LAST EDITED ON Jul-13-25 AT 08:08 PM (EDT)
 
note to self: do not play the jorse game

at least not right away

--G.
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I wasn't gonna say much about it but after a couple weeks resisting, I did finally give in and start playing in order to not get FOMO'd out of discourse.

All waiting served me was to just screw my account slightly by not having enough time to complete the event, so there's that.

I knew this game would have staying power when Pippa of all people was streaming it the day of release.

I have learned more about horse racing in the last three days than I have in the entire rest of my life.

Mostly about the insane troll superhorse that is Gold Ship.

>I have learned more about horse racing in the last three days than I
>have in the entire rest of my life.
>
>Mostly about the insane troll superhorse that is Gold Ship.

Become a rite of passage to respond to getting drop-kicked by the silly bugger.

>I have learned more about horse racing in the last three days than I
>have in the entire rest of my life.
>
>Mostly about the insane troll superhorse that is Gold Ship.

Gold Ship is what happens when a horse puts on The Mask

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

I received my colorful horse girl vaccine in October 2010.

At least honse game doesn't have anything that would translate well to UF's current storyline.

Although I did think that about Kemono Friends.

I mean, I could see a recently (re)discovered world on the rim, or a place in Cephiro that had horse people and a love of racing, and a group showing up at DSM....

>I mean, I could see a recently (re)discovered world on the rim, or a
>place in Cephiro that had horse people and a love of racing, and a
>group showing up at DSM....

There are a bunch of ways it could slot in as something going on in the background (weird splicer sports are pretty common, for instance), but my favorite thought so far is... you know how in Alien Nation, the Newcomers are all named after historical figures or dumb puns because the immigration officials were so overwhelmed by needing to process 250,000 people all at once? Same deal, but with equine aliens crash-landing on New Japan or Tomodachi, and all the immigration people could think of was to hit up the old racehorse registry. :)

--G.
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Hah! I love it! Man I need to rewatch that movie and series. They should do a remake or a "40 years later" sequel or something. It feels...Relevant.

>Hah! I love it! Man I need to rewatch that movie and series. They
>should do a remake or a "40 years later" sequel or something. It
>feels...Relevant.

A reboot, flip-flopping between movie and TV series, has been in Development Hell™ for at least a decade at this point.

--G.
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>There are a bunch of ways it could slot in as something going on in
>the background (weird splicer sports are pretty common, for instance),
>but my favorite thought so far is... you know how in Alien
>Nation, the Newcomers are all named after historical figures or
>dumb puns because the immigration officials were so overwhelmed by
>needing to process 250,000 people all at once? Same deal, but with
>equine aliens crash-landing on New Japan or Tomodachi, and all the
>immigration people could think of was to hit up the old racehorse
>registry. :)

And that's before you also mix in the big hand-wave of the anime that they're effectively a one-sex race like the Meltrandi or Asari, i.e. there is no male counterpart and horse girls can only descend from other horse girls (no spontaneous manifestation like witches in Strike Witches) so all the girls in game and anime have horse girl mothers and human fathers.

And yes, it gets funnier when you factor in the small genetic pool that "thoroughbred" implies, such that Danbooru has an entire pool dedicated to such familial relations called "Dark Side of the Horse."

>>I mean, I could see a recently (re)discovered world on the rim, or a
>>place in Cephiro that had horse people and a love of racing, and a
>>group showing up at DSM....
>
>There are a bunch of ways it could slot in as something going on in
>the background (weird splicer sports are pretty common, for instance)

Earlier tonight I randomly thought of exactly how this would have gone down if I had been doing it in the mid-'90s: it would've been an Exile story with the Needless Tragedy cranked up to at least 8 or 9. At some point in his wanderings G would have found himself on some planet where umamusume racing was a thing, and through some strange combination of circumstances would've ended up working as a trainer at the local equivalent of Tracen Academy. He'd have spent the requisite three years guiding his assigned trainee through the various critical junctures of her career, forming a close bond in the process...

... and then discovered to his horror that year 4 of an umamusume's career is called the Finale Year because, thanks to the demands racing puts on their bodies (and possibly flaws in the genemods that give them their equine characteristics), once they embark on their full-on racing careers they only have four years to live.

Y'know, I miss a lot of things I've lost from that era of my life--e.g., my youth, my health, my earning potential--but I'm glad I'm not that writer any more.

