying the register into a paper bag. She handed it to Blue, who opened it, and said, "Where's my bagel? I WANT MY BAGEL!" He yelled, aiming the gun at her face. "Uhm, sure, one Terrapin bagel, coming up!" As the cashier moved behind the counter preparing the bagel, she surruptiously pressed the police call button. A light blinked. But not in a police station. This light was in a bright red Lamborghini Countach, whose owner was currently driving down Route One. "Hey, Deeds?" asked the burly individual in the passenger seat. "What is it, Ferdy?" replied Deeds, who was driving the Lamborghini. "Looks like we've got a crime happening," he said, getting excited. He pressed the button next to the light, which activated the police band radio. "...Repeat, All Units! Armed roberry in progress at The Bagel Place, Address..." Ferdy turned the radio off, and turned towards Deeds. "Can we pleeze take them out, pleeze?" "All right," replied Deeds as he accelerated towards The Bagel Place. "But you're buying the bagels when we're done." "ALL RIGHT!" Meanwhile, back at the Bagel Place, the armed gunmen were taking the customer's wallets and purses and putting them in a large sack. "Ok, we got all of them?" asked Blue. "Well, all except those four," replied a punk in a red mask, indicating Philip, Gordo, Aerianne and Rufus. "Good. We'll use them as hostages," proclaimed Blue as he moved towards them. "What the hell was that?" asked Yellow, who still had the gun trained on Philip. "I don't know, man," replied Blue. "You!" He pointed at a man in a green mask. "Go out there and check!" "Who me? It could be the police!" Green protested. "Aw, comeon! You don't hear any sirens, do you?" Bowing under to Blue's command, Green readied his weapon and cautiously exited the front of the store. A few seconds later he came back. Air mail. The punk flew through the front window, screaming in pain as he impacted the glass and hit the floor with a . "What the hell?" proclaimed Red, aiming his gun at the now- shattered window. "Speedy Delivery!" yelled the causes of Green's sudden entrance as they entered the store itself. Philip managed to move his eyes enough to get a good look at the two individuals coming in the door. His eyes widened in shock and recognition. For coming though the door was none other than Daniel Dukke and Ferdinand Fox! [For those who don't know, Daniel Dukke is the one in the really expensive suit carrying the really cool gun, and Ferdinand Fox is the one who's 6'7", heavily muscled, and has a _long_ ponytail -- ed.] "Ok, Skimask! Show's over! Come along quietly, and yew might just live!" proclaimed Ferdinand as he blocked the door. Daniel moved to cover the gunmen. "Just stay right there, and put down your guns," stated Daniel, somehow ignoring the fact that they seemed to be outnumbered eight to two. "Watch it, Duke, we've got hostages!" yelled Blue as Yellow jerked the gun, indicating whom they were planning to hold hostage. "That's 'duk', not 'duke'," said Dukke as he raised his gun and fired two shots. All hell broke lose. The first of Daniel's armor piercing, fin stabilized, discarding sabot (APFSDS) shotgun shells hit Yellow's ear, causing him to pull back. The second APFSDS shell shot the gun out of his hand. Philip then decided that getting out of there was a good idea, as the other skimasks leapt upon Dukke and Fox with a vengeance. "Come on!" he yelled to Aerianne and the others, who were crouched behind an overturned table. "Why?" she asked. "I want to watch. It looks like they're having fun!" "FUN?!?!" Indeed, it seemed that Ferdy and Deeds had the situation well in hand, and were actually enjoying it. Ferdinand executed a wheel kick that disarmed several gunmen at once, whom he then took out of commission with a dizzying series of punches and kicks that would have done Bruce Lee proud. Daniel, in the meantime, shot the guns out of the others' hands, while looking incredibly cool doing so. Before long, there was only Blue and Yellow left, the others having been put out of commission by various unorthodox means (being thrown through a wall by a 6'7" fox well conversant in martial arts being the major "unorthodox method".) "We've got to get out of here!" whispered Philip to Aerianne, who was watching the ensuing conflict. "I do believe that Philip has the appropriate suggestion," commented Gordo. "Oh, all right," she said, and they turned to crawl towards the door. Blue, catching the movement, grabbed Philip, obviously trying to gain the upper hand again. "Watch it, _Dukke_," he enunciated. "Make one wrong move, and this kid's toast!" Aerianne almost cried out. "Didn't we just do this?" asked Philip. "Shut up!" yelled Yellow, focusing his attention on Philip and not on the three people behind him. "Just shut up!" Aerianne, moving quietly, snatched up an empty tray and threw it like a frisbee. It arced through the air and hit Yellow squarely on the back of the head, knocking him out. Blue, turning to shoot at Aerianne, was then tackled by Gordo as Philip ducked out of the way. A few punches and wheel kicks later, and the last two gunmen were on the floor unconscious. Aerianne came over to Philip, helped him up, and dusted him off. Together they walked towards Ferdy and Deeds, who were tying up the incommunicado felons. "Um, I want to thank you...." started Philip. "No problem," replied Daniel as he finished tying the last gunman. "It's what we do," he said as he handed Philip a business card. "If you ever need help again, call us," he continued as he and Ferdinand got into their Lamborghini. Philip looked at the card as they drove off. +---------------------------------------------------+ |If you've got: a cat up a tree, a cheating husband,| | a dishonest business partner, or a South American | | country you need overthrown... | | CALL US. | |And if you: don't have any problems with your life,| | mess around with people who do, or happen to be a | | certain Lybian dictator... | | Don't call us, WE'LL CALL YOU. | | DANIEL DUKKE FERDINAND FOX | | A C T I O N H E R O E S | | 301-555-4327 | +---------------------------------------------------+ He snickered a little, but then stopped as the sound of distant sirens approached. "Looks like it's going to be a long day," he mumbled, as the Policemen and the TV crews surrounded them, trying to figure out what had just happened. "Does this sort of thing happen all the time?" asked Aerianne as they walked back to their dorm. Several hours had passed, since this sort of news was worthy of at least one live TV interview, as well as several newspaper articles. "Fortunately, _no_." Philip answered, still slightly confused about the entire thing. "Actually, College Park is kind of quiet about such things." "Oh well," she shrugged. "It actually seemed sort of...fun," she smiled. "WHAT?!?!" "Oh, just kidding," she laughed, trying to calm him down. "I _was_ worried, you know..." "Oh," Philip recovered. "That's ok..." "Oh, by the way, Gordo, where did you learn to fight like that?" "Oh, just simple observation, Philip, Simple observation..." he smiled. "Huh? Oh, never mind..." Philip shook his head. They reached the dorm, and went inside. "Goodnight, Philip," called Aerianne as they went to their respective suites. "Goodnight," he waved back, fighting off a yawn. "Seeya tomorrow." Philip opened his door and went inside. "Man, am I ever tired! ," he said to himself as he got changed for bed. "I'm glad I don't get used as a hostage and then get interviewed _every_ day! Otherwise I'd get tired of it _very_ soon." Philip was reminded of the old chinese curse: 'May you live in interesting times'. "HAH!" he said as he got into bed. "I hope to god that the rest of the semester isn't so 'interesting'!" He snuggled under his covers and slowly fell asleep. And as he fell asleep, Philip realized that he hadn't finished unpacking. 