# d hurried to her own%2C rather smaller%2C office a few doors down. Slipping behind her desk%2C she picked up the phone%2C pressed the green button in the lower right corner%2C and said%2C %22This is Caitlin Fairchild in HEP%2C%22 pronouncing the letters individually. %22I need to speak to Agent Durgo. Urgently.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ABruce Banner was sitting at his desk%2C staring disconsolately into the lambent green glow of his Lens%2C when his office door beeped an override and his boss slipped inside. He looked up at her%2C red-eyed and miserable%2C and said nothing.%0D%0A%0D%0ASkuld Ravenhair regarded him for a few seconds%2C then said%2C %22So. I hear you%27re not feeling so well lately.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner laughed hollowly. %22That%27s a polite way of putting it.%22 He slumped in his chair%2C his hands slack on his desk blotter%2C and said hopelessly%2C %22I think I%27m losing my mind.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hmm. Well%2C we can%27t have that%2C%22 said Skuld. %22Also%2C I%27m told that if something isn%27t done soon%2C your whole science team is going to quit en masse and go work for Roxxon. That%27d be bad on a %5Bi%5Dnumber%5B%2Fi%5D of levels.%22 She rounded his desk and said%2C %22Let me see your Lens.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner held up his left hand and sat passively while Skuld examined the gem strapped to his wrist%2C making occasional %22hmm%22 noises. Then she said%2C %22OK. I%27m going to level with you. I think I may have screwed up.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AHe raised an eyebrow. %22You%3F Screw up%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Yep. That%27s your cosmic lesson for the day%3A Even the gods screw up. In fact%2C%22 Skuld added wryly%2C %22if you%27ve read any Norse mythology%2C it shows we screw up on a pretty regular basis. However%21%22 she went briskly on. %22I%27m pretty sure I know what I did and how to fix it. It%27ll probably be hard work%2C harder now than it would%27ve if I%27d caught my mistake when I made it%2C but... %22 She shrugged. %22Still fixable. The question is%2C do you want me to try again%3F It%27s totally up to you. It%27s your dharma we%27re talking about%2C after all.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner regarded her for a few long moments%2C his face unmoving%3B then he said%2C %22My answer%27s the same as it was the first time. If you think you can help%2C then do it.%22 With a wan half-smile%2C he added%2C %22I%27m not really in a position to hold anyone%27s initial miscalculations against them... %22%0D%0A%0D%0ASkuld chuckled. %22That%27s the spirit%2C%22 she said. Without relinquishing his left wrist%2C she reached to his desk phone%2C punched the blue button%2C and said%2C %22Barney%2C Dr. Banner%27s leaving the office for a while. Just log him on special assignment%2C s%27il vous plait.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Roger that%2C ma%27am%2C%22 Barney replied.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22OK%2C lock your terminal%2C Dr. Banner%2C%22 said Skuld as she switched off the intercom. %22You%27re going to Valhalla%21%22 Then%2C realizing how her remark might be interpreted%2C she went a little red and added%2C %22Not in that way. Hang on%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%22OK%2C here%27s the deal%2C%22 Skuld said%2C raising her voice slightly to be heard over the icy wind that was howling across the snow-swept%2C night-bathed plateau on which they now stood. %22Your problem%3F Is this.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ASo saying%2C she did something with the hand that still held Banner%27s wrist%2C and with a metallic %5Bi%5Dclick%5B%2Fi%5D%2C he felt her hold release. His hand fell slack to his side. Next to him%2C Skuld held up his Lens%2C now dark%2C twisting gently in the wind on its unlatched band.%0D%0A%0D%0AAlready beginning to shiver%2C Banner blinked at her in horrified astonishment. %22But - I need that to - %22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22No%2C see%2C that%27s the problem. You don%27t need it to. In fact%2C making you think you needed it to was just about the worst thing we could have done at the time.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner began shivering in the cold. With his right hand%2C he drew his lab coat tighter around his shoulders%2C while his left reached vaguely for the Lens. %22But - %22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22But nothing%2C Bruce.%22 She regarded the dark Lens for a moment%2C then glanced at Banner%2C who was beginning to go slightly blue. He was staring at the gem the way an addict looks at a fix that%27s being held just out of his reach%2C and she knew that if she held it there in his sight any longer%2C he%27d forget himself entirely and try to take it from her soon.%0D%0A%0D%0ASo%2C and since neither of them was going to need it any longer%2C she dismissed it%2C letting it dissolve in a spray of bright green sparks that scattered in the wind and were gone.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22%5Bi%5DNo - %21%5B%2Fi%5D%22 Banner cried%2C lunging toward where the sparks had vanished. Then he turned back to Skuld and said%2C %22Do you have any %5Bi%5Didea%5B%2Fi%5D what you just did%3F%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Of course I do. I told you%2C it%27s going to take hard work to fix this mess. This is how it starts. You probably ought to just take your lab coat off%2C%22 she added. %22If you don%27t%2C it%27s just going to get ruined.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You - you %5Bi%5Dwant%5B%2Fi%5D me to change%3F%21%22 Banner blurted.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I %5Bi%5Dneed%5B%2Fi%5D you to change%2C%22 Skuld replied imperturbably.%0D%0A%0D%0AAlready going numb with the cold%2C feeling the rising panic about to overwhelm him%2C Banner had just enough time to choke out%2C %22Well%2C you%27re about to get your wish%2C%22 and then his eyes went bright green and the transformation began.%0D%0A%0D%0ASkuld stood and watched%2C as fascinated as she%27d been the first time she had seen it happen%2C while Bruce Banner%27s frail body grew and changed. It was almost like a time-lapse image of a plant growing%2C the physicist%27s form bursting upward and outward into a massively muscled%2C green-skinned creature that still bore the shape of a person%2C but one distorted to almost comical extremes of breadth and power - more like an ogre%2C to Skuld%27s Asgardian sensibilities%2C or a particularly brawny troll%2C than a man. No ogre had ever had that emerald skin tone%2C though%2C nor so human a face - for even distorted by its enormous growth and twisted with fury%2C the face of this creature was still plainly human.%0D%0A%0D%0AFreed from his confinement in the depths of Banner%27s mind for the first time since the Zeltos Incident the previous spring and only the second time in several years%2C the Incredible Hulk threw back his huge head and roared into the icy%2C star-spangled sky for near-on a minute. Then he spotted Skuld and got %5Bi%5Dreally%5B%2Fi%5D angry.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22%5Bi%5DYou%21%5B%2Fi%5D%22 he bellowed%2C his voice deep and hoarse. %22Hulk %5Bi%5Dknow%5B%2Fi%5D you%21 You help %5Bi%5DBanner%5B%2Fi%5D. Help him %5Bi%5Dtrap%5B%2Fi%5D Hulk%21 Say you %5Bi%5Dtame%5B%2Fi%5D Hulk%21%22 He clenched his enormous fists%2C looming over her. %22Put Hulk in %5Bi%5Ddark%21%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0ASkuld stood her ground%2C looking him straight in the eye. %22I did. I%27m sorry. I didn%27t know any better at the time. I brought you here to put things right.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You help Banner send Hulk away once before. Now you try to %5Bi%5Dtrick%5B%2Fi%5D Hulk%21 %5Bi%5DHulk not listen to you%21%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0AAnd so saying%2C the Hulk turned and leaped away into the night%2C despite his complete lack of any idea where he was or where he was going.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DGeneral%2C we have him%2C%5B%2Fi%5D came the mental voice of her adjutant%2C Colonel Brynhildr Silverspear%2C through her Lens. %5Bi%5DThe tracking instruments you provided work perfectly. Should we intercept%3F%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DNegative%2C%5B%2Fi%5D Skuld replied. %5Bi%5DJust make sure he stays within the proving ground and let him do his thing. I%27m pretty sure he%27ll stay%3B there%27s plenty to smash. Hulk likes smashing things. It helps him think.%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DI can tell when you%27re being sarcastic%2C%5B%2Fi%5D Brynhildr reminded her.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DJust let him vent%2C%5B%2Fi%5D Skuld said. %5Bi%5DI have to prepare Phase 2.%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AShe stood alone in the snowy waste for a moment%2C listening to the distant roars and crashes as the Hulk managed his anger%3B then she turned and walked away.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ADawn%2C and the Hulk sat amid the ruins of what had been a simulated Jotun village - part of the Valkyrie training ground in the highlands north of the Golden City. Having spent the evening destroying same%2C the Hulk was as content as the Hulk ever got.%0D%0A%0D%0AAt least until the tall%2C red-skinned woman in the black uniform showed up.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hey there%2C big guy%2C%22 she said%2C leaning jauntily against a still-upright fragment of a shattered wall. %22Taking a break%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk glanced up at her%2C frowning. %22Leave Hulk alone%2C%22 he said.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22OK%2C%22 the woman replied affably. %22Before I go%2C though%2C I just want to say I%27m impressed. You are %5Bi%5Dseriously%5B%2Fi%5D good at smashing stuff.%22 She gestured to the remains of the training compound. %22If this was an actual Jotun village%2C they%27d be flattered by the job you%27ve done. They%27d rename it in your honor when they put it back up. It%27d be worth bragging points to live in Hulkheim. I mean it%2C dude%2C you are an %5Bi%5Dartist%5B%2Fi%5D.%22 She grinned and socked a fist into the opposite palm. %22An artist of SMASH.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk grunted. %22Hulk not hear that much.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe red woman sat down on a chunk of rubble a few yards away. %22I know%2C right%3F%22 she said companionably. %22Usually it%27s %27look at the mess you%27ve made%27 or %27what kind of monster are you%27 or %27my God%2C it%27s heading this way.%27 A lot of the time they don%27t even engage with you%2C and when they do it%27s just to yell at you or talk down to you.%22 She blew out a sigh%2C puffing her cheeks. %22I been there%2C man. About a million times%2C growing up. It ain%27t fun.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk regarded her for a moment%2C saying nothing.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Sorry%2C I said I%27d leave you alone%2C didn%27t I%3F%22 The woman started to get up%2C but the Hulk gave another noncommittal grunt.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Red lady can stay%2C%22 he said. %22Hulk not care.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AShe sat back down again%3B for a minute or two they just sat there looking at each other in silence.%0D%0A%0D%0AThen the Hulk said%2C %22Hulk bored.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe black-clad woman looked around. %22Yeah%2C you%27ve kinda run out of stuff to smash here%2C huh.%22 She got up. %22Tell you what%21 I know where there%27s a whole %5Bi%5Dbunch%5B%2Fi%5D of stuff you can smash%2C and nobody%27ll yell at you about it. You%27ll be doing people a favor.%22 She grinned again. %22Whaddaya say%3F Let%27s give it a try.