LAST EDITED ON Jul-15-15 AT 11:10 AM (EDT)
 
(phase 3 was the poll)

Last night I had a silly mental image that ended up turning into an even sillier dream. It started out with the thought of KanColle Kongō and Arpeggio Kongō playing a popular children's game, of which the latter would probably completely miss the point, but what the hell, I mean, battleships playing Battleship, you can't go wrong with that.

(Could also be Nagato vs. Mutsu, though I expect that matchup would pretty quickly {advance|degenerate} into a night battle as soon as somebody actually said, "You sank my battleship!"*)

Anyway, that wasn't the dream, more's the pity. The dream was an offshoot of a remark I made to someone on the studio channel at the time of the original image, which was that, with their usual penchant for taking things too far, the fleet girls would probably end up playing, essentially, the Battleship version of the popular Klingon strategy game-cum-contact sport klin zha kinta ("the klin game with live pieces").

The Teams

Task Force Red
••••• Aircraft Carrier - Zuikaku
- Akagi consumes too many resources to be used as a Battleship Kinta piece
••••  Battleship - Haruna
- Haruna is OK
•••   Submarine - I-168
- the judges concluded that I-401 would be a four-dot sub, which is against the rules, so she was disqualified
•••   Cruiser - Atago
- pan-paka-pan!
••    Destroyer - Inazuma
- facilitates the joke that started the whole thing

Task Force Blue
••••• Aircraft Carrier - Kaga
- mysteriously volunteered, since there isn't a foreign aircraft carrier
••••  Battleship - Bismarck
- ja
•••   Submarine - U-511
- not Ro-500
•••   Cruiser - Prinz Eugen
- where Bismarck goes, Eugie follows
••    Destroyer - Hibiki
- I guess the German destroyers didn't get the point of the game

Operative image: Inazuma standing on a gridded floor, with one large red peg (about her own height again) stuck in her backpack rigging and white ones standing in all the squares around her, panicking. Poor Inazuma.

--G.
* "Don't mind if I do!" - Mutsu
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

You've done it again, I'm laughing like a tickled hyena, and I'm not sure when I'll be able to stop. ;)

(I was all right until I clicked on the link to the pic...)

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

>••    Destroyer - Hibiki
> - I guess the German destroyers didn't get the point of the
>game

Khorosho.

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

Well, being fair, it's hard to blame Inazuma for panicking in those circumstances. But it would be hilarious.

>Well, being fair, it's hard to blame Inazuma for panicking in those
>circumstances. But it would be hilarious.

"Hawawawaaaa - !"

--G.
"They sank me, nanodesu." "In two hits! Glass bow." "That's just the rules of the game, nanodesu!"
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>(Could also be Nagato vs. Mutsu, though I expect that matchup would
>pretty quickly {advance|degenerate} into a night battle as soon as
>somebody actually said, "You sank my battleship!"*)

"They ain't gonna sink this battleship, no way!"

>••••• Aircraft Carrier - Zuikaku
> - Akagi consumes too many resources to be used as a Battleship
>Kinta piece

>Task Force Blue
>••••• Aircraft Carrier - Kaga
> - mysteriously volunteered, since there isn't a foreign aircraft
>carrier

The irony being that, in-game, Kaga actually eats more than Akagi does. It's just that Akagi, being the first fleet carrier most new players would get (she's a guaranteed drop) short of a successful appeal to the Random Number Goddess, instantly gobbles up all of a player's bauxite in order to construct planes.

This does make me wonder if we'll ever see Graf Zeppelin or Aquila will ever show up in Kancolle, since both did manage to progress from paper to actual ships, granted neither made it into service before war's end.

>••    Destroyer - Hibiki
> - I guess the German destroyers didn't get the point of the
>game

Could also be that they were deemed too likely to get blown up at the start of each match. Poor things have luck stats that rival Mitsu.

>Operative image: Inazuma standing on a gridded floor, with one large
>red peg (about her own height again) stuck in her backpack rigging and
>white ones standing in all the squares around her,
>panicking. Poor Inazuma.

Easier to imagine if one has had the misfortune to see Battleship.

