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Forum URL: http://www.eyrie-productions.com/Forum/dcboard.cgi
Forum Name: Our Witches at War
Topic ID: 43
#0, Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-13-17 at 03:56 PM
As taste-tested by Karl and Ian of InRange(and, in Gun Jesus' case, Forgotten Weapons)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaLyi1girNw

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#1, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-18-17 at 05:28 PM
In response to message #0
"I'm takin' this home, then!"

"Yeah. I'm pretty happy with the NyQuil."

Sadly, NyQuil will not be invented until 1966, so those witches seeking sanctuary from salmiakkikoskenkorva's embrace in 1946 may be forced to resort to the State of Dawnland's traditional soft drink, Moxie. On the plus side, Moxie is efficacious against many dreadful nerve ailments, including paralysis and "softening of the brain".*

--G.
* no it isn't
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#2, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MuninsFire on Feb-19-17 at 03:19 AM
In response to message #1
Y'know, it's very difficult to find Moxie out on the west coast - I ran across something that purported to be it a little while ago, but it wasn't as horrifying as I remember it from when I lived back east.

#3, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by VoidRandom on Feb-19-17 at 03:25 AM
In response to message #2
>horrifying

You misspelled tasty.

-VR

"They copied all they could follow, but they couldn't copy my mind,
And I left 'em sweating and stealing a year and a half behind."


#6, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by StClair on Feb-19-17 at 04:05 PM
In response to message #3
>>horrifying
>
>You misspelled tasty.

I recently heard that taste described as "root beer filtered through a coin jar."


#7, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-19-17 at 04:10 PM
In response to message #6
>>>horrifying
>>
>>You misspelled tasty.
>
>I recently heard that taste described as "root beer filtered through a
>coin jar."

If it's a jar of Spartan coins.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#8, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by The Traitor on Feb-20-17 at 04:59 AM
In response to message #7
Lynnette is looking on at them, shrugging, and daintily sipping from a bottle of Barr's Irn Bru. Or possibly Iron Brew - the name was changed in 1946 due to a Trading Standards law that meant unbrewed products could not be described as a brew.

I am reliably informed that this is a thing people care about. My source, whom I refer to as ARABEL, would never lie. =]

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.


#11, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by jonathanlennox on Feb-20-17 at 02:17 PM
In response to message #6
>>>horrifying
>>
>>You misspelled tasty.
>
>I recently heard that taste described as "root beer filtered through a
>coin jar."

My analysis was "root beer with an aftertaste of burning tires."

(There's also *Diet* Moxie, in case regular Moxie wasn't bad enough.)


#12, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-20-17 at 02:23 PM
In response to message #11
>>>>horrifying
>>>
>>>You misspelled tasty.
>>
>>I recently heard that taste described as "root beer filtered through a
>>coin jar."
>
>My analysis was "root beer with an aftertaste of burning tires."

Whereas cola is flavored largely with an extract of the kola nut, Moxie's principal flavorant is an extract of gentian root. In the real world, gentian root is the kind of thing that 18th-century backwoodsmen resorted to in a futile attempt to treat ailments that modern medical science doesn't even recognize, things with names like like "scrumbles" and "the falling damps".

--G.
I hear it's also good against the marthambles.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#16, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-20-17 at 11:07 PM
In response to message #12
> In the real world, gentian root is the kind of thing that 18th-century
>backwoodsmen resorted to in a futile attempt to treat ailments that
>modern medical science doesn't even recognize

I have to say that, "scrumbles", "marthambles", "hockogrockle" are all MARVELOUS illnesses that I almost wish I could contract, if only to watch the face of someone when I told them I had it! Then, of course, are the old names for things you COULD get, all equally wonderful(the names, not the illnesses).

As for the use of gentian...I'm reminded of the old quote, "Cured of my disease, last night I died of my physician."


...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#4, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-19-17 at 03:31 AM
In response to message #2
>Y'know, it's very difficult to find Moxie out on the west coast

Oh, lucky, lucky you.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#15, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MuninsFire on Feb-20-17 at 06:55 PM
In response to message #4
Well, that was the thing - I married a California girl who'd never been exposed to it, and had mentioned to her once that it was, sine qua non, THE best way to go from sleepy to ye-almighty-Zeus awake, both from the caffeine content and because of the taste, which I recalled as being something like turpentine cola.

So when I managed to find a bottle labelled as such I figured on giving it to her to try so I could giggle over what I was -sure- would be a hilarious reaction.

And then she says "Oh, this isn't that bad."

And it wasn't. It had some vaguely herbal notes, but ultimately was just...cola.

So whatever they're passing off as Moxie on this coast is -NOT- the real thing, as far as I can tell, but it's been more'n a decade since I've had access to the genuine article and perhaps my taste buds have been fried.


