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Forum URL: http://www.eyrie-productions.com/Forum/dcboard.cgi
Forum Name: Symphony of the Sword / The Order of the Rose
Topic ID: 438
Message ID: 13
#13, RE: SOON: S5DSE02 Avatar Storytime
Posted by Bodhi on Jul-01-14 at 10:57 PM
In response to message #9
LAST EDITED ON Jul-01-14 AT 11:06 PM (EDT)
 
>Well, shit, I guess you guys weren't exaggerating about how sick you
>are of Diqiu.
>
>Gonna be a quiet goddam summer in here, then...

Well, to be honest, there just isn't a lot to comment on. The story is well-written, but I think a lot of the RCW's were hoping for you to keep the momentum of An Avatar in New Avalon or something leading up to Taken by Storm. This one just didn't seem to move the plot, provide any depth to the story, or keep the aforementioned momentum.

I mean AAiNA was one long action sequence. Not one fight scene stacked on another, nicely written though the fight scene is, but action, movement, and the heretofore-only-alluded-to details of Corwin and Len being unleashed on an unsuspecting universe. And it was damn nice to see Kei "on-screen" again. And Kaitlyn, pre-badass samurai/rockstar, is just really awesome and cute. And Ragnar, I really like Ragnar and Garnet.

Compared against all that, parts of Avatar Storytime feel like filler. For the record, I cringe as I write that, and filler isn't always a bad thing. The sequence with Naga just didn't capture my interest, it reads well but it gives little to care about. It could have been half as long, say just start the flashback here:

"..."You did that on purpose!" she accused the dog."

Run with it just as you did, that conveys the upshot of the picture without drawing out the scene. The references are made, the joke carries well, and doesn't seem like an overly-drawn out scene.

Conversely, the reaction to the last picture (Corwin and Len two days old, Kate on Korra's lap, Nall being Nall) is just perfect. Korra mussing Corwin's hair as his ladies (and Minami, who'd like to be one, or vamps really well) tease him is great, as is his reaction.

"...Korra nodded. "Two days! We met the day Corwin was born," she
added, reaching over to muss the young god's hair. "... Man, that's
just addictive," she mused after a moment, then did it again.
"I know!" Utena said. "It's my favorite thing about him."
Corwin arched an eyebrow at her. "I dispute that assertion."
"Ha!" said Minami.
"ANYway," said Korra, "it's true, I met Gryph in New Avalon that
day - wanted to talk to him about the really loud noise we'd heard in
the Spirit World nine months before."
"Wonder what -that- could have been," said Minami mischievously.
Corwin coughed.
"


It's ultimately your story and we are fans. Hell, most of us think of you as a friend. As a fan, I won't bitch and moan that the part of the story you've chosen to share isn't the part I was waiting for. As a friend, I'm just happy you've kept writing the UF stories. It was just akin to being psyched-up for a bowl of mint ice cream and getting vanilla. In no way bad, but not what was expected.

-Bodhi