#0, Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by trboturtle2 on Apr-21-10 at 11:20 AM
Spike TV just started their second season of "Deadliest Warrior". It's mostly mind candy for Men, and it involves pitting warriors from different backgrounds (Apache Vs Gladaitor, Spartain vs Ninja, William Wallace Vs Shaka Zulu, Mafia vs Yakuza) in a simulated battle to the death. Most of the show involves experts using a selection of the weapons used by the warriors, and testing them in different ways. The results are then taken and run through a program to simulate the combat (The program is run a thousand times) and the result it acted out.Anyhow, I was thinking, what would this program look like in EPU's timeline? There are a large number of Warriors, and there could be a few wild combos.... Thoughts? Craig
#1, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Gryphon on Apr-21-10 at 11:47 AM
In response to message #0
LAST EDITED ON Apr-21-10 AT 11:47 AM (EDT)
Oh, good lord, it's a televised version of the classic sad-fandom "who'd win, the Enterprise or a Star Destroyer?"* argument. Give me strength.That said, Spartan vs. SPARTAN would be amusing, for about 11 seconds. --G.
* European or African?
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Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#2, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Apr-21-10 at 01:50 PM
In response to message #1
Heh. It did give me some ideas...Not so much a "who would win" concept, but I can't help but wonder what an Asgardian Zulu warrior would look like, especially his kit. As to the Enterprise v. Star Destroyer question, the first thing to figure out is whether it's a Venator, Victory I/II or an Imperial I/II-class Star Destroyer. In fact, it's obviously an European Star Destroyer, as the African Star Destroyers are non-migratory... (Please don't kill me.)
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#4, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Gryphon on Apr-21-10 at 02:19 PM
In response to message #2
>I can't help but wonder what an Asgardian Zulu warrior
>would look like, especially his kit. Man, speaking of people who were presumably nonplussed as hell to discover that the afterlife is full of snow. People who fell on both sides of major pitched battles are always a little disoriented to find themselves all in the same heaven together, but for those who perished in, say, the Battle of Rorke's Drift, it must've been especially startling. There are a lot of fights in the Valhalla messhalls, as you can well imagine, particularly immediately after a new "class" comes in. The old-timers indulgently refer to these donnybrooks as "FNG riots", and usually pitch in when they happen because, what the hell. --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#5, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Meagen on Apr-21-10 at 03:36 PM
In response to message #4
>There are a lot of fights in the Valhalla messhalls, as you can well
>imagine, particularly immediately after a new "class" comes in.Tangential question: it's been hinted that you can also get into Valhalla if you've dedicated your life to fighting for truth and justice in less physical terms. Are there also rooms with never-ending debates, poetry contests, or soccer matches between German and Greek philosophers no, wait, that's just silly. Or *baseball* matches between German and Greek philosophers?
#6, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Apr-21-10 at 03:40 PM
In response to message #4
>>I can't help but wonder what an Asgardian Zulu warrior
>>would look like, especially his kit.
>
>Man, speaking of people who were presumably nonplussed as hell to
>discover that the afterlife is full of snow. People who fell on both
>sides of major pitched battles are always a little disoriented to find
>themselves all in the same heaven together, but for those who perished
>in, say, the Battle of Rorke's Drift, it must've been especially
>startling. Oh my, yes. It usually starts with the same handful of questions I imagine; "What happened?" is quickly followed by, "Where are we?" which, upon noticing the uniforms of the other baffled tourists, leads to, "YOU!!!" >There are a lot of fights in the Valhalla messhalls, as you can well
>imagine, particularly immediately after a new "class" comes in. The
>old-timers indulgently refer to these donnybrooks as "FNG riots", and
>usually pitch in when they happen because, what the hell. Hell yes! I mean, they're all getting back up afterwards, why the hell not! "Yes they're here too. They fought with honor and courage, as did yourself and your brothers-in-arms. No, no! We're not going to talk about who invaded wh-Look, just sit down, we'll-Oh, in Odin's name, where's my axe?" ----
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#9, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by mdg1 on Apr-22-10 at 08:49 PM
In response to message #4
>There are a lot of fights in the Valhalla messhalls, as you can well
>imagine, particularly immediately after a new "class" comes in.
