20||0|990|0|yes 0|0|0|||1||I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|beautifulvoice||21:11:38|06/08/2002|..that you can be called ambitionless%2C of all things. I mean%2C first of all %2C fi you had no ambition%2C you wouldn%27t have bothered to TRY to go back to school in the first place. Moreover%2C you wouldn%27t have created THIS..you wouldn%27t have pulled hundreds of people behind you and your work. You%27re creative%2C intelligent%2C realistic%2C hard-working%2C and dedicated%2Cbut you%27ve been caught up in a series of circumstances that while seem unfathomable%2C unconquerable%2C are NOT YOUR FAULT%28TM%29. I%27m not trying to convince you not to give up%2C as I doubt%2C of all people%2C that you%27d listen to ME anyways...I feel sometimes that I%27m nothing more than a thorn in your side. But I think you have promise Gryphon%2C you still do%2C and when you finally are able to do something you desire%2C are able to work to do something you enjoy...that the world will be a little place for it. You%27ve ALREADY shown you have that ability%2C as you%27ve shown you can inspire people. I know at least a few people around here will agree with me there. You%27ve made people laugh%2C made them cry%2C shown them things they thought they%27d never see. And though it may be just %27fanfic%27 to some%2C though it may or may not be your life%27s work...you have the talent and the vision to do something you can truly be proud of. Someday you%27ll find that thing %28and if I%27m right%2C you%27ll probably hit yourself for not seeing it sooner.%29 If you need to move back to Bumfucknowhere%2C Maine%2C then maybe that%27s what you need to do. Or maybe not. Only you can decide what YOU need to do. I%2C nor no one else really%2C can push you towards anything..at least not without making you unhappy. Only you can decide what%27s best for you%2C only you can bring direction to your life. And there%27s direction%2C there always has been. If you haven%27t seen it before%2C maybe you%27ve been walking with a hand over one eye..only you can tell yourself these things. I%27d say%2C before you do anything..take a long bit of meditation..just think%2C alone with your thoughts..sometimes it works%2C sometimes it doesn%27t%2C but you can always say you%27ve thought about it. %0D%0A%0D%0AThe Beautiful Voice Admin%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Flady_kozue %7CLady Kozue%27s Media Archive%5D%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Fthebeautifulvoice%7CThe Beautiful Voice%5D %0D%0AI%27m doing wrong and wrong again but I fell in love with this mistake.%0D%0ATo blame you%2C unmask you and give up%2C will it let me feel better%3F%0D%0A-Faye Wong%2C Cold War 1|1|0|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Gryphon||21:16:01|06/08/2002|Thanks for your supportive words%2C though one day%2C if you stay around long enough%2C you%27ll hopefully learn to take things I post at 3 in the morning with a grain of salt. I think I%27m a trifle bipolar... %0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0Afeeling somewhat better%2C for the moment%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor in Chief%2C Netadmin%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0A 3|2|1|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|beautifulvoice||21:28:52|06/08/2002|%3EThanks for your supportive words%2C though one day%2C if you stay around %0D%0A%3Elong enough%2C you%27ll hopefully learn to take things I post at 3 in the %0D%0A%3Emorning with a grain of salt. I think I%27m a trifle bipolar... %0D%0A%3E%0D%0APreaching to the choir%2C as you put it so eloquently last night.%0D%0AI%27m CERTIFIED Bipolar. Classic DSM IV case and everything. %0D%0AI just hate to see people put themselves down%2C especially since I spent pretty much all of high school doing the same thing. See this isn%27t altruism%2C I just don%27t want to be depressed...it%27s all selfishness %3AP%0D%0AI%27m glad you%27re feeling a little better...at least you didn%27t have to sit through Harry Potter while your roommate sat there watching it%2C his Athlon 1.1 gig Thunderbird with its 400 watt power supply and 19%22 monitor sitting idle..