6||0|1870|0|
0|0|0|||1||Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|Gryphon||21:18:31|04/12/2019|Way back in the year 2000%2C when I wanted to have a big car again%2C I bought a 1962 Chevrolet Impala.  We%27ve seen elsewhere on the site that it didn%27t work out.  This development left me with not just no big car%2C but really no car at all%2C since I%27d sold my Neon.%0D%0A%0D%0AI tried a couple of different things.  Initially%2C when I was just supposed to be waiting for my father to finish painting the roof of the Impala%2C I had his spare car%2C a 1990 Oldsmobile Cutlass Calais %28that was the small boxy Cutlass%2C not the medium-size boxy Cutlass or the big rounded Cutlass%E2%80%94basically all Oldsmobiles were called Cutlass something that year%29%2C which holds the interesting distinction of having been the least interesting car I ever had as a daily driver.  Really%2C there was nothing memorable at all about the Calais.  It wasn%27t a %5Bi%5Dbad%5B%2Fi%5D car%3B it just... I can%27t remember whose joke this is%2C but it was the kind of car that felt like you bought it off a roll.  Like you went to the dealer and said%2C %22Give me 15 feet of sedan in light blue.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen it became obvious that the Impala was a lost cause%2C I swapped the Calais for my father%27s %5Bi%5Dother%5B%2Fi%5D spare vehicle%2C a Dodge Ram Charger.  I suspect the Ram Charger is largely forgotten now%3B it was a sort of monster-sized%2C primitive SUV%2C basically the Dodge-pickup-based equivalent of a Chevy Blazer or Ford Bronco %28the big ones%2C not the Bronco II%29.  I did that for one and only one reason%3A because Derek Bacon had one%2C and I remembered it as being hilariously amusing.  Turns out %5Bi%5DDerek%5B%2Fi%5D was hilariously amusing%3B the Ram Charger was just a bad car.  At least the one I had was.  It had that classic %2780s Chrysler build quality%2C which basically meant that it was rusty and always broken.  Dad normally used it for plowing his driveway and not much else%2C and he wasn%27t surprised when I returned it within a few weeks.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo at that point I was back in Maine and without a car again.  I would probably have just taken the Calais back and started looking around for something locally%2C except that I came up to my old hometown to visit my mother before I left.  At that time there were still three new car dealerships here%2C and two of them were right out on the main drag just as you come into town.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe first of these%2C which is now vacant except for an auto glass shop operating out of part of the old service department%2C was a Ford dealer%2C and sitting out front as I drove past was a used Crown Victoria.  A %5Bi%5Dblack%5B%2Fi%5D Crown Victoria.%0D%0A%0D%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2FG-GFX%2F89crownvic.jpg%0D%0A%5Bfont size%3D%221%22%5D%5Bb%5DFig. A%5B%2Fb%5D Just like this one.%5B%2Ffont%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ASo there%27s me%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A- Frustrated in my prior search for a Large Car%3B%0D%0A- By %5Bi%5Dsheer happenstance%5B%2Fi%5D carrying on my person the sum of %243%2C500 in cash%2C proceeds of the sale of the Neon%3B%0D%0A- Standing on the forecourt of the Ford dealership in my own ancient hometown%3B%0D%0A- Looking at a 1989 Men in Black Edition%2A Crown Vic with a sign in the windshield saying they wanted %242%2C999 for it.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe thing about the Crown Vic of that era is that it could be so many things.  A lot of them were cop cars and taxicabs%2C with bone-basic interiors and no options at all.  Most of the rest were mid-range family cars%2C a little dressed up%2C but still pretty basic.  If people wanted a fancier car based on that same exact platform%2C they would either go get a Mercury Marquis or%2C if they really felt like pushing the boat out%2C a Lincoln Town Car.%0D%0A%0D%0ABut Ford did %5Bi%5Dmake%5B%2Fi%5D a fancy deluxe version of the Crown Vic%2C and the one I bought that day was one of those.  It was the best-equipped car I%27d had since the Toronado%2C with an incongruously maroon leather interior and every option they offered that year.  