9) --- IRCrs Anonymous ------------------------------------------------ "When I was in high school, my freshman English teacher thought that computers were the work of the Devil...now here I am in Satan's living room..." -- Gryphon TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 21 The rest of the month went by as a blur for Philip, as he readjusted to the college experience. He heard an occasional word or two about Dukke and Fox as they stopped one bank robbery or ended another totalitarian rule; but other than that, there were no major words. Besides, Philip was too busy anyway to worry about the College Park crime rate. There were programs to write, problems to solve, plays to read, and papers to write. Actually, strike that last part of the list, the part about the paper. That was _done_. And now that it was done, he could kill time with his new pastime (as of a day ago): IRCing. *** Philip-M (pmoyer@rac1.wam.umd.edu) has joined channel #anime! *** Topic for #anime!: The Dead Zone *** Users on #anime!: Philip-M @Pasta @Xaemyl @Scanner Mako @Ryouko +@pomru @Haunter @PCKitsune @Gryphon HalfFlat @Sinapus * HalfFlat Ooooooooh!s at Gryphon. oi PM Heh Pomru - your desk is a mess... > Hello, everyone... ** Mode change "-o Sinapus" on channel #anime! by Gryphon Sin: don't have o-ops! don't have o-ops! :) grr... * HalfFlat grins to Sinapus :) Ta! *** Mode change "+o Sinapus" on channel #anime! by Gryphon * Sinapus drops colony on Gryphon *** Mode change "-o Gryphon" on channel #anime! by Sinapus * Gryphon eats the colony. Yum! phhhhhlllllllppt! "What the heck is going on?" muttered Philip to himself, and he typed his question in. Oh, now he's de-oppingme. How mature. sin: uh pplease no deop wars PM: Sinapusand I are being immature. *** Mode change "+o Gryphon" on channel #anime! by Sinapus oops, Dani-chan told us to stop...we're sorry, Mommy.. *** Signoff: Pasta (Bad link?) * Ryouko sighs * Gryphon cowers * PCKitsune cheers up Ryouko. * Ryouko shakes her head * Philip-M watches. * Gryphon wishes he could get to Worcester this weekend...he's gonna +miss his favorite live role playing game. Bummer. * Xaemyl wants to go to Pau-Pau new Guinea ... But Gryph started it!! :) did not!!! * PCKitsune Nerf-bricks Sinapus. * Sinapus will settle down now * Philip-M backs off from the pending confrontation. Fool! Taste my wrath! pck: I thought I crammed that damn brick down your throat...I +guess you didn't learn your lesson... * Gryphon stuffs the Nerf brick up PCKitsune's left nostril. Philip blinked. He decided not to get involved. This _could_ get messy.... * HalfFlat cringes, ew. * HalfFlat cringes at the NerfBrick, that is :) * Philip-M backs away further. This does not look pretty. * Gryphon listens to "The Downeaster 'Alexa' again. Ahhh...what a +depressing song. Dhad wazzhn'd vhewwy nidhe, Gwyphnn. :) * HalfFlat *LOL* sorry :) * PCKitsune shoots the Nerf brick out of his nose, sliming Gryphon in +the process. :) * Philip-M offers to extract the nerf-brick from PC. * Gryphon holds PCKitsune by the tails through the window, +threateningto drop him into #Amiga. 'Now stop throwing that thing +around.' > Nevermind, too late. :) hey I have a Amiga :> > Yay. :| * Gryphon tires of cosplaying as his weak mortal self. *** Gryphon is now known as Unicron Philip's eyebrows raised. "Oh, boy," he Becketted. > Uho, this spells trouble! There. That is better. *** Shogun (mtats@sandstorm.Berkeley.EDU) has joined channel #Anime! Eep! O.O;;;;; *** Sinapus is now known as SDF-23 *** Shogun is now known as Pasta re Mike > This could be a BBIIIGGG problem!! * SDF-23 assembles Yamato-class battleships around it. * Pasta kisses Dani-chan Oh, good. I thought this marinara sauce would all go to +waste. :) * Unicron hovers menacingly over the channel. In fact, over IRC as a +whole. Where does a planet-sized robot sit when he goes to the movies? + :) ???? * SDF-23 charges Reflex cannon mako: anywhere he wants? * Philip-M looks for something appropriate. * Mako sniggers. * Mako grabs a Lazer-Tag rifle from a nearby Android Petrarca. 'For a time I considered sparing your wretched little channel +#anime! But now...you shall witness...its dismemberment!' * PCKitsune smothers Pasta in marinara sauce. * Unicron decides not to be evil, after all. * SDF-23 maintains lock on Unicron * Unicron returns to planet mode. * Philip-M finds a nearby "anime"matter bomb, but decides not to use +it. * PCKitsune throws Unicron a Truly Monstrous Twinkie. :) * Unicron eats SDF-23, ripping it to shreds before it has a chance to +fire. 'Delicious...for an idiot.' *** Unicron has been kicked off channel #anime! by Xaemyl (Xaemyl) And xaemyl Kicks the shit out of Unicron! :) *** SDF-23 is now known as Sinapus X: You kneebiter. B) Hehehe * PCKitsune smashes Xaemyl with a falling piano. > That wasn't fair! B) Oh well... :) At about this time, Philip had gotten out some of his koosh balls and had started juggling. Curious, he tried the same thing on #anime! (but without the koosh balls). * Philip-M picks up piano pieces and begins juggling. *** LF (lordfang@netcom4.netcom.com) has joined channel #anime! * HalfFlat *blink*s! A juggler! * Pasta waves to Frank * LF waves to mike *** PCKitsune has left channel #anime! * HalfFlat steals the piano bits, and juggles them himself! :) -> *HalfFlat* Well, only up to three. * LF feels SAD...A certain person is going away for a year... :( *** Iczer-1 (930400@edna.cc.swin.edu.au) has joined channel #anime! hej iczer ... *** Pasta is now known as Shogun lf: Who? * Philip-M picks up some keys, and begins juggling again. Yum, that was good... yo ppl * LF someone we all know...O'well... Danielle is leaving!? * Philip-M passes to HafFlat.... *HalfFlat* You should try for four! Four not that much harder than +three :) what is happening today what? * HalfFlat tosses a bit of piano back to keep the pattern. *** Iczer-1 has left channel #anime! *** Parn (tyip@libws4.ic.sunysb.edu) has joined channel #anime! heheh * Philip-M passes a black key over to HalfFlat Philip smiled. And so the night continued.... However, Philip Moyer was not the only one staying up late that night at the computer. In the secret headquarters of FOWL (the Fiendish Organization for World Larceny), Ray was overseeing the completion of the second step of his campus takeover plan. "How goes the programming, Korzon?" asked Ray as Korzon and his Gleepian staff worked at breaking into the University of Maryland's computer net. "It's _cracking_, Ray, not programming," replied Korzon. "And, fortunately, we're almost complete." Korzon looked over at one of the computer techs, who was typing at a terminal, which was really quite impressive when you consider that gleepians have no hands. Instead, he was using his natural telekenisis to maneuver the keys. "Sir!" the tech announced. "We're in!" "Excellent," said Ray as he and Korzon moved over to the terminal station. "Can you copy the Maryland system into our own?" "Sir, we've got superuser access to the _entire_ UMD system, student and administrative accounts included," the tech replied. "We can do _anything_." "Excellent," smiled Ray. "Here is what I want you to do..." 10) --- Upgrade Path -------------------------------------------------- "And now just a tiny little adjustment..." -- The last words of J. Random Techie THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 30 ABOUT 2 IN THE MORNING "Grmphmbl," was Philip's coherent reply. In the darkened room, he got himself up to answer the phone before the answering system took over. The guy on the other end had better have a *very* good reason to call him at... 2:15 in the morning. > "Yeah, this is Philip Moyer, whaddaya want?" he yawned. "Hey, Phil, how's it going?" an unusually cheery voice answered. "Rufus?! What the heck are you doing up at this hour? It's about 3 in the morning!" "Well, I've been working on a few things. I need the time alone to get them to work right." "So that's where you've been nights! Gordo and Aeri were getting worried about you, with you not being in your room at normal hours." "Look, I'd love to stay on and chat, but I really gotta finish something. Just meet me in Engineering this afternoon at about 3 pm, and I'll have it done by then. I guarantee that you'll like what I've cooked up!" "Well, I'd better...I'll be missing Sesame Street." "Don't worry! You'll LOVE it! Goodnight!" "Goodnight," and