This was one of those stories that had the reference checker in the back of my brain firing off from the word go. And all the way along, it was just fun. The little references in the background of scenes, followed by little elements like Lain's characterization (I'm still snickering at "Must update Galactipedia page"), screen time for Saya again, and so on. Penny was utterly adorable too.

Great story all round.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter

LAST EDITED ON Jan-02-10 AT 02:30 PM (EST)
 
When the team went on board Queen of Ranroon :

> The six people stepped on board to find themselves faced by a droid.

Six ?

Typo. I'll get the chief to fix it in post.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

Was your take on Mic partially informed by Mike the TV (of Mainframe)?

Not really. It's very much how emotional Mic Sounders XIII is on the source, Gaogaigar.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

Agreed - a really fun ride. :)

I'm looking forward to seeing more of the crew. :)

As ever, excellent. I just get swept along in the story so easily... is it wrong that I wanna join Big Fire just for a chance of meeting these guys?

Probably, thinking about it.

>As ever, excellent. I just get swept along in the story so easily...
>is it wrong that I wanna join Big Fire just for a chance of meeting
>these guys?

Well, if you want to be shot, or have your head or other parts lopped off.... then yes, it's quite wrong!

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

>>As ever, excellent. I just get swept along in the story so easily...
>>is it wrong that I wanna join Big Fire just for a chance of meeting
>>these guys?
>
>Well, if you want to be shot, or have your head or other parts lopped
>off.... then yes, it's quite wrong!
>
>--
To be fair, there is a certain kind of henchman-let's call them numbers 21-24. (;)) These guys are just barely competent enough to get assigned missions, very good at surviving them, and have no illusions as to their abilities in a fight. Basically, they know they're nameless mooks. They've been around the block a few times! They know they're nerds and 30-something guys who still live with their moms. They know they have not a chance in hell of fighting off the people they've been told to. So they fake it, switch nametages with the dead, and crawl off to compare bruises.

Good read. And good on Geoff for finally getting the Lens.

And this: "For a brief moment the others were witness to a
horror of food consumption not seen since Tuncer bit into a bubblegum
pack."

...Had me chuckling at the mental picture of Tuncer and bubblegum. Well done. 8)

-----
It would have been an accidental shooting, had he not reloaded... twice.

I'm rather fond of the way it started with just how insane the UF-verse is (Lindsay controls the Emerald Eye of Ekron?!), and how Geoff hangs a lampshade on it by counting the insanity he sees just walking around HQ.

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

>(Lindsay controls the Emerald Eye of Ekron?!)

Yeah, strangest thing. Turns out all this time it's just wanted a hug.

--G.
... we'll... come back to that
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Ooh, that's a plot I'm very much looking forward to.

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

I didn't get all the references on the first read-through, had to go back over the story to google and wikipedia about half of them.

Quick nitpick:

"(No, it's supposed to be like that,)" Lain replied. "(This model all do that.

"These models," perhaps?

All in all, a fun read. Always nice to see the Stig in action again. And I like the previews for the next ep (I got to research and learn about the tv series "Leverage").

Thanks for the ride; looking forward to the next caper,
-T.Z.

==================================================

"I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
Then find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party."
--Ron White, stand-up comedian.

==================================================

>"(No, it's supposed to be like that,)" Lain replied. "(This
>model all do that.
>
>"These models," perhaps?

Nope, that would imply more than one model is involved, which isn't the case - it's all the examples of a single model. It's not an intuitive construction, since it refers to a singular group and its multiple individual members collectively at the same time, but that is actually the way it should be written. Companies are sometimes referred to in the same way (e.g. "Ford make the Taurus"); it's just one of those weird things about English.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Ah, got it. Thanks for explaining. It makes sense now (though I can't recall when I've ever seen that construction used before).

BTW, just finished watching the first episode of "Leverage". This show kicks some serious ass. Really looking forward to see how you're going to work these characters into the next installment.

Thanks,
-T.Z.

==================================================

"I believe that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
Then find someone whose life gives them vodka and have a party."
--Ron White, stand-up comedian.

