gryphon
int. night Kanmusu Affairs office. NAGATO is at her desk, playing an adventure game on her computer. On screen, a sprite-based INAZUMA stands in a repair dock. NAGATO clicks on the sign next to a fire extinguisher on the wall.

GAME INAZUMA
"Fire safety equipment" nanodesu. "Absolutely do not touch."

NAGATO clicks on the fire extinguisher. It falls off the wall. GAME INAZUMA picks it up.

A beat.

NAGATO clicks on the sign again.

GAME INAZUMA
That's not on fire nanodesu.

NAGATO clicks on the crane.

GAME INAZUMA
That's not on fire nanodesu.

NAGATO clicks on GAME AKASHI.

GAME AKASHI
Hey!

GAME INAZUMA
That's not on fire nanodesu.

MUTSU puts her head around the doorframe.

MUTSU
What the heck are you doing?

NAGATO
Playing Fleet Fandango.

NAGATO clicks on the drydock.

GAME INAZUMA
That's not on fire nanodesu.

- a day in the office

--G.
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gryphon
Around here a bismark (no "c" ) is a filled donut that's half cream (or, well, "creme") and half jelly. I like to think you can get those in Valhalla, and that Bisko is pretty tired of the joke by now. :)

"Mamiya, can you please call them something else?"
"But that's what they're called. I can't just unilaterally rename a food product. Think of the confusion. Besides, you don't see Kuma-chan complaining about my bear claws."
"You're always out of bear claws!"
"That's because they're so popular."

--G.
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LAST EDITED ON Dec-18-16 AT 02:07 AM (EST)
 
>"You're always out of bear claws!"
>"That's because they're so popular."

They are always out of bear claws in Albuquerque. In fact, all they have right now is a box one dozen starving, crazed weasels.

Michael C. Fortner
"Maxim 37: There is no such thing as "overkill".
There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload".

"OK, I'll take that"

>In fact, all they
>have right now is a box one dozen starving, crazed weasels.

Common mistake, that's actually Asashimo.

The comic I got this from is in serious I-regret-clicking-on-that-thumbnail country, but I had to save this bit.

--G.
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>>In fact, all they
>>have right now is a box one dozen starving, crazed weasels.
>
>Common mistake, that's actually Asashimo.

*guitar squeal*

>>In fact, all they
>>have right now is a box one dozen starving, crazed weasels.
>
>Common mistake, that's actually Asashimo.

From the Abyssal scouting force's report: "Huge, sharp teeth . . . look at the bones!"

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>>>In fact, all they
>>>have right now is a box one dozen starving, crazed weasels.
>>
>>Common mistake, that's actually Asashimo.
>
>From the Abyssal scouting force's report: "Huge, sharp teeth . . .

... six inches long!"

"Wo! Wo wo wo wo wo!"

"... Sorry, sixteen inches long."

--G.
branching reference tree
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>... six inches long!"
>
>"Wo! Wo wo wo wo wo!"
>
>"... Sorry, sixteen inches long."

Sadly, I had to look that one up. To mangle a different quote: "If there's a bright center to the 80s pop-culture universe, I was raised in the household farthest from".

I mean, I never even saw The Goonies, ffs.
"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

>I mean, I never even saw The Goonies,
>ffs.

You know, that is not entirely unimpressive, as it were, because *I* saw it, and I'd assume I am/was not even on the same frimpin' CONTINENT...

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!

NAKA
Moles and trolls, moles and trolls, work work work work work. We never see the light of day. We plan this thing for weeks and all they want to do is sortie. I'm disgusted. I'm sorry but it's not like me, I'm depressed. There was what, no one at the midget submarine races. We had one entry for the Admiral Yamamoto lookalike contest and she was disqualified later. Why do I bother?

--G.
it was Mutsu
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Mutsu: You know, um, something strange happened to me this morning...

Nagato: Was it a dream where you see yourself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid with a thousand naked admirals screaming and throwing little pickles at you?

Mutsu: No...

Nagato: Why am I the only one who has that dream?

YŪDACHI
(dismissively)
A girl's got to have her standards-poi.

--G.
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LAST EDITED ON Dec-26-16 AT 12:18 PM (EST)
 
Mutsu: Did you know there's a destroyer living in our closet?

Nagato: You've seen her too?

Mutsu: Who is she?

Nagato: Inazuma.

Mutsu: Why does she keep going into our closet?

Nagato: Why do you keep going into our closet?

Mutsu: To get my rig - but that's not why she goes in there.