More amazingly%2C it was a 1989 Ford in the year 2000 and all of those things still %5Bi%5Dworked%5B%2Fi%5D.  Its only shortcoming%2C and what had kept it from selling for long enough that they%27d dropped the price that far%2C was that it had something like 150%2C000 miles on it.%0D%0A%0D%0AOn the other hand%2C whoever bought it would be the second owner%2C and I knew a%29 who the first owner was and b%29 that in her hands%2C they were unlikely to have been particularly %5Bi%5Dhard%5B%2Fi%5D miles%2C as they would be on%2C say%2C a cop car of similar age.  So I went in there and bought it.  On the spot.  Unpremeditated.%0D%0A%0D%0AI haven%27t had a lot of wide-open %22%27what the fuck%27 makes your future%22 moments in my life%2C but I can check %22buy a car%2C with cash%2C totally on impulse%22 off the list%2C and I think that counts.%0D%0A%0D%0ADad thought I%27d lost my mind%2C of course.  Why would you pay money for an 11-year-old car%E2%80%94an 11-year-old %5Bi%5DFord%5B%2Fi%5D%E2%80%94when you have a free indefinite loan of a smaller%2C more economical car that%27s a whole year newer%3F%0D%0A%0D%0AWell... for a lot of reasons%2C or none at all%2C depending on how you look at it.  But I did it%2C and I only regretted it once.  We%27ll get to that in a second.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe most fun part of having that car was that at the time%2C I lived in Waltham%2C Massachusetts%2C and worked for a hosting company based out of a warehouse off Sullivan Square in Somerville.  My house and the office were only about 10 miles apart%2C but they were 10 miles that went %5Bi%5Dstraight through Harvard Square in Cambridge%5B%2Fi%5D%2C so my commute generally took between 45 minutes and an hour%2C and commonly involved some fairly hair-raising traffic.%0D%0A%0D%0ANow%2C you might think that driving a land yacht like a Crown Vic in a situation like that would just make it even worse%2C but I found that generally speaking%2C when I arrived at an intersection or a merge or the like in that car%2C people... mysteriously found room for me.  Even hyper-aggressive marketing people in Audis did not choose to joust with a man driving a 1989 Crown Victoria at the turn of the twenty-first century.  What had been a harrowing ordeal in the Neon became... %5Bi%5Deasy%5B%2Fi%5D.  Even a bit relaxing.  I particularly looked forward to the drive home in the evening.%0D%0A%0D%0AProbably the oddest of the Crown Vic%27s many features was that it had a towing package.  Seriously%2C a factory towing package%2C with a hitch at the back and everything.  You know how in the %2760s%2C all Matchbox cars had a tow hitch molded into them%2C regardless of whether the model was a Ford Zodiac sedan or a Ferrari GTO%3F  It was a little like that.  One day%2C while I was waiting at a traffic light%2C a man riding as a passenger in the lane next to me rolled his window down and offered me %24200 for it%2C and I probably would have sold it%2C but it wasn%27t detachable.  When I told him that%2C he said in that case he%27d give me %242500 for the whole car%2C but the light changed and I never found out if he was serious.%0D%0A%0D%0ALike I said before%2C I only regretted buying that car once.  That was on the Christmas after I bought it.  I was driving north on the afternoon of the 24th%2C to spend the holidays with the folks%2C when the car started to die.  In my experience%2C when %5Bi%5Dmodern%5B%2Fi%5D cars break down%2C they just suddenly stop working all at once%2C as some computerized component or another gives up the magic smoke and dies.  Older machinery like the Crown Vic %28which%2C though made in 1989%2C was based on a largely unchanged platform that dated back to the %2770s at least%29 tends to linger.  Power falls off%2C cylinders misfire%2C the electronics start behaving strangely%2C maybe the transmission gets confused... the process takes long enough that you have time to pass through the five stages of grief while it%27s happening.%0D%0A%0D%0AI think I had reached Bargaining by the time I coaxed the dying Ford into the parking lot of a hotel in Freeport%2C and just in the nick of time%3B let%27s just say I wouldn%27t have been able to correct my parking job if I hadn%27t done it right the first time%2C and leave it at that.  