[Now with proper markup and its own thread! --G.]

/* BBC Ethereophonic Orchestra
"Jessica (Theme from Top Gear 2400 Edition)" */

Clarkson (VO): On tonight's Top Gear: We fight for our lives against impossible odds with true grit and dauntless courage!

Int. day, Top Gear studio. All three presenters try to hide behind the interview couch, with predictable "success".

Clarkson: JAMES, WE'RE GOING TO BE KILLED!

Clarkson (VO): Richard faces an old foe...

Ext. day, Top Gear test track. A large truck-like vehicle sits on the tarmac. RICHARD HAMMOND enters from left, obviously shoved into frame against his will. He glares angrily at someone off-camera in that direction, then briskly straightens his leather jacket and walks warily toward the truck, his body language changing rapidly from angry to apprehensive.

Hammond (subdued): This is the HB-88. Better known as the Banzai Institute, uhm... ... jet car.

He swallows audibly.

Hammond: ... right.

Clarkson (VO): And the Stig runs an errand.

Int. day, posh office building. Tight shot on a heavy closed door.

Voice (muffled): Sir, you can't go in there!

The door crashes open. THE STIG stands framed in the doorway, his racing suit scuffed, rumpled, and even burned in a few places. Behind him on the floor, a few UNIFORMED BODIES can be seen.

Coming soon to BBC Galactic

LAST EDITED ON Oct-28-10 AT 09:41 AM (EDT)
 
Well, presumably May and Clarkson are Project Hero targets, and of course Hammond, having been killed by a Vampire and risen again, should have nothing to worry about, but it was a traumatic experience, so we shouldn't fault him for a little trepidation.

...Hammond, having been killed by a Vampire and risen again...

*blinks* Is that from a forum mini that I've missed? I can't remember reading anything about that.

>...Hammond, having been killed by a Vampire and risen again...
>
>*blinks* Is that from a forum mini that I've missed? I can't remember
>reading anything about that.

No, real life. The drag car he crashed in 2006 was called the Vampire.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter

YESS. I just watched the last "new" episode off of my DVR, too.

I gotta say chief, you've found what is quite possibly the *only* way to make Top Gear cooler than it already is: You make the Stig a grim, faceless Sentai hero, you introduce James, Richard and Jeremy to mecha, starships and super-vehicles and then, you reveal May's inner Klingon-warrior. Squee, indeed.

Now the waiting begins. I think I'll distract myself with the practical exam I have tomorrow.

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Now Playing:
Pendulum feat. In Flames -- Self versus Self (Immersion, 2010)

...

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >

>you reveal May's inner Klingon-warrior. Squee, indeed.

Reveal, my eye. May is a mighty Berserker in real life. You occasionally get glimpses of it on Top Gear and Toy Stories (see, for example, the time Captain Slow became the second fastest human on land, or the time he pushed a three-story block of flats off a cliff).

>May is a mighty Berserker in real life.

Oooh, yes. Conan the Barbarian, he is. Fear the man who bears a perfectly cleaned and organized box of named spanners; he may actually know how to use them...just don't let him tell you about how they're made!

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Now Playing:
Daft Punk -- Derezzed (TRON: Legacy, 2010)

Change the scheme, alter the mood! Electrify the boys and girls, if you'd be *so* kind!

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >

... In the world.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter

Interesting, that.

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

Well, you already know my fangirl-squee views on this. I won't repeat them because I've been known to damage the sensitive tissues of the inner ear.

As an aside, though, is anyone going to be watching Top Gear US? Personally, I will, if only to watch the new blood squirm as they try to juggle the inevitable Buy American ethos with the equally inevitable realization that the overwhelming majority of American cars are complete and utter stool... IMO, YMMV, etc.

---
"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia.

"And now that we've listed all the reasons why you shouldn't buy the new Dodge truck... MPV... baby SUV... acronymed abomination... here is why you should!"

*Camera cuts to montage of American flag and Presidential Seal with the Star-Spangled Banner playing in the background. Beneath the Seal is written in block caps 'If you don't buy American then the terrorists win.'*

>...as they try
>to juggle the inevitable Buy American ethos with the equally
>inevitable realization that the overwhelming majority of American cars
>are complete and utter stool... IMO, YMMV, etc.

Wow, flamebait much? :)

I'm sure the American presenters will be just as unfailingly gung-ho about US cars as their UK counterparts are about British cars.

(Morris Minor, anyone? Reliant Robin?)

>Wow, flamebait much? :)

That's what he does. It's all he does.

>>Wow, flamebait much? :)
>
>That's what he does. It's all he does.

I disagree. Yes, he does hold some unpopular opinions, and does express them freely, but I personally feel its just a side effect of who he is rather than a concious attempt to stir things up.

>the equally
>inevitable realization that the overwhelming majority of American cars
>are complete and utter stool...

You had an extra word there. I've taken care of it for you.

Seriously, have you looked lately? There are a billion-zillion models of car in production in the world today, and almost all of them suck. Even some of the German ones. Making shitty cars is hardly an American monopoly.

Speaking of which, I was at a Toyota dealership yesterday and happened across a Scion xB in a color called - I'm not making this up - "army rock metallic". I'm guessing they called it that because they knew that "baby shit brown" wouldn't appeal to whoever the hell their target market is for that thing. I didn't realize Scion was an imprint of Toyota. I guess it's like the anti-Lexus? Where Lexus is like Toyota only posher, Scion is like Toyota only more meshback.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>I guess it's like the anti-Lexus? Where Lexus is
>like Toyota only posher, Scion is like Toyota only more meshback.

as one of my friends who has one put it, it's the I-can't-afford-a-Toyota Toyota

From our friends at Top Gear:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy6ibpVTobs&feature=player_embedded

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Lime2K
The One True Evil Overlord