While working out how to produce a useful nine-star stat Uma, I realized that one of my possibilities was pairing Eishin Flash, child of Vodka, with Vodka, child of Eishin Flash.

I suspect an accident with a time machine and a contraceptive.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

AH, a mouse!

Wait, false alarm, it was just Nishino.

LAST EDITED ON Apr-14-26 AT 03:40 PM (EDT)
 
>While working out how to produce a useful nine-star stat Uma, I
>realized that one of my possibilities was pairing Eishin Flash, child
>of Vodka, with Vodka, child of Eishin Flash.
>
>I suspect an accident with a time machine and a contraceptive.

"Wait, since when did Vodka speak German?"

"What are you talking about, ich spreche kein Deutsch--vas?!"

--G.
the next part presumably plays out not unlike the "I'm really speaking Spanish!" scene from the Brendan Fraser remake of Bedazzled)
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
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zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

If you have Bakushin and Rice Vampire as Aces in your Team Trials squad, something incredibly cute happens occasionally during the pre-race screen. I have no idea what they're saying, but Baku yells something encouraging-sounding and Rice answers her.

--G.
"piiiiiiin"
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

There's a lot of bits like that. My guess is that there were so many, they didn't bother translating them.

Peter Eng
--
Today's race music: Konya wa Hurricane.

If you have Taiki Shuttle and Grass Wonder as aces, you can totally understand what they're saying. :)

>If you have Taiki Shuttle and Grass Wonder as aces, you can totally
>understand what they're saying. :)

... You can understand Taiki Shuttle?

--G.
"Is it possible to learn this power?" -- Golshi, probably
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>If you have Taiki Shuttle and Grass Wonder as aces, you can totally
>>understand what they're saying. :)
>
>... You can understand Taiki Shuttle?
>
>--G.
>"Is it possible to learn this power?" -- Golshi,
>probably
>-><-
>Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
>Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
>zgryphon at that email service Google has
>Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

She's speaking English! No, really.

Did a Unity run after weeks of doing nothing but Trackblazer to start unlocking events for trainees I picked up after the latter dropped and...whew, that was a kick in the teeth. You don't realize how freeing it is to pick and choose which races you run until you have to go back to a set schedule and focus more on training than running.

This year's Ultraman series has just been announced. This year, the hero's name is Ultraman Teo.

Tokai Teio artists, your moment has arrived. Get to it!

--G.
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Dang, Sirius Symboli is such a jerk.

--G.
-><-
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zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

LAST EDITED ON Apr-18-26 AT 07:10 PM (EDT)
 
>Dang, Sirius Symboli is such a jerk.
>

She has so many chips on her shoulder, they could turn her into a data center.

Peter Eng
--
Today's race music: Sweet Magic.

Nishino Flower's pretty good. And she showed up on her own banner for once!

--G.
-><-
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

1) My open-league squad had zero chance in the Aries Cup. Usually as a filthy casual I can at least get one win in Group B. This time? Nah. One of the three came in second about 60 percent of the time, but nary a win.

2) They made Nice Nature... a cheerleader. What?

3) Of course I didn't get her on the first pull... but I did get another version of King Halo. What?

--G.
I don't understand what's going on any more
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>1) My open-league squad had zero chance in the Aries Cup.
>Usually as a filthy casual I can at least get one win in Group B. This
>time? Nah. One of the three came in second about 60 percent of the
>time, but nary a win.

Just barely got into Group B again with a runaway Suzuka that I built on a lark one day just to say I had her.

>2) They made Nice Nature... a cheerleader. What?

They made the infamously bone-idle Seiun a break dancer in the last event. I'm convinced they just use a pair of wheels to pick girls and themes.

>3) Of course I didn't get her on the first pull... but I did get
>another version of King Halo. What?

"Oh, a 3-star! And a frilly skirt! Did I finally get Fine Motion? No, it's King in a male cheerleader's outfit...I can work with this."

>I don't understand what's going on any more

I think of it as the light-hearted vacation away from the grimdark that is the main story over at Arknights.

LAST EDITED ON Apr-26-26 AT 11:05 PM (EDT)
 
>I think of it as the light-hearted vacation away from the grimdark
>that is the main story over at Arknights.

Endfield or original game? I've been saving the latest expansion of the former for a day when I didn't have other things to divert my attention, and have no idea what's going on in the latter at all.

--G.
-><-
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>Endfield or original game? I've been saving the latest expansion of
>the former for a day when I didn't have other things to divert my
>attention, and have no idea what's going on in the latter at all.

Original game, they're in the middle of their newest celebration event after the release of Chapter 16. If you ever have time and access to a Crunchyroll log-in, I recommend checking out the anime series as it pretty well condenses down the first 8 chapters (aka the Reunion Arc).