LAST EDITED ON Jul-09-15 AT 10:39 PM (EDT)
 
>>••••• Aircraft Carrier - Zuikaku
>> - Akagi consumes too many resources to be used as a Battleship
>>Kinta piece
>
>>Task Force Blue
>>••••• Aircraft Carrier - Kaga
>> - mysteriously volunteered, since there isn't a foreign aircraft
>>carrier
>
>The irony being that, in-game, Kaga actually eats more than Akagi
>does.

Well, it's worth bearing in mind that that was just the reason Akagi gave for declining to play. It's entirely possible she simply thought the whole thing was a silly idea.

Conversely, no one expected Kaga to be interested at all. And she didn't appear to be, until the Red Team roster was posted... hmm.

>It's just that Akagi, being the first fleet carrier most new
>players would get (she's a guaranteed drop) short of a successful
>appeal to the Random Number Goddess, instantly gobbles up all of a
>player's bauxite in order to construct planes.

I wondered what a ship would want aluminum ore for. That makes somewhat more sense. :)

>This does make me wonder if we'll ever see Graf Zeppelin or
>Aquila will ever show up in Kancolle, since both did
>manage to progress from paper to actual ships, granted neither made it
>into service before war's end.

Well, by those criteria, it's only one step beyond territory they've already explored; the three Unryū-class carriers are in the game, and although they did enter commission, only the lead ship became properly operational, and the one that survived the war (Katsuragi) was almost immediately scrapped.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>This does make me wonder if we'll ever see Graf Zeppelin or
>>Aquila will ever show up in Kancolle, since both did
>>manage to progress from paper to actual ships, granted neither made it
>>into service before war's end.
>
>Well, by those criteria, it's only one step beyond territory they've
>already explored; the three Unryū-class carriers are in the
>game, and although they did enter commission, only the lead ship
>became properly operational, and the one that survived the war
>(Katsuragi) was almost immediately scrapped.

I'm waiting to see Shinano show up, mainly to see how she fits in with her sisters.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>I'm waiting to see Shinano show up, mainly to see how she fits
>in with her sisters.

"Well, we have to conquer the entire Pacific rim now, it's the only way we'll ever be able to grow enough rice."

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>I'm waiting to see Shinano show up, mainly to see how she fits
>>in with her sisters.
>
>"Well, we have to conquer the entire Pacific rim now,
>it's the only way we'll ever be able to grow enough rice."

I'm picturing all of the existing carriers clustered in a chirpy, gossiping mob, firing questions at Shinano (Long dark hair, more or less dressed like if Aka-Kaga also had Yamato's metal scarf collar thing), who's clearly visible because none of them come up higher than her chin.

She's making the 'Ahhh I'm surrounded by a feeding frenzy HALP' face.

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

>>>I'm waiting to see Shinano show up, mainly to see how she fits
>>>in with her sisters.
>>
>>"Well, we have to conquer the entire Pacific rim now,
>>it's the only way we'll ever be able to grow enough rice."
>
>I'm picturing all of the existing carriers clustered in a chirpy,
>gossiping mob, firing questions at Shinano (Long dark hair, more or
>less dressed like if Aka-Kaga also had Yamato's metal scarf collar
>thing), who's clearly visible because none of them come up higher than
>her chin.
>
>She's making the 'Ahhh I'm surrounded by a feeding frenzy HALP' face.

Heh. Shinano was an armored carrier, like Taihō, so one would expect her to have a crossbow like hers rather than the ultra-trad longbows of the older carriers. Also, boy howdy, if Fubuki thought she didn't handle too well in town?

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

... but I am pleased to learn that the Akagi figma comes with an enormous bowl of rice.

(The page for Kaga's claims that she comes with ice cream, but there's no photo. Meanwhile, Nagato is described as including "her standard expression", which I assumes means bitchy resting face. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I'm afraid to buy the Akagi figma, because I might wake up the morning after she arrives to an empty cupboard.

>I'm afraid to buy the Akagi figma, because I might wake up the morning
>after she arrives to an empty cupboard.

Be honest, what are you going to use all that bauxite for anyway?

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>Be honest, what are you going to use all that bauxite for anyway?

Well, there was that replica of the Washington Monument's capstone I've been considering...

>>Be honest, what are you going to use all that bauxite for anyway?
>
>Well, there was that replica of the Washington Monument's capstone
>I've been considering...

Is it weird that I'm hoping for a return appearance of DESRON 6's ultimate cookpot of the gods in series 2?

