Heeeee. Good times.

Nice to finally see Mileva Tesla make her stunning debut. (There's art of her somewhere, is there not?)

Aside from being generally damned enjoyable to read, a few things stand out here. The cameos. Good lord, the cameos! I saw some Mai-Otome in there (at least I hope it's Mai-Otome, because the Mai-Hime flavor of Shizuru is not a STABLE person) and many, many others. During the epic snow war I was half-expecting either Katara or Korra (I suppose in the context of UF, 'bending' would be pyro-, aero-, hydro-, and geokinesis, respectively) to put in an appearance.

>"This thing is the snow fort from hell!"
>
>Sosuke nodded. "That was the basic idea, yes."

This Sosuke is, of course, much better at reading social cues and interpreting idioms than the canonical one is, but I still expected his response to be something like:

"Of course it is not." Pause. "Snow does not naturally occur in Muspelheim; they have no tradition of using it to build fortifications of any kind. I considered using an Asgardian or Jotun design, but thematically speaking I thought something closer to home would be more apropos. This particular sort of snow bunker was first used on the Ice Planet Halloran V..."

And at that point Kaname would have hit him. And she'd have been right to do so!

Two small stylistic nitpicks:

>Spirit, you're obsessing, Sterling, she chided herself.
>If they had a good time, more power to them. It's not my business
>to pry. ... Never mind they're both my responsibility, and
>Sosuke has no clue what's really involved in a date, and
>Mileva's technically underage. Spirit of Light, what was I
>thinking??

I don't think you need the technically in there. It's not like Mileva is, say, a very mature seventeen-year-old who you sometimes forget "No, wait, she's not even old enough to vote or legally rent a car." She's twelve. That's not just underage, that's pre-teen.

And the second question mark, if not just a misskey, I don't think you need that either. If you're trying to give emphasis to the sentence, maybe just go underline on 'thinking'?

-Merc
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