Honestly, comparing Endfield to the original game is like comparing Star Wars to Warhammer 40K: A bad day on Talos is still relative paradise compared to the best day on Terra. For one thing, Perlica isn't a war orphan who wound up as the CEO of a pharmaceutical company/mercenary army and heir apparent to the throne of a nomadic kingdom before she was even 10 years old.

And then there's Gummy. Just, poor Gummy.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>And then there's Gummy. Just, poor Gummy.

Ah, the Ursus Student Self-Governing Group. One girl so overcome with guilt that she's slowly drinking herself to death, another who deals with her own guilt by cutting herself, the little ray of sunshine that's secretly hiding psychological scars from resorting to cannibalism, the bookworm who feels so guilty over her friend's death that she can't even talk about it...oh, and Leto was there too.

>2) They made Nice Nature... a cheerleader. What?

Ye gods, I just noticed that her ear covers are missing from the cheer outfit. That's so lewd!

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>2) They made Nice Nature... a cheerleader. What?
>
>Ye gods, I just noticed that her ear covers are missing from the cheer
>outfit. That's so lewd!

"Wait. Wait, wait! What are we exactly trying to achieve by sending my brother a video of me in a cheerleader outfit?"

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Horsefem?

>2) They made Nice Nature... a cheerleader. What?

In the little introductory video that plays on their banner, Nature's cheerleading routine looks like actual cheerleading, but King's looks like she's directing traffic. Angrily. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

*sigh* And there's the three-win run that I needed two days ago. Thanks, ladies, take five while I bang my head against this post.

With Golden Week in full swing, the corresponding "Goldshi Week" on Umamusume, and my muse feeling livelier than usual, I bring you the newest (hypothetical) addition to the Experts of Justice: The "Gold Clan."

- Stay Gold (aka "SG" or "Stego") - Professional wanderer and "aneki" of the clan, Stay Gold is rarely in the office as she spends most of her time hitchhiking the galaxy as an unlisted member of the IPO's intelligence branch. Has the uncanny ability to appear when and where she's most needed, but can never seem to answer the phone the rest of the time (to the chagrin of the Chief and the annoyance of her family). Shares an apartment (infrequently) with Gold Ship.

- Dream Journey (aka "Drejo" or "Evil & Intimidating Horse") - Eldest "daughter" of the clan and head of any organization's scariest department: HR. Deceptively strong for her size (only 2cm taller than her "aneki" at 144cm), yet has a warm and considerate attitude to most of her coworkers. Also has an unlisted role in the intelligence branch, though as part of the "deniable missions" task force. Very protective of her sisters.

- Nakayama Festa - (aka "Naka" or "Kiwi-kun") - Second eldest of the clan and assistant head of the accounting office with a knack for numbers and terrible luck. A very laid back woman who only removes her knit cap for special occasions*. Has an unlisted role in the intel branch, but is on temporary suspension after a string of gambling debts during assignment. Do not loan money, especially if it's for a "sure bet."

- Orfevre - (aka "Oru" or "The Golden Tyrant") - Third eldest of the clan and head of the IPO Political Affairs office, Orfevre usually handles contacts with foreign governments that the Chief does not handle personally. Again has a role in the intel branch, coordinating with her counterparts in various intel agencies. Extremely haughty and egotistical on the surface, but caring for her family that includes her two assistants (Lucky Lilac & March Lorraine). Been caught on more than one occasion sticking her tongue out for the cameras.

Gold Ship - (aka "Goldshi" or "La Creatura") - Fourth eldest of the clan and a member of "Team Deadpool" when she's not causing mischief at HQ. Has no role in the intel branch (unlisted or otherwise) but instead an explicit ban from participation in any missions after an incident in MegaTokyo for which accounting estimated 12 billion yen in damages.

Fenomeno - (aka "Meno" or "Mamechan") - Fifth eldest of the clan and assigned to the IPO's armory with specialty in heavy weapons and demolitions. Has a role in the intel branch as an instructor in unarmed fighting and weapons handling. Serious and honest to a fault, which makes her the oddball in the family. Frequent target of pranks from Gold Ship in a vain attempt to loosen her up. Also a member of IPO outreach programs for troubled youth for which she serves as a trainer in physical fitness and athletics.