It expired as I put it in Park%2C and responded to no provocation thereafter%3B the electrical system had gone completely dark.  Even the dome light didn%27t come on when I opened the door.%0D%0A%0D%0AAt a loss%2C I called my mother to let her know I%27d run into a bit of a problem.  I was a hundred miles from home and 200 from my destination%2C and night was falling%3B I thought I might have to stay the night at the hotel I%27d just been beached at%2C but she has a brother who lives in Portland %28which I had just passed%29%2C and his wife worked at one of the car rental places at the airport there.  So Mom called them to see if she could get a rental car sent up to rescue me.%0D%0A%0D%0AMeanwhile%2C I went into the hotel to ask if they minded if I left the car there for a day or two.  I assumed they would say no and I%27d have to have it towed somewhere%2C probably to the Ford garage in Freeport%2C where they wouldn%27t be able to look at it until who knew when because it was Christmas%3B but the guy said sure%2C it%27s pretty slow here this time of year%2C as long as it%27s gone by New Year%27s we%27re cool.  So that was nice.%0D%0A%0D%0AA little while later my uncle drove up in his own car%3B they hadn%27t been able to arrange a rental for reasons I cannot now remember %28maybe the holiday again%29%2C so instead%2C he and Mom had worked out a thing where he%27d take me up the Interstate and she%27d come down and meet us halfway%2C at a little town called Newport.  We%27d all have dinner at the Pizza Hut there and then go our separate ways.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt was kind of surreal.  Mom%27s brother was my favorite uncle when I was a kid%3B he lived up in Aroostook County then%2C and we used to hang out a lot whenever I was up there.  He moved to Portland when I was in middle school%2C got married and unexpectedly started a family a bit late in life%2C and we%27d seen each other maybe twice in the... oh... 12 or so years since then.  The trip wasn%27t awkward at all%2C but it was an odd reason for a reunion%2C and then when we got to Newport it was raining cats and dogs and the power was out.  Strange scene in the parking lot of the shut-down 24-hour Irving station%2C transferring luggage in the dark and the pouring rain.  Sort of put the kibosh on the %22dinner%22 part of the plan.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe day after Christmas%2C Dad and I drove back down to Freeport to see what was wrong with the car.  Dad had a spare car battery with him%2C as you do%2C and when we put it in%2C the Crown Vic fired right up like nothing was wrong with it.  From this we concluded that the alternator had failed%2C so we took up a mile or so up the road to an auto parts place we%27d noticed on the way in from the Interstate.%0D%0A%0D%0ANow%2C there are two things about replacing the alternator in a car.  One is that you get reamed on the price of the new one unless you have an old one to trade for it.  And the other is that%2C even in a big old car with as much free space as a Crown Vic has in its engine compartment%2C it takes a while.%0D%0A%0D%0AI wish I had been able to get a picture of us at work%2C but I wasn%27t%2C because cell phones didn%27t have cameras in them back then.  It%27s a shame.  There would be distinct comedy value in a photo of my father%2C bundled up in his old work coat%2C removing the alternator from my old Crown Vic in a snowy parking lot%2C directly under the sign on the side of the parts store reading%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bb%5DFOR LIABILITY REASONS%0D%0ADO NOT WORK ON CARS%0D%0AIN THIS PARKING AREA%5B%2Fb%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AI%27m sure the guy working in the store knew exactly what was up when we walked in%2C all cold and red-faced%2C with a dead Ford alternator to trade it in for a fresh one%2C but I guess he was feeling some of the holiday spirit too%2C because he never said a word about it.