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I wouldn't say so. I just got through that episode the other day; easily in the top 10 most adorable things I have ever seen.

It appears that Hibiki's fashion trend is catching on.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

LAST EDITED ON Jul-18-15 AT 09:06 PM (EDT)
 
>It appears that Hibiki's fashion trend is catching on.

Yup, it sure is.

Upon closer inspection, the best part of your linked sketch is that Poi's hair bow is, improbably, still evident.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>I wouldn't say so. I just got through that episode the other day;
>easily in the top 10 most adorable things I have ever seen.

DESRON 6 is love.

--G.
Ashigara... isn't.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>I wouldn't say so. I just got through that episode the other day;
>>easily in the top 10 most adorable things I have ever seen.
>
>DESRON 6 is love.

Also: kind of really want curry rice now.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>I'm afraid to buy the Akagi figma, because I might wake up the morning
>after she arrives to an empty cupboard.

Heh, speaking of shipments...

--G.
"Dang it, this isn't what I ordered! ... But it's nice, so I'll keep it." We've all had that Amazon experience, haven't we? Or is it just me?
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Then there's the EBay version, i.e. the shipper can't be bothered to get a box large enough for the shipment to fit in.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

If I'm going to be working with Inazuma in UF - and I almost certainly am at some point - it would probably be worthwhile to create a macro in TextPad to automate <font size="1">nanodesu</font>.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

If this character says "nanodesu" a lot, does their chibi version say "picodesu"?

Yeah, I know the square root of jack shit about this series.

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

You might even say me and it... *dons glasses* pass like ships in the night.
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH-

LAST EDITED ON Jul-14-15 AT 01:05 PM (EDT)
 
>If this character says "nanodesu" a lot, does their chibi version say
>"picodesu"?

Heh, I have had that thought myself from time to time, but since it's actually a collapsed phrase ("na no desu"), that would probably make even less sense in Japanese than ending all your sentences with "nanodesu" in the first place. :)

Doesn't help, I suppose, that "desu" is itself a) a word and b) another character's verbal tic, which does rather imply that Kongō is in the habit of confirming her own dialogue one million times more confidently than Inazuma. That's not even out of character; Kongō is in the habit of doing just about everything one million times more confidently than Inazuma, since Inazuma is timid and Kongō is... energetically committed to excellence.

(It basically means Inazuma talks like Megatron from Beast Wars, always confirming what she just said. Yes. Except she's usually not as sinister. Usually.)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

And now I have the wonderful mental image of Kongō replacing Megatron in Beast Wars.

Thank you for decidedly improving my day :-)

(And it wasn't even bad to begin with!)

>And now I have the wonderful mental image of Kongō replacing Megatron
>in Beast Wars.

Tragically, I think that makes Hiei Waspinator.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Wouldn't it make her Inferno, with all the "It shall be done, my Queen" business?

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

LAST EDITED ON Jul-14-15 AT 02:31 PM (EDT)
 
I heartily approve of inclusion of Inazuma, especially if she somehow ends up meeting Azula / going on a rollicking adventure / joining her fun crew, no matter how much of a cross-dimensional stretch this may be.

"Cabin girl, you'd make a very good dread captain Inazuma..."

That, or her meeting Akio:

I- "You're a bad man!"
A- "That's cute, kid. I'm sure you'll think worse of me by the time I'm done."
I- *full salvo of 12cm HE rounds to the Fallen Prince's face*
A- *squirt of blood from the smoking stump of his neck*

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>A- *squirt of blood from the smoking stump of his neck*

It's a little-known fact that that is High Muspellic for "I stand corrected."

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>"Cabin girl, you'd make a very good dread captain Inazuma..."

This leads me inescapably to the image of Inazuma being a really terrible dread pirate captain over the com on her first sortie, leading the liner captain she's trying to terrorize to say something cutting and dismissive and then break off the connection.

At which point she forgets the script entirely and blows his ship to Antares, because no one hangs up on Inazuma nanodesu, bitch.

"On the one hand, we were only hired to frighten him, sweetie."

"... I'm sorry nanodesu."

"On the other hand, that was exactly what I'd have done to anyone who was so unforgivably rude to me, so why don't we call this one a wash and try again tomorrow?"