%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A The Beautiful Voice Admin%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Flady_kozue %7CLady Kozue%27s Media Archive%5D%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Fthebeautifulvoice%7CThe Beautiful Voice%5D %0D%0AI%27m doing wrong and wrong again but I fell in love with this mistake.%0D%0ATo blame you%2C unmask you and give up%2C will it let me feel better%3F%0D%0A-Faye Wong%2C Cold War 7|2|1|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Laudre||23:43:19|06/08/2002|%3EThanks for your supportive words%2C though one day%2C if you stay around %0D%0A%3Elong enough%2C you%27ll hopefully learn to take things I post at 3 in the %0D%0A%3Emorning with a grain of salt. I think I%27m a trifle bipolar... %0D%0A%0D%0AAfter reading that%2C I hafta say I totally understand. And it%27ll get better%2C I believe. Things tend to move in cycles%2C in my experience.%0D%0A%0D%0ASeventeen months ago%2C I decided to move down here to Greensboro%2C NC%2C to be close to what%27s left of my immediate family. That finally happened eleven months ago%2C and I expected to spend a few months hunting for a job%2C and then%2C being gainfully employed%2C to settle into a rhythm here%2C staying with my sister and her boyfriend in a rather nifty two-bedroom apartment.%0D%0A%0D%0AInstead%2C it simply became yet another stage in the %28by far%29 worst year-plus of my life%2C culminating in my car getting repossessed the other day%2C and me still wondering just how long I have to bring my bank account positive before I cease to have one. Oh%2C and my sister and her boyfriend %28who himself got laid off a couple of weeks after I got down here%29 are telling me to go away%2C as they just want a one-bedroom apartment%2C to spend some time living together by themselves %28er...%29%2C since the boyfriend has been in New York since November.%0D%0A%0D%0AHowever%2C I%27ve also just started a full-time job %28after almost a year of searching%29%2C and thanks to a local friend %28who I met through these boards%2C of all things%29%2C I%27ve got a temporary ride until I get the cash together to buy myself something%2C and I%27ll have a place to live after the end of this month. There%27s still a lot of things unresolved%2C but at least there%27s now direction and means again. And%2C soon enough%2C I%27ll be all the way back in the saddle again.%0D%0A%0D%0A-- Sean -- %0D%0A%5Bb%5DRabid Crack Weasel %2342%5B%2Fb%5D %0D%0A%22All tribal myths are true%2C for a given value of %27true%27.%22 -- Terry Pratchett %0D%0A%5Blink%3Awww.drelau.com%2F%7CThe Broken Link%5D %0D%0A%5Blink%3Awww.livejournal.com%2Fusers%2Feva_densetsu%2F%7CFollow my creative process%5D %0D%0A 11|2|1|||1||Relevant Text|trigger||17:28:36|06/11/2002|So%2C after the grand and gracious tradition of defeated candidates everywhere%3A Life%2C I concede. You have bested me. You have proven yourself to be far beyond my puny powers to cope with. The only course of action now is to retreat to my spawning ground and assume my destined role as part of the mass of ambitionless%2C directionless human flotsam I once scorned with such hubris.%0D%0A%0D%0ATrigger Argee%0D%0Atrigger_argee%40hotmail.com%0D%0AManon%2C Maccadon%2C Orado%2C etc.%0D%0ADenton%2C never leave home without it.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Pretty ambitious for a tree%2C isn%27t it%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A 12|3|11|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Gryphon||17:32:43|06/11/2002|%26l%3Bquoted bit from the most recent CSRANTronix with nothing added%26r%3B%0D%0A%0D%0Auh... yes... what about it%3F%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor in Chief%2C Netadmin%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0A 13|4|12|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Pasha||17:39:24|06/11/2002|%3E%26l%3Bquoted bit from the most recent CSRANTronix with nothing added%26r%3B %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3Euh... yes... what about it%3F %0D%0A%0D%0AWell%2C some could very easily take that as a suicidal note%2C or something like it. %27Specially when you take in what you said in rant %2314 about your life only being a couple of years if you wound up having to go to Millinocket again. %0D%0A%0D%0ANow%2C I personally feel that suicide is a viable option for those who have too much pain%2C either physically or psychiclly to deal with. However%2C some people don%27t agree with me%2C so they might try to change your mind. The only reasons that I could think of %28not knowing your situation at all%29 to stop you would be selfish ones%2C so I won%27t even try. If you decide to%2C well%2C then thanks for all the writing. And if I%27m way off base%2C then ban me%2C or something like that. %3B-%29%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0A-- %0D%0A-Pasha%0D%0ARabid Crack Weasel %23357%0D%0A%22I invented Warp Drive%2C whatta ya got%3F%22%0D%0A%22I%27m the Norse God of Mecha.