--G.
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>
>... and then discovered to his horror that year 4 of an umamusume's
>career is called the Finale Year because, thanks to the demands racing
>puts on their bodies (and possibly flaws in the genemods that give
>them their equine characteristics), once they embark on their full-on
>racing careers they only have four years to live.
>

Yeah, I wouldn't have enjoyed that one. I'm not sure if the logical result of that discovery would be Gryphon pummeling all the people who kept this horror show going, or finding a SCIENCE! specialist who is not quite as talented as Li Kohran, but still manages to put together an umamusume-specific version of Omega-2 which doesn't deliver the full package, but does turn a four-year lifetime into a sixty-year lifetime. Possibly both.

Peter Eng
--
Attempting to use Omega-2-Uma on anybody except an umamusume or an actual horse would probably be lethal, because I think that also fits the mid-90s UF writing style.

LAST EDITED ON Aug-10-25 AT 08:50 AM (EDT)
 
>Yeah, I wouldn't have enjoyed that one. I'm not sure if the logical
>result of that discovery would be Gryphon pummeling all the people who
>kept this horror show going, or finding a SCIENCE! specialist who is
>not quite as talented as Li Kohran, but still manages to put together
>an umamusume-specific version of Omega-2 which doesn't deliver the
>full package, but does turn a four-year lifetime into a sixty-year
>lifetime. Possibly both.

Agnes Tachyon, though I'm sure she might argue that "talent" and the level of ability in specific scientific fields is all relative (translation: "Li Kohran's work is doodoo!") You don't even need to change anything to fit in the role, her whole backstory in-game is that she's a mad scientist who's developing various "shady drugs" in an effort to cure a genetic defect that left her with frail legs.

As for the context of this being a 90s UF Exile story, umamusume racing almost sounds like a more acceptable version of sports like Motorball that are popular out on The Rim but frowned upon in the Core Systems. The major operative difference is running your body (even a gene modded one) to the point of total collapse is seen as less gruesome than...you know...getting gibbed in your first race by a guy with retractable blade whips. Though if you wanted to be especially heinous, go with Gigi's idea of sending those who fail to win to the "glue factory."

>she's a mad scientist who's developing various "shady
>drugs" in an effort to cure a genetic defect that left her with frail
>legs.

IRL, this condition actually exists; it's called "being a Thoroughbred". :/

>Though if you wanted to be especially
>heinous, go with Gigi's idea of sending those who fail to win to the
>"glue factory."

The Big Reveal would be the discovery of the facility where the hatchery's nutrient slurry comes from, which works like the thing the Reapers were using to build the giant humanoid Reaper in Mass Effect 2.

--G.
the grimdarque was strong in those days, but much less ironic
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>IRL, this condition actually exists; it's called "being a
>Thoroughbred". :/

Indeed, not only did the RL Agnes Tachyon have a bowed tendon in his front leg that forced his early retirement, but several of the foals he sired post-retirement suffered from bowed tendons or leg fractures as well. Fortunately for her, Daiwa Scarlet beat the genetic odds and went on to a successful career.

>The Big Reveal would be the discovery of the facility where the
>hatchery's nutrient slurry comes from, which works like the thing the
>Reapers were using to build the giant humanoid Reaper in Mass
>Effect 2.

"There are fields, Spe-chan, endless fields, where umamusume are no longer born...we are grown."

>the grimdarque was strong in those days, but much less
>ironic

The 90s in a nutshell.

"The URA is a computer generated dream world, built to keep us under control in order to change a umamusume into this." *holds up bottle of Elmer's Glue*

... I played the jorse game.

--G.
it's actually kind of fun
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>... I played the jorse game.
>
>--G.
>it's actually kind of fun

It is, though it is definitely different from other gacha games I've played. Been playing since release and today was the first time I actually beat the main story quests. I've reached that "Oooh, so THAT's how that works" stage of the learning process. And all I'll say about the results is "BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHIN!"

>>it's actually kind of fun
>
>It is, though it is definitely different from other gacha games I've
>played.

Well, the only other one I've played is an action combat game, so I can't help but perceive a pretty big difference. Although it does seem to have the same "six billion ingame currencies for six billion different things" design, uh, feature as ZZZ, just in a completely different key, so to speak. :)

--G.
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>Well, the only other one I've played is an action combat game, so I
>can't help but perceive a pretty big difference. Although it does
>seem to have the same "six billion ingame currencies for six billion
>different things" design, uh, feature as ZZZ, just in a completely
>different key, so to speak. :)

Yeah, every gacha game inevitably ends up with an economy that has more currencies than a smuggling port. You got your free gacha currency, your paid gacha currency, your event currency, your currency from copies of gacha items, currency from copies of characters, special currency you can only earn in the story, shrimp skewers, shrimp kebabs, shrimp salad...wait, sorry, lost my train of thought for a sec.