#5, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Mephron on Feb-19-17 at 02:50 PM
In response to message #2
>Y'know, it's very difficult to find Moxie out on the west coast - I
>ran across something that purported to be it a little while ago, but
>it wasn't as horrifying as I remember it from when I lived back east.

I know a place you can get it mail-ordered...

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"


#9, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-20-17 at 08:12 AM
In response to message #1
>"I'm takin' this home, then!"
>
>"Yeah. I'm pretty happy with the NyQuil."
>

"I'm getting notes of....alcohol...dirt....no, mud, not dirt....and bitter disappointment."

Sounds about right for Finland.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#10, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-20-17 at 12:08 PM
In response to message #9
>"I'm getting notes of....alcohol...dirt....no, mud, not dirt....and
>bitter disappointment."
>
>Sounds about right for Finland.

I feel many Suomi would contend that Ian has just described the mire, monotony, and misery that is Orussia and not their own wild and rugged land.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#13, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-20-17 at 03:18 PM
In response to message #10

>I feel many Suomi would contend that Ian has just described the mire,
>monotony, and misery that is Orussia and not their own wild and rugged
>land.

Let's put it this way: there are two types of tango in our world. There is the Argentinian tango, which is EXCITING, PASSIONATE, FIERY!!! See La Cumparsita.

And then there is the FINNISH tango, which is a form of organized migratory behavior, best shown in Satumaa.


Remember, I live next-door as it were. If there is a more dour and miserable people than the Finnish, I don't know who they would be. But, it must also be said that the Finnish most likely not only agree but take great pride in that. 'Sisu' is the center of the Finnish soul.
Oh, and speaking of the Finnish tango, and other types of traditional music? While it doesn't rock? It ROCKS! My own opinion, of course, but...Viljo Vesterinen FTW, as it were.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#14, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-20-17 at 06:30 PM
In response to message #13
>Remember, I live next-door as it were. If there is a more dour and
>miserable people than the Finnish, I don't know who they would be.
>But, it must also be said that the Finnish most likely not only agree
>but take great pride in that.

Well, an inability to take a compliment is widely known in the OWaW universe as "the Suomish disease". :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#17, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-22-17 at 02:05 AM
In response to message #14
>>Remember, I live next-door as it were. If there is a more dour and
>>miserable people than the Finnish, I don't know who they would be.
>>But, it must also be said that the Finnish most likely not only agree
>>but take great pride in that.
>
>Well, an inability to take a compliment is widely known in the OWaW
>universe as "the Suomish disease". :)

Also, by way of providing the Finns with a bit of rebuttal vs. our resident Swede's opinion of them, here is my favorite catalog page on the website of a very tongue-in-cheek Finnish military surplus shop. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#18, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-22-17 at 09:35 AM
In response to message #17
LAST EDITED ON Feb-22-17 AT 07:10 PM (EST)
 
>Also, by way of providing the Finns with a bit of rebuttal vs. our
>resident Swede's opinion of them,

You have a resident Swede?! Oh boy...you know how few people have that? How awesome it is?! Wow. Lucky, LUCKY you!

:P


>here
>is my favorite catalog page on the website of a very tongue-in-cheek
>Finnish military surplus shop. :)

Yep, I like that one, I do. But MY favorite? Is THIS one. And just today, I broke down in UTTER hilarity, as a friend had gotten himself THIS.


Oh, for those that don't know? That military surplus store are the very ones that sent Ian and Karl that Salmiakkikoskenkorva.
And to give you an idea of the sort of mentality that runs through the entire place? The name of the store is 'Varusteleka'. Which is made up of two words, 'Varuste' and 'Leka'. Varuste means gear or equipment. Logical for a surplus store. Leka, on the other hand....well, it means 'sledge-hammer'. Which sort of says it all.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#21, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Feb-22-17 at 10:29 PM
In response to message #18
>And just today, I broke down in UTTER hilarity, as a friend had gotten
>himself THIS.

Haha! That's good. I also like this one.

They say they can get up to 20 characters on these, so one is vaguely tempted to order a set reading JUUTILAINEN-LITVYAK (which is 19). :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#22, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by Gryphon on Mar-01-17 at 07:58 PM
In response to message #21
Upon reflection, some of Varusteleka's humor is a bit too edgy for me—the swastika-shaped "Swedish Christmas cookie cutter" joke item is juuuust a little too tasteless—but on the whole, I love these guys.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#23, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Mar-03-17 at 04:54 AM
In response to message #22
>Upon reflection, some of Varusteleka's humor is a bit too edgy for
>me—the swastika-shaped "Swedish Christmas cookie cutter" joke item
>is juuuust a little too tasteless

Ever so slightly, yes. I do suspect they'll never actually get any of those in stock, in the same manner as how they're 'out' of Nothingness, but at the same time...

