This was inspired by a comic I saw a while ago in which Maho was doing what she's doing here, but the World of Tanks joke is my own. Sadly, nobody on DB seemed to enjoy it, but hope springs eternal.

EXT. DAY. A forest somewhere. A battle is currently underway between the BLACK FOREST GIRLS' HIGH SCHOOL TANKERY TEAM and SOME OTHER SCHOOL'S TEAM. BLACK FOREST is winning handily.

INT. TIGER II TURRET. So handily that MAHO NISHIZUMI isn't even bothering to play; supremely bored, she's working on a book of crossword puzzles while her team processes the scrubs on autopilot.

ERIKA ITSUMI
(on the radio, angrily)
Maho, are you even paying attention?

MAHO
(obviously not doing so)
Hmm... what's an 11-letter word for "breakthrough", starts with P?

EXT. DAY. ERIKA'S TANK blasts an ENEMY TANK broadside with an AP shell, knocking it out instantly.

INT. COMMAND TANK TURRET.

ERIKA'S GUNNER
(on the radio, announcing generally)
Penetration!

MAHO brightens.

MAHO
Oh! Right, of course. Thanks.

She writes it down.

--G.
-><-
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*snrk!*

That's the joke the original doujin artist missed, definitely. XD

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

A classic...

INT. NIGHT. The girls of OORAI GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL TANKERY ANGLER TEAM stand clustered around MIHO NISHIZUMI, facing MOMO KAWASHIMA who is sitting bound on a couch.

MIHO gives AMI an intent look as she dips a heated wire into a petri dish of MOMO's blood, then looks slightly surprised when nothing happens.

MOMO
(starting in a tired tone, before becoming more animated)
I know you ladies have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!

LAST EDITED ON May-06-17 AT 12:32 PM (EDT)
 
>INT. NIGHT. The girls of OORAI GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL TANKERY ANGLER
>TEAM stand clustered around MIHO NISHIZUMI, facing MOMO KAWASHIMA who
>is sitting bound on a couch.

Now I'm starting to wonder, do they use the tanks when they go fishing? And what the hell are they fishing for that requires tanks?

--
Mr. Fnord is gone fisson.

LAST EDITED ON May-06-17 AT 06:37 PM (EDT)
 
>>INT. NIGHT. The girls of OORAI GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL TANKERY ANGLER
>>TEAM stand clustered around MIHO NISHIZUMI, facing MOMO KAWASHIMA who
>>is sitting bound on a couch.
>
>Now I'm starting to wonder, do they use the tanks when they go
>fishing? And what the hell are they fishing for that requires
>tanks?

They're called Angler Team because their tank's mascot is an anglerfish.

--G.
as opposed to Duck Team, Turtle Team, and of course The First Föur Black Sabbath Albums.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Obviously there is some reference here I am not getting, and as a result this sounds really, really messed up.

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

>Obviously there is some reference here I am not getting, and as a
>result this sounds really, really messed up.

It's the scene from John Carpenter's The Thing (1982) in which MacReady is checking whether Donald Moffat's character is the shapeshifting alien.

Unless you were talking about my original post, in which case it's a joke about something the radio voice of your tank says in World of Tanks when your shot pierces the target's armor.

--G.
"That one bounced!"
-><-
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>Obviously there is some reference here I am not getting, and as a
>>result this sounds really, really messed up.
>
>It's the scene from John Carpenter's
>The Thing (1982) in which MacReady is checking whether Donald
>Moffat's character is the shapeshifting alien.

Indeed, yeah, that's definitely a reference I had not recognized. Thanks.

>
>Unless you were talking about my original post, in which case it's a
>joke about something the radio voice of your tank says in World of
>Tanks when your shot pierces the target's armor.

Oh, that one I understood. =)

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

"No hard feelings, Poi Break, you got a mean swing nanodesu."

