Wedding dresses?! They're in high school!

--G.
also, Mayano Top Gun was already halu enough, ffs
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>Wedding dresses?! They're in high school!
>

Air Groove at least is part of the School Council, who are coded as older than the main set of characters, reflecting IRL. (She and Narita Brian predate the Golden Generation by a couple years.) Mayano's career mode is even about trying to keep Narita Brian from retiring.

You can probably translate that to them being college aged at least, effectively.

(Time is a little fuzzy with the older umas, they're literally like elves)

>>Wedding dresses?! They're in high school!
>>
>
>Air Groove at least is part of the School Council

. o O { Revolutionary Umamusume Urara }

--G.
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>(Time is a little fuzzy with the older umas, they're literally like
>elves)

Yeah, I'd just learned that the other day, that the creators said that besides umamusume only being female, they also age to physical maturity and never grow old. Now you just need to throw in parthenogenesis and they truly will be Asari.

The creators also said that normal horses don't exist in this world, but the implications of that are...unpleasant

>Yeah, I'd just learned that the other day, that the creators said that
>besides umamusume only being female, they also age to physical
>maturity and never grow old.

Oguri Cap's mom in Cinderella Gray looks significantly older than that, but it could be because a) they don't draw her eyes for some terrifying reason and b) she's evidently had it rough.

>The creators also said that normal horses don't exist
>in this world, but the implications of that are...unpleasant

Given how critical horses have been to human history up until very, very recently, one wonders how a civilization anything like the real one--let alone as close as the one shown in the franchise is--could possibly have developed without them.

--G.
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>Oguri Cap's mom in Cinderella Gray looks significantly older
>than that, but it could be because a) they don't draw her eyes for
>some terrifying reason and b) she's evidently had it rough.

Yeah, I think in the case of Oguri's mom it's a "not the age, it's the mileage" scenario. Plus the little bit of Special Week's birth mom that we see in flashback looks like Spe-chan but a bit more mature.

>Given how critical horses have been to human history up until very,
>very recently, one wonders how a civilization anything like the real
>one--let alone as close as the one shown in the franchise is--could
>possibly have developed without them.

Hence calling the implications "unpleasant," as the best scenario that comes to mind is another animal species took the traditional place of horses in the development of humans. Beyond that, any explanation that I can think of includes one or more variations of the word "slavery."

>Hence calling the implications "unpleasant," as the best scenario that
>comes to mind is another animal species took the traditional place of
>horses in the development of humans. Beyond that, any explanation
>that I can think of includes one or more variations of the word
>"slavery."

Well, as entertaining as the image is, I doubt knights, Mongol warriors, cavalry soldiers et al. throughout history were getting piggyback rides from umas, so...

--G.
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>Well, as entertaining as the image is, I doubt knights, Mongol
>warriors, cavalry soldiers et al. throughout history were
>getting piggyback rides from umas, so...

I thought on it after my last post and it may simply be something similar to the existence of witches in the Strike Witches universe, i.e. civilizations found roles for umamusume that we'd associate in our world with horses. Which does lead to images of young women in full plate armor running across fields carrying lances.

Though that does lead to unfortunate image of the Charge of Light Brigade only with girls in cavalry jackets and sabers charging into Russian guns...

I’ve seen multiple pictures of the Trojan Horse being basically an anime figurine.

Also, warfare aside, a lot of what horses do can be done with llamas, alpacas, oxen, yaks, elephants, whatever other large mostly herbivorous land mammal is locally available. Horses were kind of just the most versatile and common ones in our own world. Giving them opposable thumbs and the ability to not kill themselves because they got spooked by an unexpected light breeze makes them even more useful, but probably less for other things, like pulling eight tons of cargo for sixteen hours. Probably.

....I want to see the totally beefed out Draft Umamusume now. Where’s THAT game, cowards?!

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moose_cavalry

While it's certainly possible to ride moose, doing so in actual combat conditions not so much.

>....I want to see the totally beefed out Draft Umamusume now.
>Where’s THAT game, cowards?!

For complicated reasons even I myself am not entirely sure of, this led to the mental image of Sakura Bakushin O carrying the giant cargo backpack from Death Stranding.

--G.
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>I thought on it after my last post and it may simply be something
>similar to the existence of witches in the Strike Witches
>universe, i.e. civilizations found roles for umamusume that we'd
>associate in our world with horses. Which does lead to images of
>young women in full plate armor running across fields carrying lances.

I spent entirely too long trying to think how medieval cavalry tactics would work without the height advantage of being on actual horseback before I finally acknowledged how silly the entire train of thought was.

(I still can't figure how the Parthian shot would work. :)

>Though that does lead to unfortunate image of the
>Charge of Light Brigade only with girls in cavalry jackets and sabers
>charging into Russian guns...