I've had people react to the 'Nazi card' too, feeling it tasteless, but playing the Nazi card is a time-honored tradition.


...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"


#19, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by jhosmer1 on Feb-22-17 at 09:49 AM
In response to message #0
Found this while searching online....

Apparently it's a magnet for sale from a site called Zazzle. In case you can't see the picture, it reads "Salmiakki Kossu, the Drink of Champions, Finland Suomi"


#20, RE: Salmiakkikoskenkorva!!
Posted by MoonEyes on Feb-22-17 at 10:06 AM
In response to message #19
LAST EDITED ON Feb-22-17 AT 05:17 PM (EST)
 
>Apparently it's a magnet for
>sale from a site called Zazzle. In case you can't see the picture, it
>reads "Salmiakki Kossu, the Drink of Champions, Finland Suomi"

Yep! Seen that one before, though not as a magnet I have to admit. "Kossu" is slang for Koskenkorva. Which is a vodka brand(in case people didn't actually know)(and not-legally-vodka-but-really-the-same-thing, as well).

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!


#24, FISH COCK!
Posted by MoonEyes on Mar-15-17 at 05:05 PM
In response to message #0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E05nCm1N9Yw

"Foreign people might wonder why the excellent delicacy
is called 'fish cock' and, well, it's a wonder for us too, since
this food originally comes from Savo, a remote
location in the middle of Finland known for inbreeding
and incapacity to form sentences that mean anything."


...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"


#25, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by Gryphon on Mar-15-17 at 05:21 PM
In response to message #24
LAST EDITED ON Mar-16-17 AT 09:19 PM (EDT)
 
PERRINE
(deeply skeptical)
... Fish cock??

EILA
(defensively)
I don't know why they call it that. It's good!

YOSHIKA considers the package carefully.

YOSHIKA
It says here that it "does not contain cock".

SANYA
(almost inaudibly)
Sadly.

EILA double-takes at her.

EILA
Wha--?!

MINNA enters, notices the tins, and brightens.

MINNA
Is that fish cock? I love fish cock!

MIO experiences a violent coughing fit. A concerned YOSHIKA whacks her on the back.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#26, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by MoonEyes on Mar-15-17 at 05:47 PM
In response to message #25
*SNORK!*


In case there IS anyone interested, the name is a deliberate misunderstanding
on Varusteleka's side. Of course.
'Kukko' does mean cock, but in the sense of 'rooster'(at least officially¹). See 'weather cock'.
In THIS case, however, it's a variation of the word 'kukkaro', meaning 'purse'. So, it's a 'purse' of bread filled with fish(and should contain bacon or similar
pork as well).





¹While that is the official explanation, the Swedish word 'kuk' is a bit TOO similar...and does most emphatically NOT mean 'rooster'.
...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"


#27, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by Gryphon on Mar-15-17 at 06:10 PM
In response to message #26
LAST EDITED ON Mar-15-17 AT 09:07 PM (EDT)
 
>In THIS case, however, it's a variation of the word 'kukkaro', meaning
>'purse'. So, it's a 'purse' of bread filled with fish(and should
>contain bacon or similar pork as well).

For porky needs, there's also ham cock, which likewise does not contain cock, although—fair warning—the product page's description text does contain a startlingly random reference to anal sex (except it's not called that, the common Anglo-Standard one-word form is used). Seriously.

--G.
It's part of a complicated simile. The actual product does not contain that either.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#28, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by MoonEyes on Mar-16-17 at 07:40 AM
In response to message #27
>For porky needs, there's also
>ham cock, which likewise does not contain cock,

This is true. Perhaps one could combine the two and get the real deal, as it were.

>although—fair
>warning—the product page's description text does contain a
>startlingly random reference to anal sex (except it's not called that,
>the common Anglo-Standard one-word form is used). Seriously.

Yeah, that one is a bit...peculiar. There is also, on the same page, the Savo word for a train, which is interesting, in a similar manner.


>It's part of a complicated simile. The actual product
>does not contain that either.

For which any customer is even MORE grateful than the 'not cock' part, I suspect. Though, how you would get "@$$fück" in a tin...

...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"


#29, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by Gryphon on Mar-16-17 at 09:19 PM
In response to message #28
>For which any customer is even MORE grateful than the 'not cock' part,
>I suspect. Though, how you would get "@$$fück" in a tin...

From the makers of Can o' Whoopass.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#30, RE: FISH COCK!
Posted by MoonEyes on Apr-11-17 at 02:19 PM
In response to message #29
>>For which any customer is even MORE grateful than the 'not cock' part,
>>I suspect. Though, how you would get "@$$fück" in a tin...
>
>From the makers of Can o' Whoopass.

So Exosalusia, Personal Arms division, then?


...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"