>And there was a lot of regalia.

There seem to be, doesn't it? Somewhat like military officers giving each other, and themselves, medals, somewhat.

> - An undergraduate's cap (mortarboard). Again, you wore one of these
>yourself at your high school and/or college graduation, at least if
>you are an American; I don't know how other countries do graduation
>headgear.

I don't think you're all that interested, in reality, but on the VERY off-hand:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Student_cap

That's the headgear from around here.

>I figured, what the hell, I'm in all these things,
>I'm-a wear their stuff.

Entirely fair a point.

>Still, it beat the recessional, which, rather than a stately
>progression of academic pomp, was more sort of a fire drill
>accompanied by the UMaine Ceremonial Brass playing The Maine Stein
>Song over and over again. Which was a little surreal.

Sounds almost like something out a movie fever dream...so, yes, surreal.

>A fine day! Zoner even turned up for it. Then we all went out to
>lunch and the wheels came off.

Of course it did. Because, it can't ever be easy, can it? On the whole a pleasant, and fun day. No, something has to backfire in as bad a way as possible.

>Today I have a whiskey-and-cigarettes voice,

Without the whiskey-and-cigarettes to go with it? That's just mean.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!