Philip hung up the phone and slumped back into bed. he thought as he fell back to sleep. Rufus hung up the phone and, smiling, set himself back onto the task at hand. "I guess they can always use another engineer up in heaven," he chuckled to himself as he leaned over the workbench and tweaked a connection in the middle of the pile of wires and components before him. It was just another standard Thursday for Philip. He woke up, took his medicine, got his breakfast, survived his Stat class, endured his Compsci class, made a dash for the Union to see Erasable Inc. and perhaps get lunch in the bargain. However, this daily routine was lightened by the fact that he had managed to snare Rufus, Gordo, and Aerianne to come to the shows. Even though Rufus wasn't there that day, Gordo, Philip, and Aerianne laughed aloud at the improv antics of Inc. After the one hour show ended, the three got up and gathered up their stuff. Waving goodbye to Philip and Aeri, Gordo left the Atrium for a class. Philip and Aerianne left in the other direction, since Philip had no classes for the rest of the day, and Aerianne didn't have one until two. "Oh, where was Rufus? I didn't see him at Inc," commented Aerianne as they exited the union and crossed Campus Avenue towards the mall. "Actually, where _has_ he been the past week?" "Oh, he's over in the engineering building, finishing something up. Beats me what it is, though..." "Oh, so that's where he went," she nodded to herself. "That makes sense. Sort of..." She shrugged. "Whatever," she changed the conversation in a manner similar to Philip's usual method. "So, what's up? And don't give me Vaughn's answer!" she admonished him with a smile as he opened his mouth to respond. "All right, all right," he laughed, changing gears. "Actually, not much. Just a lot of reading to do, which I can handle, plus studying for THET 110. Speaking of which, are you ready for it?" "Yeah, pretty much. At least that outline Dr. Tocci gave was helpful." Philip nodded. "And Romeo and Juliet _is_ going to be on the exam?" "Yeah. I'm glad I got a ticket for tonight," he answered smugly. "When are _you_ going?" "Oh, tonight," she replied. "I want to see what this 'major's night' is like..." "Really? Where are you sitting?--" A loud explosion was heard coming from the eastern side of the campus. A large, black, mushroom-shaped cloud of smoke slowly rose up into the sky. "Whatthehell?" breathed Philip. "What happened?" "Well, I'm not sure," she answered, "but it seems to have come from... the...engineering...building..." She looked at Philip with a meaningful glance. "Rufus!" they said at the same time, achieving a nice stereo effect. They set off across the mall at a dead run. Ignoring the oncoming traffic around the UMD circle, Philip and Aerianne darted across Campus Drive, nearly being run over by some of the less attentive drivers. But they made it across, and panting heavily, they made it to the engineering building. The black smoke cloud was still rising, and it blocked out the sun quite effectively. "Come on!" yelled Aerianne, as Philip panted for breath. "Yeah, I'm comin'," he managed to pant out. They climbed the stairs three steps at a time, and entered the Engineering Classroom building. "Everything _seems_ to be normal here," he commented as they passed hastily-evacuated classrooms. "But what about the Lab building?" "Good point." They turned a corner and ran across the connecting bridge to the Lab building. And then they stopped. "Well, I think we've found our problem," he muttered. "Yep." The problem that Philip was commenting about was mainly the fact that the upper floor of the lab building was now missing. The bridge, which usually led into classrooms, offices, and an observation deck looking over the large mechanical lab, now ended abruptly at the outer wall of the building. Looking out at where the upper floor used to be, Philip and Aerianne had a clear view of the destruction that the explosion had wrought. Tangled machinery and twisted metal lay everywhere. The large windows that viewed the parking lot no longer existed. Every pane of glass had been blown away, leaving the frames, which were badly twisted. The floor that used to be there had collapsed, breaking apart into large concrete-cinder block segments. Hopefully, no one had been in the downstairs rooms, Philip thought to himself. "Come on, we've gotta find Rufus!" he said to Aerianne. "But how are we going to get down?" he muttered to himself. "Jump," she replied, as she got ready to drop down to the ruined floor. "Watch that first step, it's a doozy," Philip quipped mirthlessly. With a short jump, Aerianne arced through the air, landing in a crouch on an intact piece of floor. "Okay, your turn!" she called up to him. "You sure about this?" he gulped. "Ahh, come on! We don't have all day!" "Ohkay...." With that, Philip moved back a bit and made a flying leap into the middle of the rubble. He made a perfect five-point landing, hitting his hands, feet, and rear at the same time. "OOOWWWW!!!" Aerianne ran over to him. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" she asked with concern. "Oh, no, not much. Just some bruises, lacerations, and broken bones. Nothing that being carried wouldn't solve." Totally missing the sarcasm, Aerianne picked up Philip in her arms, and carried him across the rubble. "Hey, wait a second!" he cried out. "What?" "I'm not _that_ hurt." "Oh." Aerianne put him down again, and they began to search through the rubble. The two friends spread out, and began calling out Rufus's name. The search was slow going, and no response to their hails was forthcoming. They were just about to give up when Aerianne spotted a piece of green fabric sticking out of a demolished wind tunnel. "Philip, over here!" she called out. "Coming!" Philip made his way over some collapsed ceiling beams, and came closer to where Aerianne was. He could hear some groans emanating from the ruins. Could Rufus still be alive? "Help me get this off him!" Philip grabbed onto the piece of wind tunnel and lifted as Aerianne asked. After a few moments of straining muscles, the piece of wind tunnel moved more freely. They lifted it off the green fabric and placed it to one side. Shifting some smaller pieces of debris, Aerianne uncovered Rufus' lime green lab coat. "He's here!" Aerianne helped Rufus into a sitting position and dusted him off. Rufus moaned softly. "Rufus, are you ok?" asked Philip. "Unnghhhhh...Huh Wha?...Who's there?" "Philip and Aerianne, who else?" "But then why can't I see you....AAUGH, I'VE GONE BLIND!!" Rufus began to flail about. "Rufus, calm down, _Calm Down_!" Philip reached over, removed Rufus' soot covered glasses, and cleaned them off. "Here you go. It's just soot." He hand them back to Rufus. "Oh. AH!" He blinked. "Sorry about that..." "No problem, useless panic is my stock-in-trade. Here, let me help you up." Philip grabbed hold of Rufus' hand and pulled him back up. "Now, for the 64K question: What the Frick happened here?!?" Rufus looked around as if seeing the devastation for the first time. "Wow. I didn't realize that it had caused *this* much destruction! This is great!" "Huh? what do you mean, 'Great'? The place looks like a bad remake of 'Highlander'! How can that be *Great*?!" As if to punctuate what he was saying, a piece of glass fell out of its ruined frame and hit the ground, shattering with a pleasing . "What caused this?" "Well, it's kind of like this," Rufus began to search among the rubble. "That thing I wanted to show you? Well, I finished it. And it performed much better than I expected!" He stooped down and picked up a frisbee-sized metal object. "And here it is. Thank the egg it's still intact!" He handed it to Philip. "It looks like a frisbee. And may I ask again, what is it?" "You may ask," he chuckled. "What is it?" Philip repeated, getting impatient. "Just watch." With a grin, Rufus reached up and grabbed a cable from the ceiling, one of the few things that hadn't been all-out destroyed. He plugged the cable into the top of the disk, and then pressed a switch on top. A low hum