--G.
-><-
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I was suddenly struck by the image of Inazuma replicating the torrent of profanity from "The King's Speech" (you know the one), and ending with "... and nanodesu." instead of the actual ending ("... and tits.").

This is my brain. It's a bit of a strange place.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

I don't actually know that stream of profanity, but I think it got a brief quote somewhere else on the board, so I have a vague idea what you're talking about.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>I don't actually know that stream of profanity, but I think it
>got a brief quote somewhere else on the board, so I have a vague idea
>what you're talking about.
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>Insert humorous comment here.

Here

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

YŪBARI
(To INAZUMA)
You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret? Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

>YŪBARI
>(To INAZUMA)
>You really have got a lid on it, haven't you? What's your secret?
>Mellow jazz? Bongo drums? Huge bag of weed?

Yamato: Call it, Admiral!

Corwin: Alright, listen up. Until we can initiate the frame shift, our priority's containment. Ōyodo, I want you on the water, eyes on everything. Call out patterns and strays. Yamato, you got the perimeter. Anything gets closer than three klicks out, you turn it back or you turn it to ash. Kaga, you gotta try and bottleneck that fleet. Slow 'em down. You got the lightning. Bring the rain. And Inazuma? nanodesu!

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

INT. DAY. YŪBARI, IOWA, and BISMARCK are aboard a grounded cargo ship, facing off against AIRFIELD PRINCESS, SHIMAKAZE, and HIBIKI across a metal walkway.

YŪBARI
What's the vibranium for?

AIRFIELD PRINCESS
(affably)
I'm glad you asked that, because I wanted to take this time to explain my evil plan...

AIRFIELD PRINCESS immediately blasts YŪBARI, throwing her back into wall and initiating a fight between the two groups.

Yuubari, Iowa and Bismarck? This sounds like half of a Steiner Scout Lance plus one.

It's a continuation of the Kancolle/Avengers gig that started ages ago in another thread. I've been slowly casting the various Kancolle girls in the roles of The Avengers as well as supporting cast. So far:

- YUUBARI as Tony Stark/Iron Man: While Kancolle fandom has two girls as the resident "wrench wench," she's the one usually more depicted as a "mad scientist" and thus really fits well with Tony's personality.

- IOWA as Steven Rogers/Captain America: The "All-American" kid from Brooklyn who loves all things American and chugs Coca-Cola. Kinda hard to find a better fit.

- BISMARCK as Thor Odinsson: The Teutonic powerhouse who the fandom like to show as a hard-drinking party girl when she's not bashing in heads.

- KAGA as Clint Barton/Hawkeye: An archer who is also a deadpan snarker who loves to dump on others. Check, check, and check.

- GRAF ZEPPELIN as Natasha Romanov/Black Widow: Okay, this one was sort of a stretch, as Graf was (at the time I cast her) the only carrier who uses her turrets as a weapon rather than some form of bow or crossbow. Saratoga's since been added, but her personality doesn't really fit.

- INAZUMA as Bruce Banner/The Hulk: Come on, what is funnier than the idea of a little kid who becomes crazy strong and mean when angered?

- OOYODO as Phil "Agent" Coulson: Okay, I admit it, I just went with my first instinct which was "Who is the person you least expect to be a badass?" and Ooyodo was the answer. I get tickled by the fandom's interpretation of her as secretly a goddess of death because of her daily mission of "scrap two ships."

- TAKAO as Maria Hill: I can't take credit for this as Gryphon selected her, but I do see her as a common secretary ship in fandom so it makes sense.

- TENRYUU as Nick Fury: Again, another Gryphon pick, and yeah it was mostly about the eyepatch. But she also is generally depicted as having a fiery personality (when she's not playing "cool big sis" for destroyers), so I like it.

- SHIMAKAZE as Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver: Be honest, how does this not work? Without Le Fantasque, Vashkent, or Capitani Romani in the game, there's only one speedster and she's also an arrogant little twerp who disrespects her elders.