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk clambered to his feet%2C looking intrigued. %22No one yell at Hulk%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Nope. And if you do a good job%2C there%27s mead after%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk not know what that is.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You%27ll like it. Trust me.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ABruce Banner was accustomed to waking up without any idea where he was%2C with a worn and aching body%2C with a looming sense of dread over what may have happened during the recent blank space in his memory%2C and without any pants on. As such%2C what happened to him the next morning was not%2C in general terms%2C really all that weird.%0D%0A%0D%0AWaking up %5Bi%5Din a bed%5B%2Fi%5D with such preconditions%2C on the other hand%2C that was new. It usually happened in a cave somewhere%2C or out in the desert%2C or deep in the woods%2C not in a well-turned-out bedroom in some kind of heavy-timbered%2C high-ceilinged ski lodge type of place. There was even a window on the far wall with a spectacular view of some snowy peaks off in the distance%2C assuming it wasn%27t a holo or something.%0D%0A%0D%0AAs such%2C it was an even more deeply disoriented Bruce Banner than usual who sat up and looked around the room%2C trying in vain to piece together what in the world had happened to him in the previous 24 to 48 hours. He was%2C in fact%2C so disoriented that it did not immediately occur to him to be surprised that there was a woman in bed with him.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen it %5Bi%5Ddid%5B%2Fi%5D occur to him%2C he recoiled in surprise%2C nearly falling off the side of the bed. In response%2C she blinked awake%2C yawned%2C and gave him a lazy smile.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Good morning%2C Dr. Banner%2C%22 she said. %22I trust you slept well.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner sat with the covers bunched around his waist and stared at her%2C dumbfounded%2C as she got out of bed%2C picked a black uniform off the back of a nearby chair%2C and climbed into it. There was%2C he noticed now that she was standing%2C an awful lot of her. She had to be seven feet tall and proportioned accordingly%2C like a somewhat oversized statue of some ancient%2C athletic divinity or other.%0D%0A%0D%0AOh%2C and she was red. Bright red%2C with slightly glowing yellow eyes.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22What the %5Bi%5Dhell%2C%5B%2Fi%5D%22 Banner muttered.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe red woman finished buckling on a pair of biker-ish boots%2C straightened%2C made sure all her long black hair was clear of her collar%2C and smiled at him again. %22You don%27t remember me at all%2C do you%3F Hmm. That%27s interesting. Well%2C all will be revealed soon enough... so to speak%2C%22 she added with a grinning wink. Banner felt his face go hot and said nothing. %22In the meantime%2C I%27ve got to go to work%2C but you make yourself at home%2C sweetie. The shower%27s through there%2C there are pants in the wardrobe%2C coffee%27s downstairs%2C and Dr. J will be here to see you in half an hour.%22 She went briskly to the door%2C then paused and blew him a kiss. %22See you around%2C hon.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner sat alone in the comfortable%2C homey room for a few moments%2C utterly at a loss.%0D%0A%0D%0AThen he said%2C %22%27Hon%27%3F%21%22 and went to have a shower.%0D%0A%0D%0AOutside the chalet%2C the red woman met Skuld with a grin and a salute.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Phase 2 complete%2C General%21%22 she reported cheerfully.%0D%0A%0D%0ASkuld tried and mostly failed to give her a stern look. %22I think you %5Bi%5Dmay%5B%2Fi%5D have exceeded your instructions%2C Betty.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty snorted. %22Yeah%2C well%2C you%27re not gonna hear %5Bi%5Dhim%5B%2Fi%5D complaining%2C%22 she said%2C angling a thumb back toward the chalet.%0D%0A%0D%0ABack inside%2C Banner finished showering%2C got dressed in the unfamiliar but well-fitting clothes he found in the wardrobe%2C went downstairs%2C and had some coffee in the startlingly modern%2C Bauhaus-esque kitchen%2C wondering whether what was happening to him was still part of Skuld%27s plan.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt would have helped him in that analysis if he had known what Skuld%27s plan even %5Bi%5Dwas%5B%2Fi%5D. He knew it was supposed to help him out with his Hulk problem%2C though how destroying his Lens and stranding him in Valhalla was supposed to help %28if that%27s where he even was%29%2C he wasn%27t sure about. He felt pretty relaxed right now%2C even considering his absurd situation%2C but all it would take was another panic attack%2C or a flash of temper%2C or a spike of particularly intense frustration%2C to trigger another transformation... and another rampage.%0D%0A%0D%0AHe sighed. He knew Skuld well enough by now to know that even if she were here for him to ask%2C she wouldn%27t give him a straight answer. She didn%27t work that way. Maybe %5Bi%5Dcouldn%27t%5B%2Fi%5D work that way when dealing in the high metaphysics involved in the making and maintenance of Lensmen. Banner didn%27t really know - magic was a long way from his field - but it seemed not entirely unreasonable that that might be the case. And in any event%2C the notion was comforting%2C because it would mean that she wasn%27t just messing with him.%0D%0A%0D%0AAs he had that thought%2C he heard the chalet%27s front door open and close%2C then the sound of footsteps in the hallway. There was a brief pause - sound of the coat closet by the entrance being opened and shut - and then a man walked into the kitchen from the foyer and smiled at Banner. He was of average height and slim%2C and would have been unremarkable in appearance if not for the way he was dressed. In his high-collared shirt%2C neatly knotted cravat%2C waistcoat and black frock coat%2C he looked like pictures Banner had seen of Victorian physicians making their rounds.%0D%0A%0D%0AThis impression was not in any way dispelled by his voice when he spoke%3A %22Aha. Dr. Banner%2C I presume%21 No%2C don%27t get up%2C dear fellow.%22 He sat down on the chrome stool opposite Banner%27s at the kitchen island. %22I imagine you must have many questions.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Only three of any real importance%2C%22 Banner replied. %22Where am I%3F How did I get here%3F And who are you%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You are in the home of B%C3%A8thildr Forgeheart%2C one of Lady Skuld%27s Valkyrie. You came here under your own power and of your own free will%2C or rather your %5Bi%5Dalter ego%5B%2Fi%5D did. And I%2C%22 he continued%2C rising and making his way to the Keurig%2C %22am a doctor.%22 While he set up the machine to make him his own cup of coffee%2C he went on%2C %22One whose area of expertise happens uniquely to suit him for undertaking the task of helping you with your problem.%22 Turning to face Banner%2C he smiled again and gave a short but courteous bow. %22My name is Jekyll%2C my dear sir. Henry Jekyll%2C MD%2C at your service.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner blinked at him.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I thought you were a myth%2C%22 he said. %22And dead.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AJekyll laughed gaily. %22You%27re drinking coffee in the mountain retreat of a Valkyrie fire giantess%2C Doctor. Is %5Bi%5Deither%5B%2Fi%5D consideration really an obstacle to my presence under those conditions%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner had to concede that he had a point.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22In any event%2C you%27ve heard of me%2C so that simplifies matters%2C%22 Jekyll went on%2C collecting his coffee. %22Come%2C let%27s adjourn to Miss Forgeheart%27s excellent sitting room and get started. We have a lot of work to do%2C you and I.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AFeeling a strange mixture of hope and extreme skepticism%2C Banner carried his coffee through a soaring polished-pine arch and into a living room that was%2C as Jekyll had said%2C excellent - a great open space with a high timbered ceiling%2C oversized and overstuffed furniture%2C and an enormous sweep of full-length windows which revealed that the whole room was cantilevered out into a majestic canyon dividing the mountains he%27d glimpsed from upstairs before. It was gorgeous and ever-so-slightly vertigo-inducing%2C so Banner was glad of the presence of the vast and fluffy sofa as he sank into one end of it%2C holding his coffee cup carefully upright.%0D%0A%0D%0AJekyll took a seat in a matching armchair opposite%2C crossing his legs elegantly at the knee%2C sipped his coffee%2C and then asked without preamble%2C %22Dr. Banner%2C what do you think the Hulk %5Bi%5Dis%3F%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner blinked at him. %22What do I think he %5Bi%5Dis%3F%5B%2Fi%5D%22 he said.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Yes.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I... he%27s... %22 Banner stared into his coffee for a moment%2C then looked up at his improbable interlocutor and said firmly%2C %22He%27s a %5Bi%5Dmonster.%5B%2Fi%5D He%27s.. the dark parts of me%2C set loose to plague the world. Destruction and hatred. Mindless rage.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AJekyll nodded. %22You hate him.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Of course I hate him%21%22 Banner snapped. %22He%27s everything I%27ve spent my life trying not to be. When he%27s set free%2C he leaves my life in ruins. He%27s %5Bi%5Dme%5B%2Fi%5D%2C reduced to a mindless animal%2C but given almost limitless power.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22That%27s the second time you%27ve used that word%2C%22 Jekyll observed. %22Mindless. Do you really think the Hulk has no mind%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Of course he doesn%27t. I %5Bi%5Dam%5B%2Fi%5D the Hulk%2C and yet my time as him is just a white-hot blankness in my memory. Everything that makes me %5Bi%5Dhuman%5B%2Fi%5D blotted out by rage.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22And so he %5Bi%5Dmakes%5B%2Fi%5D you angry. Bit of a vicious circle%2C that.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I%27ve learned to control it. It%27s not likely these days that I can make %5Bi%5Dmyself%5B%2Fi%5D angry enough to change. Some outside stimulus is required for that. Although... %22 Banner hesitated. %22Since I got my Lens%2C keeping him at bay without it is... harder. I guess because I%27ve gotten so used to relying on it that I%27m out of practice.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Your original Lens enabled you to be the Hulk%2C but keep your own mind. That must have been extraordinary.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I thought it would be%2C but it was actually disappointing%2C%22 Banner admitted. %22I always felt self-conscious as the Hulk. As if someone was watching me and... %22 He shrugged. %22Finding my performance wanting%2C maybe%3F I%27m not sure how to describe it. There was always a sense of frustration%2C like I could never really reach my potential that way.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22What would you say if I told you there %5Bi%5Dwas%5B%2Fi%5D someone watching%3F%22 Jekyll asked. %22Someone for whom your Lens was a constant torment%2C whose every day while you wore it was filled with pain%2C and cold%2C and darkness%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner raised an eyebrow. %22What the hell are you talking about%3F%22 he asked.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I%27m talking%2C Dr. Banner%2C %5Bi%5Dabout the Hulk.