"Forward, the Light Brigade!"
Was there a girl dismayed?
Not though the uma knew
Someone had blundered.
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do and die.
Into the valley of Death
Ran the six hundred.

--G.
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Did ya HAVE to make me imagine six hundred cute anime girls getting brutally gunned down?

Me, having watched multiple Gundam, edgy Madoka wannabes, and Hunter x Hunter: First time?

>Did ya HAVE to make me imagine six hundred cute anime girls getting
>brutally gunned down?

The Light Brigade didn't all die; all told, the brigade suffered 110 killed and a further 134 wounded out of 670-some men fielded in the action, which are heavy casualties to be sure, but hardly the outright massacre Tennyson's poem suggests.

Mind you, once you factor in the 300+ horses killed, that skews the picture a little. I'm not sure how that would work in an uma-based world either--would uma cavalry units have two troopers for each real-world one, one representing the rider and the other his horse? What about remounts? It all gets a bit complicated...

--G.
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>>Hence calling the implications "unpleasant," as the best scenario that
>>comes to mind is another animal species took the traditional place of
>>horses in the development of humans. Beyond that, any explanation
>>that I can think of includes one or more variations of the word
>>"slavery."
>
>Well, as entertaining as the image is, I doubt knights, Mongol
>warriors, cavalry soldiers et al. throughout history were
>getting piggyback rides from umas, so...
>
>--G.
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Fanart

Perhaps they -were- the Mongol warriors.

Can umamusume sleep standing up?

--G.
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Some humans can do it, including my dad.

>Can umamusume sleep standing up?

Update: Yes. Or at least Agnes Tachyon can.

--G.
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. o O { Lord of the Rings, but the Rohirrim are just umas }

"Run now! Run! Run for ruin and the world's ending!"

--G.
in this version, Théoden King would live, unless Hishi Akebono fell on her
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Rice is the storm that is approaching

--G.
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>Rice is the storm that is approaching

Random dead of night thought: The UF version of Rice grew up to join the Experts of Justice as a black ops expert by the nom de guerre "The Black Assassin." Maintains a side job as the owner and head pastry chef at a local bakery, leaving all who meet her baffled by how the sweet and shy woman in the toque hat by day is a ruthless assassin by night. Yes, that's right, UF Rice grows up to be Yor Briar.

Side thought: Gold Ship also joined the EoJ...as Deadpool's partner-in-crime

>Side thought: Gold Ship also joined the EoJ...as
>Deadpool's partner-in-crime

Well, she's got the right color scheme to fit in as part of Team Deadpool, that's for sure.

automatic follow-up image: Deadpool arriving at some scene of action, probably by crashing through a window or wall... getting a piggyback from Golshi. I feel like Golshi would be unable to resist bellowing "OH YEAAAAAH" in the process.

--G.
"Cheers, love! The cavalry's here!"
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>automatic follow-up image: Deadpool arriving at some scene of action,
>probably by crashing through a window or wall... getting a piggyback
>from Golshi. I feel like Golshi would be unable to resist bellowing
>"OH YEAAAAAH" in the process.

GOLDSHIP
"Next time, I'm riding YOU into battle!"

DEADPOOL
(waggling his eyebrows)
"Kinky!"

I vote Curren Chan "most likely to have an UmaFans page she doesn't let her trainer know about."

--G.
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I held off on attempting a Golshi career because of all the buzz about how hard she is to train, only to have the second-best career run I've had so far with her--even after the RNG straight-up tried to murder her right before her senior-year summer camp. She went from perfectly healthy and in a great mood to suffering from no fewer than three afflictions and (unsurprisingly) in an awful mood in the space of the single turn after she ran the race just before camp.

I don't think this was specifically part of the Magic of Golshi, since they were all random events I've seen in other careers... just not all at once. Then she staggered unproductively through summer camp, since there's no way to remove afflictions there, and I had to spend the entire gap between then and her next race sending her to the infimary over and over again to clear all that nonsense out.

THEN she failed a low-percentage training and hurt herself further by failing the dice roll on the resulting infirmary screen, leaving all that to be cleaned up in between her penultimate and last career races, one of which she had to tackle in a bad mood.

She lost only one race (in which she came in second) in her entire career and proceeded to sweep the URA Finale, all without a single do-over.

I assume that part is part of the Magic of Golshi.

She's also the first uma I've managed to get all the way to the top of the popularity pyramid, though the game still didn't reckon she was worth more than a low B+ rating, maybe because she was too busy being a weirdo to run many optional races during her career? I don't quite get how the game calculates their final ratings.

--G.
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>She's also the first uma I've managed to get all the way to the top of
>the popularity pyramid, though the game still didn't reckon she was
>worth more than a low B+ rating, maybe because she was too busy being
>a weirdo to run many optional races during her career? I don't quite
>get how the game calculates their final ratings.