began to emanate from it, and a dull glow started. He let go of it, and it stayed there. Philip stared. "Good God!" he excitedly whispered. He turned to Rufus. "Antigravity?" "Well, technically it's a repulsor field generator, but yes, I guess you could call it that." "Cool!" Philip reached towards the disk and nudged it; it shifted and began to drift over the debris field. It didn't even notice the fact that the land beneath it was strewn with rubble. "Hey, it's staying level!" "Yep. Special innovation that I added..." "Excuse me," Aerianne interrupted, "Not meaning to interrupt your techie revelry, but there is still one question left unanswered." "Huh?" they both replied. "Namely: *What Caused This*?!" "Oh! Ah, erm, sorry Aerianne, you're right. I do owe you two an explanation." Rufus again started over the ruins. Philip and Aerianne kept pace with him. "You see, I finished the Repulsor much earlier than I expected. So I started on another project that I had waiting. And that one worked a bit *too* well." They climbed through a large hole in the end wall. "How's that?" asked Philip. "See for yourself," gestured Rufus, pointing towards a dark hole imbedded in the adjacent Chemistry building. From within came a bright glow, much brighter than that of the disk's. Philip moved to look, but Rufus held him back. "You probably shouldn't do that. The exhaust would fry you in seconds." "Exhaust?" asked Aerianne. "Gentleman, Lady; What you are looking at is the prototype Rufus- Brown Ion Thruster." "ION THRUSTER?" exclaimed Philip. Aerianne covered her ears. she thought to herself. "So this one thruster is what caused all the destruction?" she asked. "Yep. Like I said, it worked too well. I was expecting just some modest thrust of perhaps a few pounds, but instead what I got was about Mach 2." "Good god...But now what?" she continued. "What do you mean?" he asked, wondering where she was heading. "Now that you've reduced the lab to a smoking war zone, what are you going to do?" "Go to Disney World?" interjected Philip. He was met with two stares, one confused, from Rufus; and one annoyed, from Aerianne. "Ha, Ha, Philip. It is to laugh. Seriously, Rufus, what's next on your technical agenda?" "Actually, I don't know... I guess I'll need a test platform to see if they'll work in the 'real world'. But where can I get one? Maybe if I went over to..." "Um, Rufus?" Philip asked. Rufus paused and turned towards him. "Yes?" Philip Grinned Evilly(tm). "Would a Chevy Citation work?" 11) --- Test Drive ---------------------------------------------------- "I'm not driving too fast, I'm just flying low!" -- Bumper sticker THURSDAY, OCTOBER 7 BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ "Grmblmbrbmls....Oh, seven o'clock. Another day, another headache." Philip dragged himself out of bed, and the day began. After the usual startup routine, Philip went over to the EPSL lab to get some computer time before Stat. As he entered, he saw Aerianne. This was unusual, since she usually had later classes. She was at one of the stations, typing away at something. Feeling playful, he snuck up behind her and stood still. Sure enough, a few seconds later she yawned and stretched back, hitting his chest. Startled, she looked up. "Good morning," he whispered. "Oh!" She jumped and turned around. "Hi Philip! How's it going? I didn't see you come in last night." "Well, I ended up getting involved in a production that goes up tonight. _Fortunately_, I'm done with it now" "What were you doing for it?" "I was making Michael Douglas." "?" "Believe me, you *don't* want to know. Trust me." He logged onto the station next to Aerianne's. As the NeXTstation booted up, he turned to Aerianne. "So... How are *you* doing?" "Oh, okay, I guess..." She yawned. "Although I have a paper due this afternoon, that's why I'm up this early. Gordo's sleeping in, as far as I can tell... His history exam was rough, though...." "How's Rufus doing?" "Rufus?" She laughed "He's just fine... well fine for someone who has a linear algebra exam today and didn't study. He was up all night finishing the Citation..." She glanced over at Philip, who smiled sheepishly. "Well, it's not like I *forced* him to do it..." he apologized. "That's alright... Just *don't* do it again!" she worfed. They giggled, and they went back to their respective tasks. Philip checked his mail, read r.a.a, and then brought up a terminal window and logged onto IRC. rac3> ~highway/bin/mips/irc Philip-M *** Connecting to port 6667 of server pepsi.eng.umd.edu *** Welcome to the Internet Relay Network Philip-M *** *** There are 1985 users and 629 invisible on 143 servers *** There are 66 operators online *** 734 channels have been formed *** This server has 40 clients and 2 servers connected *** - pepsi.eng.umd.edu Message of the Day - *** - Welcome to the University of Maryland IRC Server. *** - *** Philip-M (pmoyer@rac2.wam.umd.edu) has joined channel #Blair! *** Topic for #Blair!: Come on in and find out! *** Users on #Blair!: Philip-M B-Paladin RevXmos @DrYeh +@Penguin > Hi, everyone! PHILL!!! Hi, phil! * RevXmos waves at Philip * Penguin waves a flipper at Philip :) > What are you guys doing on so early? Early? This is late! ;) Well, I just finished a project due for +tomorrow. Yay. So, how's it going? > Ah, the question of the day... Oh, everything's pretty calm. What? Impossible! :) > Well, In a nerve-wracking sort of way ;). The last couple +of nights I spent making a puppet for a show, so I'm a little +behind. "Oh, so *that's* what you meant!" commented Aerianne. Philip looked at her, shrugged, and returned his attention to the terminal. Don't wanna know..... ;) So what are you planning to do today? >Well, other than the usual stuff, I plan to see Erasable Inc. +this afternoon... I also invited people from Blair over, +since they have the day off.. Oh, them! They were good :) Wish I could see them again... Can't, tho. "Hmm," mumbled Philip to himself. An Idea(tm) was forming.... >But other than that, things have calmed down. I don't have +any _major_ projects due, so it's just homework to catch up.. Well, I just finished a program, so I'm just +hanging out. >Oh, BTW Trev, where are you (building wise)? And how long do +you plan to be there? I'm at Wean Hall, and I should be there for most +of the day. Whyfore you ask? >Oh, Just wondering.... Philip giggled. Aerianne turned to look at him, caught the grin on his face, and then turned back to her terminal. >Well, I'll see you guys later... I've got classes to go to... *Philip-M packs up his stuff* Bye Phil Bye Philip Bi Phil Cya l8r >Bye, All. Seeya ;) ;) rac3> By now, Philip had a Maniacal Grin(tm) on his face, and was giggling uncontrollably. Aerianne had a confused look on her face, as well as the rest of the lab. Turning, Philip caught the full force of the combined stares of the lab; and embarrassed, returned to his terminal. rac3> mail rufusb@wam.umd.edu Subject: Citation Query. Rufus, would it be ok if I could use the Citation today? I heard that the conversion was finished.... P.S. Did you manage to change the radio? --Philip . CC: rac3> logout Philip logged out. "Um, Aeri?" "Hmm?" "Would it be ok if you took notes for me during 311?" "I don't think it would be a problem...Why?" "Well, I'm going to be picking up a friend of mine to come see Inc...Would it be ok?" "Sure. It's not like I've got anything better to do." "Thanks! See you later!" And with that, Philip rushed out of the EPSL lab. 12) --- Flights Of Fancy ---------------------------------------------- "I was born to fly. The air is my home" -- From the book "Invincibility made Easy" The Statistics class was the usual: One teacher who went on and on about his subject matter, and about 25 students who tried to vainly keep up with him. Philip sketched in his notebook whenever the teacher started on another tangent. But finally, it was over, and Philip exited the classroom with nervous anticipation. He left the Math building, and instead of crossing the road to get to the CompSci Classroom building, he turned and entered the rebuilt Engineering Lab building. Philip looked