%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner stared at him. It took him a few moments to find his voice again. When he did%2C what he said was%2C %22That%27s ridiculous.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Is it%3F Your Lens enabled you to %5Bi%5Dhijack%5B%2Fi%5D the Hulk%27s body and use it as if it were your own. Hence your constant sense of dissociation while in his stolen form.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You%27re talking like the Hulk is a separate %5Bi%5Dperson%5B%2Fi%5D%2C%22 Banner objected.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22He is%2C%22 Jekyll replied calmly. %22That%27s what Skuld failed to understand when she made your first Lens. Do you remember her telling you that she thought she had blundered%3F That%27s what she was talking about. She assumed%2C as you did%2C that the Hulk%27s mind was simply your own with most of your... let%27s call them your more %5Bi%5Dcerebral%5B%2Fi%5D qualities... blotted out by anger. It%27s not. It is a separate consciousness all its own. One %5Bi%5Dbuilt%5B%2Fi%5D from elements of your personality%2C surely%2C but %5Bi%5Dnot%5B%2Fi%5D your personality.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22That%27s %5Bi%5Dabsurd%5B%2Fi%5D%2C%22 Banner said. %22You%27re telling me that on top of all my other problems%2C I have a split personality%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0AJekyll shook his head. %22You aren%27t listening%2C Doctor. The Hulk is %5Bi%5Dnot%5B%2Fi%5D an alternate personality. If that were the case%2C he would still be you... but the problem is%2C he %5Bi%5Disn%27t%5B%2Fi%5D. He shares your body%2C but %5Bi%5Dnot%5B%2Fi%5D your mind.%22 He held up his hands%2C palms up and outward. %22Two souls... %22 He closed his hands into a double fist. %22... one body. Two people%3B one physical being.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I don%27t believe in that kind of mysticism%2C%22 Banner protested.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You%27re sitting in a Valkyrie%27s living room and still you bleat about mysticism%21%22 Jekyll said. %22You%27re a scientist%2C Dr. Banner. Use your scientific mind. You know the Spengler phenomenon is real%3B you may not be a paraphysicist%2C but you must have covered the subject at least lightly in undergraduate general physics.%22 He sighed faintly. %22In a way%2C this would actually be simpler if you were dead.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner gave him a skeptical look. %22I beg your pardon%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22By that I mean the explanation would take care of itself%2C%22 Jekyll said. %22If you had come to Valhalla the %5Bi%5Dusual%5B%2Fi%5D way%2C as I did%2C it%27d be as plain as day. I%27d be talking to you both at once. When I perished%2C many years ago%2C my %27other%27 and I arrived here separately. It was the first time we%27d ever seen each other face to face.%22 He chuckled. %22Quite a revelation%2C I assure you.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AWhen Banner didn%27t reply%2C Jekyll went on%2C %22At any rate%2C Dr. Banner%2C what you were doing didn%27t work. You%27ve tried suppressing the Hulk%3B it didn%27t work. All it did was torture him and make %5Bi%5Dyou%5B%2Fi%5D deeply unpleasant to be around. And threaten your life%2C by the way. If you had kept on trying to ignore the discomfort you were feeling and focus through it%2C in all likelihood you would eventually have suffered a fatal stroke.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner frowned. %22So my options are to suppress the Hulk%2C which will kill me%2C or let him keep destroying my life%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Not at all. What you and %5Bi%5Dyour%5B%2Fi%5D %27other%27 must do is learn to %5Bi%5Dlive%5B%2Fi%5D with each other. You need to see each other not as enemies to be loathed%2C feared%2C and avoided%2C but as what you %5Bi%5Dare%5B%2Fi%5D. You%27re brothers%2C Dr. Banner. Complementary beings. At the risk of sounding a bit new-age about it%2C you must learn to %5Bi%5Daccept%5B%2Fi%5D the Hulk... and teach %5Bi%5Dhim%5B%2Fi%5D to accept %5Bi%5Dyou%5B%2Fi%5D%2C which may be the harder of the two tasks now that you%27ve spent several years subjecting him to the torture of wearing another man%27s Lens.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner blinked. %22Another - %22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Exactly. Your Lens was made for you%2C not him. All the time you wore it%2C it %5Bi%5Dtore%5B%2Fi%5D at him. Tried to snuff him out. It only failed because his soul is apparently as invincible as the rest of him... but it can%27t have been any fun.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner took a few silent moments to take all that on board. He wasn%27t sure he believed Jekyll%27s thesis that the Hulk was an independent being with his own soul and feelings - beyond believing it%2C he wasn%27t sure whether he could %5Bi%5Daccept%5B%2Fi%5D it - but if it %5Bi%5Dwas%5B%2Fi%5D true...%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Where would I even %5Bi%5Dstart%3F%5B%2Fi%5D%22 he asked.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You already have%2C%22 Jekyll replied mildly%2C sipping his coffee. %22Our next step%2C though%2C needs to be creating a channel of communication between the two of you. Unless you can communicate%2C you%27re never going to reach any kind of balance.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22How are we going to do that%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Well... I suppose we ought to start with the simplest method first%2C%22 Jekyll said. He reached into his inside pocket and removed a small device%2C then leaned forward and placed it on the coffee table between them. %22Do you have anything you%27d like to %5Bi%5Dsay%5B%2Fi%5D to the Hulk%2C Dr. Banner%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AFor the first week they worked on some simple talk therapy%2C getting Banner used to the idea of thinking of the Hulk as a person. He made recordings of his thoughts%2C first cathartic%2C then more rational%2C until the exercise came to seem more like making an audio journal for a friend or distant relative%27s later perusal than an act of psychoanalytic outreach %28or inreach%2C he supposed%29. In between%2C there were methods of meditation to study%2C calming techniques Jekyll had picked up in the mysterious East during his first life. Banner didn%27t see the woman whose house he inhabited again during all that time.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn the second week%2C Jekyll pronounced him ready to leave the mountains and venture into the Golden City. They went to the great hall of Valhalla and spent what seemed like a few days prowling its nigh-infinite corridors%2C speaking to ancient masters and sages. Banner had studied these matters a little bit during his time as a fugitive%2C hoping they could help him keep the raging beast within him in check%2C but it had never availed him much. Now%2C though%2C he didn%27t have that ultimate %28and%2C if Jekyll was to be believed%2C ultimately misguided%29 goal in mind%2C and it seemed to come more easily%2C or make more sense%2C or both.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn the %5Bi%5Dthird%5B%2Fi%5D week%2C they went back to the rubble-strewn proving ground where the Hulk had first come to Valhalla%2C and Jekyll said%2C %22So far we%27ve just been concentrating on you. Now it%27s time to bring the other party into the picture.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner blinked at him. %22I beg your pardon%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Your transformations to date have been involuntary%2C%22 Jekyll said. %22Obviously%2C that won%27t %5Bi%5Ddo%5B%2Fi%5D going forward.%22 So saying%2C he closed his eyes and%2C with a quiet smile on his face%2C took a deep breath - %0D%0A%0D%0A - and changed%2C with a minimum of fuss%2C from a slim%2C calmly handsome%2C sandy-haired gentleman into a huge%2C enormously broad-shouldered%2C beetle-browed man with bristling black hair and side whiskers. His clothes changed with him%2C in a manner that defied Banner%27s direct observation%2C from the slightly dandified gentleman%27s finery Jekyll favored into a coarser%2C more workmanlike%2C but still distinctly anachronistic ensemble whose key features were a bottle-green vest and a pair of big%2C chunky black boots that looks very suitable for kicking in doors %28and possibly heads%29.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22So %27Enry an%27 me%2C%22 said Mr. Edward Hyde in an accent that owed more to Seven Dials than St. George%27s%2C %22%27ave a few tricks to teach.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%22That went well%2C%22 Henry Jekyll remarked from a fragment of reflective metal that jutted from the ground near where Hyde had come to rest.%0D%0A%0D%0AHyde%2C unperturbed%2C picked himself up and dusted fragments of brick from his sleeves.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Give %27im time%2C %27Enry%2C%22 he replied equably. %22Early days yet.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ASo saying%2C he set off to follow the Hulk and make sure he didn%27t leave the proving ground.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ADays went by%2C then weeks%2C as Banner and the Hulk worked separately along their parallel tracks. Each %22woke%22 to find messages left by the other%2C at first rebarbative%2C later more civil%2C eventually even conciliatory. Banner found himself waking next to the mountain house%27s owner again on a more or less regular basis%2C and after the first few times he wasn%27t even taken aback by it any more%2C particularly after one morning%27s voice mail message from his other%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Uh... right. This Hulk. Listen. Um... Hulk really like Betty. Hulk think him and Betty might have a... uh... thing.%22 %28Long pause.%29 %22Puny Banner not screw this up for Hulk%2C OK%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0AAt first he felt more than a little odd at the realization that the Hulk was apparently developing a %5Bi%5Dsocial life%5B%2Fi%5D during his time at large%2C but he supposed it beat waking up to find that he%27d wrecked a town and had half the army hunting for him. Just so long as he didn%27t wake one morning to find that his alter ego and the towering red warrior woman had had some kind of falling out while he was %22away%22.%0D%0A%0D%0ATruth to tell%2C Banner found that he rather liked Betty himself. Not in that way - his sense of self-preservation%2C if nothing else%2C intervened there - but she was fun-loving and unpretentious%2C easy to talk to%2C and not at all self-conscious about the fact that she was in the habit of waking up next to a man who%2C for most of her apparent boyfriend%27s %22life%22%2C had been his most hated enemy. She didn%27t go into any details about what her relationship with the Hulk might %5Bi%5Dentail%5B%2Fi%5D%2C for which Banner was grateful%2C but she was otherwise an excellent source of information about what the other side of Banner%27s being was %5Bi%5Dlike%5B%2Fi%5D - as was Hyde%2C with whom the Hulk had apparently become drinking buddies after their initial fight.%0D%0A%0D%0AThis was almost as eye-opening as the voice mails. He would never have thought%2C for instance%2C that the Hulk had anything approaching a sense of humor%2C nor a sense of childlike wonder%2C but according to Betty and Hyde%2C he had both. In fact%2C %22childlike%22 was the adjective that most often emerged when they talked about the Hulk.%0D%0A%0D%0AOne day%2C over their morning coffee%2C Betty remarked%2C %22The Hulk has decided that he ought to have a proper name.