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0|0|0|||1||song of the day|Gryphon||22:12:47|06/02/2007|%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DPenguin Audio presents%3A %5Bi%5DThe Areas of My Expertise%5B%2Fi%5D.  Written and read by me%2C John Hodgman.  Jonathan%2C would you go ahead and play the theme song%2C please.%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ANow is the time when the world really needs him%0D%0AWisdom is out of our reach%0D%0AOut of the wasteland there comes a redeemer%0D%0AWhose only desire is to teach%0D%0ANo wasted time at some fancy college%0D%0AForget that%2C it%27s too much to read%0D%0AAn audio book of complete world knowledge%0D%0AIs all you%27ll ever need%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DYou have purchased or stolen the full 95-CD audio instructional program entitled %5Bi%5DThe Areas of My Expertise%5B%2Fi%5D.  That is actually the shorthand title for the program.  You may be interested in the full title%2C which is as follows%3A %5Bi%5DAn Almanac of Complete World Knowledge%2C Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Usful Order by Me%2C John Hodgman%2C a Professional Writer%2C in the Areas of My Expertise%2C Which Areas Include%3A Matters Historical%3B Matters Literary%3B Matters Crytozoological%3B Hobo Matters%3B Food%2C Drink%2C and Cheese%2C Which Is a Kind of Food%3B Lobsters%2C Squirrels%2C and Eels%3B Haircuts%3B Utopia%3B What Will Happen in the Future%3B and Most Other Subjects.%5B%2Fi%5D%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AMost other subjects include having asthma%0D%0AAnd tipping in fancy hotels%0D%0ATerrible haircuts%2C %5Bi%5DDungeons %26 Dragons%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0AMonsters and magical spells%0D%0AAll of your travels are finally over%0D%0AYou%27re safe now%2C there%27s nothing to fear%0D%0ASo tip back a glass of your favorite beverage%0D%0AYou%27re lucky to be here%0D%0A%27Cause tonight%0D%0AYou%27re holding a key%0D%0AThat fits in a lock%0D%0AThat opens a door%0D%0AThat shows you the room%0D%0AThat%27s holding the heart%0D%0AThat%27s pumping the blood%0D%0AThat%27s feeding your brain with information%0D%0ASweet information%0D%0ASweet information%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DThat was very nice%2C Jonathan.%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0AThank you%2C John.%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DThe guitar sounds extra-loud for some reason.  Is it a new guitar%3F%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0ANo%2C it%27s the same old guitar.  Maybe it%27s because you%27re hearing it through a microphone.%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DMmm... that could be.  Maybe you%27re playing it with extra-large hands today.%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0AI do have my extra-large hands on today.%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DI %5Bi%5Dthought%5B%2Fi%5D so.  I thought - oh%21  Hello.  I see you have initiated the audio program.%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A - %5Bbig%5D%5Btt%5DJohn Hodgman%5B%2Ftt%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D %26 Jonathan Coulton%0D%0A%22Theme from %5Bi%5DThe Areas of My Expertise%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%5Bi%5DAn Almanac of Complete World Knowledge%2C Compiled with Instructive Annotation and Arranged in Usful Order by Me%2C John Hodgman%2C a Professional Writer%2C in the Areas of My Expertise%2C Which Areas Include%3A Matters Historical%3B Matters Literary%3B Matters Crytozoological%3B Hobo Matters%3B Food%2C Drink%2C and Cheese%2C Which Is a Kind of Food%3B Lobsters%2C Squirrels%2C and Eels%3B Haircuts%3B Utopia%3B What Will Happen in the Future%3B and Most Other Subjects%5B%2Fi%5D %282006%29%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0AAh%2C the Hodg-Man.  What could possibly make a book by John Hodgman better%3F  A theme song by Jonathan Coulton.