LAST EDITED ON Nov-20-08 AT 08:58 PM (EST)
 

Office of the Chief
All-Departments Memorandum
June 30, 2410

After last week's round on ipo.flame, I went through all the records I could find, and based on all the records I had access to, compiled the authoritative list of the Top Twenty Open-Handed Martial Artists in the known galaxy. If you want the math, I'll provide it separately once you can prove you understand quantitative statistical analysis.

1. Kong Sang "Jackie" Chan
2. Kei J. Morgan*
3. Benjamin D. "Gryphon" Hutchins
4. Cassandra "Batgirl" Cain
5. Yuri Daniels
6. Slade "Snake-Eyes" Wilson
7. Steven "Captain America" Rogers**
8. Wade "Deadpool" Wilson
9. Kurt "Nightcrawler" Wagner
10. Katherine "Shadowcat" Griffin
11. Martin "PCHammer" Rose
12. "Batman"
13. "Red Mask" (yes, he's Big Fire; he's also that good.)
14. Sandra "Lady Shiva" Woosan
15. Alison R. "Lady Jaye" Hart-Burnett Faireborne
16. Timothy "Robin" Drake
17. Dashiell "Flint" Faireborne
18. Henry "The Beast" McCoy***
19. R. Dorothy Wayneright
20. Brother Thomas "Neo" Anderson****

Honorable mentions to Eiko Magami Rose, Paige "Spitfire" Guthrie and Cain "Juggernaut" Marko (this is more based on skill, guys; being able to punch the guy over the horizon doesn't do it on its own), and the entire Duelists' Society except Dorothy (open-hand specific).

I hope this settles you guys down a little bit. There are some people I would put in different places, but there's no records of their combat abilities (for example, any member of the Ichinohei ninja clan, or most of the Tomodachi ninja clans), but this is the statistics speaking.

-Vision

* statistically speaking, in her career, Kei still beats the hell out of just about everybody.
** yes, he's that good, even without the shield.
*** he makes the list. No, Susan, he doesn't talk his opponents into surrendering.
**** yes, he's mostly a gun-fighter, but when he goes weaponless, he's that dangerous.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

LAST EDITED ON Dec-21-11 AT 02:27 PM (EST)
 
>1. Kong Sang "Jackie" Chan

No surprise here, but still nice to see.

>2. Kei J. Morgan*

A bit surprised to see her as #2, but not totally.

>3. Benjamin D. "Gryphon" Hutchins
>4. Cassandra "Batgirl" Cain

This reminds me that I need to go back and read through the "Bloodties" series to see this ranking in action. (Though, IIRC, that was sword fighting, but still!)

>6. Slade "Snake-Eyes" Wilson

This made me goggle. What a fun combination.

>12. "Batman"

Does Gryphon's time on Kane's World skew this ranking, or would The Chief point out which "Batman" fights were his?

>16. Timothy "Robin" Drake

Always fun to see Timmy rank in these lists.

>20. Brother Thomas "Neo" Anderson****

Whoa! I'm kind of intrigued that he ranks so low, not in a way that I disagree, just trying to imagine what a fight, where Flint beats Neo, would look like.

>-Vision

As always, it's nice to see Vision. :)

>>12. "Batman"
>
>Does Gryphon's time on Kane's World skew this ranking, or would The
>Chief point out which "Batman" fights were his?

Presumably Vision means the current Batman, whose civilian identity is known to her, but for which most of the people on the recipients list aren't cleared.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>20. Brother Thomas "Neo" Anderson

Whoa! I'm kind of intrigued that he ranks so low, not in a way that I disagree, just trying to imagine what a fight, where Flint beats Neo, would look like.

Presumably under red sun lamps, given the based on skill comment. That had me thinking for a minute as well, but under UF cosmology it makes sense.

- Chad

LAST EDITED ON Dec-21-11 AT 02:27 PM (EST)
 
And, to cite Mephron's post below, he does use "Gun-Fu" as well as open-handed combat, so that would count against him in this ranking.