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner nearly choked on his coffee%2C recovered himself%2C and said%2C %22I%27m sorry%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22For when you go home again%2C%22 she clarified. %22He%27s going to need his own identity documents and whatnot%2C as an agent of the IPO%2C and he doesn%27t think %27The Hulk%27 works as an official name. I mean%2C it%27s his Name%2C%22 she said%2C somehow contriving to pronounce the capital letter%2C %22but... %22 She shrugged. %22He%27s funny about that kind of thing. It%27s like he figures having a Real Grown-Up Name is an important part of his... you know%2C becoming an actual person%2C as opposed to some kind of monster people run away from.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner stared at her. %22That%27s pretty deep for him%2C%22 he remarked.%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty chuckled. %22After all you%27ve learned in the last few months%2C you still underestimate him%2C%22 she said%2C shaking her head. %22He%27s not %5Bi%5Dstupid%5B%2Fi%5D. He%27s just... %22 She paused%2C thinking. %22Well%2C in Midgard it%27s usually used to %5Bi%5Dmean%5B%2Fi%5D stupid%2C but in Jotunheim we would call him a simple soul. You%27d probably use a bigger word. %27Uncomplicated%27%2C maybe.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner nodded. %22I understand. It does surprise me - it surprises me every time I%27m reminded that he%27s more than I used to think he was. It takes a lot of getting used to%2C the idea that he%27s... not just a monster.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Well%2C when you %5Bi%5Ddo%5B%2Fi%5D finally grasp that%2C on an instinctive as opposed to intellectual level... I think that%27s how you%27ll know you%27re ready.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You%27ll miss him when we go%2C won%27t you%3F%22 Banner asked.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Of course I%27ll miss him%2C%22 Betty replied without hesitation. %22I love him.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner blinked. %22Uh. OK. I didn%27t realize you were that serious.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty smirked. %22After all you%27ve learned in the last few months%2C you still underestimate him%2C%22 she said again.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhile Banner mulled that over%2C there was a knock at the front door%3B a moment later keys jingled%2C and then Mr. Hyde rounded the corner from the foyer%2C dressed for an outing%2C complete with a giant top hat perched on his huge%2C bewhiskered head.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Mornin%27%2C sport%2C%22 he said. %22Big day today%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Is it%3F%22 Banner asked. %22Why%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22%27Er Ladyship%2C%22 said Hyde%2C by which Banner now knew he always meant Skuld%2C %22%27as decided in %27er infinite wisdom that you should %27ave a day out.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22A day out%3F Where%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Well%2C%22 said Betty with a smile%2C %22you%27ve seen where I live... I thought I might show you where I came from.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AAwakening slowly%2C Bruce Banner felt at the back of his head to make sure it wasn%27t spongy and remarked to himself that he%27d had pleasanter days.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt had started off promisingly enough%3B Skitha%2C a middling-sized walled port city on a broad river near Vanaheim%27s eastern border with Jotunheim%2C was a lovely%2C friendly place with a lot of history and character%2C like something out of a storybook %28or possibly a particularly well-illustrated %5Bi%5DDungeons %26 Dragons%5B%2Fi%5D sourcebook%29. The little cafe on the plaza overlooking the river docks had really good sausages. Betty had been in the process of telling him how%2C back in the bad old days%2C the city had been the first stop on any Jotun army%27s road to Asgard%27s Southwall... %0D%0A%0D%0A... when one had%2C improbably enough%2C shown up.%0D%0A%0D%0ANow Banner came to with a throbbing head to find himself stretched out on the cobbled ground next to what remained of their table. After verifying that his skull was intact%2C he gingerly raised his head and looked around. While he was out%2C the attacking force - mostly large but not giant%2C dull-grey-green%2C warty creatures in black nylon tactical gear - had secured the square with a military precision that struck Banner as strangely comical in what he guessed%2C based on war stories he%27d heard from Betty%2C were ogres or trolls. And thinking of Betty -%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Easy%2C Bruce%2C%22 she murmured%2C kneeling alongside him. %22Just stay down. It%27s not you they%27re after.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThen%2C rising%2C she stepped around what the wreckage of the table and demanded in a ringing voice%2C %22Well%3F What are you waiting for%3F Let%27s get this over with%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe rank of ogres sealing off the side of the square facing the river docks parted in well-drilled order%2C and up from the rear came a towering figure in what%2C to Banner%27s unpracticed eye%2C looked like an officer%27s uniform - gold-chased leather armor with an iron-strapped wooden buckler strapped to his left forearm. He must have stood 15 feet tall at least%2C more than half again as tall as his ogre subordinates. At his side he wore a massive pistol%2C and opposite it a sabre longer than Betty was tall. He had a bushy black beard drawn into a heavy plait with an iron weight the size of a man%27s head hanging at the end%2C and his skin was a dull brick red. His eyes%2C like Betty%27s%2C were yellow and glowed faintly.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22People of Skitha%2C%22 the giant boomed. %22Give my men no reason to make war upon you and they will not. We have no interest in the affairs of Vanaheim this day.%22 Then%2C pointing at Betty%2C he added%2C %22But by order of King Elding Grimmuryfirvaraskegg of Eldgard%2C the outcast must return with us%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty snorted. %22Excuse me%3F%22 she demanded indignantly. %22You guys abandoned me to die as a baby and now I%27m supposed to go %5Bi%5Dback%5B%2Fi%5D with you%3F I don%27t THINK - %22 %0D%0A%0D%0AShe was interrupted by one of the larger ogres%2C who stepped forward with a speed and fluidity not suggested by his ungainly frame and clobbered her in the back of the head with the butt of his rifle%2C dropping her to her knees. %22Do not speak to Colonel Hargrim%2C outcast.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ASeeing his friend thus abused%2C and the grins and laughs of the other ogres at the sight of it%2C sparked a familiar feeling in Banner - that sense of tightened skin and surging blood%2C of energies too vast for his frail body to contain. His fists knotting%2C he pushed himself up to hands and knees%2C then rose to his feet.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You shouldn%27t have done that%2C%22 he said through his teeth. %22You%27ve made a friend of mine very angry.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AHargrim made a great show of squinting to see who was addressing him%2C then laughed. %22Hah%21 What business is it of yours%2C mortal%3F%22 Gesturing to the stunned Valkyrie%2C he added with a sneer%2C %22Even a runt like Princess B%C3%A8thildr is clearly far too much woman for the likes of %5Bi%5Dyou.%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0AHis whole body quivering with the effort of controlling himself%2C Banner said in a deceptively calm tone of voice%2C %22As an officer of the International Police Organization%2C I%27m obliged to warn you %5Bi%5Donce%5B%2Fi%5D. You%27re making a big mistake.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AHargrim snorted. %22Sergeant%2C dispose of this insect. Its buzzing annoys me.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Sir%2C%22 said the ogre who%27d hit Betty. He took a step forward%2C slinging his rifle to free his hands for a more personal touch. Right on schedule came the lightness in Banner%27s head%2C as what he now recognized as the Hulk%27s consciousness lunged forward into his own%2C furious%2C undeniable%2C raging for release.%0D%0A%0D%0AFor the first time in his life%2C Robert Bruce Banner embraced that sensation with all his heart.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DThey%27re all yours%2C big guy%2C%5B%2Fi%5D he thought.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DThank you%2C Banner%2C%5B%2Fi%5D the Hulk%27s voice replied. %5Bi%5DHulk going to enjoy this.%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ABanner had only a moment to consider how odd it was not to be %22puny Banner%22 to the Hulk before everything went blank for him.%0D%0A%0D%0ASergeant Garkk was never entirely sure what happened next. As Garkk approached him%2C the scrawny human suddenly threw his head back and roared like a wounded animal%2C and by the time he%27d %5Bi%5Dfinished%5B%2Fi%5D roaring%2C he was... someone else. Someone a lot bigger. Someone whose first punch knocked Sergeant Garkk - no joke%2C later confirmed by the regimental surveyors - twelve and one-quarter miles back toward Jotunheim.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe other ogres recoiled in horror - what had just happened had a flavor of shape-shifters about it%2C and while not as hung up about that kind of thing as trolls%2C they couldn%27t be said to like it - before their military discipline took over and they rushed in. Whatever the human had become%2C he was still smaller - or at least shorter - than an ogre. With their numbers and their armor%2C Garkk%27s startling fate notwithstanding%2C they figured he couldn%27t possibly stand against them all.%0D%0A%0D%0AThey were wrong about that%2C but at least they didn%27t get quite as much air as their sergeant.%0D%0A%0D%0AWhile Hargrim bellowed for reinforcements%2C the Hulk burst free of the melee with a roar%2C scattering ogres in all directions%2C and sprang to Betty%27s side. She got to her feet%2C shaking her head.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I%27m OK%2C%22 she said%3B then%2C with a wry little grin%2C she added%2C %22I%27ve got a pretty hard head.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Who your friend%3F%22 the Hulk asked as she unslung her shield from her back and then went more or less back-to-back with him.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22He%27s no friend of %5Bi%5Dmine%2C%5B%2Fi%5D%22 Betty told him. %22His name%27s Hargrim.%22 She unclipped her Valkyrie power hammer from her belt and thumbed it on%3B its gravity concentrator filled the square with a low%2C ominous hum. %22He%27s my father%27s right-hand man.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk grunted%2C unimpressed. %22Not for long%2C%22 he said.%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty glanced back over her shoulder at him%2C met his eye%2C and grinned%3B then she went one way%2C he went the other%2C and the fight was on.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bcenter%5D%2F%2A Quiet Riot%0D%0A%22Bang Your Head %28Metal Health%29%22%0D%0A%5Bi%5DMetal Health%5B%2Fi%5D %281983%29 %2A%2F%5B%2Fcenter%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ASome of Hargrim%27s troops%2C seeing the fearsome power of the Hulk%2C mistakenly believed that they were better off taking their chances with Betty. It soon became apparent to those still conscious%2C though%2C that the only way to really come out ahead in %5Bi%5Dthis%5B%2Fi%5D battle was just to stay the hell %5Bi%5Dout%5B%2Fi%5D of it. The Hulk%27s strength and savage fury were terrifying to behold as he reduced the left flank of Hargrim%27s army to rubble - but the alternative was a fully trained%2C no longer surprised Valkyrie. B%C3%A8thildr Forgeheart might have been a runt by Eldjotun standards%2C but she was skilled far beyond the ogreish rabble of Hargrim%27s mercenaries%2C and there was more than enough power in her seven-foot scarlet frame to make any of them regret putting himself in her way - particularly with a power hammer in her hand.