- HIBIKI as Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch: Kancolle has a few "creepy" girls, but Hibiki's too cute not to include in this cast.

- AKASHI as Howard Stark: Another Gryphon casting choice, the other half of Kancolle's "wrench wench" duo.

- KONGO as Margaret "Peggy" Carter: Kancolle's original British girl, before they added Warspite and Ark Royal. Might have to recast now, if only because Kongo has a tendency to butcher the English language...but then again, so does Iowa...

I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure those are most of the parts cast so far. I'm lost on who to cast as Vision, but I'm leaning towards Kirishima as she's another girl who is frequently depicted as a secretary ship with a cool and calm personality. Scott Lang or Peter Parker? I'm drawing a blank right now.

>- YUUBARI as Tony Stark/Iron Man: While Kancolle fandom has two girls
>as the resident "wrench wench," she's the one usually more depicted as
>a "mad scientist" and thus really fits well with Tony's personality.

That, and Akashi isn't really armed and so generally doesn't find herself in combat unless the admiral has very screwed up.

Yuubari:Akashi::Wheeljack:Ratchet

>- BISMARCK as Thor Odinsson: The Teutonic powerhouse who the fandom
>like to show as a hard-drinking party girl when she's not bashing in
>heads.

The collision of this assessment with the alternate interpretation of Bismarck as Big Akatsuki resonates weirdly with Movie Thor's daddy issues. :)

>- GRAF ZEPPELIN as Natasha Romanov/Black Widow: Okay, this one was
>sort of a stretch, as Graf was (at the time I cast her) the only
>carrier who uses her turrets as a weapon rather than some form of bow
>or crossbow. Saratoga's since been added, but her personality doesn't
>really fit.

Ark Royal looks the part the most of the extant carriers, though she is also an archer. Natasha doesn't really need to be a carrier, though. I mean, if anything

GANGUT
(crouching behind cover while fairy gun crew frantically reloads #1 turret; muttering around the stem of her pipe)
Is like Arkangelsk all over again.

KAGA
(giving her the side-eye)
You and I remember Archangel very differently.

yeah? I mean...

>- INAZUMA as Bruce Banner/The Hulk: Come on, what is funnier than the
>idea of a little kid who becomes crazy strong and mean when angered?

As someone else noted, "Middle of the night, this neighborhood, books on naval strategy, I figure she about to start some shit."

>- OOYODO as Phil "Agent" Coulson: Okay, I admit it, I just went with
>my first instinct which was "Who is the person you least expect to be
>a badass?" and Ooyodo was the answer. I get tickled by the fandom's
>interpretation of her as secretly a goddess of death because of her
>daily mission of "scrap two ships."

I am amused by the fan works in which Ooyodo and Akashi, the ships, are Totally Not the Mission Girl and Item Shop Girl, and get annoyed when the admiral mistakes them for same.

>- TAKAO as Maria Hill: I can't take credit for this as Gryphon
>selected her, but I do see her as a common secretary ship in fandom so
>it makes sense.

I think it was mainly just about the hairstyle. I needed someone to stand there and provide the straight line for Tony's question about the holodisplays, and she was available. :)

>- TENRYUU as Nick Fury: Again, another Gryphon pick, and yeah it was
>mostly about the eyepatch. But she also is generally depicted as
>having a fiery personality (when she's not playing "cool big sis" for
>destroyers), so I like it.

"I recognize that the Admiralty has made a decision. However, since it's a stupid-ass decision, I have chosen to ignore it."

>- SHIMAKAZE as Pietro Maximoff/Quicksilver: Be honest, how does this
>not work? Without Le Fantasque, Vashkent, or
>Capitani Romani in the game, there's only one speedster and
>she's also an arrogant little twerp who disrespects her elders.

I haven't seen any of the Marvel films past the original Avengers, but I gather from fragmentary references I've seen here and there that he comes to a Bad End in whichever one he appears in? Which is kind of too bad.