>>20. Brother Thomas "Neo" Anderson****
>
>Whoa! I'm kind of intrigued that he ranks so low, not in a way that I
>disagree, just trying to imagine what a fight, where Flint beats Neo,
>would look like.

The statistical distribution is skewed by the guns. If he fought purely hand-to-hand more often, there'd be more data to know if he was higher on the list. But this was based on pure math taken from video records, so the shooty stuff knocked him down a couple notches, probably.

Which is the reason why a lot of the people high on the list are older; there's more data to work with.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

LAST EDITED ON Dec-21-11 AT 02:27 PM (EST)
 
>Which is the reason why a lot of the people high on the list are
>older; there's more data to work with.

That would explain it. With three of the immortals in the top five, I wasn't sure if Vision was weighting age or counting pure wins vs. losses. That said, I'm even doubly impressed with "Jackie" being ranked #1, but then this is the who took on an entire security force by himself in one of the SotS stories, so he probably racks up a LOT of wins.

Very nice list, if I didn't say it before.

>...I'm even doubly impressed with "Jackie" being
>ranked #1, but then this is the who took on an entire security force
>by himself in one of the SotS stories, so he probably racks up a LOT
>of wins.

Dude, he's Jackie Chan. More than that, he's Jackie Chan with the Detian retrovirus, which gives him improved reflexes, improved stamina, and even more ability to absorb insane punishment and shrug it off.

I'm surprised Vision didn't give him the top two slots. :)

Minor nit: The date at the top says June 30, 2010....which seems to be to be a bit early for the rest of it. I assume the actual year is around 2410 or so?

John Dougan
"They copied all they could follow, but they couldn't copy my mind,
And I left 'em sweating and stealing a year and a half behind."

>Office of the Chief
>All-Departments Memorandum
>June 30, 2010
>
Hmm... looks like Vision calculated this so fast that she posted it 400 years before she meant to... :)

Offsides

[...] in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #π
#include <stdsig.h>

>>Office of the Chief
>>All-Departments Memorandum
>>June 30, 2010
>>
>Hmm... looks like Vision calculated this so fast that she posted it
>400 years before she meant to... :)
>
>Offsides
>

Nah, she just broke the 4th dimension to satisfy our curiosity. Vision is just THAT powerful :)

Phantom

"When you have excluded the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

I'm a bit shocked Lady Shiva ranks so low. She certainly WANTS to be ranked at the top, I bet.

>I'm a bit shocked Lady Shiva ranks so low. She certainly WANTS to be
>ranked at the top, I bet.

Contrary to her rather strange beliefs, serial murder is not a recognized path to greatness.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Good point.

Y'know, given his hair color and facial hair, I'm wondering if the Chief ever used the alias "Richard Dragon"

>After last week's round on ipo.flame, I went through all the records I
>could find, and based on all the records I had access to, compiled the
>authoritative list of the Top Twenty Open-Handed Martial Artists in
>the known galaxy. If you want the math, I'll provide it separately
>once you can prove you understand quantitative statistical analysis.
>

Actually, the funniest thing about this one is not that there is an ipo.flame, given the background of the founders way back then it woulda been wierder to NOT have one.

Its that one of the wars got so out of hand that Vision felt compelled to compile the list to end it once and for all!

And at first I was wondering why no Jedi, till I recalled that they, like Neo, tend to do lightsabre more than not, with maybe the exception of Morpheus, and its not like they'd have a lot of qualified battles to judge from.

>Actually, the funniest thing about this one is not that there is an
>ipo.flame, given the background of the founders way back then it
>woulda been wierder to NOT have one.
>
>Its that one of the wars got so out of hand that Vision felt compelled
>to compile the list to end it once and for all!

I'm not sure what exactly floated this thread to the top (a bunch seem to have gotten re-dated within the last 24 hours despite no real updates), but, random question:

Does even Vision expect this sort of thing to stop a Usenet argument?

It's something about StaticdashPulse's posts being edited that's causing threads to resurface.

Ah, thank you.

An Eyrie Productions nostalgia-binge is traditional for me around the holidays, but this was perplexing.