%22%0D%0A%22Well%2C I guess you win then.%22 14|5|13|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Gryphon||17:41:48|06/11/2002|[updated:LAST EDITED ON 06-11-02 AT 05:43 PM (EDT)]%3E%3E%26l%3Bquoted bit from the most recent CSRANTronix with nothing added%26r%3B %0D%0A%3E%3E%0D%0A%3E%3Euh... yes... what about it%3F %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EWell%2C some could very easily take that as a suicidal note%2C or %0D%0A%3Esomething like it.%0D%0A%0D%0AOh. I suppose so. That possibility never occurred to me%3B I was just talking about going back to Maine and metamorphosing into trailer trash. %3A%29%0D%0A%0D%0AOh - and as for the %22couple of years%22 thing%2C I submit to you that there is a marked and telling difference between the following two sentiments%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A1. %22I%27m going to kill myself.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A2. %22One of these days I%27m going to just up and fucking die.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe former has never crossed my mind%3B the latter crosses it every couple of days%2C usually at about 3 in the morning.%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor in Chief%2C Netadmin%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0A 15|6|14|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Pasha||17:48:37|06/11/2002|%3E%3EWell%2C some could very easily take that as a suicidal note%2C or %0D%0A%3E%3Esomething like it.%0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EOh. I suppose so. That possibility never occurred to me%3B I was just %0D%0A%3Etalking about going back to Maine and metamorphosing into trailer %0D%0A%3Etrash. %3A%29 %0D%0A%0D%0AOh%2C Dear Lord%21 Kill yourself first%21 %3A%29%0D%0A%0D%0A%3EOh - and as for the %22couple of years%22 thing%2C I submit to you that %0D%0A%3Ethere is a marked and telling difference between the following two %0D%0A%3Esentiments%3A %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3E1. %22I%27m going to kill myself.%22 %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3E2. %22One of these days I%27m going to just up and fucking die.%22 %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EThe former has never crossed my mind%3B the latter crosses it every %0D%0A%3Ecouple of days%2C usually at about 3 in the morning. %0D%0A%0D%0AOk%2C I can live with that. However%2C being as you are somewhat young %28still shy of 30%2C iirc%29 the second one doesn%27t seem very likely to happen in a couple of years. So%2C I jumped to a conclusion. Sorry.%0D%0A%0D%0A-- %0D%0A-Pasha%0D%0ARabid Crack Weasel %23357%0D%0A%22I invented Warp Drive%2C whatta ya got%3F%22%0D%0A%22I%27m the Norse God of Mecha.%22%0D%0A%22Well%2C I guess you win then.%22 17|7|15|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Gryphon||20:20:56|06/11/2002|[updated:LAST EDITED ON 06-11-02 AT 08:21 PM (EDT)]%3EOk%2C I can live with that. However%2C being as you are somewhat young %0D%0A%3E%28still shy of 30%2C iirc%29 the second one doesn%27t seem very likely to %0D%0A%3Ehappen in a couple of years.%0D%0A%0D%0AHey%2C you can%27t be sure of anything in this world. My lamented friend Derek Bacon died when he was 25. One day he was bowing out of picking me up at the airport for my Christmastime visit because he thought he had a touch of a cold%3B 72 hours later I was telling %5Blink%3Awww.eyrie-productions.com%2Fderek%2FAnecdotes%2Fbomb.html%7Cthe bomb story%5D at his funeral.%0D%0A%0D%0AI%27m not even particularly depressed right at this moment - I%27m just saying this kind of thing%2C thanks to incidents like that%2C is often near the front of my mind. I%27m not in bad health%2C but I%27m not in particularly %5Bi%5Dgood%5B%2Fi%5D health either%2C and I don%27t look after myself the way I should. I don%27t think it%27s very likely%2C but I can%27t say with any certainty that I won%27t just up and check out at some inconvenient time.