>>... I played the jorse game.
>>
>>--G.
>>it's actually kind of fun
>
>It is, though it is definitely different from other gacha games I've
>played. Been playing since release and today was the first time I
>actually beat the main story quests. I've reached that "Oooh, so
>THAT's how that works" stage of the learning process. And all
>I'll say about the results is "BAKUSHIN! BAKUSHIN!"

So many of the girls are just really hard to build right at this stage of the game (read: almost everyone who's supposed to be in Long). Meanwhile, "BAKUSHIN" just works.

In a comment on deviantArt, rephrased on several of my discords, I've suggested a need for umamusume versions of MLP:FIM's cast in general and the mane six in particular. And no, contrary to the reply that dA comment got, EQG doesn't count.

Tenants of the house, thoughts of a dry brain in a dry season.

Nice Nature's crippling self-doubt and inability to process praise constructively are very relatable.

--G.
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Going into a race as the overwhelming favorite and then coming in eighth has that "XCOM squaddie misses a 99% shot" energy.

--G.
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LAST EDITED ON Jul-14-25 AT 09:56 PM (EDT)
 
>Going into a race as the overwhelming favorite and then coming in
>eighth has that "XCOM squaddie misses a 99% shot" energy.
>

What I have learned is that the suggestions on what skills to level are the assistant favoring balanced builds. In many cases, this is worse than specializing, provided you understand what you're aiming at.

I haven't found confirmation yet but there's some races that, true to real life, have a very powerful dark horse that unexpectedly won. Rice Shower can assassinate you dead. :)

> Rice Shower can assassinate you dead. :)

I thought Gold Ship was the one who gives you pipe bombs

>> Rice Shower can assassinate you dead. :)
>
>I thought Gold Ship was the one who gives you pipe bombs

Psh, Golshi will drop kick you through your front door.

>>I thought Gold Ship was the one who gives you pipe bombs
>
>Psh, Golshi will drop kick you through your front door.

I've watched a few videos of the real Gold Ship enjoying his retirement, and in this one especially, he reminds me of Scout, the Appaloosa gelding we had when I was a kid. Scout liked to lie down like that too. He was basically a thousand-pound Labrador retriever.

We did horse shows and Western eventing, not racing, and certainly nobody we knew had a Thoroughbred (it was mostly Apps, Quarter Horses, and Shetland ponies around here back in the day, apart from that one guy who bred Arabians), but all the same, watching and playing Umamusume has gotten me weirdly nostalgic for those days.

I don't know if I've ever talked about it on here, but in elementary and middle schools I was active in the local 4-H chapter. Since there are no farms around here, the club's activities were virtually all equestrian, centered around a small complex of privately owned stables that stood on a couple of the unpaved fire roads in the woods just outside of town, on lots that were leased from the paper company that owned... well, everything around here back in the day. We had a fenced-in show ring on one of the barn roads where we put on two or three shows a year, which drew exhibitors from all over the state.

Show horses and their people were a funny little world back in those days. Probably still are today, but there's no longer any activity of that kind around here. The barn population dwindled over the course of the '90s, while I was away, and by the time I came back to town the 4-H chapter had disbanded. At some point the timber company that took over Great Northern Paper's woodlands after the company dissolved took back the lots. I didn't realize this until one day a couple of summers ago, when, struck by a sudden curious whim, I went up to see if anything was going on at the old barn roads... and discovered that every trace of the old stable complex is gone. From the looks of the ground where they once stood, I'd guess somebody bulldozed everything into a pile and burned it.

Anyway, now this silly but surprisingly deep horse girl game has me thinking of those days for the first time in a while, even though the world of Thoroughbred racing is far, far removed from the sort of Horse Activities I knew back when. If you have never known a horse in person, I assure you they really are as simultaneously fascinating and goofy as this game, and its IRL lore, may lead you to suppose. :)

--G.
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>Psh, Golshi will drop kick you through your front door.

As every vtuber that's tried to train her has found out.

>>Psh, Golshi will drop kick you through your front door.
>
>As every vtuber that's tried to train her has found out.

"And to my belovèd trainer, I leave my entire vast... boottothehead."

