Yeah, it's an Exile story... You Bastard.

(I'll be better able to comment later, but I'll say this - it fits, it's well written, and I can't argue with it. Bastard.)

offsides

[...] in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #π
#include <stdsig.h>

I was a little worried about how this might end, honestly. It seemed like it could either tumble into an almost too James Bondish "get the girl and then leave at credits" ending or go a little too over the top.

I apologize, Gryph. That was a punch in the gut, but it was a very well executed punch in the gut.

>Yeah, it's an Exile story... You Bastard.

Hey, it wasn't exactly my first choice either. I had to keep it between the stripes, as it were. By the end I was starting to wonder if I should've started, but of course by then it was too late...

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>By the end I was starting to wonder
>if I should've started, but of course by then it was too late...
>

For what it's worth, I think you made the right decision to write this.

In my opinion, UF-Gryphon might not realize it, but he needs those moments of happiness to keep going through what would otherwise be a hopeless century for him. And he needs to lose them, or he'll lose sight of his greater goals.

In the early Exile, he was able to leave on his own, but after the better part of a century, he's probably reached a point where he might settle down and say, "Well, fuck it," taking what he joy he can find, and giving up his search for the truth about Musashi. At least, he would if he wasn't constantly aware of Kei being on his trail.

I have a great many things to speculate upon now. This will keep me amused for quite some time.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

I also liked how this showed Kei's frayed psyche. She's not a rational person chasing her ex across the galaxy, she's completely BFI and chasing her ex across the galaxy.

Oh, Tali. something tells me her name is going to pick up that "Zorah" component...

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Now Playing:
Motörhead-- Orgasmatron(Orgasmatron, 1986)

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>>Yeah, it's an Exile story... You Bastard.
>
>Hey, it wasn't exactly my first choice either. I had to keep it
>between the stripes, as it were. By the end I was starting to wonder
>if I should've started, but of course by then it was too late...
>
Oh, please don't get me wrong - I'm very glad to have this story, and I do think that it's very well written and really give you a feel of exactly how much crap G had to deal with back then. If it wasn't, it wouldn't have hit so hard and I wouldn't have commented the way I did. It's an unfortunate truth that in order to tell people about the crap that happens in the world, you have to hit them hard enough to feel it - after all, if you don't, they just won't get it, and then what's the point.

I don't like what happened, because you told the story in such a way that I can feel the pain of the characters - the fact that you can do that is a good thing(tm), even if it's not always "fun" when you do. Still, I think this is a story that needed to be told, both to remind us all that things didn't always smell like roses (as it were :)), and because it gives you yet more characters with interesting backstories to insert into later pieces. Besides, with the exception of the last little bit, it was a very fun read, even if there's a part of me that kept grumping every time I got to the end of a part and had to wait for the next one :)

The Exile is/was a very dark and unpleasant time for a lot of people, and I think you did a good job of keeping it from being all dark and ugly while still maintaining the overall tone well. It's not fun when a story ends on a downer, but based on the epilogue title I expect that's part of your way of rectifying that too...

Very well done - thanks for a heck of a ride, and I'm looking forward to things being wrapped up (and brightened up!) in the last piece.

Offsides

[...] in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #π
#include <stdsig.h>

>Very well done - thanks for a heck of a ride, and I'm looking forward
>to things being wrapped up (and brightened up!) in the last piece.

Well, sort of brightened up and sort of not, but in the 2350s, that's about as good as anybody's gonna do...