--G.
"You spoil that girl nanodesu." "Don't do that, Ty Lee. I promise you I shan't be responsible for the consequences."
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Speaking of DESRON 6 and Azula, it amuses me that - entirely by coincidence - one of them is named Inazuma and another claims for herself the nickname "the Phoenix".

I can't quite decide whether she would be a terrible influence on them, or they would be the best influence on her. :)

--G.
Ty Lee would so want her to wear the admiral hat.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>And now I have the wonderful mental image of Kongō replacing Megatron
>>in Beast Wars.
>
>Tragically, I think that makes Hiei Waspinator.

Of course it wouldn't.

*smashing noise*

Offsceen: Don't worry! Haruna is OK!

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

LAST EDITED ON Jul-15-15 AT 00:39 AM (EDT)
 
>>>And now I have the wonderful mental image of Kongō replacing Megatron
>>>in Beast Wars.
>>
>>Tragically, I think that makes Hiei Waspinator.
>
>Of course it wouldn't.
>
>*smashing noise*
>
>Offsceen: Don't worry! Haruna is OK!

(Also, Nova Floresca noted:)
>Wouldn't it make her Inferno, with all the "It shall be done, my
>Queen" business?

... Yeah, upon reflection, you probably both have a point there. Although, in fairness to Inferno, he didn't actually want to mate with Megatron. Fortunately. Ew.

Hiei might also be Tarantulas; she's not a traitorous backstabber, but her cooking is of a similar caliber (i.e., capable of causing stasis lock and occasionally catastrophic mutations), and like Tarantulas, she thinks she's smarter than she actually is. :)

(I kid. I wuv all the Kongō sisters, and Hiei seems to be the most neglected of the four in the fandom, so I shouldn't dis her even in jest, but the opening was there and I had to take it. It's in my contract.)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

To round out the analogy then, Kirishima would be Blackarachnia I'd think? Sensible and intelligent, in an outfit where those traits are seen as character flaws.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>To round out the analogy then, Kirishima would be Blackarachnia I'd
>think? Sensible and intelligent, in an outfit where those traits are
>seen as character flaws.

Well, as with Tarantulas, it's not a terribly good fit personality-wise, but she's certainly not Scorponok. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Name convergence image: Chairship Kaga. Today's ingredient is: bauxite.

--G.
Allez!
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Heh, sounds like your train of thought didn't just jump the rails, it took out half the station.

Although, admittedly, mental car crashes sometimes produce really good results... like this entire site. ;)

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

Now there's a plot for a story.

>Name convergence image: Chairship Kaga. Today's ingredient is:
>bauxite.

A showdown between Iron Chef Morisato and Supply Ship Mamiya.

LAST EDITED ON Jul-18-15 AT 08:56 PM (EDT)
 
There's no fleet girl based on the Japanese armed icebreaker Ōtomari. If there were, I can only assume that she'd have really heavy shoes and be unable to walk around on land without stomping audibly around, like the Boris Karloff version of the Frankenstein monster. Since she was originally conceived as a response to the atrocity at Nikolayevsk, one suspects that she and Russophile Hibiki don't get along terribly well, even before Hibiki's remodeling into an actual Soviet ship.

By an interesting coincidence, she's sort of a quasi-cousin to the food supply ship Mamiya, who IS in the game as an NPC; both were built with funds yoinked out of a budget that was originally supposed to pay for a class of six oilers.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>If there were, I can only assume that she'd have really heavy shoes
>and be unable to walk around on land without stomping audibly around,
>like the Boris Karloff version of the Frankenstein monster.

I have a reference! Sort of!

Courtesy of... er, Ergo Proxy, I think. Hope that's of use/interest. =]

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

This is Ikazuchi's official in-game character art.

I enjoy many things about this picture, but one of the things I enjoy about it the most is her anchor. The ships in Kantai Collection do not engage in mêlée combat, so far as I am aware (despite the fact that several of them have swords and one a glaivey-naginaty-thing), but the way she's holding that anchor implies that if you get out of line while she's the fleet's secretary ship, the pain you subsequently feel will not be just a fluke.

... sorry.

--G.
so not sorry.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

KABONNNG!

Turns out Akagi cheats at Battleship.

(OK, the game they're playing isn't precisely Battleship, it's sort of a hybrid of Battleship and something dice-based, but still. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

KAGAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~ ;_;