--G.
and one more for Jenny and the wimp
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"And to my belovèd trainer, I leave my entire vast... boottothehead."

--G.
and one more for Jenny and the wimp

Ahhh, quality memeing. I remember those shorts fondly.

I like how everyone has the same reaction, and at least one lampshades: "yeah, if that was real, I would be dead."

>I like how everyone has the same reaction, and at least one
>lampshades: "yeah, if that was real, I would be dead."

Biboo started to like it after a while. She went from "stop kicking me!" to "yeahhh! yeah, kick me--oof! yeah!!"

She's a little strange. :)

--G.
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I have failed to help Special Week achieve her dreams, and now I am scarred.

--G.
the kid was so damn eager; it was all so big and new
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You're really not so much Rice Shower's trainer as her therapist.

--G.
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>You're really not so much Rice Shower's trainer as her therapist.
>

Also for King Halo, whose main problem is, well, ASIAN MOM. (She's rapidly rising up my list of favorite horses)

>>You're really not so much Rice Shower's trainer as her therapist.
>>
>
>Also for King Halo, whose main problem is, well, ASIAN MOM. (She's
>rapidly rising up my list of favorite horses)

It honestly feels like half the cast are just there to have fun and the other half lug more baggage than a porter's convention. I do a career with Air Groove and watch her struggle under not only her mother's legacy but also the expectations of her as Vice President...and then I do one with Goldshi and wonder if this girl is even on speaking terms with reality. Or fight the ultimate underdog story with Haru Urara...and then cringe with embarrassment at Teio being a bratty half-pint.

>...and then I do one with Goldshi and wonder if this girl is
>even on speaking terms with reality.

Golshi rejects your reality and substitutes her own.

--G.
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BAKUSHIIIIIIN

that is all

--G.
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LAST EDITED ON Jul-19-25 AT 02:39 AM (EDT)
 
>BAKUSHIIIIIIN

To paraphrase Kozue Kaoru, man, this horse is like a wind-up toy. You just crank the key and point her in a direction.

I may have to try that one again. Getting all the way up the ladder and then coming in second in the URA Finale finals was... unsatisfying.

I kinda wish you could NG+ your veterans. That would be hilarious, especially in the early stages. :)

--G.
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>>BAKUSHIIIIIIN
>
>To paraphrase Kozue Kaoru, man, this horse is like a wind-up toy. You
>just crank the key and point her in a direction.
>
>I may have to try that one again. Getting all the way up the ladder
>and then coming in second in the URA Finale finals was...
>unsatisfying.
>
>I kinda wish you could NG+ your veterans. That would be hilarious,
>especially in the early stages. :)

Bakushin is just built to be user-friendly, as wrong as that sounds. Most other girls require you to spend time building support cards, training legacies, learning the races, and in general getting to know the mechanics of the game well enough to exploit them.

With her, it is simply three words: "I am SPEED!" It's like flying an F-104: She'll go really fast in one direction, but don't ask her to do anything else because it will just end in tragedy.

I will gripe that some of the UI/UX decisions reflect that this game is actually several years old at this point and is a late localization.

I don't understand why we need to spam click through Team race results and there's no "summarize all races" button.

I also really wish there was some way to filter for which Umas I've gotten the good ending on, which I've gotten only the normal ending on, and which I don't have any successful completion for, so I can easily see who I 'need' to focus runs on.

I just realized who Haru Urara's been reminding me of this whole time: Yui Hirasawa. She doesn't know when she's beaten. She doesn't know when she's winning either. She has no sort of sensory apparatus known to man. Ooh a butterfly! Also, favors farmer overalls over t-shirts for civvies. Very Yui-coded.

--G.
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>I just realized who Haru Urara's been reminding me of this whole time:
>Yui Hirasawa. She doesn't know when she's beaten. She doesn't know
>when she's winning either. She has no sort of sensory apparatus known
>to man. Ooh a butterfly! Also, favors farmer overalls over t-shirts
>for civvies. Very Yui-coded.

Been wanting to post this since I heard about it:

Real life Haru Urara has now received 2.5 metric tons of ryegrass since the English release of the game

The always thoughtful Tako One has advised any who want to donate to consider sending to other horses like Grass Wonder.

>The always thoughtful Tako One has advised any who want to donate to
>consider sending to other horses like Grass Wonder.

In the meantime, I read somewhere that the management of the farm where Haru Urara lives is sharing the bounty with the other horses who live there, in her name. Which is cute.