around. The rubble had been removed and the walls repaired by the overeager civil engineering students; a few scorch marks gave testament to what had happened a week before. The roof was also rebuilt, although a large sliding door was now installed where the hole had been. Rufus was nowhere to be seen, but an object covered by a tarp was situated in the middle of the large lab. "Hello?" he called. No one answered. He shrugged, and proceeded towards the tarped object. He pulled off the tarp, and revealed the dingy red 1982 Chevy Citation that was underneath. It looked just as it always had, and there was no sign of modification, technical or cosmetic. "What the frick? What gives? I thought he would be done by now...Hullo, what's this?" Philip reached for the piece of paper stuck under the windshield wiper. He read it: Sorry I can't be around for your maiden flight; I've got a linear algebra exam and you know how they are. The controls are still the same, but I've installed a keypad where the ashtray was, and there's a small manual on the seat. Good luck! Rufus P.S. I wasn't able to replace the radio. Philip groaned. "Oh well. Guess I'll have to do this alone. But I don't have any champagne..." He went over to a soda machine and bought a Coke. He opened it, and poured its contents on the Citation's hood. "I hereby christen thee the 'Citation-From-Hell'. Seems appropriate," he chuckled. He unlocked the door, got in, and closed it. The inside still looked as well worn as it always had, but now there was a small book placed in the compartment between the seats. He picked it up and opened it; inside there were columns of numbers and small descriptions next to them. "Hmm... Ok, this would seem to be the reason to replace the ashtray." He popped open the ashtray compartment. The lighter was still there, but the tray itself had been replaced with a phone-style keypad. "Now then..." He turned to the front page: Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a Rufus/Brown Model 2C Flying Citation! We would like you to take the time to familiarize yourself with the following features... Philip read on for a few pages more, and then closed the book. He had all that he needed for now; he would read the rest later. He put his key into the ignition and started the engine. It started, but it sounded more.. powerful? "Hmmm...," Philip hummed to himself, "We got the touch, We got the power..." Sitting back and making sure he was buckled, he revved the engine. Yep, it was definitely more powerful than before. "Now, let's see what it can do." Holding his breath, he entered the six-digit code that the book said would trigger the transformation. Nothing happened. "Huh? What's going on?" He looked at the little display; the digits were exactly the same as he had entered them, but nothing was happening! "What gives?" It was then he noticed the two buttons on either side of the zero. One had a star, the other one had an infinity loop, and both were flashing. "Okay..." He shrugged, and pushed them both. <<>> Immediately, the car began to shake. Philip pulled himself back into a fully upright position as his car did things it had never done before. Beneath it, four thrusters sprung forth blue flame, lifting the one and a half ton frame of the Citation a foot off the ground. Then the wheels began to shift outwards and pivot down; once fully deployed, their hubcaps began to glow blue. The thrusters shut off, and the car was now *floating* under its own power. Looking back, Philip could see the hatchback begin to open, but then his view was blocked as the twin ion thrusters raised up and locked into position, filling the trunk. Looking forward again, he saw the HUD system come on line. "Oh boy," he grinned. He felt the onset of an adrenalin rush. But now there was a little problem: how was he going to get out? He opened the book and flipped through it. He found the page he wanted, looked at one code, and then entered it, this time making sure to touch the and . Although nothing happened to the car, he could hear the very familiar sound of an automatic door opening. After 30 seconds it stopped. Philip sat for a little bit longer and thought, He pulled back on the wheel. The car's humming increased, and it began to rise. Within a few seconds, the car was out of the ceiling door and hovering in the sunlight. Philip laughed. This was incredible! Now for a mood setter, he thought. He reached over to the backpack on the passenger seat and opened it. He pulled out an old portable tape player that he had brought with him and put a tape into it. Fast forwarding, he found the music he wanted. He turned the car north, pressed the acellerator, and he was off! <<>> The car, if it could still be called that, handled beautifully. Philip had to admit, it wasn't the Daytona-From-Hell, and it _certainly_ wasn't the UPSTruckfromHell(tm); but they were fiction, and this was most certainly real! That and the fact that this was *his* car. The acceleration was incredible, to say the least, and soon Philip had flown over the Mason-Dixon line into Pennsylvania. Never mind that he had no idea where exactly Carnegie-Mellon *was*, but he guessed he could find it. "Sir!" "Yes, Ensign?" Korzon drifted over to the ensign's station. "What is it?" "Long range sensors have picked up trace ion particle emissions, heading on a northeast bearing, sir. The delta-v on the emissions would indicate a non-natural origin, sir!" Korzon glanced at the readings. "It would indeed. Contact General Petty. He should be overjoyed, to say the least, that he'll be able to put his new ships to work. Hold your post, and keep me informed." "Yes sir," replied the ensign. Korzon floated away in search of Ray. "Yes, what is it, Korzon?" replied Ray in a bored voice. "Sir... We have detected an ion particle source, heading north, at a delta-v of over 100 mph. We believe the emissions to be non-natural in origin." "Excuse me," said Ray smoothly, "but did you say over 100 kph?" "Yes, sir," gulped Korzon, which was an impressive trick on his part. "It's believed that the vehicle must be of unearthly origin." "Alright..." He thought for a moment. "Inform General Petty that he is authorized to pursue the unidentified bandit." Korzon turned to go. "And Korzon?" "Yes sir?" "Remember that it is *I* that makes the decisions here, and not you, no matter what your position had been before you joined the organization." "Yes sir." Korzon left, sulking. If only he was still on Planet Gleep! Philip made final approach on CMU. Admittedly, he had gotten lost for a little while, but a stop at a gas station had set him straight. Although the look on the gas station attendant's face had been one to die for! Philip wished he had brought a camera with him. But that was in the past; he had to pick up Trevor in the next few minutes. Philip leveled out the Citation and hovered a foot off the ground. He entered the landing code, and was rewarded with the feeling of tires touching the pavement and the body settling back onto the suspension. Getting his bearings, Philip drove towards the parking lot next to Wean Hall. He parked, fed the meter, and made his way to the building. Once inside, he began to search for Trevor. 