%0D%0A%0D%0ASeeing his army crumbling before the twin onslaught%2C Hargrim knew the time had come to cut his losses. Without hesitation or qualm%2C he ordered his reserve into the breach%2C knowing that they could not possibly win. Against just the outcast%2C they could have prevailed with relative ease. The... %5Bi%5Dgreen%5B%2Fi%5D creature... changed things.%0D%0A%0D%0AFortunately%2C Hargrim and his liege lord were the sort who planned for this kind of contingency. He had a backup plan of his own in play. Now%2C as his reserve bought him time%2C he set it in motion.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk saw the giant touch his belt and then vanish in a flash of silvery light%3B out of the corner of his eye%2C he saw a similar flash up at the top of the hill that dominated the center of town%2C within the walls of Skitha Castle. He didn%27t know %5Bi%5Dwhy%5B%2Fi%5D Hargrim had teleported himself to the castle%2C but he was certain it couldn%27t possibly be anything good. With a furious roar%2C he threw off the latest platoon of ogres who had tried to bring him down%2C turned toward the castle%2C and gathered himself to leap in pursuit of his main foe.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Now%21 Bring the monster down%21%22 an ogre NCO shouted. From the edge of the plaza%2C one of the reserve squads unlimbered some sort of shoulder-fired anti-armor weapon%2C drew a bead%2C and launched a rocket designed to destroy the tanks of Asgard at the Hulk.%0D%0A%0D%0AIn response%2C the Hulk turned to face the oncoming missile head-on and brought his huge hands flat together in front of him. The shockwave slammed out at the speed of sound%2C flattening everything in a radius of a half-dozen yards or so around him and detonating the rocket%27s warhead before it had a chance to come anywhere near him. The fireball washed back over the weapon and its crew%2C sending them scattering in dismay.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk paid them no mind%3B taking advantage of the momentary clear space the maneuver had bought him%2C he turned back toward the castle. It stood perhaps a mile and a half away%2C not including the vertical distance from the riverbank to the hilltop. The Hulk cleared it easily in a single furious bound%2C shattering the paving stones of the castle courtyard with the impact of his arrival.%0D%0A%0D%0ANot that this would really lower the property values of the courtyard significantly%3B it was already littered with broken equipment%2C unconscious or dead Skitha city guardsmen%2C and a roughly equal number of the ogre heavy infantry who had taken the outer castle in spite of their furious resistance. The remains of the attacking force%2C now massed near the huge and still-sealed great doors%2C turned in surprise at the crash of the Hulk%27s landing.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22You%27re too late%2C whatever you are%2C%22 Hargrim boomed from behind his troops. He gestured to a strange%2C carapaced object about the size of a car%2C which stood on six black iron legs in front of the castle door. %22The Inferno Conduit is set and counting down. In five minutes this whole valley will be a smoking crater.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk not let you do this%21%22 the Hulk replied.%0D%0A%0D%0AHargrim laughed. %22It%27s %5Bi%5Ddone%2C%5B%2Fi%5D my stupid friend%2C%22 he replied mockingly. %22If you%27ve even the %5Bi%5Dsmallest%5B%2Fi%5D spark in that skull of yours%2C you%27ll make your escape while you have the chance and leave Skitha to its fate. As for me%2C I have no time to waste bandying words with you. I have work to do.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ASo saying%2C he touched his belt again and vanished once more in a flash of light.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk stood gazing at the four dozen or so ogre soldiers standing between him and the Inferno Device. They stared back at him%2C fingering their weapons. Bigger and tougher than the ones in the square%2C these were Hargrim%27s elite shock troops%2C the ones he entrusted with the really heavy lifting in these operations. They weren%27t intimidated by one nearly-ogre-sized green human in what appeared to be tight-fitting black cargo shorts%2C even if he %5Bi%5Dhad%5B%2Fi%5D just arrived in the courtyard from above like a bomb.%0D%0A%0D%0ATheir mistake.%0D%0A%0D%0ATwo minutes and forty-four seconds later%2C the nine remaining ogre elites fled the courtyard%2C screaming in terror that the monster could not be killed. The Hulk pulled one of their spears from his shoulder with a grunt and cast it aside%2C then stalked through the scattered forms of their colleagues toward the Inferno Device. The wound had gone by the time he reached the machine.%0D%0A%0D%0AContrary to popular assumption back in the days following his first appearances%2C the Hulk %5Bi%5Dcould%5B%2Fi%5D read%3B but he couldn%27t read the digits on what he assumed to be the countdown timer%2C having no familiarity whatever with Jotun numerals. Nor did the complicated inner workings of the device%2C once he had torn off its outer carapace%2C mean even the slighest thing to him.%0D%0A%0D%0AOnce%2C his response to this frustrating turn of events would have been to %5Bi%5Dsmash%5B%2Fi%5D. Now%2C after weeks of battle%2C boozing%2C and war stories among the %5Bi%5DEinherjar%5B%2Fi%5D of Valhalla%2C it occurred to him that this would probably just set the thing off%2C which would be catastrophic%2C if not for him%2C certainly for Skitha.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22This above Hulk%27s pay grade%2C%22 he muttered%2C using a phrase he%27d picked up from one of Betty%27s colleagues... %0D%0A%0D%0A... and then he did something he had never%2C ever done before%2C and willingly relinquished control. %5Bi%5DThis your department%2C science man%2C%5B%2Fi%5D he remarked as his consciousness and Banner%27s %22passed%22 each other.%0D%0A%0D%0ABruce Banner blinked in surprise. He wasn%27t conscious%2C properly speaking%2C when the Hulk was%2C but that moment of transition had provided enough of a situational update that he wasn%27t completely confused%2C as had always been the case upon waking after one of the Hulk%27s rampages in the past - and%2C he noted with satisfaction%2C the new pants worked too. It was a refreshing change not to have to hold up the tattered remains of his dignity with one hand while taking stock of whatever mess the Hulk had left him with... %0D%0A%0D%0A... and%2C boy howdy%2C this was one for the books. If not for Henry Jekyll%27s training%2C the situation he now found himself in would have turned Banner right back into the Hulk. He %5Bi%5Dcould%5B%2Fi%5D read a bit of Jotun%2C having picked up some rudiments from a few books in Betty%27s house%2C and he%27d learned more than a little about the weapons technology of the Upper Realms from Skuld in his time. Enough to know that he was standing in front of a pickup-sized weapon of giantish mass destruction called an Inferno Conduit wearing nothing but a pair of magic cargo pants%2C and that in about two minutes it was going to open a temporary gateway to Muspelheim%27s Canyon of Eternal Fire.%0D%0A%0D%0AKnowing that%2C Banner%27s agile mind sussed out the rest of Hargrim%27s plan in a few moments. This would not pour forth a demonic army%2C because there wasn%27t one to be found down there%2C but it %5Bi%5Dwould%5B%2Fi%5D be similar to opening a door on the other side of which was the surface of the Sun. The whole Skitha Valley and everyone in it would be incinerated in an instant - everyone%2C presumably%2C but Hargrim and Betty%2C who as fire giants were largely indifferent to heat and flame.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5DTalk about your sore losers%2C%5B%2Fi%5D Banner thought%2C and set about preventing it from doing that.%0D%0A%0D%0AThen%2C %5Bi%5DMemo to self%3A see about getting a magic shirt to go with the magic pants. Maybe even some shoes.%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty finished with the last of the ogres%2C then stood in the middle of the courtyard for a moment%2C catching her breath. She was bleeding from a dozen wounds%2C none of them really serious%2C but enough in the aggregate to slow her down considerably. Worse%2C her left arm had been broken by the same blow that shivered her shield%2C her power hammer%27s energy cells were flat%2C and she thought one of the beasts might have actually %5Bi%5Dbitten%5B%2Fi%5D her right calf%2C which now hurt to put weight on. Turning painfully toward the sound of sarcastic applause%2C she saw Hargrim standing where he%27d been at the start of all this%2C by the river gate.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Your skill is impressive%2C runt%2C%22 he said. %22I may have to admit to your august father when I bring you home that he was right and I was wrong. I told him you would be of no use to his kingdom if he called you home now%2C but he insisted that Lady Skuld and the others would have taught you well%2C in spite of your heritage.%22 He grinned%2C yellowish teeth flashing at the junction of his moustache and beard. %22They really will teach %5Bi%5Danyone%5B%2Fi%5D their secrets in the Golden City%2C won%27t they%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty discarded her spent power hammer%2C reached behind her with her good hand%2C and drew her backup weapon%2C an alloy cylinder that sprang out at the touch of a stud to form first a haft%2C then a double-bitted axe. %22Why don%27t you come over here%2C%22 she replied with an assurance she did not altogether feel%2C %22and I%27ll %5Bi%5Dshow%5B%2Fi%5D you what I%27ve learned.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22It%27ll be a pleasure to teach you some manners%2C%22 said Hargrim%2C drawing his sabre.%0D%0A%0D%0AThough more than twice her height%2C Hargrim moved with horrifying speed - particularly a problem now that Betty was wounded and near-exhausted - and his strength was shocking. She knew immediately that she could never hope to take him head-on in her present condition%2C and possibly not even at the peak of her form. Few even among her Valkyrie comrades could have hoped to stand against Colonel Hargrim in a head-on fight. Gudrun Truemace%2C maybe. She was only half-Jotun%2C but her giantish parent had been one of the frost giants of the Tindalos%2C the hardiest and mightiest of all the Jotun%2C and her strength was enormous%2C rumored to rival that of Thor Ironhammer himself. Or Kijana Whitestaff%2C but only in her natural form as one of the dragons of Alfheim.%0D%0A%0D%0AUnder normal circumstances%2C then%2C Betty would have concentrated on outmaneuvering Hargrim and chipping away at him%2C working him into a position where she could launch a single surgical strike that would remove him from the battle. She%27d have fought tactically%2C using every advantage she could find to its fullest advantage%2C and in the end she was confident she%27d have triumphed.%0D%0A%0D%0AToday%2C she didn%27t have much leverage - and even so%2C she %5Bi%5Dstill%5B%2Fi%5D managed to score one solid blow%2C shattering Hargrim%27s buckler and nearly toppling him over before he managed to recover and smash her to the ground with the remains of his shield. By the time she%27d recovered her wits from that blow%2C he had one enormous foot on her chest %28practically covering her entire torso%29 and the point of his sabre at her throat.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Your father wants you alive%2C%22 he said%2C %22but he understands that accidents sometimes happen... %22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty spat in his eye and sank her axe haft-deep in the side of his left boot. Hargrim recoiled%2C roaring%3B she tried to get up%2C but her left arm would do nothing and her right leg wasn%27t any too cooperative either. She reached to her right boot for her survival knife%2C reflecting ruefully on Gin Shepard%27s maxim that any day you lived to go to Plan C was still a good day%2C and watched with defiant eyes as Hargrim steadied himself%2C yanked her axe out of his leg%2C and tossed it contemptuously away.