%0D%0A%0D%0AWell%2C OK%2C I said I regretted buying the car once%2C but on balance%2C maybe the ensuing adventure canceled out the angst of the initial failure. %3A%29%0D%0A%0D%0AApart from that%2C I had a lovely time with the old heap%2C though by the middle of the next year it was getting decidedly creaky. Around that time%2C Dad mentioned that he knew someone who wanted to buy it as a Project Car%2C and I got a %22sorry we moved your job to Seattle%22 payout from the company that bought the place where I worked at around the same time%2C so I decided to sell out and use the money as a down payment on a newer vehicle.  I can%27t remember if I made a profit on it%2C probably not%2C but what the hell.%0D%0A%0D%0AStrangely%2C although I never gave this car a name%2C I did later base a %5Blink%3Awww.eyrie-productions.com%2FForum%2Fdcboard.cgi%3Faz%3Dshow_thread%26om%3D258%26forum%3DDCForumID9%26viewmode%3Dall%236%7CTransformers OC%5D on it.%0D%0A%0D%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2FUF%2FFI%2FTF%2FGFX%2Fkhanna.Eclipse.cc.jpg%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A%2A not really%2C but%2C I mean...%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor-in-Chief%2C %26 Forum Mod%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited  http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0Azgryphon at that email service Google has%0D%0A%5Bi%5DCeterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.%5B%2Fi%5D
1|1|0|||1||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|Nova Floresca||03:29:09|04/14/2019|Reading through the interesting%2A times you%27ve had with cars%2C I%27m not sure if I%27m sad or happy my car-owning days have been pretty bland. To be sure%2C I%27ve been in the presence of some very interesting times%2C but it%27s just not the same.%0D%0A%0D%0A%2Ain both positive and negative senses of the word.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22This is probably a stupid question%2C but . . .%22
2|1|0|||||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|MuninsFire||14:31:00|04/14/2019|This reminds me of the %5Blink%3Aen.wikipedia.org%2Fwiki%2FCadillac_Brougham%7C%2787 Land Yacht%5D that I had for a brief time.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo%2C around %2705%2C my grandparents%27 health had declined to the point where they needed someone to help out around the house and assist them with things like the ...what was it%2C six%3F medications my grandfather was on for his Parkinson%27s and the ...many medications my grandmother was on for her Alzheimers-and-other-things. Simplifying the family politics drastically%2C I was unattached%2C available%2C and had no real career prospects to interrupt - so I got shipped out to California to stay with %27em for a few months while arrangements were made to move %27em into an assisted living facility. %0D%0A%0D%0A%28This turned out to be a really excellent personal growth opportunity in a number of ways%2C but this story%27s about the car%29%0D%0A%0D%0AOne of the duties involved was to drive them to - well%2C wherever they needed to go. And the vehicle involved was an %2787 Cadillac Brougham%2C in a color that was probably marketed as %27gold%27 but looked %27beige%27 to me. %0D%0A%0D%0AMuch like Gryphon%27s Toronado%2C it had Power Everything except for the suspension which was some kind of pneumatic thingummy. However%2C as my prior car experience consisted of a Honda Odyssey and a very small Ford Festiva%2C I found the %27floatiness%27 of the vehicle ever so slightly unnerving.%0D%0A%0D%0A%28Also it was -deeply- confusing to me that they%27d contrived to put the gas cap behind the rear license plate%3B the first time I went to fill the thing took me a good several minutes before my grandfather clued me in where to look%29%0D%0A%0D%0AHaving learned to drive in Maine%2C I was familiar with the lack of resolution in steering%2C braking%2C acceleration%2C and sanity you get with driving on snow%2C and this monstrosity of a vehicle kind of felt like that all the time - the old Festiva I had been driving%2C even though it was an utter jalopy%2C had downright crisp steering by comparison with the slightly detached negotiation with which I had to address the navigation of the Yacht. Sure%2C you could steer it with one finger%2C but course corrections needed to be considered ahead of time because there just wasn%27t any kind of feedback to the hands - something which I rely on when driving.