Was out and about a little bit ago and saw one of those flashing-arrow signs by a local area gas station, advertising the following wares:

BEER - WINE
PROPANE SANDWICHES

Now, I don't know about you guys, but I find there's very little that goes with beer and wine better than a good propane sandwich.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Just don't ask for it toasted...

I don't know if it is still there, but for many years one of the wide spots on Interstate 5 through California's Central Valley had one that read:

GAS      FOOD
DIESEL SNACKS

Given the choice between Propane Sandwiches and Diesel Snacks, I'm not sure which I would choose.

If you have some "GAS FOOD", will you have problems standing too near to open flames for the next few hours...? <innocent look>

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

There is a strip mall in the northern suburbs of Dallas that used to have a martial arts studio and a bail bondsman located next to each other. Either the two were run by the same people or they had used the same sign company, because the fonts on their signs were identical, and spaced close enough together that it looked like there was one storefront, offering "KUNG FU BAIL BONDS."

I personally thought it sounded like something from a 70s action film, starring Pam Grier and Bruce Lee. With appropriate funky bass guitar in the score.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

After all that, I just have to add my own "funny sign" story. Unlike all of the above, it's not the result of a juncture of terms, but of bad glue on large plastic letters.

A few miles away from our home, out on Route 1, there is one of those self-storage places. It's been there since the middle eighties, when it was one of the first such establishments in the area, if not the first. Because it was one of the local pioneers of the business, it had a big sign made up of two-foot-tall white plastic letters glued to a side wall facing the highway intended to explain what it was all about, and reading simply "PUBLIC SELF STORAGE".

Well, a few years after it opened, some of those letters fell off the wall and were never replaced. And for several years after that, the building proudly proclaimed that it was the site for "PUBIC ELF RAGE".

We'd drive by it and every time say something along the lines of "he's still raging!"

Oddly, no other letters ever fell off for rest of that sign's life (it was taken down and replaced outright when the place changed hands and brands). So I've always wondered if it hadn't been an intentional prank by someone...

-- Bob
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My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite.

I remember on I saw on the side of I-80 through Iowa in 1990 that said (and I kid you not):

GAS and JUNK

I wonder if it's still there?

Michael C. Fortner
"Maxim 37: There is no such thing as "overkill".
There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload".

Ah, missing letters changing meanings.

International Hose of Pancakes

Floop, floop, floop.

LAST EDITED ON Jun-07-17 AT 06:25 AM (EDT)
 
These go under 'missing or modified letters', and are in Swedish. They're both fairly well known from my generation.

The first is from a national bank, nowadays known as Swedbank, but once upon a time called "Föreningssparbanken". Essentiall, the "United Savings Bank" or similar, about 300-some rural banks all getting together under one umbrella. Anyway, some smart person realised that you could modify the above into "Oren I Baken". Which translates into, more or less, "Unwashed Ass". There is a lovely name for you.

The second is from a company that, now, is called "Coop". Which also show what it is. Before they became all international-type-named and hip, with it and cool, they were known as "Konsum", short for "Konsument", which of course means consumer. Essentially, a co-op. And they ran a ad campaign that said, "Kom med i det glada Konsumgänget". Join the happy co-op crew. Peppy, happy, yay. Until someone added the 'umlaut' over the on. "Kom med i det glada Könsumgänget." "Kön" means gender, as well as sexual organ. Join the happy 'sex-havers'....

And then, while it isn't a sign as SUCH, another infamous one in Sweden. There's a real estate management company, primarily in hospitals, in Stockholm, called 'locum', specifically with the lower-case 'L'. A number of years ago, they decided to run an ad campaign showing what wonderful people they were, after all, hospitals are good things. So, they wanted to do a love and happiness thing. And for some reason, known only to the gods, no-one at the company, OR the advertising agency, reacted when they replaced the 'o' with a heart. Cute and sweet.

Yep, that's right: I heart cum.

...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"

I was just looking through this again, and it reminded me of another whole genre of Bad Public Signage we didn't get into, namely: Inappropriate Use of Quotation Marks for Emphasis. As Us About Our "Special" Prices. Everything On "Sale".

My personal favorite of these was in the break room of the HVAC company Zoner's parents used to run. He and I spent a weekend wiring the place for Ethernet one time, back before wifi was a Thing, and at one point I noticed a hand-lettered sign taped to the wall by the fridge reading:

"EXPERIENCED" INSTALLERS WANTED

"COMPETITIVE" PAY AND "GREAT" BENEFITS

Mr. and Mrs. Zone ran a quality establishment, but I have to say, I have encountered furnace companies around these parts that I think meant those sarcasm quotes in exactly the way they look. :)

--G.
also that fucking plumber from winter before last, holy hell
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

You know those light-up marquee-style signs with the flashing arrow at the top? Around here you often see them set up out by the road, pointing the way to roadside businesses. The last time I was at my semi-local Sam's getting gas, I noticed one over by the little shed where the attendant hides shelters from inclement weather, advertising the following items:

PRIME RIB $16.99/LB
DORITOS PARTY SIZE 2/$4.99
ONE OF THESE SIGNS $649.95

which made me smile a bit.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Heh, we've got at least a couple of places in town known as —

Mike's "Famous" Fish & Chips

Not sure I want to know what they're famous for; at least, I don't think I've seen them implicated as "the cause" by news reporters standing outside a hospital...

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

>Heh, we've got at least a couple of places in town known as —
>
>Mike's "Famous" Fish & Chips

I submit that this is, at least, more promising than if it was Mike's Famous "Fish" and Chips.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I'm reminded of a dry cleaning place which had an unnecessary space in the sign:

CLEAN YOUR
DR APES.

Now, I don't know how many people have an ape, let alone one with a doctorate, but I'm pretty sure that there aren't many apes that require dry cleaning. The intersection of these things would seem to be rather small.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>I'm reminded of a dry cleaning place which had an unnecessary space in
>the sign:
>
>CLEAN YOUR
>DR APES.
>
>Now, I don't know how many people have an ape, let alone one with a
>doctorate, but I'm pretty sure that there aren't many apes that
>require dry cleaning. The intersection of these things would seem to
>be rather small.

Apes able to call themselves "doctor" are more common than you might think, although they would probably react badly to dry cleaning.

>Apes able to call themselves "doctor" are more common than you might
>think, although they would probably react badly to dry cleaning.

For convoluted reasons, you have just made me picture Winston from Overwatch re-enacting the "Whoopi Goldberg's character is high on truth serum" scene from Jumpin' Jack Flash. "You ever wonder what the fuck Martinizing is?"

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Well, we in the mountains on the west coast have fuel stations called...

Kum and Go

and no, I didn't misspell that, that is in fact what it's called.

The food drive is only accepting "non-parishable food."

Misspelling, or following kashrut? You decide.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.