%0D%0A%0D%0ABefore he could make some snide remark and renew the offensive%2C though%2C a roaring green something plummeted out of the sky like a meteor and smashed him to the ground.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Surprised to see Hulk%3F%22 the Hulk asked as he lifted the stunned giant and threw him against the courtyard wall.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Fool%21%22 Hargrim snarled. %22Any moment now you%27ll burn with the rest of this miserable town.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk not think so%2C%22 the Hulk replied. He held up the device Banner%27s careful hands had teased from the inner workings of the Inferno Conduit%2C made sure Hargrim had recognized it%2C and then crushed it between his fingers and discarded it.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Impossible%2C%22 Hargrim murmured. %22Impossible%21%22 He pulled himself upright%2C his huge fists closing. %22I don%27t know what you are%2C mortal%2C but I am still Colonel Fjalar Hargrim of the First Eldgard Legion%2C and I will %5Bi%5Dcrush you with my bare hands%21%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk grunted contemptuously. %22Bring it.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABe fair to Hargrim%3A He brought it. In minutes the whole area%2C already in extreme disrepair from the small war fought there%2C was a disaster area - buildings wrecked%2C walls toppled%2C dockside cranes destroyed. In the end%2C Hargrim%27s armor hung in gold-trimmed tatters%2C his face bruised%2C his knuckles torn and bloody - but at last he had the upper hand. He had the Hulk backed against one of the few remaining walls on what had been the esplanade%2C one massive hand around his neck%2C crushing the life from him.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I give you your due%2C mortal%2C%22 he said. %22You have fought like a Jotun this day. Hargrim will see that you are remembered in song.%22 Tightening his grip still further%2C he bore down and went on%2C %22Now die.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk%2C teeth gritted%2C said nothing%3B but the right jab the giant received to his midsection at that instant%2C delivered with no more room to travel than the length of the Hulk%27s forearm%2C would have caved in the glacis plate of a tank%2C which was a statement all its own. Hargrim grunted%2C blood gathering at the corner of his mouth%2C and the Hulk headbutted him full in the forehead%2C breaking his grip and sending him stumbling back.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hargrim think because he is %5Bi%5Dbigger%5B%2Fi%5D than Hulk%2C he is %5Bi%5Dstronger%5B%2Fi%5D than Hulk%2C%22 the Hulk snarled. He took a step forward%2C smacking aside an attempt at a counterblow. %22%5Bb%5DHargrim is %5Bi%5Dwrong%21%5B%2Fi%5D%5B%2Fb%5D%22 he roared%2C delivering a right cross that would have derailed a train. Then%2C bringing both fists up from below%2C he bellowed at the top of his voice%2C %0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bbig%5D%5Bb%5D%22%5Bi%5D%5Bu%5DNO ONE%5B%2Fu%5D IS STRONGER THAN HULK%21%5B%2Fi%5D%22%5B%2Fb%5D%5B%2Fbig%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AThe blow slammed Hargrim%27s jaw shut with enough force to splinter several of the giant%27s teeth%2C sending him up and over backward to crash down in a slumping heap amid the rubble of what had been a grain mill.%0D%0A%0D%0AStanding on the fallen giant%27s chest%2C the Hulk waited for Hargrim to regain a measure of consciousness%2C then leaned close to his battered face and said%2C %22Hulk let Hargrim live so he take message to Betty%27s father for Hulk. Tell him if he ever bother Betty again... Hulk do worse to him.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AFueled by one last surge of fury%2C Hargrim shoved the Hulk off his chest and rose from the rubble%2C brandishing a gleaming dagger drawn from a holster on his back. The Hulk ignored it%2C sprang forward%2C seized the the weight plaited into the giant%27s beard%2C and used it to fling him bodily across the river%2C where he completed the demolition of a dock damaged earlier in the day.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk considered leaping after him%2C but it was clear as Hargrim slowly%2C painfully dragged himself upright again that the giant had had enough. Blood streamed down his chest%2C droplets of it sending up curls of steam as they fell into the river. The Hulk looked down and saw that he was still holding the iron weight - and%2C indeed%2C most of Hargrim%27s beard.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk keep this%2C%22 he declared%2C then added%3A %22Tell your king%21 He stay away from Betty - or Hulk smash%21%22%0D%0A%0D%0AHargrim stood unsteadily for a few moments%2C knee-deep in the river%2C his face a mask of blood%2C broken teeth%2C and slightly unfocused%2C hate-filled eyes.%0D%0A%0D%0AThen he touched his belt again and was gone.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk looked back up to the hill%2C but there was no answering flash. Hargrim had quit the field entirely. Grunting with satisfaction%2C he turned and went to see if he could help Betty.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I%27ll be OK%2C%22 she told him%2C using his shoulder as a brace to get gingerly to her feet. %22I know people.%22 Looking around at the ruins of the riverfront district as city guard reinforcements began to arrive%2C she raked her tangled black hair back from her face with her good hand and sighed. %22Man. You guys did a number on this place.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22People still alive. Town can be fixed%2C%22 the Hulk replied philosophically.%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty chuckled. %22Yeah%2C true that%2C%22 she said. It took her a few moments to realize what the odd trophy in the Hulk%27s hand was%3B then she said incredulously%2C %22Is that Hargrim%27s %5Bi%5Dbeard%3F%5B%2Fi%5D%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk nodded. %22Uh-huh.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AShe burst out laughing%2C leaning against his shoulder to keep from falling as the laughter wracked her battered form. There were tears%2C not entirely of pain%2C in her eyes when she finally wound down with a gasped%2C %22Oh%2C oh man. Wow. That%27s all... facial hair is a %5Bi%5Dthing%5B%2Fi%5D in Jotun culture. You didn%27t just beat the ever-loving %5Bi%5Dcrap%5B%2Fi%5D out of him%2C you %5Bi%5Dritually emasculated%5B%2Fi%5D him.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk not know what that means%2C%22 the Hulk said%2C %22but it sound mean.%22%0D%0A%0D%0ABetty wiped at her eyes. %22Oh yeah. Aw%2C man. I said it before and I%27ll say it again%2C dude%3A You are an %5Bi%5Dartist%5B%2Fi%5D.%22 Then she leaned and kissed him. %22My big green sultan of smash.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk didn%27t quite seem to know what to say to that%2C so he said nothing%3B just smiled a little.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Seriously%2C you saved my perky red ass today%2C%22 she said. %22%5Bi%5DAnd%5B%2Fi%5D my hometown%2C though it got a little beat up.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThe Hulk regarded her with that same little smile for a second%2C then said something she wouldn%27t have expected from him at the beginning of their friendship%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Hulk not do it alone.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bhr%5D%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bb%5DMonday%2C April 26%2C 2410%0D%0AHigh-Energy Phenomena Laboratory%0D%0ASublevel G%2C International Police Headquarters%0D%0ANew Avalon%2C Zeta Cygni%5B%2Fb%5D%0D%0A%0D%0ACaitlin Fairchild was in the HEP Lab lobby%2C chatting with Calhoun as she emptied her mailbox%2C when the elevator arrived and Dr. Banner breezed in%2C looking... well... like he%27d had a hell of a good vacation%2C wherever he%27d been.%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Good morning%2C Agent Calhoun%2C%22 he said cheerfully. %22Great weather we%27re having%2C isn%27t it%3F Did you have a good weekend%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22Uh... %22 Barney blinked for a second at the lab%27s director%2C who was dressed casually under his lab coat and seemed to have picked up a tan somewhere. He didn%27t just look %5Bi%5Dhappier%5B%2Fi%5D than either Barney or Fairchild had ever seen him before%2C he looked %5Bi%5Dhealthier%5B%2Fi%5D. Like he%27d been eating right and getting enough sleep. He wasn%27t even wearing his glasses.%0D%0A%0D%0AThen the guard caught himself and said%2C %22Y... yeah%2C it sure is. Great weather%2C I mean. My weekend was OK%2C did a little fishin%27 up on the Oxbow... %22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I should try that sometime%2C%22 Banner said. %22I hear it%27s relaxing. Oh%2C hey%2C Barney%2C when you get a minute%2C can you chase down an address for Mark Irving for me%3F I have to apologize and beg him to come back to work. Good morning%2C Dr. Fairchild%2C%22 he went seamlessly on. %22You look different. Did you change your hair%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThen%2C without waiting for a response%2C he went off down the hall%2C cheerfully humming an old pop song. Fairchild and Barney stared at each other for a couple of seconds%2C both wondering whether Banner had been being facetious - pretty much unheard-of - or genuinely hadn%27t %5Bi%5Dregistered%5B%2Fi%5D that his mousy colleague was 18 inches taller and about a hundred pounds more athletic than she%27d been when he had last seen her.%0D%0A%0D%0ABarney said it first%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22%5Bi%5DWhat side%5B%2Fi%5D of %5Bi%5Dwhose bed%5B%2Fi%5D did he wake up on this morning%3F%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%22I don%27t know%2C%22 Fairchild said%3B then%2C after a moment%27s thought%2C she added judiciously%2C %22but we should give her a medal.%22%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bi%5D%22The Balance%22 - a Future Imperfect mini-story by Benjamin D. Hutchins%0D%0Awith Geoff Depew %26 Chad Collier%0D%0Aspecial to the Eyrie Productions Discussion Forum%0D%0A%C2%A9 2011 Eyrie Productions%2C Unlimited%5B%2Fi%5D,
Posted by on Dec-- at 00: AM
#1, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by CGWolfgang on Oct-20-11 at 03:46 AM
In response to message #0
Great Story! Banner/Hulk getting life lessons from Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde is one of the many reasons UF is so much fun.Also Hulkheim: An artist of SMASH sounds like a great title for a debut LP. And so does Hulkheim: The big green sultan of smash now that I think about it. Both paint an interesting image of hulk taking up being the front man to his own rock band.
#2, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by drakensis on Oct-20-11 at 05:17 AM
In response to message #0
Very interesting take on the Hulk, I like it. (And seeing Fairchild in-universe is not a bad thing by any measure).Pedant: Hatest may be a word but perhaps not the word you were looking for?
#4, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-20-11 at 07:18 AM
In response to message #2
>Pedant: Hatest may be a word but perhaps not the word you were looking
>for? What a peculiar typo. It's supposed to be "latest" (obviously). --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#3, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by mdg1 on Oct-20-11 at 06:26 AM
In response to message #0
Ah, but what should Hulk's Real Grownup Name be?I'm thinking Lou Ferrigno :)
#6, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by ebony14 on Oct-20-11 at 12:07 PM
In response to message #3
>Ah, but what should Hulk's Real Grownup Name be?
