6||0|657|0|yes
0|0|0|||||It%27s not often....|beautifulvoice||06:37:14|10/24/2003|...that I post anything of a personal nature%2C but I suppose my recent college application essays have got me in that mood%2C so here I go.%0D%0A%0D%0AI %27ve never really thought of myself as a serious person. I was always the %27smart kid%27 of the class%2C I was always the odd one out%2C socially...but I never thought of myself as a serious person until now. Then%2C Gryphon finds something amusing involving me...and I go to tears over it. I literally can%27t handle a joke at my own expense. Am I that serious a person that something that%27s meant to be humorous could find it%27s way to be hurtful%3F Am I really that sensitive%3F 12 weeks shy of my 21st birthday%2C and I truly and honestly can%27t take a joke%3F%0D%0ATruly sad.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo%2C what do I do about it%3F Do I sit here%2C brooding%2C perhaps even crying%2C letting my whole night get taken over by a one-liner%3F Or do I shake my head%2C chuckle%2C and get over it%3F I could get angry%2C but why bother%3F Is it really worth my energy to get worked up over nothing%3F%0D%0A%0D%0AOn the other hand%2C I don%27t like feeling like I%27m the punch line of a joke. I never have. What I do as a fan of this community and the works of it%27s authors may not be much%2C but I do put all I have into it%2C and I hope that shows. I AM a fan of the Eyrie works%2C or else I wouldn%27t be here.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo%2C I%27m torn. Part of me wants to beg and plead for%2C I don%27t even know. An apology that I know isn%27t coming%3F A consolation prize%3F %2Ashrug%2A%0D%0APart of me wants to rant and rave about how the whole thing isn%27t fair and I%27m being bullied. Part of me wants to try and forget the whole thing. Part of me wants to try and get it explained. And if I subdivide myself anymore%2C we%27re going to be able to make julienne fries.%0D%0A%0D%0AI%27ve never tried to be prominent on this Forum. I only ask questions when they%27ve been nagging at me for days%2C and I know no one else will ask them. I only post on topics when I feel I have something to contribute to the conversation%2C and I only create my own when%2C as I said%2C I have an out-of-context question or I%27m posting one of my fan works. I%27ve never wanted to have people rave over my works%3B only to listen to them%2C and perhaps offer their opinions. I%27ve never had any allusions of grandeur %28I%27ll save that for other places on the web%2C where the crowd%27s less intelligent.%29%0D%0A%0D%0AAs such%2C I don%27t expect most people to read this%3B most people don%27t have a personal interest in me anyways%2C and who has time to read everything on the web. I certianly don%27t expect the Management to be reading this%3B if you are%2C stop now%2C and go do something productive %28or at least%2C enjoyable.%29 The rest of you should probably stop too%3B it%27s simply not worth it. %0D%0A%0D%0AFor the few stragglers that are left%2C I%27ll say this%3A this certianly isn%27t where I%27d end up%3B hoping I can go to college next year%2C half a country away%2C with not a cent to my name. Or%2C for that matter%2C crying over jokes about me. I%27m not looking for pity%2C though I can understand how it%27d appear that way..right now I%27m only looking to understand myself a little better%2C and I thought I%27d do it in a public forum%2C thereby subjecting myself to the taunting and admonition of those older and wiser than I. Or%2C something...it%27s 4%3A30 AM%2C and my brain was fried when I STARTED this. I almost want to say %22well screw you too%2C Gryphon%22%2C but first%2C that wouldn%27t be right%2C and second%2C I don%27t feel that way. I admire the author for being able to write so well%2C especially with so much else on his plate right now. I think it%27s awesome that%2C in spite of everything his life%27s thrown at him%2C that he%27s able to keep his sense of humor. And%2C in the end%2C it could have been anyone%2C with any joke.%0D%0A%0D%0AAnd maybe that%27s part of my problem...I feel like I am a joke. I feel like nothing I do has ever been taken seriously. I spent hours working on that 3 minutes of music%2C and of the 3 people I first sent them to%2C the most in depth comment I got was %22they%27re nice%22. So%2C I have to wonder if people listen to%2C read%2C or view any of my works%3B because that%27s the type of response I get%2C all over%2C to the things that really motivate me to do my best. I%27m not expecting things to be sugar-coated%3B I know the things I make aren%27t perfect%2C and I know people will have criticisms of them%2C perhaps even hate them. However%2C I%27m looking to get better%2C not simply to be praised %28though actually%2C I%27d like some of that too%3B recently I%27ve realized one of the things I desire the most out of life is simply to be praised in public.%29 Maybe I take myself so seriously because no one else seems to take me seriously at all.%0D%0AEyrie-productions.com Forum rule %236. %27Don%27t whine about yourself. No one cares.