Rating is primarily driven by high stats. Rating weight to stats is not linear. You get a lot more rating from a stat spread of two stats that is 1200+400 rather than a spread that is 800+800. And then skills and affinities weigh in also.

It's a good thing that legacies are some sort of spiritual connection rather than actual genetics, because I'm sending in Haru Urara with the same version of Taiki Shuttle as both her "grandparent" and her "parent."

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>It's a good thing that legacies are some sort of spiritual connection
>rather than actual genetics, because I'm sending in Haru Urara with
>the same version of Taiki Shuttle as both her "grandparent" and her
>"parent."

Yeah, a ton of mine involve a particular borrowed Oguri Cap on one side, and a native veteran who also had that borrowed Oguri Cap as the guest legacy on the other.

Fun fact: the real-life Still in Love was almost that level of inbred, to which some JRA insiders attribute her career-ending mental collapse.

--G.
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>Fun fact: the real-life Still in Love was almost that level of inbred,
>to which some JRA insiders attribute her career-ending mental
>collapse.

I personally love the fan theory that said collapse was due to seeing her jockey in the company of his then-girlfriend at the track one day. Making it doubly hilarious is said jockey (the only one she ever had during her career) famously declared he'd elope with her if forced to leave the job.

Is it any wonder that the umamusume ended up the resident yandere of the cast?

>I personally love the fan theory that said collapse was due to seeing
>her jockey in the company of his then-girlfriend at the track one day.

I'm... not convinced that horses are capable of that level of abstract reasoning, but maybe?

> Making it doubly hilarious is said jockey (the only one she ever had
>during her career) famously declared he'd elope with her if forced to
>leave the job.

"You just made it weird, Hideki."

>Is it any wonder that the umamusume ended up the resident yandere of
>the cast?

I'm just surprised there's only the one...

--G.
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>I'm... not convinced that horses are capable of that level of abstract
>reasoning, but maybe?

It's pretty much on the same level as claims that Tokai Teio became so familiar with the sound of his vet's footsteps that he would frantically try to escape his paddock any time the man was on the property.

>"You just made it weird, Hideki."

"Things that make you go 'Bwah?!'" for $2000, Alex.

>I'm just surprised there's only the one...

It's a matter of degrees, as while Mayano and Tokai are notably clingy to their trainer, Still's "primal half" is very clearly a bunny boiler.

>>I'm... not convinced that horses are capable of that level of abstract
>>reasoning, but maybe?
>
>It's pretty much on the same level as claims that Tokai Teio became so
>familiar with the sound of his vet's footsteps that he would
>frantically try to escape his paddock any time the man was on the
>property.

Horses are generally held to be about as smart as dogs. They can definitely remember people. I doubt it's the footsteps but they have a decent sense of smell, if not as good as a dog's. So it's within the realm of plausibility.

If the vet was also making regular visits it could be a time thing as well that the horse could remember as an additional helper.

>>I personally love the fan theory that said collapse was due to seeing
>>her jockey in the company of his then-girlfriend at the track one day.
>
>I'm... not convinced that horses are capable of that level of abstract
>reasoning, but maybe?
>

Animals are capable of some wild jumps in intelligence in certain contexts. And they are absolutely capable of feeling mind-melting levels of jealousy and possessiveness. They're also able to tell women apart from men.

'The shining star of losers everywhere' who inspired one of Umamusume's most popular horse girls has passed away

I'm not crying, you're crying.

:(

--G.
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I didn't have "hot springs vacation with Nice Nature" on my bingo card today, but hey!

--G.
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Nice! It's a long process to get all of those, nevermind the ones you get while you're doing an otherwise cursed run that you realize might not win.

I just got Oguri Cap's today myself while knocking out a quick Dirt TT run to start building bond on her.

>Nice! It's a long process to get all of those, nevermind the ones you
>get while you're doing an otherwise cursed run that you realize might
>not win.

Which I was sure was going to happen with Nature this time around, because she managed to score Night Owl three times in that career, plus one failed infirmary visit and a failed training with failed infirmary roll afterward. She went into the URA Finale finals as the ninth favorite, and yet.

--G.
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Also, belately, I just realized you said this...

>I just got Oguri Cap's today myself while knocking out a quick Dirt TT
>run to start building bond on her.

... I hope the gift certificate includes catering. Well, I hope it for Trainer-san's sake. It might put the onsen out of business, though.

--G.
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>Also, belately, I just realized you said this...
>
>>I just got Oguri Cap's today myself while knocking out a quick Dirt TT
>>run to start building bond on her.
>
>... I hope the gift certificate includes catering. Well, I hope it
>for Trainer-san's sake. It might put the onsen out of business,
>though.
>

Because it's the very good ending, <after the soak in the springs Oguri is feeling girlfriend-adjacent and wants to go for a nice stroll at night and watch the stars instead of heading for food>.