>
>I'm thinking Lou Ferrigno :) "Lou" would be good. So would either "Robert" or "David," or even "Bill." Congratulations, guys, you made the Red She-Hulk interesting. Ebony the Black Dragon "Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."
#8, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by zojojojo on Oct-20-11 at 02:11 PM
In response to message #6
>>Ah, but what should Hulk's Real Grownup Name be?
>>
>>I'm thinking Lou Ferrigno :)
>
>"Lou" would be good. So would either "Robert" or "David," or even
>"Bill."
I'm thinking something a little more ostentatious for him... like "Simon James Alexander Hulkswaith III"
-Z who has read too many books by Sandra Boynton to be permitted at the grown up table
---
Remember kids: guns make you stupid, duct tape makes you smart.
#5, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Star Ranger4 on Oct-20-11 at 11:06 AM
In response to message #0
>Then, without waiting for a response, he went off down the hall,
>cheerfully humming an old pop song. Fairchild and Barney stared at
>each other for a couple of seconds, both wondering whether Banner had
>been being facetious - pretty much unheard-of - or genuinely hadn't
>registered that his mousy colleague was 18 inches taller and
>about a hundred pounds more athletic than she'd been when he had last
>seen her.
>How did Cait... *googles* Oh. OH! *Googles Calhoun as well* Nice touch including those two, G. Yeah, it makes sense that they'd be part of the HEP. And given that Fairchild's powerup happens off screen, there really isnt that much to it, I assume... Or that if there is you'll splain it to us when the time comes
#7, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-20-11 at 12:33 PM
In response to message #5
>Nice touch including those two, G. Yeah, it makes sense that they'd
>be part of the HEP. And given that Fairchild's powerup happens off
>screen, there really isnt that much to it, I assume... Or that if
>there is you'll splain it to us when the time comes The funny thing about that is that it didn't have anything to do with the fact that she works in the Getter-ray lab. She wasn't even at work when it happened. Mutant superpowers usually kick in at puberty, but the current half-joking theory is that she was simply too busy being a child science prodigy at the time to be bothered with a little thing like evolving into the Standard Brick (Non-Flying). :) --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#9, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by BZArcher on Oct-20-11 at 02:17 PM
In response to message #0
That was really, really fun. :)
#10, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by WengFook on Oct-20-11 at 03:06 PM
In response to message #0
"This above Hulk's pay grade,"I think this has has HAS to be the line I liked the best in this piece. The timing on the delivery is golden. :D A couple of questions though, Will we be learning Hulk's grownup name in a later piece or was it a bit of developmental throwaway to show Hulk growing up and accepting Banner? Also for Jekyll and Hyde since they arrived in Valhalla separately why do they still share the same body?
(Also I can't believe nobody has suggested Hogan for the Hulk's name... :)
#11, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-20-11 at 03:24 PM
In response to message #10
>A couple of questions though, Will we be learning Hulk's grownup name
>in a later piece or was it a bit of developmental throwaway to show
>Hulk growing up and accepting Banner?It's one of several things I thought of including in an epilogue, but decided would be better presented later. It ended up feeling too tacked-on if included here. >Also for Jekyll and Hyde since
>they arrived in Valhalla separately why do they still share the same
>body? They're not dead any more; after distinguished careers as separate Einherjar, they returned to mortal life in the early 2400s to help out the IPO, and when they did, they had to do so as one being again. Not the easiest decision to make, as you might imagine. --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#12, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Droken on Oct-20-11 at 11:11 PM
In response to message #11
As is mentioned in the Featured Documents archive, he's part of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, SA 099. I think it's got his details there.
#14, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by ebony14 on Oct-21-11 at 10:07 AM
In response to message #10
>(Also I can't believe nobody has suggested Hogan for the Hulk's
>name... :) "Hulk tell Mean Gene Announcer Man that Hulk want to know what puny humans gonna do, when Hulkamania runs over you?!" *flex**pose* Ebony the Black Dragon "Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."
#29, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by StClair on Oct-23-11 at 04:46 AM
In response to message #10
>"This above Hulk's pay grade,"
>
>I think this has has HAS to be the line I liked the best in this
>piece. The timing on the delivery is golden. :D Seconded, though I would have to pair it with the follow-up: "This your department, science man."
#13, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by BeardedFerret on Oct-21-11 at 02:02 AM
In response to message #0
Dude, you are an artist. That was a hell of a fun read.
#15, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Star Ranger4 on Oct-21-11 at 11:55 AM
In response to message #0
>
>As such, it was an even more deeply disoriented Bruce Banner than
>usual who sat up and looked around the room, trying in vain to piece
>together what in the world had happened to him in the previous 24 to
>48 hours. He was, in fact, so disoriented that it did not immediately
>occur to him to be surprised that there was a woman in bed with him.
>
...
>Barney said it first:
>
>"What side of whose bed did he wake up on this morning?"
>
>"I don't know," Fairchild said; then, after a moment's thought, she
>added judiciously, "but we should give her a medal."
>At first, I'd had a bit of an issue with that side plot of this; flashing back to Liza and Azlynn's conversation on B-6 "I'd like to think that the problem is more than 'What that girl needs is a good sound Rodging'." The more I've thought about it, though... I've had to admit to myself that I might have been projecting personal perceptions into my interpretations. After all its never actually SAID that Betty and Hulk do anything more than collapse into bed tired and least slightly drunk; my subconscious did insist on perceiving that perhaps, something 'more' happened. That said, I also have to admit that the more analytical part of my brain then bit flopped and said "So what if they did?" Nor is it implied that the 'physical' side of the relationship between Hulk and Bathilda is anything more than two people finding someone they can be themselves with without fear of hurting the other; most certainly it manages to be well developed that they form an emotional connection, and that on a non physical level they enjoy the fact that they can be who they are without fear of hurting the other. And that's really part of the point, isn't it? Not just Banner finding a balance between his two halves, but the Hulk himself finding a bit of balance of his own, of finding that maybe there is more to life than just "HULK SMASH!!!!
#16, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-21-11 at 12:13 PM
In response to message #15
I prefer not to imagine The Hulk getting it on. For starters, the prophylactic'd have to be about the size of an inflatable dinghy...---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends And now you have your nightmares for the next few days. You're welcome.
#17, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-21-11 at 12:20 PM
In response to message #16
Well, Hulk not like to brag, but Hulk not get many complaints...--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#18, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-21-11 at 05:55 PM
In response to message #17
Save, presumably, from the people whose foundations he cracked with his... vehemence.Oh gods why am I even giving myself these images argh argh must scrub inside of brain... ---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends no matter how much i scrub i will never be clean. no matter how much i scrub i will never be clean. no matter how much i scrub i will never be clean...
#30, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Mephron on Oct-23-11 at 06:43 AM
In response to message #18
Please note your comment and your signature are at decided odds.Your handbasket is waiting! --
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"
#19, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Terminus Est on Oct-21-11 at 06:18 PM
In response to message #0
I'll just be over here, dying of laughter. Carry on!
#20, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by trboturtle2 on Oct-21-11 at 08:17 PM
In response to message #19
There are so many double entres that just fall off the mind (Or were pushed....)But to keep this thread safe, All I will say, is "Nice story!" and wander off into the eather..... Craig
#21, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by zojojojo on Oct-21-11 at 08:59 PM
In response to message #20
>There are so many double entres that just fall off the mind (Or were
>pushed....) what does having two dinners or an accounting method have to do with anything? :) -Z one imperial stout apparently brings out my inner pedant
---
Remember kids: guns make you stupid, duct tape makes you smart.
#39, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Terminus Est on Oct-25-11 at 02:08 AM
In response to message #21
I dunno, I could rather go for a second dinner. The first was mightily disappointing.Then again, homemade chili around here usually is.
#41, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by trboturtle2 on Oct-25-11 at 12:33 PM
In response to message #21
I have enough problems with English, let alone French and all those other languages!! <BG>Craig
#22, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Prince Charon on Oct-21-11 at 09:12 PM
In response to message #0
>Then, without waiting for a response, he went off down the hall,
>cheerfully humming an old pop song. Fairchild and Barney stared at
>each other for a couple of seconds, both wondering whether Banner had
>been being facetious - pretty much unheard-of - or genuinely hadn't
>registered that his mousy colleague was 18 inches taller and
>about a hundred pounds more athletic than she'd been when he had last
>seen her. Well, I see Banner and Hulk weren't the only ones to have a life-changing experience. Mind you, not surprised, since I recognized her name. �They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.�
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington
#28, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by StClair on Oct-23-11 at 04:44 AM
In response to message #22
Not just more athletic, but - as they say in the Sailor fandom - also more "talented."