Nagato: Of course not, she's half your size - your rig would never fit her.

Mutsu: Yeah...

Nagato: Think before you ask these questions, Mutsu. Twenty points higher than me? Thinks a small girl like that can wear her rig?

"Just remember what lil' Yuudachi does when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Yuudachi just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye and she says, 'poi'."

Minna: How did you get the Yamato up the Rhine!?

Mio: Wasn't easy!

LAST EDITED ON Dec-27-16 AT 12:52 PM (EST)
 
>"Just remember what lil' Yuudachi does when the earth quakes, and the
>poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake.
>Yeah, Yuudachi just looks that big ol' storm right square in the eye
>and she says, 'poi'."

ELITE AIRCRAFT CARRIER WO-CLASS
Do you know what a pawn is, destroyer?

YUUDACHI
(mystified at being asked)
Sure, it's a little shrimp-poi.

WO-CLASS
(exasperated)
Not a prawn, a pawn.

--G.
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Mutsu: Are you okay?

Shimakaze: No, not emotionally, no I'm not. I'm disappointed, not terribly, but still. It should have gone much further much faster. It's okay, though, I know what the problem is. It's obviously the drag coefficient. I'll just have to redesign Rensouhou-chan. I can do that no problem. I can do that here. But after they're designed I got to cut them and that takes tools and time. Do you know how long this stuff is supposed to last?

Ooyodo: Maybe another half an hour?

Shimakaze: Oh that's great, that's good, I can do that no problem. Okay, what's your name?

Mutsu: Mutsu.

Shimakaze: Oh, thank you for your help, Mutsu. Okay I'll see you later.

Mutsu: You're welcome! Who was that?

Ooyodo: That? Oh, that was...

Shimakaze: I'm Shimakaze. I forgot to tell you my name, I'm Shimakaze. I heard there was going to be someone new this term. Are you it?

Mutsu: Yeah.

Shimakaze: Do you have a combat rig?

Mutsu: Yeah.

Shimakaze: Oh. I was going to make you one if you didn't have one, but you have one. Okay, bye.

and

Shimakaze: I never sleep, I don't know why. I had a squadron mate and I drove her nuts, I mean really nuts, they had to take her away in an ambulance and everything. But she's okay now, but she had to transfer to an another naval district, but I don't know if that had anything to do with being my fault. But listen, if you ever need to talk or you need help studying just let me know, 'cause I'm just a couple doors down from you guys and I never sleep, okay?

The true power of "poi"

https://youtu.be/GYqmqFUTQMM?t=520

taken from an Ace Combat 5 stream and used in Arlio's warship video, but the clip.. the follow timing... well...

PS, I was present at the stream, and yes, it's still just as funny.

TONE
Ahoy-hoy! Cruiser Office, Tone speaking. Proceed!

SKULD
Hi, Tone, it's Skuld. Is Aoba right there handy?

TONE
Pray wait a moment whilst I investig—

AOBA
(from an adjoining room)
Hey screw you buddy, my stern's not that big! Oh what's this? Can it be? I think it is! Torpedoes! For you! In your head!!

(A beat.)

TONE
... Aoba is embroiled in a tactical simulation at present. Mayhaps I can take a message?

- World of Warships brings out the worst in many people at the Bureau of Kanmusu Affairs

--G.
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All of these have been awesome, but I think this is the funniest so far, probably because I've played World of Warships. =)

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

>All of these have been awesome, but I think this is the funniest so
>far, probably because I've played World of Warships. =)

Aoba's probably a little sensitive about only being Tier VI. But probably not as sensitive as Kitakami is about being deleted from the game altogether.

--G.
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OOYODO- Merchandising, that's where the real money is! KanMusu the T-shirt! KanMusu the lunchbox! KanMusu the quad oxygen torpedo launcher (kids love this one).

IOWA- At least we don't have to do "KanMusu the Pin-Up Calendar".

OOYODO- We're saving that for the next time the defense budget gets slashed.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

Resurrected. The most recent backup was a couple of days old, but I don't think we lost too much. Thanks, Dave!

--G.
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"Launch stations! Release injector tubes."

"Release injector tubes."

"OK, close No. 1 hatch."

"No. 1 hatch secured."

"Release elevators."

"Iku. Trigger. What are you doing? Hurry up and get out on patrol."

"Yes, ma'am. Sorry, ma'am."
- Nagato catches I-19 and USS Trigger re-enacting the launch sequence from Stingray

--G.
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