==================================================

>Ah, got it. Thanks for explaining. It makes sense now (though I can't
>recall when I've ever seen that construction used before).

I rather like it, but it's often avoided (along with the ensuing debate) with careful sentence construction, to the point where people see it so rarely nowadays that they automatically assume it must be a mistake. Which just leads to more writers choosing to avoid it. As I probably should've done when I gave Lain that line.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I think that this (the grammatical number of collective nouns) is one of the points where American and Commonwealth usage differ, too - American English holds that the collective is a singular unit, while, as I understand it, British English and its closer derivatives handle collectives as plurals - which could only serve to make the entire issue even worse.

Ja, -n

Indeed. Britain is better at making things needlessly complex than anywhere else on Earth, with America a close second. One need only look at the civil services of these nations.

For America, there is the story of the chap from Puerto Rico or some other such poverty-stricken Central American banana republic who has been refused a visa on several occasions for not providing a full set of fingerprints. This is despite his several letters to the American Civil Service explaining that he does not in fact possess a full set of fingers, having lost three in an industrial accident.

For Britain, there's the Unholy Trinity of the Data Protection Act (which means you cannot photograph your child in a nativity play), the Human Rights Act (which means a car thief can sit on a roof threatening police with a shotgun whilst demanding they bring him a KFC Family Bucket and two litre bottle of Coke) and the Health And Safety Act (which means that if you want to do something next month, you need to start filling in forms about the December 1865).

Which has the most useless legislation? You decide, viewers.

>For America, there is the story of the chap from Puerto Rico or some
>other such poverty-stricken Central American banana republic who has
>been refused a visa on several occasions for not providing a full set
>of fingerprints.

It seems unlikely to have been Puerto Rico, since a) it's not in Central America, it's an island in the Caribbean and b) it's a territory of the United States.

>For Britain, there's the Unholy Trinity of the Data Protection Act
>(which means you cannot photograph your child in a nativity play),

Is it that, or is it you cannot photograph someone else's child in a nativity play? We have something similar here (although I think it's handled state-by-state in the US); I ran into it several times when I worked in the press. Photographing school events is a complicated process now, because there's always the possibility that one or more of the children you end up catching in any photo of a school play or sporting event is, e.g., on the run from an estranged parent, and would be exposed and put in danger by appearing in the newspaper. So all the photos of such things have to be cleared through the school office, whose responsibility it is to ensure that the parents or guardians of all the minors pictured have filed a release with the school district saying that it's okay for their kids to be in press photos.

>Human Rights Act (which means a car thief can sit on a roof
>threatening police with a shotgun whilst demanding they bring him a
>KFC Family Bucket and two litre bottle of Coke)

Well, a car thief can sit and demand whatever he likes here, too, but I grant you that our cops have no obligation to bring him anything other than some very-recently-expended bullets.

>and the Health And
>Safety Act (which means that if you want to do something next month,
>you need to start filling in forms about the December 1865).

Mm, yes, they bitch about Health and Safety a lot on Top Gear. We've got the Occupational Safety and Health Act (OSHA) here, which is similar, albeit not quite as addle-brainedly strict. It's one of those things that is well-intentioned and, realistically, you wouldn't want to work (in an industrial setting, particularly) without it - it prevents things like people being forced to work high steel with no safety equipment whatsoever, which I think we can all agree is a good thing - but since legal frameworks aren't good at anticipating contingencies, it ends up causing a lot of unintended annoyance.

One thing the US has going for it, in terms of crack-addled red tapery and its avoidance, is that we're not eligible to join the EU. That saves us a lot of hassle, most of which we then inflict upon ourselves through the mechanism of our own Congress, but still. :)

(As an aside, I saw a segment on the news once in which a grave-faced British academic asserted that the reason the United States cannot join the EU - as if at some point we had tried and been rebuffed - was that we still indulge in the barbaric pastime of capital punishment. Funnily enough, I had always assumed that the main source of US ineligibility for EU membership had to do with not being in Europe, but that goes to show you what I know about these things.)

