After a little digging, I found Poli's American capitalist pig-dog counterpart and bestest bud: Grasshopper. Though G prefers Charlie for some damn fool reason...

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"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

(seriously though this guy was fucking nuts and it's awesome)