Go back to previous page
Forum URL: http://www.eyrie-productions.com/Forum/dcboard.cgi
Forum Name: Symphony of the Sword / The Order of the Rose
Topic ID: 439
Message ID: 0
#0, Avatar Storytime Comments
Posted by JeanneHedge on Jul-02-14 at 00:27 AM
Trying to shift discussion from the teaser thread


>>This one just didn't seem to move
>>the plot, provide any depth to the story, or keep the aforementioned
>>momentum.
>
>Hmmmm. I'll grant you the first and possibly the third, but that
>second one? If that's what you think, that's troubling, because I
>thought this whole thing was largely an exercise in what we
>used to call "deep background" in the journo biz.

I don't agree with Bodhi on this, the story was full of depth - as you say, it's background material. But other than that.... I have to agree with a lot of what Bodhi wrote. If you write a story that's 95% background, it will contain a lot of filler material. That's the nature of the beast.

>it's an expanded version of a scene that
>wasn't, in itself, critical enough to leave in the main story. I
>therefore realize that it's not exactly one of the poles holding up
>the tent... but we've done stories like that before, collections of
>character moments and little background details, and I've never once
>seen nearly two whole days go by with no reaction at all. It
>was startling, and disheartening. And speaking of disheartening,

If it was cut from the original, and it wasn't a critical scene, why did you decide to expand and release it anyway? Couldn't you have fit that cut scene into another story?

The one background story that stands out in my mind (and you might not think of it as a background story) is 5 Bagatelles. Every character scene in that one advanced the plot in some way. Maybe that's what seems (to me) to be missing here? Or maybe it's something else.

And here's a new thread to maybe attract attention.

>>The sequence with Naga just didn't capture my
>>interest, it reads well but it gives little to care about.
>
>This breaks my heart, because to me there's so much in there.
>It's a glimpse into a part of Korra's life that even the canon has all
>but completely ignored. It's the first moment at which she and Naga
>go from "girl with awesome pet" to "adventurer and faithful steed",
>which is an important moment in any paladin's career. Heck, it's the
>first time Korra ever managed to break out of South Pole State
>Penitentiary, even if she didn't really mean to and only made it about
>a hundred yards. :)

Adventurer? Paladin? I obviously need to re-read, because I didn't get anything like that. To me it read pretty much at face value. Kid rides really big dog like a horse (who hasn't tried that, if you had a big dog when you were a kid?), and makes a break to get away from the adults.

>>It was just
>>akin to being psyched-up for a bowl of mint ice cream and getting
>>vanilla.

Bingo!

>Ideally, it would have come out closer to Goodbye and Hello -
>it's set before Fire Hazards, even, within that movement - but
>the way things ended up shaking down, maintaining that sequence would
>have meant delaying Familiar Spirits until, well,
>now-ish, and that didn't seem ideal.

That delay was a bit of a problem for me as a reader, I think. It took me a while to figure out where I was in the overall story arc. (Kate's back already? No wait she hasn't left yet) I don't think I was entirely comfortable with where this story was supposed to fit until almost the end when someone said the baby was 2 days old (or thereabouts). Not knowing where I was, if you will, bothered me. FWIW (And yes, I know there are date stamps. I find them useful in-story, sometimes, and for archiving purposes)

Jeanne


Jeanne Hedge
http://www.jhedge.com
1st Courier of the Heavenly Prophets for Tianxia
"Never give up, never surrender!"