... How did we get onto this topic again?

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>For America, there is the story of the chap from Puerto Rico or some
>>other such poverty-stricken Central American banana republic who has
>>been refused a visa on several occasions for not providing a full set
>>of fingerprints.
>
>It seems unlikely to have been Puerto Rico, since a) it's not in
>Central America, it's an island in the Caribbean and b) it's a
>territory of the United States.

Ah. Somewhere foreign, Spanish-speaking and unreasonably warm, then. My geography's total cack.

>... How did we get onto this topic again?

Never underestimate the power of a hyperactive, mildly politically aware, bluntly arrogant teen when it comes to derailing conversations.

>(As an aside, I saw a segment on the news once in which a grave-faced
>British academic asserted that the reason the United States cannot
>join the EU - as if at some point we had tried and been rebuffed - was
>that we still indulge in the barbaric pastime of capital punishment.
>Funnily enough, I had always assumed that the main source of US
>ineligibility for EU membership had to do with not being in
>Europe, but that goes to show you what I know about these
>things.)
Actually, there is nothing that limits membership to countries in europe. The name is just because it started with a bunch of european countries.

Like how the G8 has Italy in it or something?

Hi, can you move this to private-mail or something?

I'm already depressed about the lack of response, and this turning into a digression into international politics is just grinding me down farther.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

>Hi, can you move this to private-mail or something?

Or, indeed, your private lives?

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I enjoyed the story. I just didn't have anything profound or even witty to say. Although I will say, in pseudo-critic mode, that its better written and plotted than at least 95% of the fanfic I've recently tried to read.

>I'm already depressed about the lack of response, and this turning
>into a digression into international politics is just grinding me down
>farther.

Well, since poor Mephron is disappointed by the lack of responses, I guess I should comment just to say I've read it. Honestly, there isn't much I really wanted to comment on...

Geoff doesn't do much for me in a central role. He is really fun as a side character (like in the CSI stories) or opposite someone like Logan where he can be shown wrestling with his various demons. Having him keep his depths to himself makes sense in this context (and I'm definitely not suggesting he should lapse into wangsting about his past with every appearance), but it does make him something of a non-entity.

Also, he doesn't strike me as the leadership type. He's always been either the solo operative type or the working with one trusted partner type. From there to leading a ragtag bunch of schoolgirls without as much as a "thank God I took that two-week correspondence course from Commander Tenjou" just seems a bit of a stretch.

None of the other characters are ones I'm familiar with and I'm still kind of disappointed that The Lightning User Previously Known As Kilovolt didn't make the cut.

Saya and Lain's banter was decently entertaining, but they both come across as being on the stoic side so there isn't much of the Odd Couple effect that makes duo banter *really* fun.

Penance made me nostalgic for my CoH group since one of the guys loves playing characters of that type.

Mike grated on my nerves. I heard all his lines in the sort of voice the Small Annoying Creature in 80's cartoons would have. Let's just say I did not feel overwhelming relief when it turned out he wasn't dead and leave it at that.

As for Max, well - I had trouble remembering the name referred to a female and kept mentally inserting Timothy Van Patten's character from the Master Ninja "movies".

Overall the whole thing felt rushed. I can't help thinking it would read better as a two-parter, with a slow character-building first part and a more action-ny second part. That was I could get to know the characters a bit better and the action would give each suspenseful moment its due instead of quickly resolving it to move on to the next one: "will Our Heroes defeat MODO- oh wait, they did. BUT! Will they esca- oh wait, they did. BUT! Will Lain recover fro- oh wait, she did. I guess it's all okay then."

Wow, that's kind of a downer. I guess it's why I didn't comment in the first place.

Do you mean to say that the story felt kinda like one of those TV episodes where everything ties up in the end to set up for the next episode?

>Do you mean to say that the story felt kinda like one of those TV
>episodes where everything ties up in the end to set up for the next
>episode?

More like one of those 90-minute "pilot movies" cut up to fit a 45-minute episode slot. It's not the fact everything was resolved by the end, it's the lack of time given to each plot point.