>- HIBIKI as Wanda Maximoff/Scarlet Witch: Kancolle has a few "creepy"
>girls, but Hibiki's too cute not to include in this cast.

And then she said "no more cruisers" and really bad shit happened.

>- AKASHI as Howard Stark: Another Gryphon casting choice, the other
>half of Kancolle's "wrench wench" duo.

The chronology doesn't really work, but on the other hand, Akashi as Howard in Captain America leads to Akashi as Howard in Iron Man 2.

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of all of us here at Akashi Industries, I'd like to show you... my ass."

>- KONGO as Margaret "Peggy" Carter: Kancolle's original British girl,
>before they added Warspite and Ark Royal. Might have to recast now,
>if only because Kongo has a tendency to butcher the English
>language...but then again, so does Iowa...

I tend to ignore the fan convention that Kongou's forgotten how to speak English, instead treating her weird dialect as an artifact of the voice casting. If anything, her lines read in translation like the joke they were going for is that she doesn't speak Japanese very well, but they hired a Japanese voice actor, so in implementation it ends up coming across the other way desu.

>I'd have to check, but I'm pretty sure those are most of the parts
>cast so far. I'm lost on who to cast as Vision, but I'm leaning
>towards Kirishima as she's another girl who is frequently depicted as
>a secretary ship with a cool and calm personality.

I almost think Vision ought to be an Abyssal defector. They tend to have the appropriate affect. Destroyer Princess, maybe, or the one who's basically an evil mash-up of the whole Sendai class.

And introducing Fubuki as James Buchanan "Bucky" Barnes, obviously.

(I love that joke because it works two ways, since fubuki is Japanese for blizzard.)

>Scott Lang or Peter Parker? I'm drawing a blank right now.

I don't know Ant-Man well enough to speculate, but

EARTHFORCE MP
(brandishing pistol)
Hold it right there!

SENDAI
(recoiling in unconvincingly overacted terror)
Oh no! My only weakness! Really small guns!

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

LAST EDITED ON Nov-25-17 AT 02:46 PM (EST)
 
SO MANY jokes have been made about Fubuki, Bucky and Buki.

James Buchanan Barnes, Fubuki from Victory Belles (seated), Fubuki from KanColle (standing left) and Fubuki from Warship Girls (baby).

>I almost think Vision ought to be an Abyssal defector. They tend to
>have the appropriate affect. Destroyer Princess, maybe, or the one
>who's basically an evil mash-up of the whole Sendai class.

Hoppou: "Hoppou thinks humans are odd."
Airfield Princess: "They're doomed!"
Hoppou: (nods) "But Hoppou thinks a thing isn't beautiful because it lasts."
Airfield Princess: "You're unbelievably naïve."
Hoppou: "Hoppou was born yesterday."

And this leads to the existential horror of Hoppou meeting Wapiko.

>I haven't seen any of the Marvel films past the original
>Avengers, but I gather from fragmentary references I've seen
>here and there that he comes to a Bad End in whichever one he appears
>in? Which is kind of too bad.

Considering you already pretty much know, well, yes. Being able to see daylight straight through a person can only be said to be a Bad End.

...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"

>That, and Akashi isn't really armed and so generally doesn't find
>herself in combat unless the admiral has very screwed up.

Or unless she goes to the wrong right engineering school.

"This is probably a stupid question, but . . ."

EXT. DAY. A large, open arena with high walls surrounding it, though there are lower points for entry and suchlike. A LARGE BLUE TANK is waiting patiently while a GARGANTUAN METAL LOBSTER THING is attacking a SMALL WHITE-GOLD TANKETTE with what looks for all the world like a ginormous buzzsaw.

INT. BLUE TANK'S TURRET, wherein the gunner is looking on with ferocious anticipation as her weapon, some kind of ENORMOUS LASER CANNON THING, is charging with the usual INCREDIBLE, WORLD-SHATTERING POWAAAH.

DRIVER: How're we doing up there? Is the gun ready?