>Because it's the very good ending, (...).

Ah, good.

I do not have Oguri in my stable of trainees. This makes me sad, particularly now that I'm a few episodes into Cinderella Gray.

--G.
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I just realized something.

Grass Wonder was born and raised in Kentucky, moving to Japan only when she started at Tracen Academy... but has the full set of Yamato nadeshiko mannerisms, up to and including an unironic devotion to the tea ceremony. In the animation for her Unique, she hauls out a freaking naginata.

She's a megaweeb.

--G.
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>I just realized something.
>
>Grass Wonder was born and raised in Kentucky, moving to Japan only
>when she started at Tracen Academy... but has the full set of
>Yamato nadeshiko mannerisms, up to and including an unironic
>devotion to the tea ceremony. In the animation for her Unique, she
>hauls out a freaking naginata.
>
>She's a megaweeb.
>

Grass Wonder is a devotee of the ideal of being a Yamato Nadeshiko because otherwise all of the boiling, barely contained rage inside her gets out and she goes on to Rip And Tear.

Remember:

I’m just watching from the outside, but my recent visits to the Maryland Renaissance Festival makes me wonder…

… how do the Joust/Equestrian events in the Faire work in an Umamusume world?

—- Philip

	Philip J. Moyer Contributing Writer, Editor and Artist (and Moderator) -- Eyrie Productions, Unlimited CEO of MTS, High Poobah Of Artwork, and High Priest Of the Church Of Aerianne -- Magnetic Terrapin Studios "Insert Pithy Comment Here" Fandoms -- Fanart -- Fan Meta Discussions

>I’m just watching from the outside, but my recent visits to the
>Maryland Renaissance Festival makes me wonder…
>
>… how do the Joust/Equestrian events in the Faire work in an
>Umamusume world?

It depends on whether you interpret cavalry in that world as "armed umas" or "umas giving armed people a piggyback". The former is obviously more serious, the latter wackier. :)

--G.
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I think the career I just finished was the closest to perfect I've managed so far, except for the raffle outcome:

- Triple Crown (two of which weren't on the goal race list)
- Two straight Arima Kinens (one of them optional)
- Never failed a training
- Never drew a negative condition
- 17 races, 17 wins
- URA Finale champion

... with the fancier version of Mejiro McQueen, who is supposedly harder to win with because her Unique is more conditional than the original flavor's.

Even the raffle prize wasn't that bad--it was the burger, which at least provides substantial stat boosts.

We didn't get the hot springs trip, but take a nap, McQueen, you earned it.

--G.
I mean, I could just take her to a hot spring. We don't have to win the tickets. I assume I get paid.
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Okay, vaguely related:

Are clubs mainly a resource for Yet Another Fine Currency? I'm unclear on why I should join one, other than the pathetic reward the game offers, and what I've read online isn't particularly helpful. (This may say more about my web search abilities than the resources I've looked at.)

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>Okay, vaguely related:
>
>Are clubs mainly a resource for Yet Another Fine Currency? I'm
>unclear on why I should join one, other than the pathetic reward the
>game offers, and what I've read online isn't particularly helpful.
>(This may say more about my web search abilities than the resources
>I've looked at.)
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>Insert humorous comment here.

Yes. Clubs are a place to trade shoes back and forth for club points.

Technically you also get a coin discount on borrowing Umas from club friends but that's pretty inconsequential vs just using a friend finder to get a perfect borrow.

Mambo rerun and Nice Nature second preorder period for their scale figures

Second limited banner in the space of a month, second time a month they dump 1,500 carrots on my doorstep like a drug dealer tempting you to take a hit.

What's a poor trainer to do?!

I've been doing a lot of Grass Wonder careers as part of Cancer Cup prep and my god she has such a moody career. I didn't realize how bad it was. So damn many Mood downs and other nonsense. She's still not quite as bad as Maya but sheesh.

>I've been doing a lot of Grass Wonder careers as part of Cancer Cup
>prep and my god she has such a moody career. I didn't realize how bad
>it was. So damn many Mood downs and other nonsense. She's still not
>quite as bad as Maya but sheesh.

Having just this minute gone down in flames... again... trying to get Rice Shower through: I feel you, Trainer.

--G.
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>>I've been doing a lot of Grass Wonder careers as part of Cancer Cup
>>prep and my god she has such a moody career. I didn't realize how bad
>>it was. So damn many Mood downs and other nonsense. She's still not
>>quite as bad as Maya but sheesh.
>
>Having just this minute gone down in flames... again... trying to get
>Rice Shower through: I feel you, Trainer.
>

My daily career last night she hit the Slacker event in early June, failed to remove it on the one Infirmary chance I had on late June, and then had Slacker proc and was thus absent for THREE turns during the summer training camp.

Just doomed.