13) --- Guest Starring... --------------------------------------------- "Oh man, this isn't happening. It only *thinks* it's happening!" -- Kevin Flynn It was a cloudy day when Philip landed the Citation. Then again, it was Pittsburgh; it's *always* cloudy in Pittsburgh. Philip looked up at Wean Hall, and could only think of one thing: "Wait, there *is* an Architecture program here, right??" Wean Hall had to have been one of the ugliest buildings he had ever seen. Thinking about it further, though, he realized he really couldn't blame them much: this place was so hilly that they had to work with what they had. Taking his mind off the appearance of the building, Philip entered into a spartan hallway. "Where do I go from here??" Philip wondered. When Trevor had said that he was going to be in Wean Hall, he had conveniently forgotten to mention exactly *where* in this nine-story building he could be found. He had a hunch, though, that a computer lab would be a good place to start. "Excuse me," Philip queried to a passing student, "but do you know where the computer lab is?" The student had to keep from laughing in Philip's face, instead simply restricting his initial reaction to a "You obviously don't go here, do you?" look. "Upstairs, 5th floor," he said, looking at Philip like he had amnesia. Philip, unaware of why the student was so apprehensive, flashed him a smile and said "Thanks!" and continued down the hall. "Excuse me," he said as he turned around again, "but where are the elevators?" The student shook his head and pointed Philip in the right direction. Trevor leaned back in the chair of Wean 5201, rubbing his eyes. He had been sitting in front of the Andrew workstation for almost two hours now, and everything was beginning to go blurry. he thought to himself, but laughed at the thought. "Hey, Trev!" echoed from the entrance to the room. Trevor turned around to see Shawn Knight and Ann Kopchik enter the lab. Ann came over and gave Trevor a big hug and a quick kiss. No one seemed to notice, but Trevor was peripherally glad that Ann's boyfriend wasn't there. He thought he saw a smirk on Shawn's face out of the corner of his eye, but thought better of it. Shawn and Ann had gone out at one point; Trevor thought, Trevor and Ann had their arms around each other, and Trevor almost commented something about "How cute," but decided against it. "What'cha doin'?" Ann asked. (Not exactly appropriate for a senior English major, but what the hell?) "Ah, just checking my mail, working on that story Philip asked me to help write, and generally just avoiding reality as we know it." "Always a good game plan," Shawn commented from over their shoulders. "You know," Philip commented to no one in particular, "when I asked that guy where the computer lab was, I neglected to ask if there was MORE THAN ONE!" It turned out there were *five* computer labs on fifth floor Wean alone. Philip didn't even want to think about the rest of the campus... As he passed by the entrance to 5201, he almost didn't see Trevor sitting at the workstation. But then he looked in the corner and saw an attractive-looking female with her arm around someone, with a guy looking over their shoulders at the screen. Philip walked into the lab, fully intent on throwing a wrinkle into Trevor's carefully-planned day. Trevor didn't even hear Philip walk into the lab. (Well, he had his arm around Ann and vice versa; can you blame him?) In fact, he wasn't even aware that anyone had walked in until Philip was standing behind them and said "So how's it going, Trev?" Trevor turned around and, with total deadpan and nonchalance, glanced up and said "Oh, hi Phil." It took exactly 1.5 seconds for Trevor and his chair to tip over backwards and crash into the linoleum floor. "Excuse me," Trevor said in his best Garth impression. "I must have slipped." Then, without regard for who (or what, knowing Carnegie Mellon) else was in the lab, shouted out, "PHIL! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?" Arch Moberley, the current cluster manager, glanced up from his station in the front of the room, thought about saying something, then, realizing the outburst had originated from Trevor, simply rolled his eyes and went back to his work. he noted to himself. Philip had a totally innocent look on his face when he answered, "Just visiting." Ann and Shawn just stood there, totally dumbfounded, not to mention entirely clueless. This state of mind surprised no one. * * * * "Phil, you *still* haven't explained how you got here," commented Trevor as they went out into the parking lot. "Do not worry, young grasshopper," quipped Philip, "All will become clear in a moment." Philip led Trevor back to the Citation. "No, it won't. How'd you get up here so fast? You logged on from Maryland this morning, and now you're _here_." "Good gas mileage?" he smiled innocently. "Grrrr..." "Don't worry, everything will be clear *real* soon. Now get in." Philip opened the door, tossed his backpack into the back seat, and got in; once in, he unlocked the passenger door and closed his own. "Oh, by the way, Trev, what time is it?" Philip asked as Trevor got in and closed the door. Trevor looked at his watch. "It's about 11:45." "Good. We'll get back just in time for Erasable Inc." Philip put the key into the ignition and started her up. "Philip, it's a four and a half hour drive." "No it isn't." Grin. "Phil...." Just then, a Semi truck pulled into the parking lot, blocking the entrance as the driver tried to find a space. "Oh, bloody hell!" exclaimed Trevor. "Now how are we going to get out? The road's blocked!" "Roads?" intoned Philip with an evil grin as he entered the liftoff code. "Where we're going we don't *need* roads." He flipped down his clip-on sunglasses, and pressed the star and infinity buttons. "Phil, what do you meann.....!" Trevor was cut off as the Citation rose into the air, setting course for UMCP. 14) --- Melmac Express ------------------------------------------------ "The First Rule of Fighter Combat is: Always make sure that the vehicle you're in *is* a fighter!" -- Philip Trevor looked around in the Citation with a look that said something between "Boy, I wish we did stuff like this in ECE" and "Oh man this isn't happening It only thinks it's happening..." "Uh... Phil?" he said tentatively. "What?" Philip answered with a tone of complete nonchalance. "WE'RE FLYING!" "And...?" With something of a compromise between a whimper and a groan, Trevor settled into the passenger seat and sat back to enjoy the ride, visions of "The captain has turned off the 'fasten seatbelt' sign" dancing through his head. Aerianne left CMSC 311 early. The notes on the board were taken directly from the book, and she had no doubt that they wouldn't change in the foreseeable future. Heading uphill, she proceeded towards the Student Union, always keeping an eye to the sky. However, nothing came, so she went inside, bought a salad, and went upstairs to the Atrium. Aerianne sat in the Atrium with her lunch, waiting for Philip and wondering if he would get there in time. She was so engrossed in thought that she didn't notice Gordo come in with his large lunch. "Aerianne!" She turned around in surprise. "Oh, hi Gordo! How's it going?" "Oh, quite well, quite well," he replied as he sat down. "Wait a moment. Where's Philip?" "Oh, he decided to take the Citation on it's maiden flight." "He actually used it?" interjected Rufus, as he entered the Atrium with his lunch. He sat down, and began to eat it. Gordo did the same, tearing into the pile of food before him. Aerianne just looked down at her salad. "Yeah. He just said that he was going to pick up a friend of his to see Inc." she thought to herself. "Well, I hope he's careful with it. I don't know if I got all the bugs worked out of it last night...I think I did...." Aerianne looked up. "?" "Velcro Two to Velcro One, we have a radar contact, mark 005 inbound." "Understood, Velcro Two, move to intercept. Velcro One out." Sloop, Larson Petty's aide-de-campe hooked the intercom and turned towards his leader. "What now, boss?" "Simple, Sloop. We'll find that renegade plane and take it down. And then," Petty cackled at the thought, "And then Ray will see that I, Larson Petty, scourge of Melmac, am the one to command the air forces!" "But sir, Ray wanted us to work together in peace and cooperation..." "Who cares? Once I've proved my air superiority, there will be no need for Ray to waste time with those Felizian rejects!" Petty sat back and chuckled. "But Phil?" asked Trevor, a little more calmly, for the 5th time that flight. "What, Trev, What?" replied Philip, who was still taking in the adrenalin rush. "How'd you get this?" he answered, indicating the car(?) around them. "Oh, that?" Philip laughed. "A friend built it for me." "Exsqeeze me? Bakingpowder?" "You heard me, a friend of mine built it for me." "Philip, this is _weird_, even for you..." "Thank you!" He paused. "Let me put it this way, Trev: Normalcy is obsolete now." Philip