Valhalla: The September That REALLY Never Ended...
#3, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by The Traitor on Apr-21-10 at 02:02 PM
In response to message #1
Oh, the irony.---
"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia.
#25, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by trboturtle2 on Apr-28-10 at 03:35 PM
In response to message #3
Boy, this thread wandered off in a direction I wasn't expecting......Craig
#7, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Astynax on Apr-21-10 at 04:03 PM
In response to message #1
>Oh, good lord, it's a televised version of the classic sad-fandom
>"who'd win, the Enterprise or a Star Destroyer?"* argument.
>Give me strength.
>
>That said, Spartan vs. SPARTAN would be amusing, for about 11 seconds.
>I have this Indian Jones sort of scene in my head about that pairing. That said, the show can be amusing, if only to see some of the weapons in action. And the partisans of each style get to banter a bit which is good for a few chuckles.
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#8, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Zox on Apr-21-10 at 06:50 PM
In response to message #7
>That said, the show can be amusing, if only to see some of the weapons
>in action. And the partisans of each style get to banter a bit which
>is good for a few chuckles. Favorite line, from (if I recall correctly) a Maori warrior proponent after his theoretical "champion" lost to an equally theoretical Shaolin monk: "So the computer says the Chinese guy won. The computer's probably Chinese."
#10, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Berrik on Apr-26-10 at 03:37 AM
In response to message #8
What happens with people who believed in a rather different afterlife than the Norse one?
#11, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by The Traitor on Apr-26-10 at 05:45 AM
In response to message #10
LAST EDITED ON Apr-26-10 AT 05:46 AM (EDT)
They realised they were wrong.---
"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia. "Hey, where are the seventy-two virgins my holy book promised?"
#12, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Droken on Apr-26-10 at 09:42 AM
In response to message #11
...And they get over it.Eventually...
#13, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by BobSchroeck on Apr-26-10 at 02:33 PM
In response to message #11
>"Hey, where are the seventy-two virgins my holy book promised?" Someone takes these guys aside and points out it wasn't the Koran (or the Kohran) that promised 72 virgins, it was in external commentaries/traditions that weren't necessarily definitive. And... well, I could go on, but I'm already taking the joke way too seriously. -- Bob
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My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite. (If you're really interested, as unlikely as that might be, check out this article.)
#14, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by The Traitor on Apr-26-10 at 03:36 PM
In response to message #13
Thanks for the link; opportunity to better oneself duly taken. I've always found the concept of religion interesting, but some of the people who take it a bit far... not so much.And I knew it was from the Hadith rather than the Quran, but these days (at least in Britain, or the small corner of it I inhabit) the two have coalesced. A lot of the teachings of the Hadith, like the ones about the 72 virgins given to martyrs, are taken as Gospel {{surely 'Surah' -- ed.}}. This must explain why there are so few female suicide bombers. Yeah, eternity with a bunch of men who don't have a clue what they're doing, whoopee*. ---
"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia. *Chechnya's Black Widows notwithstanding, of course.
#18, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Gryphon on Apr-26-10 at 06:27 PM
In response to message #14
>Thanks for the link; opportunity to better oneself duly taken. I've
>always found the concept of religion interesting, but some of the
>people who take it a bit far... not so much.
>
>And I knew it was from the Hadith rather than the Quran, but these
>days (at least in Britain, or the small corner of it I inhabit) the
>two have coalesced. A lot of the teachings of the Hadith, like the
>ones about the 72 virgins given to martyrs, are taken as Gospel
>{{surely 'Surah' -- ed.}}.