* Yes, it stays on in the bedroom

>With Golden Week in full swing, the corresponding "Goldshi Week" on
>Umamusume, and my muse feeling livelier than usual, I bring you the
>newest (hypothetical) addition to the Experts of Justice: The "Gold
>Clan."
>

Vaguely related: I imagine that Rice Shower is trying to live a quiet life on Mar Sara, but things keep going wrong. Marshall Sarah Raynor is somewhat resigned to the occasional cry of, "Raynor-san!" To be fair, the Marshall has collected a lot of commendations, medals, and invitations to thank-you dinners since the umamusume arrived on the planet, but she'd be quite happy with more traffic citations and less terrorist cells.

Because of this, Rice Shower is on an IPO watch list - not as a suspect, just as an accidental agent provocateur.

Peter Eng
--
Seiun Sky, on the other hand, gets by with a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and a carbon-fiber fishing rod.

>>With Golden Week in full swing, the corresponding "Goldshi Week" on
>>Umamusume, and my muse feeling livelier than usual, I bring you the
>>newest (hypothetical) addition to the Experts of Justice: The "Gold
>>Clan."
>>
>
>Vaguely related: I imagine that Rice Shower is trying to live a quiet
>life on Mar Sara, but things keep going wrong. Marshall Sarah Raynor
>is somewhat resigned to the occasional cry of, "Raynor-san!" To be
>fair, the Marshall has collected a lot of commendations, medals, and
>invitations to thank-you dinners since the umamusume arrived on the
>planet, but she'd be quite happy with more traffic citations and less
>terrorist cells.
>
>Because of this, Rice Shower is on an IPO watch list - not as a
>suspect, just as an accidental agent provocateur.
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>Seiun Sky, on the other hand, gets by with a copy of The
>Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and a carbon-fiber fishing
>rod.

To be fair, Rice Shower has a certain live-in Cyborg who contributes significantly to resolving problems that arise.

>
>To be fair, Rice Shower has a certain live-in Cyborg who contributes
>significantly to resolving problems that arise.
>

This left me wondering what happened to Zenno Rob Roy. She probably haunts the same web forums that Yomiko Readman does, but is otherwise below the radar.

Peter Eng
--
Super Creek is working a full-time job at a daycare somewhere.

LAST EDITED ON May-03-26 AT 11:20 PM (EDT)
 
1/7 Super Creek

1/7 Fusaichi Pandora

"Well, finally done with Goldshi mode. Sure, it was a bit bruising to my ego, but the coins are helpful and I still had more wins than losses overall."

*Ultra Goldshi Mode unlocks*

*Difficulty spikes more and they debuff your uma so she might as well have both kneecaps broken*

"I wanted a mission, and for my sins, they gave me one."

Golshi mode annoyed me enough that I think it broke my fondness for the game and I'm on the verge of either quitting or going very low effort/activity. The extra difficulty was just enough to start causing race losses when not running Fronts on Trackblazer, which when it makes an hour long run go suboptimally makes me just want to throw things.

>Golshi mode annoyed me enough that I think it broke my fondness for
>the game and I'm on the verge of either quitting or going very low
>effort/activity. The extra difficulty was just enough to start causing
>race losses when not running Fronts on Trackblazer, which when it
>makes an hour long run go suboptimally makes me just want to throw
>things.

I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely annoying. I decided that a title wasn't worth the aggravation, and went back to trying to produce a decent uma.

Peter Eng
--
9-star uma, or Ignited Spirit PWR? Decisions, decisions...

>I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely annoying. I decided that
>a title wasn't worth the aggravation, and went back to trying to
>produce a decent uma.

I'm following the suggestion I saw on r/Umamusume to do a Goldshi run in the Unity career as it's less racing and you get training boosts. And I've had success finishing runs on normal, but I usually crash out in the finales because I burn up my retries on the Takarazuka Kinen.

>>Golshi mode annoyed me enough that I think it broke my fondness for
>>the game and I'm on the verge of either quitting or going very low
>>effort/activity. The extra difficulty was just enough to start causing
>>race losses when not running Fronts on Trackblazer, which when it
>>makes an hour long run go suboptimally makes me just want to throw
>>things.
>
>I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely annoying. I decided that
>a title wasn't worth the aggravation, and went back to trying to
>produce a decent uma.
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>9-star uma, or Ignited Spirit PWR? Decisions, decisions...

Failing a single wrong G1 can be a 60 stat swing on its own just from titles. When trying to make the very best aces capable of winning A Finals, that can be the difference maker. =/

>>>Golshi mode annoyed me enough that I think it broke my fondness for
>>>the game and I'm on the verge of either quitting or going very low
>>>effort/activity. The extra difficulty was just enough to start causing
>>>race losses when not running Fronts on Trackblazer, which when it
>>>makes an hour long run go suboptimally makes me just want to throw
>>>things.
>>
>>I wouldn't go that far, but it's definitely annoying. I decided that
>>a title wasn't worth the aggravation, and went back to trying to
>>produce a decent uma.
>>
>>Peter Eng
>>--
>>9-star uma, or Ignited Spirit PWR? Decisions, decisions...
>
>Failing a single wrong G1 can be a 60 stat swing on its own just from
>titles. When trying to make the very best aces capable of winning A
>Finals, that can be the difference maker. =/

True.