%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor in Chief%2C Netadmin%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0A 18|8|17|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|trigger||22:03:26|06/11/2002|%3E I don%27t think it%27s very likely%2C but I can%27t say %0D%0A%3Ewith any certainty that I won%27t just up and check out at some %0D%0A%3Einconvenient time. %0D%0A%0D%0AI think that checking out is inconvenient regardless of timing. Even those who plan it often fail to see the consequences.%0D%0A%0D%0At.%0D%0A%0D%0Ap.s. Have you conisdered writing for a living%3F Yeah%2C a dog%27s life%2C but you have talent...and time...%0D%0A%0D%0Ahttp%3A%2F%2Fwww.stormwolf.com%2Fessays%2Fmsadvice.html%0D%0A%0D%0A%0D%0ATrigger Argee%0D%0Atrigger_argee%40hotmail.com%0D%0AManon%2C Maccadon%2C Orado%2C etc.%0D%0ADenton%2C never leave home without it.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Pretty ambitious for a tree%2C isn%27t it%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A 20|9|18|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|beautifulvoice||23:58:37|06/11/2002|%3Ep.s. Have you conisdered writing for a living%3F Yeah%2C a dog%27s life%2C %0D%0A%3Ebut you have talent...and time... %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%2Aruns and hides behind a Jersey Barrier%2C and quickly begins casting a chain spell involving several universes%27 spell-types%2C not the least of them Rflect%2C Haste%2C and Life3%2A%0D%0A%0D%0A The Beautiful Voice Admin%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Flady_kozue %7CLady Kozue%27s Media Archive%5D%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Fthebeautifulvoice%7CThe Beautiful Voice%5D %0D%0A 19|7|15|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|Shadowhavoc||22:33:13|06/11/2002|%3E%3E%3EWell%2C some could very easily take that as a suicidal note%2C or %0D%0A%3E%3E%3Esomething like it.%0D%0A%3E%3E%0D%0A%3E%3EOh. I suppose so. That possibility never occurred to me%3B I was just %0D%0A%3E%3Etalking about going back to Maine and metamorphosing into trailer %0D%0A%3E%3Etrash. %3A%29 %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EOh%2C Dear Lord%21 Kill yourself first%21 %3A%29 %0D%0A%3E%0D%0AWhat%27s wrong with trailer trash%3F%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I%27m the Spirit of Violence%2C the God of War%2C I am the master of all...ah hell I forgot the rest of it..%22 16|4|12|||1||RE%3A Relevant Text|trigger||18:33:43|06/11/2002|%3E%26l%3Bquoted bit from the most recent CSRANTronix with nothing added%26r%3B %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3Euh... yes... what about it%3F %0D%0A%0D%0Aoops%2C I hit the %22post%22 button and was then dragged away before editing it. Blast. Well%2C I%27ll comment on it below.%0D%0A%0D%0At.%0D%0A%0D%0ATrigger Argee%0D%0Atrigger_argee%40hotmail.com%0D%0AManon%2C Maccadon%2C Orado%2C etc.%0D%0ADenton%2C never leave home without it.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Pretty ambitious for a tree%2C isn%27t it%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A 2|1|0|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Offsides||21:18:44|06/08/2002|Before the weapons start firing%2C I%27m just going to suggest that you take this kind of stuff to private mail in the future.%0D%0A%0D%0AIf you%27ll excuse me%2C I need to go find my asbestos suit and other defensive armor...%0D%0A%0D%0AUnemployed netadmin seeking job... so what else is new%3F%0D%0AEPU RCW %23%26pi%0D%0A%23include %3Cduck.h%3E%0D%0A%0D%0A 4|2|2|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Gryphon||21:28:58|06/08/2002|%3EBefore the weapons start firing%2C I%27m just going to suggest that you %0D%0A%3Etake this kind of stuff to private mail in the future. %0D%0A%0D%0A%28shrug%29%0D%0A%0D%0AIt%27s a response to the latest CSRANTronix%2C which I posted in the wee hours of this morning when in approximately the worst mood ever.%0D%0A%0D%0APublic response to a public rant. I don%27t see the problem.%0D%0A%0D%0A--G.