GUNNERY OFFICER GANYMEDE "GARY" CAIRNS, OF THE EXPERIMENTAL TANK DESIGNATED "PP-3D": [with entirely too much relish] She's up tae speed now, girls!

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

References a lot of people won't get, you say? Well, bung 'em in! Life's more fun that way! =]

INT. SPACE. RU-CLASS BATTLESHIP is holding IOWA by the throat, suspended over a very long drop.

RU-CLASS
You species is even weaker than I expected.

IOWA
(gasp)
I can't...

RU-CLASS
You can't even speak.

IOWA gargles something.

RU-CLASS
(pulls IOWA closer)
What?

IOWA
(clearly)
I got your gun.

IOWA manifests RU-CLASS' rigging, blasting her in the gut with her own guns.

BISMARCK
Ta-class, do you remember I said I would sink you last?

TA-CLASS
Yes. Yes, you did say that.

BISMARCK
I lied.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

INT. DAY. BISMARCK bursts into a pet store with a bold stride.

BISMARCK
I need a horse!

PET STORE CLERK
We don't have horses. Just dogs, cats, birds.

BISMARCK
Then give me one of those large enough to ride.

Yamato: What am I, a cruise ship? Maybe they're on the Lido deck!

Peter Eng
--
("Yamato's a bit out of sorts this morning.")
("Hangover.")

AGENT SMITH
It seems you've been leading two lives. In one life, you are Clark Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper. You have a Social Security number; you pay your taxes; you help your landlady carry out her garbage. In the other you go by the alias "Superman" and are guilty of every crime of vigilantism we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, Mr. Kent, and the other does not.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>AGENT SMITH
>It seems you've been leading two lives. In one life, you are Clark
>Kent, mild-mannered reporter for a great metropolitan newspaper. You
>have a Social Security number; you pay your taxes; you help your
>landlady carry out her garbage. In the other you go by the alias
>"Superman" and are guilty of every crime of vigilantism we have a law
>for. One of these lives has a future, Mr. Kent, and the other does
>not.

"Where's Superman?"

"He's doing his Neo thing again."

>AGENT SMITH
>
I dunno, G. In some ways I'm expecting Agents J or K to step in right about here with their 'neuralizers' cause he IS the sort of secret the MIB are all about protecting...

EXT. DAY. Open waters off Valhalla. A group of KANMUSU lie scattered about on the calm surface, surrounded by burning wreckage, slowly sinking. In the distance, the silhouettes of the OPPOSING FORCE can be seen cruising away.

INAZUMA
Oh God nanodesu.

KONGOU
Oh, for...

NAGATO
(deadpan)
Good job, everyone.

ZUIKAKU
For Christ's sake!

AKEBONO
Akagi-san, you are just stupid as hell.

AKAGI
(philosophically)
At least I have chicken.

--G.
-><-
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And she will forevermore be known as Akagi Jenkins. (It's in the game, I swear!)

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

"I'm a Charismatic, all right, I don't follow the Way of Surak. I'm still Vulcan. You can't get out of being Vulcan. There's no membership card where you can go up to one of the Elders of Shi'Kahr and cut it up, 'Feck ya, I'm outta here.' You could join the Tal'Shiar, you'd merely be regarded as a bad Vulcan."
- with apologies to Dara Ó Briain

--G.
-><-
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That sounds totally like one or more members of the Illogics, especially when trying to explain the whole Cythia thing.

Why you shouldn't ask Nora Southwell Ozaki to give the benediction before the start of an Armorsport match: because chances are, she'll say something like this.

"Cromwell! I have never prayed to you before. I have no tongue for it. No one, not even you, will remember if we were good players or scrublords. Why we fought, and why we ragequit. All that matters is that today, 30 tons stood against 300. That's what's important! Valor pleases you, Cromwell, so grant me this one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to hell with you!"