>
>This must explain why there are so few female suicide bombers.Not to seem too infantilically peevish, but how the fuck did we end up talking about fundamentalist Islam? --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#19, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by bmfrosty on Apr-27-10 at 01:49 AM
In response to message #18
Something to do with the idea that a fundamentalist religious anything would get over the idea that the afterlife they ended up in isn't the one they were promised.
#20, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Gryphon on Apr-27-10 at 01:57 AM
In response to message #19
>Something to do with the idea that a fundamentalist religious anything
>would get over the idea that the afterlife they ended up in isn't the
>one they were promised. It's very depressing that that leads to terrorists in one hop. --G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.
#21, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by bmfrosty on Apr-27-10 at 02:21 AM
In response to message #20
Meh. The less savory members of that particular religion make the news a lot for being real jerks about the whole thing.
#23, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by BobSchroeck on Apr-27-10 at 08:57 AM
In response to message #21
>Meh. The less savory members of that particular religion make the
>news a lot for being real jerks about the whole thing. They always do. Quiet moderates rarely do anything newsworthy. -- Bob
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My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite.
#15, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Apostate_Soul on Apr-26-10 at 04:26 PM
In response to message #11
>"Hey, where are the seventy-two virgins my holy book
>promised?" "Wonderful! At last! We needed another Nursery-coordinator for Limbo... so many, many babies meet an unfortunate end. Here's your guide, your giant-size pack of nappies, and instructions for making Formula in Industrial volumes. Have fun!" Just because it's 72 virgins doesn't mean it's 72 naive teenage girls, yes? It could just as easily be a house with 72 stereotypical male geeks. Or it could even be a mis-hearing... "Oh yes. Here's Virgil. He's got early-onset Alzheimer's, and a bad case of it- and you're assigned as his carer for the next millenia." And before anyone else says anything like that, I cannot help but believe that UF-Asgard has a special hall in Valhalla for "Those who kept to what they believed was the spirit and letter of the rules but were just plain dicks". "It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."
#16, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Polychrome on Apr-26-10 at 05:12 PM
In response to message #15
>And before anyone else says anything like that, I cannot help but
>believe that UF-Asgard has a special hall in Valhalla for
>"Those who kept to what they believed was the spirit and letter of the
>rules but were just plain dicks". Yeah, it's called Muspelheim. Polychrome
#17, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Apostate_Soul on Apr-26-10 at 05:47 PM
In response to message #16
Hmmm. True.Not sure if it really ounts as the "Ironic Hell of Irony" that I was thinking of, though. "It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."
#22, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by The Traitor on Apr-27-10 at 06:17 AM
In response to message #17
Oh, I should say that that was the ultimate irony for people like that. Consider: you have spent the best part of your life believing in something to the absolute letter. You know instinctively that it is true and that anyone who disagrees with you is at best deluded and at worst out to get you.I would've thought that finding out you've got things so completely wrong that you've ended up in Hell would be a more ironic hell than the actual Irony Hell (where Jack Dee is condemned to). ---
"Together we will build an empire of a million shining suns." -- Dave, Dictator of Utopia.
#24, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by BobSchroeck on Apr-27-10 at 09:00 AM
In response to message #22
>I would've thought that finding out you've got things so completely
>wrong that you've ended up in Hell would be a more ironic hell than
>the actual Irony Hell (where Jack Dee is condemned to). Some of the folks like that would be convinced that God is wrong and they're in Hell by mistake. And let everyone know it, in between the screams and the burning. Thus providing endless torment to the people around them. Hell is nothing if not efficient when it serves Hell's purpose. -- Bob
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My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite.
#26, RE: Deadliest Warrior -- EPU Style!
Posted by Apostate_Soul on Apr-28-10 at 07:25 PM
In response to message #22
And this is where I see a rabid Christian Fundie finding himself getting feted and Lauded... and a seat alongside some of the most vigorous Heroes in Valhalla.
Followed by being turfed out to fight for a day."It's difficult keeping up with the cross-continuity, but I think Cosmouse just gave The Saturnian Scraphunter his Ultimate Pacifier to use against Galactapuss..."
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