#23, A couple of notes
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-21-11 at 10:58 PM
In response to message #0
LAST EDITED ON Oct-24-11 AT 04:28 PM (EDT)
1) As noted in the comment replies above, Jekyll and Hyde were among the 19th- and 20th-century figures to exercise their Right of Return and leave Valhalla in the early 2400s to join the IPO. In order to do so, they had to agree to be rejoined into a single being, which was not the easiest decision to make.2) Bèthildr's name is pronounced BET-hilder, not BETH-ilder. 3) I haven't actually read anything with the Red She-Hulk in, but I felt the joke was too good to pass up, and the UF version developed fine pretty much independently. Basically, I needed a Valkyrie who could at least get close to keeping up with the Hulk, and for obvious reasons, Gudrun Truemace was out. As it turned out, that was fine, because it gave me the hook I needed for the Big Fight at the End - namely, the idea that Betty's an Eldjotun (fire giant) exile whose former people want her back, now that she's made her name as a Valkyrie, for debriefing and possibly, er, chastisement. The Hulk doesn't give a damn about Jotun politics, naturally; he just won't put up with people roughing up his friends. 4) The original outline for this story arose after Excessive Force, when I decided that I like Savage Hulk too much to write him out as just a symptom of something going wrong with Banner's mind upon transformation, which his Lens then corrects (which is what he and Skuld thought was going on). Obviously my take on the Hulk isn't 100% serious, though he's far from being played entirely for laughs either. 5) By a strange coincidence, while I was working on this I saw an early episode of The Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, in which Banner asserts that he's "reached out" to the Hulk and achieved an understanding with him. I was already heading that way with The Balance, but it was nice to see that I'm not the only one who's had the thought. 6) Again, as I noted in a comment response above, Caitlin Fairchild's transformation between the intro and the epilogue has nothing to do with her work in the Getter-ray lab. It would have happened just the same if she was teaching physics at NAIS or working the night shift at the In-n-Out on Satriani Avenue. I think it's actually funnier that way - that it's just One Of Those Things that happen in New Avalon sometimes. 7) Betty's father's name, Elding Grimmuryfirvaraskegg, is Internet Icelandic for "Thunderbolt Fierce-Moustache". So you can probably tell who he's supposed to be. I was going to do an epilogue showing Hargrim, with his face mostly covered in sticking plaster, reporting to his king so that you could actually see ol' Thundertache, but it never quite fit right. Props to Geoff for thinking of and looking up the translation for his surname. 8) As noted in the note at the top of the story, the "voice mail" gag was Chad Collier's idea. 9) The song Banner is humming to himself at the end is Barenaked Ladies' "It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland)": Speaking as a guy who's really got it going on
It's only natural: It's only me
Take it from a fella who's been round the block so many times
He knows the only parking spot that's free: It's only me
You could say I tried everything
I'll save on the wedding ring
Who knows me half as well as me?I'm not antisocial and it's nothing that's reproachful
It's just natural: It's only me
I can't think of anybody else I'd rather spend some one-on-one time with
It's not that hard to see: It's only me
I'm the "me" in monogamy
I'm not asking a lot of me
I give me R-E-S-P-E-C-T And if your heart is broken
You could just do what you do best
You could just do what you do when your heart is broken
Trust in the one who will love you
Never put others above you I thought I was using me to get to you but this is true love
Natural: It's only me
They say you'll never love another 'til you love yourself, well brother
I'm in love with everyone I see: It's only me
You could say I tried everything
I'll save on the wedding ring
Who knows me half as well as me?
I'm the "me" in monogamy
I'm not asking a lot of me
I give me R-E-S-P-E-C-T
Aw yeah!
- Barenaked Ladies
"It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland)"
Disc One: All their Greatest Hits 1991-2001 (2001) 10) "This is above my pay grade" is something Virginia Shepard says. 11) Can you see them tackling the ogre RPG/Hulk sonic hand clap thing on 25th-century Mythbusters, or is it just me? 12) Note that the day Dr. Banner gets back to work is the same day that General Zod comes to town in Last Transport. Hulk was rather disappointed that none of Zod's people tried to gain access to the R&D sublevels. It would have been an interesting scientific test of his principal hypothesis ("Hulk is strongest one there is"). --G.
"There's only one thing for it: We're going to have to build a Hulk robot." "Oh, that can't possibly end poorly."
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#24, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-22-11 at 01:57 AM
In response to message #23
Now that you've got me thinking, a thought occurs (as is likely when one does such things). When Jekyll gives Banner the voice recorder, is that a reference to the recent-ish BBC modern-set version of Jekyll and Hyde? It was called Jekyll, in a fit of glorious imagination, and had James Nesbitt in it in the lead role. The little voice recorder was how they communicated. There was a wonderful line in the first episode when Jekyll woke up in the middle of Soho with no idea where he is, and clicks on the record button:"You might at least have told me where you parked." ---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends
#25, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-22-11 at 03:04 AM
In response to message #24
>When Jekyll gives Banner the voice recorder, is
>that a reference to the recent-ish BBC modern-set version of Jekyll
>and Hyde?Not by me. I don't recall having heard of it until, well, just now. Wedge suggested having them leave each other voice mail; I threw the handheld recorder into that scene because I didn't feel like explaining how Banner's mobile phone would work in Valhalla. :) --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#26, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Droken on Oct-22-11 at 01:38 PM
In response to message #25
Don't even want to -imagine- the roaming charge on -that- call...
#27, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by SliderDaFeral on Oct-22-11 at 08:21 PM
In response to message #23
>6) Again, as I noted in a comment response above, Caitlin Fairchild's
>transformation between the intro and the epilogue has nothing to do
>with her work in the Getter-ray lab. It would have happened just the
>same if she was teaching physics at NAIS or working the night shift at
>the In-n-Out on Satriani Avenue. I think it's actually funnier that
>way - that it's just One Of Those Things that happen in New Avalon
>sometimes. As someone who's read Ms. Fairchild's origin story, I just got the mental image of her bursting out of her In-N-Out whites at the tail end of the dinner rush... -- Slider Da Feral "Needless to say, there were a lot of turned heads on Satriani Avenue that night."
#31, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Mephron on Oct-23-11 at 06:49 AM
In response to message #27
>As someone who's read Ms. Fairchild's origin story, I just got the
>mental image of her bursting out of her In-N-Out whites at the tail
>end of the dinner rush...
>
>-- Slider Da Feral
>
>"Needless to say, there were a lot of turned heads on Satriani
>Avenue that night." My personal mental image is, one Saturday morning, waking up late, stumbling into the shower and not realizing what the hell happened until suddenly the handles for the shower were not where she expected them to be based on muscle memory, followed by a not-terribly-panicked call to her sister for an emergency sweatsuit and some underwear. This may not be what happened, but how many people do you know who require either a shower or caffiene for the ol' flywheel to spin up to operational? --
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"
#32, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Gryphon on Oct-23-11 at 12:47 PM
In response to message #31
>My personal mental image is, one Saturday morning, waking up late,
>stumbling into the shower and not realizing what the hell happened
>until suddenly the handles for the shower were not where she expected
>them to be based on muscle memory, followed by a not-terribly-panicked
>call to her sister for an emergency sweatsuit and some underwear. There's an episode of Night Court in which the rest of the gang visits Bull the bailiff's apartment, where they discover that all the lintels have a slightly jagged cutout in them where he's smashed through them with his head, and that all his furniture is cast concrete. >This may not be what happened, but how many people do you know who
>require either a shower or caffiene for the ol' flywheel to spin up to
>operational? Her sister was probably utterly blasé about it, too. "I've been wondering when that would happen. Only you could have your Origin in your sleep. Oh well, at least your mutant power isn't Destructo-Ray eyes or exploding with the energy of a thousand suns or something." --G.
"Bull! I want to be your love slave!" "Say, that is good news!"
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#33, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-24-11 at 02:14 AM
In response to message #32
LAST EDITED ON Oct-24-11 AT 02:14 AM (EDT)
>"Bull! I want to be your love slave!" "Say, that is good news!"... You people are sick. SICK! ... So sayeth the girl who writes deliberately erotic Harry Potter fanfiction. I will shut up now. ---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends
#34, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Star Ranger4 on Oct-24-11 at 02:32 AM
In response to message #23
>11) Can you see them tackling the ogre RPG/Hulk sonic hand clap thing
>on 25th-century Mythbusters, or is it just me?
>
>--G. Eheheh.... well, they did test the "can you set off an RPG with a bullet" myth based on some John Malkavian... err... Malkovitch movie a few weeks ago, so yeah, this would be more of the same!
#35, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Pasha on Oct-24-11 at 04:02 AM
In response to message #34
>>11) Can you see them tackling the ogre RPG/Hulk sonic hand clap thing
>>on 25th-century Mythbusters, or is it just me?
>>
>>--G.
>
>Eheheh.... well, they did test the "can you set off an RPG with a
>bullet" myth based on some John Malkavian... err... Malkovitch movie a
>few weeks ago, so yeah, this would be more of the same!
RED. Which is actually a fantastic movie, worthy of praise and watchings.
--
-Pasha
"If he's so badass, why'd he quit?" "...he got *old*."
#36, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-24-11 at 08:29 AM
In response to message #35
Helen Mirren has a machine gun in it.Best. Movie. Ever.* ---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends *Please do not take this statement seriously, since everyone knows that the best movie ever made was Bride Wars.
#37, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by mdg1 on Oct-24-11 at 06:18 PM
In response to message #36
Would fit in UF pretty well, too. After all, not every dangerous operative is Detian.Let's see... John Steed, Modestly Blaise, and Derek Flint?
#42, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by Pasha on Oct-27-11 at 02:15 AM
In response to message #37
>Would fit in UF pretty well, too. After all, not every dangerous
>operative is Detian.
>
>Let's see... John Steed, Modestly Blaise, and Derek Flint? I know that I re-evaluated my viewpoint on 5+ lifepath characters in Traveler. --
-Pasha
What was that feeling again?
Oh yes.
-Rage-
#38, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by cuso4 on Oct-25-11 at 00:03 AM
In response to message #34
>Eheheh.... well, they did test the "can you set off an RPG with a
>bullet" myth based on some John Malkavian... err... Malkovitch movie a
>few weeks ago, so yeah, this would be more of the same! Signs of someone reading too much UF : After reading the mention of RPG versus bullet, I went to Wiki to check on this Mythbusters episode as I want to know the outcome, which in turns leaded me to the Fuze article in Wiki. Since I was only casually interested in the Fuze article, I only did a speed read on it. After a few seconds, I had to mentally stop myself and asked why Fuze has anything to do with Getter Ray. After backtracking, I found that is was only "gates arrays". --
CuSO4
#40, RE: A couple of notes
Posted by The Traitor on Oct-25-11 at 07:56 AM
In response to message #38
I used to think that Getter Ray was something mooks with odd speech impediments said when the heroes showed up."Ach, no! Iz Ronder Roman! Get array!" ---
"Yeah, I'm definitely going to hell/But I'll have all the best stories to tell" -- Frank Turner, The Ballad of Me and My Friends
#43, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Star Ranger4 on Feb-17-20 at 05:43 AM
In response to message #0
LAST EDITED ON Feb-17-20 AT 03:17 PM (EST)
>
>Barney said it first:
>
>"What side of whose bed did he wake up on this morning?"
>
>"I don't know," Fairchild said; then, after a moment's thought, she
>added judiciously, "but we should give her a medal."
>
Yeah, I know its maybe Necroposting of the worst order, but I'd had reason to go looking for this one. And even these NINE???? Really? NINE???? years later... so many themes here that have stood the test of time.REALLY??? G WROTE THIS NINE YEARS AGO????!?!?!?!?!?! *does a whole Toon Boggle Bit* Oh, and did they rename that town Hulkenheim when they rebuilt it?
#44, RE: FI Mini: The Balance
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-17-20 at 03:30 PM
In response to message #43
>REALLY??? G WROTE THIS NINE YEARS AGO????!?!?!?!?!?! I know, right? How the hell is it 2020? I didn't authorize this. >Oh, and did they rename that town Hulkenheim when they rebuilt it? If you mean Skitha, no, because he didn't destroy it. The Valkyrie "training village" might be called that now, though. --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
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