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>Very well done - thanks for a heck of a ride, and I'm looking forward
>>to things being wrapped up (and brightened up!) in the last piece.
>
>Well, sort of brightened up and sort of not, but in the 2350s, that's
>about as good as anybody's gonna do...
>
After the final scene of "Defeat Not Permanent", you'd really have to work to not brighten it up at least a little... I'm not expecting High Noon on Summer Solstice, but it's got to be an improvement :)

Offsides

[...] in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #π
#include <stdsig.h>

>I don't like what happened, because you told the story in such a way
>that I can feel the pain of the characters - the fact that you
>can do that is a good thing(tm), even if it's not always "fun"
>when you do. Still, I think this is a story that needed to be told,
>both to remind us all that things didn't always smell like roses (as
>it were :)), and because it gives you yet more characters with
>interesting backstories to insert into later pieces. Besides, with
>the exception of the last little bit, it was a very fun read,
>even if there's a part of me that kept grumping every time I got to
>the end of a part and had to wait for the next one :)

The ending was a hell of a lot less painful than I was afraid it would be.

See, while failing to sleep last night, I remembered what happened to *another* character during the Exile, and how Marty and Eiko got their first daughter....

Don't get me wrong; I think Gryphon could have pulled that off without too much trouble, but *damn* it would have hurt....

Shalon Wood

I could see this gut-punch coming from when Kei showed up. It still hit me.

I'm very interested in seeing what this story was setting up.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

I know, right? Once she showed up I was like "Ahhh, where'd she go?" This chapter really showed the cracks in her psyche.

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Now Playing:
Greenskeepers-- Keep it Down(Digital Download, 2004)

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >

This actually ended better than I had expected. Certain people survived through to the end that I wasn't expecting to.

Still... beautiful, and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

"It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."

>"Cry me a goddam river. You ought to be ashamed of yourself."
>Stepping closer, completely ignoring the weapons, he went on, "Call
>yourself a professional? Professionals don't shoot first and make
>positive IDs later. Professionals don't put innocent lives in harm's
>way to reach their targets. Professionals have -standards.-" He
>pointed an accusing finger in her face, his mismatched eyes boring into
>hers. "-You're- just a psycho with a badge. Sixty years of your life?
>-You- wasted those, honey, not me." He pointed up the hill to Tali,
>sobbing in Mordin's arms. "See that girl over there? You just cost
>-her- a -whole lot more.-"

That was pure Zaeed. The way you channel that motherfucker is eerie. I think the UF variant is -if this is even possible- even MORE awesome than the ME-Deuce Zaeed.

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Now Playing:
Motörhead-- Orgasmatron(Orgasmatron, 1986)

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >

>That was pure Zaeed. The way you channel that motherfucker is
>eerie. I think the UF variant is -if this is even possible-
>even MORE awesome than the ME-Deuce Zaeed.
>

Well Zaeed is a man who knows psychosis and tunnel vision. His own with Vido probably taught him that much. However I like how he absolutely just lays out Kei's current mind set and modus operandi and castigates her for it. Professionals have standards indeed. :)

_______________________________
Take your candle, go light your world.

LAST EDITED ON Mar-12-10 AT 05:14 PM (EST)
 
>That was pure Zaeed. The way you channel that motherfucker is
>eerie. I think the UF variant is -if this is even possible-
>even MORE awesome than the ME-Deuce Zaeed.

Thanks. I really like Zaeed, in part because I strongly suspect him of being not nearly as much the heartless hardass as he obviously wants you to think he is. Certain of his remarks during missions and whatnot, if you've got him with you, and his general conduct once you get past the Zorya mission are completely at odds with the "Boba Fett Terminator Love Child" riff he plays when you first meet him. Oh, he's a seriously bad dude, don't get me wrong, but I think he's got a heart.

And just for the record, if she could have, Gin Shepard would've hit that. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Crap, I totally missed this response.
I agree, Chief. Zaeed struck me much as you portayed him; A consummate professional.

As a big fan of Middle-European mercenary culture, specifically the Landsknechte of old Germany. I found him a rather cool character.
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Now Playing:
Queensr˙che-- Warning(The Warning, 1984)

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There's nothing I can say, really, that hasn't already been said. Did I see the gut punch coming? Yep. Did I think I was ready for it? Absolutely.

Then you slipped on the lead-weighted gloves while I wasn't looking.