%0D%0A%0D%0AOne of the rather...interesting aspects of the vehicle%2C though%2C was the aformentioned suspension. See%2C it was -extremely- cushy and would let you glide along over even rough%2C badly maintained roads with barely a quiver%2C which was good for my grandmother sitting in the back seat%2C who would complain about any significant jarring. Unfortunately%2C this suspension had a resonant frequency%2C somehow - a resonant frequency that happened to -exactly- equal the inputs from the dips in the US-101 between Ventura and Santa Barbara when travelling at 75mph%2C the normal speed-of-traffic in that corridor.%0D%0A%0D%0ABottoming out the suspension on such a vehicle is very jarring and disturbing%2C and my grandmother was displeased when this discovery was made.%0D%0A%0D%0AThere were several interesting stories that arose as a consequence of my driving that vehicle - which%2C well%2C was kind of fun%2C as it turned out%3B once it got up to speed %28which was a very deliberate process%2C to be sure%2C given the thing%27s incredible mass%29 it would just...go. All day long. And it would behave exactly the same with one person in it as it would with four people and a trunk full of baggage - probably because the vehicle itself outmassed any potential cargo by such a significant factor.%0D%0A%0D%0AI ended up being given the car due to it not%2C er%2C fitting%2C physically%2C in the garage of the semi-assisted living community they moved to%2C and it served me well for a couple of years. %0D%0A%0D%0AUnfortunately%2C as seems to be the case with the car stories here%2C it did come to a tragic end%3A I was sitting behind an obnoxiously large SUV %28a Tahoe%2C I think%3F%29 at a stoplight to turn left%2C and had some kids in a small sedan behind me%3B a small car came racing the red light from the opposite direction%3B and a jeep came out from a side street. Physics occurred%2C and the small car pushed the Tahoe to sit in my engine compartment%2C though I only rocked back barely enough to ding the bumper of the kids behind me - for whom it was the driver%27s first day driving under their own license. And%2C of course%2C being a kid with no budget%2C I didn%27t have the uninsured motorist coverage on my policy....%0D%0A%0D%0A%28Ended up bicycling to work for some months after that%2C through necessity%2C which kinda sucked for various reasons%29.%0D%0A%0D%0AStill. I got out of it without more than a bad scare%2C so the Land Yacht%27s enormous mass did manage to keep me safe%2C and that%27s what really counts in the end%2C no%3F %0D%0A%0D%0ANever did get to take it out to Vegas%2C though. That run through the high desert would%27ve been fun.
3|2|2|||1||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|Gryphon||15:09:13|04/14/2019|%3EAnd the vehicle involved was an %2787 Cadillac Brougham%2C %0D%0A%3Ein a color that was probably marketed as %27gold%27 but looked %27beige%27 to %0D%0A%3Eme. %0D%0A%0D%0AOh%2C one of the music teachers here in town had one of those.  I think hers was a Fleetwood Brougham from the previous year%2C but they were the same thing.  I always remember how nice it smelled inside.  Mrs. Nash%27s was black on black with a license plate frame that said MAFIA STAFF CAR.%0D%0A%0D%0A%3E%28Also it was -deeply- confusing to me that they%27d contrived to put the %0D%0A%3Egas cap behind the rear license plate%3B the first time I went to fill %0D%0A%3Ethe thing took me a good several minutes before my grandfather clued %0D%0A%3Eme in where to look%29 %0D%0A%0D%0AHeh%2C yeah%2C that was a General Motors Large Car thing for a lot of years.  The Tempest%2C the Malibu I%27ve mentioned earlier%2C the 1977 Caprice Classic we had for a while when I was a kid%2C the Toronado%2C that Pontiac I got from my grandparents%2C they all had that.  Pretty sure the Impala does too.  I think they finally had to stop doing it because of safety regulations%26mdash%3Bit makes the filler assembly vulnerable in a rear-end collision%2C although the tank itself is safely between the frame rails%2C unlike in say the Pinto%26mdash%3Bbut I%27ve always found it a really handy place to put that.  Makes it so it doesn%27t matter which side of the car you approach the pumps from%2C which I%27m sure was the idea behind doing it that way.