>>Do you mean to say that the story felt kinda like one of those TV
>>episodes where everything ties up in the end to set up for the next
>>episode?
>
>More like one of those 90-minute "pilot movies" cut up to fit a
>45-minute episode slot. It's not the fact everything was resolved by
>the end, it's the lack of time given to each plot point.

The more I think about it, though, I think that's deliberate.

1) For the opening, Geoff is basically tossed in and then viciously dragged by his heels through the setup almost in as much confusion as the audience.

2) Aside from the bits of character (which were good development) that we were shown aboard the Queen, did we really need much else, there? The actual travelling through space part is pretty boring when they're not getting shot at.

3) The bank job itself -should- feel fast, rough, and chaotic, because that's the way the whole thing went down.

And the pacing stretches nicely back out once the escape is over for the denouement and works pretty smoothly.

Besides, I think we're a little spoiled by the depth of flavor in most of the 'regular' UF/FI/SOS cast members. Since most of these are new introductions to UF with the exceptions of Geoff and Saya (and even Saya's mostly a blank slate), they should feel a bit unfamiliar - needing to get to know them as we go along is kind of the point. :)

I beg to differ in a couple of places, possibly because I haven't watched as much dire 80s television as yourself. For example, Mike reminded me more of a far, far less tooth-powderingly annoying Jar-Jar B- *is strangled by enraged Star Wars fans*

Let me... continue... *wheezes and coughs up a battered-looking lung*

I don't think it really felt rushed, more like (to continue the telly example of WengFook) one of those sitcoms with the Snap Back at the end. They'll probably continue to be back-referenced in future Geoff capers, à la Charlie's explanations of high-levels maths in Numb3rs, but it looks like it'll be a sitcom-styled series. With a body count.

The Brittas Empire, anyone?

I remember that.

Just to clarify, that series should have ended a season before it did, with him being kicked out of heaven for being too annoying, and before the cyborg shenanigans. I can't see Geoff as Mister Brittas, though. He seems to be learning the hard way how to do some things- the dropped-in-at-the-deep-end way- and I'm wondering if maybe he should start a sideline in Extreme Babysitting?

*****

"It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."

Surely Extreme Babysitting is the province of washed-up muscle actors Aaaaaahnold Governegger and Vin Diesel?

>washed up... Vin Diesel?

YOU TAKE THAT BACK.

Why? Let's take a look at some of the movies that have had Vin in a starring role:

The Chronicles of Riddick: Boring, hypermasculine drivel
Triple X: Black Ops for the mentally deficient.
The Pacifier: Just no.
The Fast And The Furious series: Porn for 15-year-old male climate skeptics.
The Iron Giant: FANTABULOUS WONDERMENT!

Need I go on? No, no I do not. He has only ever made TWO good films. In one of them he wasn't exactly in a starring role (Riddick basically being an extra) and in the other he was the voice of a cel-shaded giant robot. Yay for you, Vinny boy, yay for you.

Guys, remember how you just got tapped on the shoulder for threadjacking?

Maybe this would be better down in the general misc.

>Need I go on? No, no I do not.

No, you don't, but not for the reasons you think.

>He has only ever made TWO good films.

Leaving aside your slightly hilarious miss as to the point of xXx, you clearly haven't seen Find Me Guilty. See if you can remedy that at some point. If nothing else, watching a Sidney Lumet film should keep you quiet for a couple of hours.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>Also, he doesn't strike me as the leadership type. He's always been
>either the solo operative type or the working with one trusted partner
>type. From there to leading a ragtag bunch of schoolgirls without as
>much as a "thank God I took that two-week correspondence course from
>Commander Tenjou" just seems a bit of a stretch.
>
Geoff's role on this team isn't leadership. What we have here is a group of rugged individualists all of whom would love to lead the bits their good at and want to ignore the rest. Geoff's role is delegation...

S.

And after much consideration, I'll throw my two pence about the whole thing into the ring.