(I also read somewhere that she gets visibly annoyed if visitors call her obaa-chan, which is also adorable.)

In conclusion, on a point of order, Ina is Tako Zero. Flare is Tako One. :)

--G.
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Would Ina not be Tako Actual?

LAST EDITED ON Jul-20-25 AT 08:24 PM (EDT)
 
>Would Ina not be Tako Actual?

I wasn't thinking of it in terms of communications protocol, more as something along the lines of "Patient Zero". :)

As far as voice comms goes, weirdly enough there's no hard doctrine about this that I can find, but at least in U.S. ground forces, the usual thing is for the commanding officer to have the callsign number 6 (unclear why, lots of folk etymologies out there that may or may not be true). "Actual" is used when the holder of the callsign his- or herself is speaking, rather than a radio operator; if the latter, they either don't use a suffix or append "Romeo".

So, for example, if commanding force Tako in the field, Ina's callsign would be Tako 6, and if her radio operator was having difficulty getting a point across to someone on her behalf, she might take the handset and say, "(receiving callsign), this is Tako 6 Actual. Please get with the program."

Or at least this is how I've read it working in about a hundred military memoirs ranging from World War II to Afghanistan. Anybody who's been an actual infantry commander or the comm jockey for same, feel free to set me straight. :)

--G.
Wait, is this why Tom Clancy's tactical shooter series is called Rainbow Six
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>Wait, is this why Tom Clancy's tactical shooter series
>is called Rainbow Six

Sure is! The OG Rainbow Six game was based off a novel of the same name, both dealing with a special-forces team specialized in hostage rescue and anti-terror missions; in the game you had a fairly lengthy planning section where you'd set up how your entire squad deployed and what they did, and only afterward would you go to the FPS mode.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>In conclusion, on a point of order, Ina is Tako Zero. Flare is Tako
>One. :)

Amusingly enough, Ina had a collab with Flare last night and informed her that her nickname (per the chat) is "Takodachi Prime."

LAST EDITED ON Jul-20-25 AT 02:01 PM (EDT)
 
I don't think we're really talking about mechanics much in this corner of the internet, but if people are struggling or lost and/or are having a hard time with the gospel of Speed/Stam/Power, this guide from a Japanese player offers some different evaluations.

(tl;dw: In the current EN build, try Speed+Wits and get skills, don't need Stam much or Guts at all and you'll get Power from training Speed)

I gave it a shot and knocked out a Mayano finals win with it, which I didn't have before.

LAST EDITED ON Jul-20-25 AT 08:46 PM (EDT)
 
>I don't think we're really talking about mechanics much in this corner
>of the internet

No reason why we can't, we just usually don't. Might be an idea to do a new thread for it, though, both to give it its own place and because this one's closing in on 50.

I'm having a so-so time so far (ed. note: by which I mean, I'm having fun playing, but my trainees aren't having very good careers), but I think a lot of it is just because I don't have many good support cards. I spent all my carats pulling for trainees. (The same thing happens in ZZZ. I never roll on the ones that only give W-engines, because W-engines are boring. :)

--G.
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>>I don't think we're really talking about mechanics much in this corner
>>of the internet
>
>No reason why we can't, we just usually don't. Might be an idea to do
>a new thread for it, though, both to give it its own place and because
>this one's closing in on 50.
>
>I'm having a so-so time so far (ed. note: by which I mean, I'm having
>fun playing, but my trainees aren't having very good careers), but I
>think a lot of it is just because I don't have many good support
>cards. I spent all my carats pulling for trainees. (The same thing
>happens in ZZZ. I never roll on the ones that only give W-engines,
>because W-engines are boring. :)
>
>--G.

Alas, that is indeed the boring way of things. The meta thing to do was to save as many rolls as possible for the current support banner and get as many copies of SSR Kitasan Black as possible, and taking any good SR uncaps along the way. Then after that, do a couple character pulls for cute horses to fill out your roster on a later banner.

>Alas, that is indeed the boring way of things. The meta thing to do
>was to save as many rolls as possible for the current support banner
>and get as many copies of SSR Kitasan Black as possible, and taking
>any good SR uncaps along the way. Then after that, do a couple
>character pulls for cute horses to fill out your roster on a later
>banner.

Yeah, I didn't realize that Kitasan banner was releasing so soon after launch and got too focused on building a roster, so now I'm struggling to get the pity pull before the banner closes.

Lady Lucky, why hast thou forsaken me?! First the Arknights anniversary limited banner, now this.