The entire piece was enjoyable to read -- difficult, painful, but enjoyable -- and even had moments of fun. Watching Vision and Gryph work together is amazing. Much as I like Tali, Gryph's got a rapport with Vision that is unmatched by anyone else, I think -- and it shows.

And while it ends on a downer, it's supposed to. This is the Exile, not Gryph's Happy Fun Time Vacation Century.

All that aside, I have to observe: Zaeed is one hell of a serious badass -- like, Samuel L. Jackson territory. Maybe crossed with Xander Cage. Sure, it was a sucker punch, but Gryph has rolled with those how many times before? Zaeed blacked his lights in one hit.

The part of me that will always enjoy Celebrity Deathmatch now wants to see a cage match between Zaeed and Kei. :D

--sofaspud
--

>And while it ends on a downer, it's supposed to. This is the Exile,
>not Gryph's Happy Fun Time Vacation Century.

That sounds like a potential Bacon Comics Group title.

>All that aside, I have to observe: Zaeed is one hell of a serious
>badass -- like, Samuel L. Jackson territory. Maybe crossed with
>Xander Cage. Sure, it was a sucker punch, but Gryph has rolled with
>those how many times before? Zaeed blacked his lights in one hit.
>
>The part of me that will always enjoy Celebrity Deathmatch now wants
>to see a cage match between Zaeed and Kei. :D
>
>--sofaspud
>--

What?! YES!!

THE HON. MILLS LANE: "Okay, I wanna see a good clean fight..."

LANE GLANCES BACK AND FORTH BETWEEN THE COMBATANTS, NOTING THE RAW, UNBRIDLED HOSTILITY CRACKLING THROUGH THE AIR BETWEEN THEM.

QUICKLY, HE RECHECKS THE SEALS ON HIS ARMOR.

THE HON. MILLS LANE: "Aw, hell. Just try *TRY* to keep it in the ring!"

LANE SLAPS HIS VISOR SHUT AND TICKS UP THE POLARIZATION A FEW NOTCHES.

THE HON. MILLS LANE: "Time keeper, raise the shields! Let's get it on!"

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Now Playing:
David Guetta-- Money(GUETTAblaster, 2004)

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From the beginning, we knew how it would end. Not just because of the stories that follow, but the nature of the Exile itself. But regardless, it was a damn good story. The mystery of Halo, the introduction of the quarians, a nice little love story, and a chance for Gryph to be a hero again.

And Zaeed got to chew out Kei at her worst, in a very nice shout out to his own behavior in ME2. And every single word was absolutely true.

Great story.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter

>And Zaeed got to chew out Kei at her worst, in a very nice shout out
>to his own behavior in ME2. And every single word was absolutely true.

I can't speak to how Zaeed or anyone else relates to their Mass Effect counter parts, but I was thrilled by the speech. I can definitely see it planting the seeds for her calming down and moving on to where we saw her in Manhunt.

-------------------------------------
Chris can't handle chemicals

I had pretty much the same thought. Also, wondering if we'll see Tali in a post-Exile story, once Gryphon can be easily found, again.

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington

I agree. Also, godsDAMMIT, Gryph, your damn Shipping Forecast made me cry...

---
*sniff* Why's Kei so mean-a Tali? Know's not her direckly, but sh-she made Tali cry... 'S'not *sniff* 's'not f-f-fair... an' now I ra outta tissues...*sniff*

"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia.

P.S. Call me a sap, but still. She just... I'mma go find s'more Kleenex.

>I agree. Also, godsDAMMIT, Gryph, your damn Shipping Forecast made me
>cry...
>
Aye.

Set me to digging in my files for my own story of which the Shipping Forecast plays a part. Fortunately I feel insufficiently maudlin to complete a story that precipitates the death of all but a thousand gross of the human race.

S.

Why? It made Hideaki Anno revered as a genius.

(yeah, I went there.)

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

What an awesome story. The ending was so bittersweet, but appropriate to the milieu (this is The Exile, after all). Thank you for the welcome diversion from writing about the knuckle-walking quadrupedalism of bonobos. Please write more!