Smirked(tm). Putting his head in his hand, Trevor slowly shook his head and muttered, "Now?! Normalcy is obsolete *now*?!?! When was it ever *not*...?" "General Petty, General Petty, this is Velcro Two, over!" "Yes, Velcro Two," replied Petty, picking up the intercom, "What is it?" "I am coming within visual range of the unidentified bandit. Aquiring visual lock.... Sir, it looks like a car!" "A car?" Petty looked at Sloop, who shrugged. "Yes, sir! Estimated speed at Mach .4!" Petty returned his attention to the intercom. "Make a quick flyby of the vehicle to confirm, Velcro Two!" "Aye, Sir! Velcro Two out!" Petty changed the intercom to the squadron band and yelled into it. "All planes! Form up, and ATTACK!!" "I notice that you haven't consumed your salad yet, Aerianne," interjected Gordo as he finished off a helping of Roy's slaw. "What would the problem seem to be?" "Oh, I don't know..." She picked at her salad. "I honestly don't." "Would it have something to do with Philip?" "Yes, I suppose it would." Rufus joined the conversation with, "What about Philip?" "He seems to be ok, not at all uneasy around us as he was before, and that's alright, but..." "But what?" "I like him." "So? We like him too.." "No, I _like_ him...this is different in some way..." "But what I don't understand is, _why_ do you 'like' him?" "I don't know why, Rufus, but... it's really hard to describe..." "It would seem, Aerianne," continued Gordo, "That Philip is going through what seems to be called 'friendship', and that is what he considers the relationship to be. With all of us." "Yeah, I suppose so... But I wish..." "What?" "I don't know..." she whispered. The trip continued in silence. Trevor was still not sure what was going on, but was at least not panicking. Eventually, he began to hear a noise. Not knowing what it was, he asked Philip. "Do you hear somethin--" Velcro Two flew past the Citation, causing it to spin in its jet wash. <<>> "WHAT THE HELL?!?" exclaimed Trevor. Philip didn't pay much attention, as he was trying to regain control of the now pinwheeling Citation. Turning hard on the wheel and hitting the brakes, he managed to pull up and stop the rotation of the car. "What the hell was that?" "I have no clue, Trev," commented Philip as he adjusted the rear view mirror, "but let's find out." Looking in the mirror, which had changed to a TV screen since the thrusters blocked the rear view, Philip looked at the "plane" that had passed them. It had a large, bulbous body, with a small open-air cockpit. Beneath the cockpit, there were four guns of an unknown type. And on top of the spherical fuselage there were, of all things, a pair of wings *flapping*! Wondering how such a plane could move so fast, he looked further back and was able to see the pale glow of thrusters at full blast. thought Philip. "Of course!" he said, snapping his fingers. "Alf!" "Huh?" "That plane's from the Alf cartoon!" "I don't remember that one..." "Never mind." Looking back into the mirror, Philip saw four more jets fly into view. And in their lead was a strange, heavily thrustered, purple trident command cruiser. "Oh, *great*," Philip hit the wheel in anger, causing the car to dive down into the clouds. "We get to relive 'The Phantom Pilot'. I *don't* need this..." "In any case, from what I've read, any type of relationship is a cooperative venture. In order for it to succeed, both parties must be willing to cooperate and agree on the ground rules. In Philip's case, he is apparently content to keep it at the level it is." "I guess you're right, Gordo," smiled Aerianne as she began to eat her salad again. "I guess it'll have to do for now." The Citation-From-Hell flew through the clouds as Philip tried to stall for time. "Phil, what the hell is going on?" queried Trevor. "I don't know! I'm new at combat flying!" he snapped back. Philip muttered to himself, "All right, I've got to take out five enemy ships, with no weapons, no experience, and who knows what we have for fuel. Think think think think think," he tapped his head. With a start, he sat upright, a grin on his face. "Aha!" "What?" "Trev, check the glove compartment for a Pennsylvania Map." "Ok..." Trevor opened the compartment, and after wading through the assorted kipple, found a slightly beat-up PA-NJ map. He opened it up, revealing it to be one of the AAA variety, with a route mapped out in orange highlighter. "Philip, what are you planning to do?" "I'm gonna give them a tour of Pennsylvania they'll _never_ forget! *HANG ON*!" Philip stomped on the the accelerator. 15) --- Backroads ----------------------------------------------------- "Relax, enjoy the ride!" -- Rodimus Prime The Citation accelerated out of the cloud cover, catching the attention of the Melmacian jets. "General Petty!" Velcro Two's voice cried over the tac net. "We have spotted the enemy plane!" "I see that! All planes, attack!" The planes peeled out of formation, following the Citation. "PHILLLLLLL!!!!!" yelled Trevor as he was pushed back in the seat by the sudden acceleration. "Trev, snap out of it!" yelled Philip in return. "I need a navigator, and you're drafted!" "Hey, you're the one driving, you use the map!" "Well I would, but I can't look at it while I'm flying!" "Besides, I thought _you_ already knew how to get up here!" "Well, my parents were driving then! Keep an eye on those fighters, and tell me when we get close to Portage!" Trevor looked down through the window (which was fortunately closed), and commented, "How do you expect me to know where we're going when I can't see any of the road signs?" "Simple," Philip grinned maniacally. "We'll be flying _really_ low!" "What?!?!" gasped Trevor as Philip dived towards the trees. "General Petty, the car is diving towards the the surface!" stated Sloop. "I can see that, Sloop! Velcro Two," commanded Petty. "Follow that plane, and don't let it out of your sights!" "Aye, sir!" replied Velcro Two as his jet(?) dived after the Citation. Trevor glanced at the rear-view mirror-cum-tv screen. "Um, Philip, we seem to have someone following us!" "Great! How close are we to Portage?" "Um, I think you overshot it," he replied, looking at the map. "We're heading towards Altoona now." "Even better!" Philip turned the car in a wide arc, heading back the way they had come. "How close is the fighter?" "Right on our tail!" "Perfect!" Philip brought the Citation even closer to the ground, and the fighter behind them followed suit. "Care to explain that?" "Simple: I want to see how dumb they are," he replied as he rocketed towards the railroad bridge separating Portage from the surrounding countryside. "WHAT?!?!!" The Citation-From-Hell accelerated towards the tunnel, the Melmacian ship hot on his heels. Keeping himself well within the center of the tunnel entrance, Philip blasted through the tunnel and out the other side, shocking the few unfortunate individuals who were driving through the tunnel at the time. That shock turned to panic as the Melmacian plane, too close to veer off, shot through the tunnel as well, shearing its wings off in the process and scraping the sides as it tumbled through the tunnel. The plane-cum-scrap metal heap shot out of the tunnel like a cannonball, still being propelled by its thrusters, and crashed against an empty building, making a pretty fireball. "Yep, they're that dumb," commented Trevor as they flew over Portage towards the next place on the map. The next thing on the map was a series of roads that would lead to Route 220 South. The thing that made it tricky was that the roads were in the middle of the Appalachian Mountains, heavily forested, and that Philip was flying Nap-Of-the-Earth along them. The planes tried to intercept them whenever the Citation passed through a clearing. Most of the time, the jets managed to pull up once the trees reappeared, but one time one plane waited too long, and it crashed as its wings impacted the trees on both sides of the road. It tried to recover, but the sudden lack of wings made that kind of difficult, and the plane hit the road, bounced several times, and then fell off the side of the mountain into the