0||0|908|0|yes
0|0|0|||1||Thoughts on Life and Death|Offsides||23:49:47|03/06/2007|As I had a few spare minutes before I had to leave for work this morning%2C I checked the forum and read %22All Those Stars%22.  It made me cry%2C and while this is not surprising given the emotional impact of the story%2C it was a sign of the day to come.  Today was hectic%2C and I didn%27t have a lot of time to think for myself because of SNAFUs on other peoples parts%2C but I did get a chance to reread %22All Those Stars%22%2C and it choked me up again. It even got me when I read Gryphon%27s comment on what the original version of the story was going to be.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt wasn%27t until I was getting ready to leave%2C around 6%3A30 this evening%2C that it hit me why I was so easily emotional today. Looking at my watch to check the date%2C I saw it was the 6th.  March 6th%2C the anneversary of my Grandmother%27s passing.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe %5Bi%5Dfirst%5B%2Fi%5D anniversary of her passing.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt was then that I realized that I knew it was going to be a crazy day%2C and that I still had 2-3 hours before I%27d finally get home%2C and that I%27d been suppressing all that emotion so that I could safely make it through the day in one piece.  So I put it back inside%2C finished what I was doing%2C and took care of the rest of the things I had to do on my way home.%0D%0A%0D%0AOnce I got home%2C I said hi to my wife%2C and made dinner.  It wasn%27t until dinner was over%2C and in fact %5Bi%5DHouse%5B%2Fi%5D was over%2C that I finally broke down.  I still miss my grandma.  While I still have the other one%2C she%27s in Seattle%2C and I%27m in Philly.  The grandmother I lost was in NYC%2C and I saw her a lot more often.%0D%0A%0D%0AShe lived alone%2C in the same apartment she moved into shortly before I was born about 34 years ago now%2C and was independent until the very end.  She shopped%2C she cooked%2C she cleaned%2C and she loved to take long walks%2C mostly in and around Central Park.  And she knew everybody%2C or more precisely%2C everybody knew her.%0D%0A%0D%0AShe wasn%27t the most social person.  She certainly had her friends%2C she had season tickets to the opera%2C and she would always say %22hi%22 with a smile on her face to the people she passed in her travels.  More than once we would be walking in the park when someone would come up to her and say hi%2C ask how she was doing%2C was I her grandson%2C and the like.  And after they left%2C when I%27d ask who they were%2C she%27d shrug and say %22I don%27t know.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AEveryone in her apartment building knew her%2C and many of them really liked her.  They%27d help her out when she needed something%2C and she%27d help them out when they needed something.  But she didn%27t really know them%2C except maybe a few of the children.  She loved the children%2C watching them laugh and play and grow up into young men and women.  And that%27s what I miss about her most.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen I was a kid%2C I didn%27t like visiting her so much%2C because she was from the Old Country %28Poland%29%2C a survivor of the Holocaust%2C and she always fussed over me about everything.  But as I grew up%2C I learned to appreciate her wisdom%2C her love%2C and even her quirky sense of humor.  She had very strong opinions about things%2C and she was never afraid to let you know what they were.  But she also didn%27t let that get in the way of finding ways to show her love.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen I got engaged%2C we went to visit her the weekend afterwards for her Birthday and to introduce my %28now%29 wife.  Her face lit up like a searchlight - I%27d never seen her so happy%2C before or since.  And she instantly took a liking to my wife as well%2C effectively adopting her as a new granddaughter on the spot.  In fact%2C despite the fact that we didn%27t even have a wedding date then%2C and that it wouldn%27t ultimately happen until just over a year later%2C in her mind we were already married.%0D%0A%0D%0AWe visited on her 95th birthday%2C and while she was definitely not as strong as she used to be.  But she still had the same spirit about her%2C and I was certain that she%27d not only make it to my wedding%2C but that she%27d see at least the first of my children%2C who are still but a twinkle in my and my wife%27s eyes.  But life doesn%27t always work out the way you expect.%0D%0A%0D%0ALate last February%2C my father called to tell me that his mother was in the hospital with congestive heart failure%2C and that she might not have long to live.  I took off from work and skedaddled up to NYC to try and see her before she was gone.  By the time I got there she was actually doing better%2C and my visit seemed to help her out%2C but it was obvious that she wasn%27t doing well.  I went home that evening%2C knowing that I was going to have to come back that weekend%2C hopefully to bring her home%2C but possibly to say goodbye.  When my wife and I went up on Saturday%2C it was clear that she wasn%27t going home.  In fact%2C her %22treatment%22 at the hospital in question was only making her worse%2C but it couldn%27t change the realities of a frail 95-year old whose body was shutting down around her.%0D%0A%0D%0AMy father had her transferred from the NYC hospital to one outside of Boston the next day %28Sunday%29%2C and Monday morning she was gone.  We like to think that she held on until she was in a better place%2C so at least she could die with some dignity.%0D%0A%0D%0AMy wife and I were married in June%2C 3 1%2F2 months after grandma%27s death.  And while she wasn%27t there to see it%2C I can still picture her smiling face when she first met her granddaughter-in-law-to-be.%0D%0A%0D%0AThis morning%27s story brought up powerful emotions for me because I know that somehow%2C somewhere%2C she%27s looking down%2C smiling on us.  And when we have kids of our own%2C she%27ll be one of the stars in the sky%2C looking down like all those stars that shone on DJ%2C Asuka and Evangeline.%0D%0A%0D%0AAs Ray Manzarek said in a radio interview this morning%2C as long as people say your name%2C you%27re still alive in some way.  I didn%27t even connect it to my grandmother at the time%2C but it all fits now.%0D%0A%0D%0AI miss you Grandma Helen%2C but you%27ll always be here in my heart and in my memories.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn Memory Of Helen Megerman%2C 5%2F7%2F10 - 3%2F6%2F06%0D%0A%0D%0AOffsides %28Joshua Megerman%29%0D%0A%0D%0A%26%2391%3B...%26%2393%3B in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.%0D%0A    -- David Ben Gurion%0D%0AEPU RCW %23%26pi%3B%0D%0A%23include %3Cstdsig.h%3E%0D%0A%0D%0A