I thoroughly enjoyed it. I was a little disappointed that there was no sign of Kirika, but was amused by the presence of Max. It also seems that Geoff is developing his OWN coterie of "Women You Don't {REDACTED} With", considering Max, Konoko, and Sister Destiny.

Lain I know, Penance is Penance, but more interestingly adapted here, and I have not run into Saya before. I give a small prayer of thanks to Her Divine Shadow that Cutey Honey has not yet bounced- so to speak- into the scene.

Mike the Astrodroid... I was thinking "Where have I seen that before?" when he was described, and then I realised that I was thinking of the robot from the ancient, Westernised "Battle of the Planets". Was I on the right lines with that? The new version of the body made me think "Mellowed Cylon", though.

The Tuncer-with-bubblegum thing reminded me of when I was playing the B5 RPG. I was playing a Pak'ma'ra. I told the GM that I would start to chew bubblegum in front of the person we needed info from... needless to say, he folded.

And we all know that there REALLY should have been a pink pyramid on the outside of the bank!

Finally, one thing I just didn't understand, and would like some enlightenment. "She looked as if she'd just pulled an all-nighter in a 19th Century shirt factory." Um? All I'm getting is entertaining images of Jessica Alba as a result. Not complaining about that, but I don't understand the reference.

All in all- Great fun! I hope to see more of this team. :)

"It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."

>Mike the Astrodroid... I was thinking "Where have I seen that before?"
>when he was described, and then I realised that I was thinking of the
>robot from the ancient, Westernised "Battle of the Planets". Was I on
>the right lines with that?

Sort of. Mike Sounders XIII is one of the AI robots from King of Braves Gaogaigar - his original "cosmo robo" form is clearly inspired by Sci-Fi Cute Robots like 7-Zark-7 and his ilk, and his "boom robo" form is more your classic Takara Transforming Robot.

>Finally, one thing I just didn't understand, and would like some
>enlightenment. "She looked as if she'd just pulled an all-nighter in a
>19th Century shirt factory." Um? All I'm getting is entertaining
>images of Jessica Alba as a result. Not complaining about that, but I
>don't understand the reference.

The garment factories of the 19th and early 20th centuries are where we get the term "sweatshop" from - they were basically huge rooms packed full of industrial sewing machines and immigrant women who worked for an inordinate number of hours per day for not very much money doing the dull and repetitive task of making shirts, trousers, and so forth. The conditions were hot, unsafe, and generally miserable. That kind of thing isn't seen often in the industrialized West any more - it's been largely stamped out by modern labor laws - but it still crops up pretty often in the less developed world. (One often finds left-wing activist types refusing to wear particular brands of shoes and whatnot on the grounds that they're made in sweatshops somewhere on the Pacific Rim.)

Anyway, 19th-century shirt factories were hot, dirty, dangerous places where underpaid women did drudgerous work for too many hours per day, so the effect I was shooting for was basically "sweaty and exhausted, and not in the good way".

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Right... gotcha.

I was thinking of "What chemicals might they have used then to cause such an effect in people?", which shows you how my mind works.

"It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."

Not being familiar with Gaogaigar, I thought you might be going for Mike the TV (Reboot). >.<

Part of the fun (And frustration) of EPU stories is trying to figure out which series the characters are pulled from. This story, however, had more then its share of refereces and characters I didn't know.

It wasn't a bad story, but I was distracted by "Where is (s)he from?" That's more me than the story though......

Craig

>Part of the fun (And frustration) of EPU stories is trying to figure
>out which series the characters are pulled from. This story, however,
>had more then its share of refereces and characters I didn't know.
>
>It wasn't a bad story, but I was distracted by "Where is (s)he from?"
>That's more me than the story though......

I'm working on an annotation, so I hope that'll help you when it's done.

IF there's anyone you want right now, let me know.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

Something's been bugging me about the characters from this for a while now, and I've finally remembered what.

Remember the New Frontier teasers? Specifically, the ones with Geoff, Saya, Lain and Penance wandering around somewhere? Apparently, the After School Special Missions Force has an at least moderately-sized role to play... probably. Unless I'm completely wrong. Which is likely.