%0D%0A%0D%0AMy %5Bi%5Dfavorite%5B%2Fi%5D fuel filler is on the 1957 full-size%2A Chevrolets.  It%27s behind the chrome trim on the back of the driver%27s side tail fin.  There is %5Bi%5Dzero%5B%2Fi%5D visual indication that that piece of the chrome is a door%3B you just have to know.%0D%0A%0D%0A%3EUnfortunately%2C %0D%0A%3Ethis suspension had a resonant frequency%2C somehow - a resonant %0D%0A%3Efrequency that happened to -exactly- equal the inputs from the dips in %0D%0A%3Ethe US-101 between Ventura and Santa Barbara when travelling at 75mph%2C %0D%0A%3Ethe normal speed-of-traffic in that corridor. %0D%0A%0D%0AAn unhelpful observation at this remove in time%2C but%3A It sounds like it might%27ve needed its dampers adjusted%2C which was a pretty common problem with Cadillacs of that period.%0D%0A%0D%0A%3EStill. I got out of it without more than a bad scare%2C so the Land %0D%0A%3EYacht%27s enormous mass did manage to keep me safe%2C and that%27s what %0D%0A%3Ereally counts in the end%2C no%3F %0D%0A%0D%0AIn a car like that%2C the crumple zone is the other car. %3A%29%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A%2A not that there was any other kind in 1957. Well%2C except the Corvette%2C I guess.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor-in-Chief%2C %26 Forum Mod%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited  http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0Azgryphon at that email service Google has%0D%0A%5Bi%5DCeterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.%5B%2Fi%5D
4|3|3|||||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|drakensis||02:59:50|04/15/2019|[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-19 AT 03:00 AM (EDT)]%3EMy %5Bi%5Dfavorite%5B%2Fi%5D fuel filler is on the 1957 full-size%2A Chevrolets.  %0D%0A%3EIt%27s behind the chrome trim on the back of the driver%27s side tail fin. %0D%0A%3E There is %5Bi%5Dzero%5B%2Fi%5D visual indication that that piece of the chrome %0D%0A%3Eis a door%3B you just have to know. %0D%0A%0D%0AYeah%2C I just watched a video yesterday of Chieftain %28who reviews military vehicles on youtube%29 looking at a 1950s staff car%2C which was a 1957 Chevy. He had a bit of a search for the fuel filler before eventually finding it.%0D%0A%0D%0AEdit%3A a video which I now realise has generated its own thread
5|3|3|||1||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|Gryphon||12:41:06|04/15/2019|%3EHeh%2C yeah%2C that was a General Motors Large Car thing for a lot of %0D%0A%3Eyears.  The Tempest%2C the Malibu I%27ve mentioned earlier%2C the 1977 %0D%0A%3ECaprice Classic we had for a while when I was a kid%2C the Toronado%2C %0D%0A%3Ethat Pontiac I got from my grandparents%2C they all had that.  Pretty %0D%0A%3Esure the Impala does too.%0D%0A%0D%0ANo%2C I misremembered this.  The fuel door on the %2762 Impala is clearly on the lefthand rear quarter panel.%0D%0A%0D%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2FG-GFX%2Fcars%2Fimpala%2Fimpala%2520early%2520days%252001.jpg%0D%0A%0D%0AI know the license plate thing started in the %2760s on full-size GM cars%2C but I guess it must have been on the generation after that one %28which%2C for Chevrolet at least%2C started with the 1965 model year%29.%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor-in-Chief%2C %26 Forum Mod%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited  http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0Azgryphon at that email service Google has%0D%0A%5Bi%5DCeterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.%5B%2Fi%5D
6|1|0|||1||RE%3A Car Adventures%3A Crown Vic|McFortner||19:43:20|04/15/2019|[updated:LAST EDITED ON Apr-15-19 AT 07:44 PM (EDT)]We need to see Eclipse in a story now.  I can even see the quote for the back of the packaging%2C %22Just look at this for a second%2C slick.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bfont color%3D%22black%22%5DMichael C. Fortner%5B%2Ffont%5D%0D%0A%5Bfont color%3D%22green%22 size%3D-1%5D%22Maxim 37%3A There is no such thing as %22overkill%22.%0D%0AThere is only %22open fire%22 and %22I need to reload%22.%5B%2Ffont%5D%0D%0A%0D%0Ap.s.%3A  And he%27d have to be voiced by Tommy Lee Jones.%0D%0A