#27, RE: Death to the digestive system, I say!|
Posted by TRB on Jun-04-01 at 08:24 PM
In response to message #0
The deed has been done. I type these words possibly as my last act, as I am, in a cruel twist of digestive fate, being consumed from within by the Zoner Chili I have consumed.
It all began innocently enough... a pan of stew beef, a touch of oil, some garlic. Then, my insane desire to prove myself capable of withstanding Megazone HEAT (tm) kicked in, and I started adding ground cayenne pepper and the like, thus beginning the transformation of the mere beef chunks into SCREAMING BURNING CHUNKS OF DEAD FLESH. Once this was thoroughly browned, I threw it into a pot, added some tomatoes, onion, spices, the usual. Sense almost came back, but I happened to spy the peppers in the fridge.
Damn my eyes.
4 serranos, 6 jalapenos, and 2 banana peps later, plus a can of pintos cuz I do like beans in mine, the concoction was simmering neatly away.
My next of kin will, sadly, be forced to bill Zoner for the pot, as it is now hideously deformed and useless, but I get ahead of myself.
My cat, intrigued by the beefy emanations from the kitchen, ventured inside to sniff about. I hear the surgery to replace his lung lining went well.
Oh, but I wasn't done yet. Oh no. Crushed red pepper, half a bottle of Tabasco, and some Curry powder were next.
Finally, my personal crowning ingredient. 1/2 cup of juice from my old man's hand canned pickled hot peppers, a motley mix of bananas, chilis, and jalapenos. Great stuff. Sweet, smooth and -hot-.
At this point I let it cook. We prepared the table.
Finally, we ate.
The bowls weren't up to the task, and were quickly replaced by titanium constructs we had lying around, a gift of exotic metal dishware given by a looney aunt.
Oh the sweet suffering of those first few bites. Tongues immolated, teeth melting. Two gallons of milk, gone in seconds, as we searched for more liquid matter. Hardened by this harrowing experience, we continued, determined to show our Eyrie-ness.
And now, we pay. My sole act of defiance.... I taped a note to the pot, warning off the unsuspecting, with the words: "ZONER CHILI =NEVER EAT="
Fading fast........ send... Omega...II.... urrrrrrrghhhh.........hghsghgff
"Throw open the gates of Hell and loose the searing flame, for I have seen the worse!"
P.S.: All comedy aside, it turned out to be a rather tasty pot of chili, and rather hot. I pussed out and failed to insert Habaneros into the mix. All in all, I doubt it was -truly- up to Zoner specifications, but the whole experience was entertaining, to say the least B-) Also, I do have a submission for the recipe section, A Shrimp and Pasta dish that I've developed from a bland book recipe into a spicy and everlasting bowl of goodness that is equally tasty hot or cold. ^_^