%27 Or something. I mainly wrote this stuff to get it out of my system%3B perhaps I shouldn%27t even post it. Maybe whoever cares to read it will get some understanding of where I%27m coming from. To my audience%2C then%2C I say this%3A don%27t make the same mistakes I did. Don%27t let your own self-absorption get in the way of living your life. Don%27t become so serious you can%27t enjoy life. Don%27t get in cars with strange men at 4 in the morning.%0D%0A%0D%0ABy the way%2C on the rare chance that anyone feels bad about the joke at my expense%2C don%27t. It%27s actually funny%3B it just opened the floodgates for me%2C that%27s all. Worse things have happened%3B I%27ll live.%0D%0A%0D%0AThat%27s all. Back to your regularly scheduled programming. %28I think there%27s an infomercial on.%29%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5D%22Just when I think I%27m winning...when I%27ve broken every door...the ghosts of my life%2C they%27re wilder than before...%22%5B%2Fi%5D
1|1|0|||||RE%3A It%27s not often....|rydz||07:10:52|10/24/2003|I agree completely.  You shouldn%27t write posts at 4%3A30 in the morning.  This is not to say that there was anything wrong with your post %28except of course %27allusions of grandeur%27%2C which doesn%27t mean what you meant it to mean%29%2C but rather is a bit of wry sarcasm%2C given that my local time is also 4%3A30ish%2C and I should also be in bed right now.  Welcome to the club%2C oh spoutish one. %3A%3E%0D%0A -- rydz
2|1|0|||||RE%3A It%27s not often....|WengFook||09:25:06|10/24/2003|dude.. calm down.... It was me gryphon was making fun of...%0D%0Aget some rest.. you will definately feel better tommorow.%0D%0A
3|1|0|||1||RE%3A It%27s not often....|trigger||10:36:01|10/24/2003|[updated:LAST EDITED ON 10-24-03 AT 03:15 PM (EDT)]%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DI had to edit spelling and grammar.  It was giving me a headache - t.%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A %0D%0A%3EI %27ve never really thought of myself as a serious person. I was always %0D%0A%3Ethe %27smart kid%27 of the class%2C I was always the odd one out%2C %0D%0A%3Esocially...but I never thought of myself as a serious person until %0D%0A%3Enow. Then%2C Gryphon finds something amusing involving me...and I go to %0D%0A%3Etears over it. I literally can%27t handle a joke at my own expense. Am I %0D%0A%3Ethat serious a person that something that%27s meant to be humorous could %0D%0A%3Efind it%27s way to be hurtful%3F Am I really that sensitive%3F 12 weeks shy %0D%0A%3Eof my 21st birthday%2C and I truly and honestly can%27t take a joke%3F %0D%0A%3ETruly sad. %0D%0A%0D%0Awell yes. It is truly sad and frankly unnecessary. You%27re just angsting. See UF - Core %28any and all parts including Megazone%29 to understand what I mean. Angsting has its place%2C and some people spend their entire life angsting. You%27re not sensitive %96 you are narcisstic. That%27s what angsting is - focusing on your little head dramas to the exclusion and often harm of everybody else. %0D%0A%0D%0A%3EAnd maybe that%27s part of my problem...I feel like I am a joke. I feel %0D%0A%3Elike nothing I do has ever been taken seriously. I spent hours working %0D%0A%3Eon that 3 minutes of music%2C and of the 3 people I first sent them to%2C %0D%0A%3Ethe most in depth comment I got was %22they%27re nice%22. So%2C I have to %0D%0A%3Ewonder if people listen to%2C read%2C or view any of my works%3B because %0D%0A%3Ethat%27s the type of response I get%2C all over%2C to the things that really %0D%0A%3Emotivate me to do my best. I%27m not expecting things to be %0D%0A%3Esugar-coated%3B I know the things I make aren%27t perfect%2C and I know %0D%0A%3Epeople will have criticisms of them%2C perhaps even hate them. However%2C %0D%0A%3EI%27m looking to get better%2C not simply to be praised %28though actually%2C %0D%0A%3EI%27d like some of that too%3B recently I%27ve realized one of the things I %0D%0A%3Edesire the most out of life is simply to be praised in public.%29 Maybe %0D%0A%3EI take myself so seriously because no one else seems to take me %0D%0A%3Eseriously at all. %0D%0A%0D%0AIt%27s hard to take anyone seriously when you %28a%29 tell everyone you%27re an artist%2C %28b%29 produce works that a good but not great%2C and %28c%29 then pretend a certain amount of humility. Be honest. You think your work rocks and that your audience should worship it. That%27s cool. _ALL_ artists think their work rocks or they spend time burning it%2C then writing angsty diaries. Don%27t pretend you%27re looking for us to recognize your genius by mistake - you want us all to love it. Some of us won%27t. Some of us will. Most of us will listen to it and download it and never comment on it%2C %27cause that%27s the type of folks we are. %0D%0A%0D%0AIf you want a cheering section%2C then ask for one. If you want our musical opinions ask for them. Don%27t just present them as something that you designed for your own pleasure that you%27re just presenting to us for the heck of it. If you want praise or criticism tell us. %0D%0A%0D%0ANext%2C there