valley below. Philip and Trevor exchanged a high five. "Yes!" Philip exclaimed as they came out onto 220 and turned south. "Two down and three to go!" "That's great, Phil," Trevor commented, "But have you considered that were coming on a straightaway?" "Straightaway?" Philip asked. Trevor tried to answer, but then a burst of laser fire cut across their path, several bolts hitting the Citation and shaking it. Philip kept control, and accelerated down the highway. "I can see how that _could_ be a problem..." he muttered as the car sped down the straightaway, Petty's planes in pursuit. "After them!" Petty yelled into the intercom as Sloop watched. "A million wernicks to the first plane that shoots them down!" "A _million_ wernicks? But General Petty, sir! We don't have any space in the budget!" Sloop tried to protest. "We'll worry about that later, Sloop! I WANT THAT SHIP!" Sloop watched as the ships continued to fire on the car. Meanwhile, Philip tried to dodge the laser blasts in the Citation. Needless to say, he wasn't doing _too_ well, but merely adequate. Another laser bolt hit the car. "The captain would like to inform you that we are about to encounter some slight turbulence..." Philip muttered. "_Slight_??? I'd hate to see your definition of _intense_!" Trevor shot back. This little 'joyride' had been taking it's toll on Trevor, and it showed. Philip, on the other hand, didn't seem to have much trouble accepting the situation. With a grin, Philip patted Trevor's shoulder comfortingly. "Don't worry! This last portion of the trip should take care of them!" "I don't want to know, but I'll ask anyway: 'How, Philip?'" "Simple: _Slalom_." Trevor groaned. As the Appalachian Mountains approach the Maryland border, and the changes in altitude become less severe, the Department of Roads changes their methods of road-laying. Instead of having to place the roads on the sides of the mountains and to insure that no one goes over the edge, they can blast through the lower hills, leaving quick-and dirty mini-valleys with sheer rock faces. And it was this portion of the highway that the little band of flying vehicles was approaching. Philip accelerated, and flew as close to the road as possible. Petty's jets, on the other hand, flew above the cars. The first sharp turn was ahead. Philip, misjudging the size of the turn, scraped into the side of the hill before continuing on. "That was _too_ close!" blurted Trevor. "I _noticed_ that, Mr. Calrissian," replied Philip as he went into another high speed turn. All three planes were still behind him, while the Purple ship flew above the road rally. However, one of the planes was not expecting a turn this soon after the previous one, and before he could react, he hit the cliff face and exploded. The other two planes flew through the fireball after their quarry. The Citation continued on, past the Breezewood rest stop, and down Route 70, taking out another plane as the road turned east. The racers crossed the Maryland border, and the last plane met its end at yet another sharp turn in Route 70. Petty could not believe it! All five of his jets were down! By an _automobile_! There was _no_ way now that he would be able to earn the respect of Ray. Petty pushed forward on the controls, and accelerated towards the Citation-From-Hell. "Uh, Philip?" said Trevor as he saw something in the mirror. "Yeah?" he answered, his eyes on the road (?). "You know that big Purple ship that was hanging back during all this time?" Trevor continued, getting nervous. "What about it?" Philip asked, still not comprehending. "It's getting close. _Real_ close..." He looked again. This was not good... "How close?" Philip tried to ask, but was cut off as the nose of Petty's ship hit the back underside of the Citation, flipping it in the air. "AAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!" Philip and Trevor screamed in unison as the car pinwheeled and lost altitude _fast_. Philip worked furiously, applying the brakes, the accelerator, and the wheel in attempt to steady the descending vehicle. By some combination of skill and dumb luck (mostly dumb luck), the Citation finally steadied, and flew forward once again. Although they _were_ a few hundred feet lower than they were before, the situation was still the same. "_That_ close," Trevor deadpanned as they regained equilibrium. "Ohhkaayyyy...." Philip responded as he thought furiously. He had used up all his tricks in taking out the smaller planes, and now that they were coming out of the mountains, they wouldn't work anyway. Most of Maryland was much gentler land, and the changes in altitude would be much softer. The race now would be much more one of a matter of speed, of which the Purple ship had in abundance. "Trev, look in the book," Philip said as he brought the Citation on a course parallel to that of the Potomac River. "See if there's anything about carrier landings." Trevor's face suddenly changed into an expression somewhere between caution and accusation. "What are you planning, Phil?" "Just do it, ok?" "Ok...." He picked up the small book and flipped through it, as Philip swerved and dodged to avoid the enemy jet. Petty grinned as his command cruiser beared down on the fleeing vehicle. There was no way that the little car could outrun his ship -- all he needed to do is wait for the pilot to make a mistake or run out of fuel, and then it would be over, and Petty would head back to FOWL in triumph. He cackled, and then raised his eyebrow as the vehicle moved over towards the nearby river. He followed. "Well, what do you know..." muttered Trevor as Philip continued to drive. "Yeah, what?" Philip asked, now trying to deal with an alien ship behind him, boats to the sides of the him, bridges to the front of him, and water beneath him. "There _is_ a section on Carrier Landings. Beats me _why_..." Philip whooped in triumph. "YES! PERFECT!" he exclaimed, also taking out Trevor's hearing in the process. The Citation and the cruiser continued to race down the Potomac river. They avoided the river traffic with ease, and whenever they came to a bridge, the car would fly under while the jet would fly over the roadway. Up ahead, the Cabin John bridge began to loom. Philip muttered "Perfect" with a smile as he entered another code. Beneath the Citation, a long arm hinged at the middle of the car frame lowered itself at an acute angle towards the water. Philip raised the Citation slightly; and then, as the alien ship was about to pull up, he dove to mere inches above the water. The arrestor hook hit the water, sending up a gigantic wave of water behind it. The wave was directly in Petty's path, and his view was blinded by the spray. "Throw her in reverse!" Petty commanded. "We don't have any reverse, sir! Budgetary cutback!" Sloop replied. The two cringed, and covered their eyes. KRUNCH!!!! The cruiser wedged itself under the bridge arch, unable to move. "Your hat, sir?" said Sloop as he fished it out of the water. He handed it to Petty, who put it on. It emptied itself with a sploosh, drenching Petty even further than he was. He sighed. He was _not_ relishing talking to Ray. Philip and Trevor flew away from the final crash and back to UMD, following the beltway since Philip doubted that the Air Force would appreciate it if he had flown over the White House and the Capitol. They were flying over University Boulevard when Philip looked at the fuel guage. This wasn't good. "Uh, Trev?" "Yeah?" "The fuel's _past_ 'E'." "So?" Trevor replied, before the situation dawned on him. "Ohshit!" he said in a small voice. "Exactly." Just then, the engine began to sputter. "Hold on!" Philip yelled as he struggled to control the car. Wyndi Anderson, Rebecca Dodds, Peter DeGlopper, James Rogers, and Galen Silversmith (hereafter known as "The Blairites") drifted into the Atrium of Stamp Student Union. They looked around nervously, feeling terribly out of place. Seeing as how they were all still in high school, they *were* all out place, but that's beside the point. "Well, where's Philip?" James was the first to break the uneasy silence. "Obviously, not here," Reb