I should have been more clear - I meant, I wouldn't quit because of Super Goldshi Mode.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>True.
>
>I should have been more clear - I meant, I wouldn't quit because of
>Super Goldshi Mode.
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>Insert humorous comment here.

Straw, camel, etc.

Getting the hour+/day back would be nice to be able to start working on my backlog again.

After having the fancy version for ages, I have at last unlocked the OG version of the invincible Tokai Teio the hard way: by accumulating 150 of her Star Pieces through winning legend races against her.

And there was much rejoicing, I suppose. Except among the various other trainees who think she's kind of annoying, who are now presumably saying to each other, "This is getting out of hand. Now there are two of them."

--G.
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>After having the fancy version for ages, I have at last unlocked the
>OG version of the invincible Tokai Teio the hard way: by accumulating
>150 of her Star Pieces through winning legend races against her.

Same deal, though I'm grinding pieces for Agemasan after getting her swimsuit variant as a gacha consolation prize a few weeks back.

>And there was much rejoicing, I suppose. Except among the various
>other trainees who think she's kind of annoying, who are now
>presumably saying to each other, "This is getting out of hand. Now
>there are two of them."

By contrast, McQueen heard of a second Teio arriving at the stables and began mumbling and drooling violently.

>>After having the fancy version for ages, I have at last unlocked the
>>OG version of the invincible Tokai Teio the hard way: by accumulating
>>150 of her Star Pieces through winning legend races against her.
>
>Same deal, though I'm grinding pieces for Agemasan after getting her
>swimsuit variant as a gacha consolation prize a few weeks back.
>

I nabbed Teio early off pieces as I think I either emptied the random event shops for a trickle or I got a long string of lucky daily shops. I'm very, very close to Agemasan myself also now, though I'm unsure if I'll get the last piece before I quit/take a break when the upcoming CM is over.

Ah, the mystery that is Goldshi: Watching her convince Tosen Jordan that taiyaki are real sea bream who volunteer to be cooked on a hot iron and knowing it's even odds that she genuinely believes it.

If she ever showed up in a comic with Deadpool, the two of them would probably fight over the text boxes.

>
>If she ever showed up in a comic with Deadpool, the two of them would
>probably fight over the text boxes.
>

"All right, you get the text boxes, but I get the stat boxes. Now lemme add a couple hundred to my Speed..."

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

LAST EDITED ON May-19-26 AT 11:33 PM (EDT)
 
She's on UF's Team Deadpool for a reason.

Oguri and Tamamo plushies

>While working out how to produce a useful nine-star stat Uma...

And I actually managed it. I did it through RNG, so the Uma in question has low ranking and very few useful skills, but hopefully Big Numbers will help with training the next generation of veterans.

Peter Eng
--
I was actually looking to get Ignited Spirit PWR, because personal project.

1/7 Eishin Flash

LAST EDITED ON Jun-05-26 AT 00:12 AM (EDT)
 
>1/7 Eishin Flash

Of course it would be in her victory pose.

Just be careful putting that on your shelf, as you might wake up in Dusseldorf.

LAST EDITED ON Jun-05-26 AT 11:01 AM (EDT)
 
>Of course it would be in her victory pose.
>
>Just be careful putting that on your shelf, as you might wake up in
>Dusseldorf.

...missing the negative there.

Also, a dirndl is an outfit that brings me joy.

--
Jen Dantes - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lady of Sith Tech Support.
"This may not be a good idea, but it's the only one I have."
...who has relatives in both Dusseldorf and Dresden, and loves her ancestral cuisine.

>...missing the negative there.

Never said it was a negative thing, just that she's a woman who knows what she wants and has it scheduled down to the second. And what she wants is you on a plane to Germany the moment she graduates.

>Also, a dirndl is an outfit that brings me joy.

Agreed.

>1/7 Eishin Flash

Flash! A-ah! Saviour of the universe!

--G.
"Only Trainer Hans Zarkov, formerly at Tracen Academy, has provided any explanation."
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I'm not sure which thought I find funnier: The idea that sons born to uma mothers follow the same sort of naming convention as their sisters and thus you have boys named "Mejiro X" or that they receive normal names and so uma-human couples introduce their kids as "Sakura Chiyano O, Sakura Laurel, Sakura Bakushin O, and Bob."