is already a piece of music out there called %22Five Bagatelles%22 I have no idea if your pieces sound like it%2C but there it is. Hard to take on Ludwig and be loved. %0D%0A%0D%0A%3ETo my %0D%0A%3Eaudience%2C then%2C I say this%3A don%27t make the same mistakes I did. Don%27t %0D%0A%3Elet your own self-absorption get in the way of living your life. Don%27t %0D%0A%3Ebecome so serious you can%27t enjoy life. %0D%0A%0D%0AOh please. This is just melodrama. You%27re just angsting - again for no reason. %0D%0A%0D%0A%3EBy the way%2C on the rare chance that anyone feels bad about the joke at %0D%0A%3Emy expense%2C don%27t. It%27s actually funny%3B it just opened the floodgates %0D%0A%3Efor me%2C that%27s all. Worse things have happened%3B I%27ll live. %0D%0AI have%2C by the way%2C no idea what you are talking about. Given that it doesn%27t seem funny to me%2C I%27ll just leave it that way. %0D%0A%0D%0ALast and not least%2C as a pianist I can tell you that I find your pieces interestingly unadorned%2C but not what I would listen to an a regular basis. They are %28a%29 damn short%2C and %28b%29 sound like themes from my old Perils of Rosella %28kings Quest 4%29 video game. Could they be developed into interesting pieces%3F Absolutely. You have some interesting themes I would love to see expanded and given complexity. However%2C they ain%27t great. %0D%0A%0D%0AI have composed pieces in the past. Not great works%2C but stuff I liked. So I understand your pain of when others reject the children of your mind.  However your works sound like three hours of unedited work that were slapped out and that%27s why we%27re not jumping for joy over them. %0D%0A%0D%0AOf course%2C you might think they%27re great. Just say so and tell me where to put my criticism. I won%27t be offended. %0D%0A%0D%0AGreat art takes time%2C talent%2C and determination. You know%2C even Mozart practiced. And Jimi Hendrix was obsessive about improving his art. They both got criticized. Maybe next time you will ask for feedback and maybe you%27ll get some positive responses. %0D%0A%0D%0AOn the other hand%2C if you just want to be worshiped%2C you%27ve come to the wrong place. %0D%0A%0D%0Ahonestly%2C %0D%0At. %0D%0A%0D%0Ap.s. you are having some one proofread your entrance essays right%3F If not%2C get some beta readers now - if you%27re writing stuff like this you%27re not going to do so well - most colleges like cheery essays or at least interesting ones. %0D%0A%0D%0AJust some advice...and take rydz%27s advice and stop writing at 4%3A30 in the %0D%0Amorning. All the entrance essays I wrote at that time were crap and I doubt that anyone%27s at that hour are any good. See%2C we%27re not out to get you. But you must be the one who asks for help. %0D%0A%0D%0Asmall edit%3A I got the joke. Dearie - you%27re way to self-centered. l33t is both a compliment and a backhanded reference to the fact that you think you rock even though you%27ve never said it. Admittedly this is the positive spin. Remember Gryph has a sharp temper and a sharp sense of humor...sometimes at people%27s expense. chill. %0D%0A%0D%0ATrigger Argee%0D%0Atrigger_argee%40hotmail.com%0D%0AManon%2C Maccadon%2C Orado%2C etc.%0D%0ADenton%2C never leave home without it. %0D%0A%22These guys are as obvious as a weasel on acid.%22 - Corwin Ravenhair %0D%0A%0D%0A
4|1|0|||||RE%3A It%27s not often....|Slarti||12:09:24|10/24/2003|%3Ethe most in depth comment I got was %22they%27re nice%22. So%2C I have to %0D%0A%3Ewonder if people listen to%2C read%2C or view any of my works%3B because %0D%0A%3Ethat%27s the type of response I get%2C all over%2C to the things that really %0D%0A%0D%0AIn some of our cases%2C it%27s %27cause we figure you don%27t really want in-depth commentary on your fanw...orks. But since you asked -- and keep in mind that this is not just my taking a random shot at you%2C but my actual honest opinion%3A%0D%0A%0D%0AWell%2C I can%27t say much about your fanmusic%2C and maybe that%27s the main problem. I%27ve listened to a few of them%2C and I can%27t ever really get the sense that they have anything to do with what you say they do. They sound to me like just kinda random noodlings%2C and rather thin ones at that.%0D%0A%0D%0AAs for your fanart%2C however... Your art is CREEPy. That%27s %22creepy%22%2C but with a capital CREEP. Your senses of anatomical proportion and range of motion border on the grotesque%2C and the eyes you draw are these soulless things that fill my heart with uncharacteristic and inappropriate horror. For the love of all that might be sacred%2C I urge you to stop.%0D%0A%0D%0AThere. Now you know that someone has viewed your works. The response is perhaps not what you were hoping for%2C but it is meant honestly.%0D%0A%0D%0ASlarti
5|2|4|||1||RE%3A It%27s not often....|trigger||18:03:06|10/24/2003|[updated:LAST EDITED ON 10-24-03 AT 07:29 PM (EDT)]I decided I really didn%27t need to comment on this.%0D%0At.%0D%0A
6|3|5|||||RE%3A It%27s not often....|WengFook||23:56:43|10/24/2003|%3EI decided I really didn%27t need to comment on this. %0D%0A%3Et. %0D%0A%0D%0Ahaha... a little late trigger %3A%29