%0D%0A-%3E%3C-%0D%0ABenjamin D. Hutchins%2C Co-Founder%2C Editor in Chief%2C Netadmin%0D%0AEyrie Productions%2C Unlimited http%3A%2F%2Fwww.eyrie-productions.com%2F%0D%0A 5|3|4|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Offsides||21:34:08|06/08/2002|%3EIt%27s a response to the latest CSRANTronix%2C which I posted in the wee %0D%0A%3Ehours of this morning when in approximately the worst mood ever. %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EPublic response to a public rant. I don%27t see the problem. %0D%0A%3E%0D%0AOK%2C haven%27t checked it in a couple of days%2C so I didn%27t realize there was a new one. I%27ll try to remember to check in the future...%0D%0A%0D%0AOffsides%0D%0A%0D%0AUnemployed netadmin seeking job... so what else is new%3F%0D%0AEPU RCW %23%26pi%0D%0A%23include %3Cstdsig.h%3E%0D%0A%0D%0A 6|4|5|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|beautifulvoice||22:23:48|06/08/2002|Relax%2C Offsides%2C I don%27t think it%27ll be on the test.%0D%0A %0D%0AThe Beautiful Voice Admin%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Flady_kozue %7CLady Kozue%27s Media Archive%5D%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Fthebeautifulvoice%7CThe Beautiful Voice%5D %0D%0AOh it%27s been getting so hard%2C living with the things you do to me%0D%0AMy dreams are getting so strange%2C like to tell you everything I see%0D%0A-Tia Carerre%2C Ballroom Blitz 8|5|6|||||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|goldenfire||00:23:51|06/09/2002|%3ERelax%2C Offsides%2C I don%27t think it%27ll be on the test. %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%0D%0AThere%27s going to be a %5Bb%5D%5Bi%5DTEST%5B%2Fi%5D%5B%2Fb%5D%21%3F%0D%0A%0D%0ASeriosly%2C Gryphon...For waht it%27s worth%2C I second everything beautifulvoice said. I%2C too%2C am among the legion of IT-unemployed. I can understand exactly where that rant came from. I refuse to b elieve%2C however%2C that things won%27t improve%3B and hey%2C at least you%27%3Bre doing something reasonably meaningful with your itme...SotS has kept me sane in the times I%27ve really needed it...%0D%0A%0D%0ASo%2C thank you%2C for making others lives better...%0D%0A%0D%0Aand I%27m rambling again%2C aren%27t I%3F I just hope I managed to avoid foot-in-mouth disease....glah%2C I think I need to hit the master reset on my sleep schedule... 9|6|8|||1||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|beautifulvoice||00:58:44|06/09/2002|%3Eand I%27m rambling again%2C aren%27t I%3F I just hope I managed to avoid %0D%0A%3Efoot-in-mouth disease....glah%2C I think I need to hit the master reset %0D%0A%3Eon my sleep schedule... %0D%0A%0D%0AI certainly second THAT..in fact I think I%27m going to try to go to sleep momentarily.%0D%0A%0D%0A The Beautiful Voice Admin%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Flady_kozue %7CLady Kozue%27s Media Archive%5D%0D%0A-%5Blink%3Ageocities.com%2Fthebeautifulvoice%7CThe Beautiful Voice%5D %0D%0AI%27m doing wrong and wrong again but I fell in love with this mistake.%0D%0ATo blame you%2C unmask you and give up%2C will it let me feel better%3F%0D%0A-Faye Wong%2C Cold War. This quote has fulfilled its purpose and will not appear in future posts. 10|6|8|||||RE%3A I HARDLY Think%2C Gryphon%2C|Star Ranger4||23:21:52|06/09/2002|%3E%3ERelax%2C Offsides%2C I don%27t think it%27ll be on the test. %0D%0A%3E%3E%0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3EThere%27s going to be a %5Bb%5D%5Bi%5DTEST%5B%2Fi%5D%5B%2Fb%5D%21%3F %0D%0A%3E%0D%0A%3ESeriosly%2C Gryphon...For waht it%27s worth%2C I second everything %0D%0A%3Ebeautifulvoice said. I%2C too%2C am among the legion of IT-unemployed. I %0D%0A%3Ecan understand exactly where that rant came from. I refuse to b %0D%0A%3Eelieve%2C however%2C that things won%27t improve%3B and hey%2C at least you%27%3Bre %0D%0A%3Edoing something reasonably meaningful with your itme...SotS has kept %0D%0A%3Eme sane in the times I%27ve really needed it... %0D%0A%0D%0AI too can understand what you%27re going through%2C Gryph. Even though I went back to school %28after a mental breakdown of my own%2C I should add%29 I still havent been able to find any work in the IT field. In fact%2C I%27ve given up on it entirely. What little work I do do part time is in the Mental Health. Fortunatly%2C I%27ve qualifed for SSDI%2C so at least I can survive financially.