--G.
-><-
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EXAMINER
You're walking across the desert when you come upon a Tortoise that's turned over on its back. Its tracks are turning uselessly, its belly plate baking in the sun. You could attach a tow cable and right it, but you don't. Why not?

LUKA MEGURINE
(puzzled)
A tortoise? What?

EXAMINER
Tortoise. It's a British heavy tank. You know what a tank is?

LUKA
(annoyed)
Of course I know what a tank is.

EXAMINER
The point is it's helpless, it can't right itself without your help, but you're not helping. Why is that, Luka?

LUKA gets up.

LUKA
You're out of your damn mind. I'm gone. Peace.

Exeunt.

--G.
-><-
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I've always vaguely wondered whether the Voight-Kampff test could cope with a Vulcan.

EXAMINER: You're walking across the desert when you come upon a tortoise that's turned over on its back--

SPOCK: (interrupts) I help it get back on its feet.

EXAMINER: (mildly irritated) I wasn't done. You could do that, but you don't. Why not?

SPOCK: Yes I do do that. It would be illogical not to assist. It costs me nothing and may save the tortoise's life.

EXAMINER: (trying to be reasonable) I need you to answer the question as it was posed.

SPOCK: I can think of only three hypothetical situations where it would be logical not to assist the tortoise, and all of them are highly unlikely. Is there, perhaps, an endangered predator species in the vicinity, which only eats this species of tortoise? Is there some concrete reason why I cannot afford to stop walking for even a moment, and if so, why am I not running?

EXAMINER: (shaking his head) Let's just move on.

>Is there some
>concrete reason why I cannot afford to stop walking for even a moment,
>and if so, why am I not running?

I could see post-psychotic-break T'Pol baiting an interrogator this way. "Here are all the ways in which your hypothetical scenario makes no sense. Additionally, I have 17 suggestions for ways in which you could be doing this job more efficiently."

--G.
-><-
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Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I have to confess I don't get it.

>I have to confess I don't get it.

I had to look up the Voight-Kampff test before it made sense. (I suppose I should see that film some day...)

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>>I have to confess I don't get it.
>
>I had to look up the Voight-Kampff test before it made sense. (I
>suppose I should see that film some day...)
>
>Peter Eng
>--
>Insert humorous comment here.

Now I feel old....

Reminds me of the time a friend and I quoted Real Genius during a role-playing game and just got blank looks around the table...

"Why am I the only person who has that dream?"

>>>I have to confess I don't get it.
>>
>>I had to look up the Voight-Kampff test before it made sense. (I
>>suppose I should see that film some day...)
>>
>>Peter Eng
>>--
>>Insert humorous comment here.
>
>Now I feel old....
>
>Reminds me of the time a friend and I quoted Real Genius during
>a role-playing game and just got blank looks around the table...

I made a comment about Bruce Campbell and "Evil Dead 2" during our weekly game a few months back. The twentysomethings at the table didn't know who Bruce Campbell was, who Ash Williams was, and had never seen any of the "Evil Dead" franchise.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

I was having a conversation with a Warframe clanmate on Discord the other day regarding Chester Bennington/Linkin Park that derailed when it eventually came up that said clanmate was born the same year the first Linkin Park album was released (2000). I was in high school then.

I was 30.
(Zero year makes birthday math easy.)

>I was having a conversation with a Warframe clanmate on Discord the
>other day regarding Chester Bennington/Linkin Park that derailed when
>it eventually came up that said clanmate was born the same year the
>first Linkin Park album was released (2000). I was in high school
>then.

I have an adult coworker who's just a few months older than my oldest functioning email address.

--
-Pasha
"Don't change the subject"
"Too slow, already did."

>>
>>I had to look up the Voight-Kampff test before it made sense. (I
>>suppose I should see that film some day...)
>>
>
>Now I feel old....
>

Sometimes, it isn't about old. I was eleven when the film came out. Too young to see it in theaters, too cash-strapped to see it afterwards.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>Now I feel old....
>
>Reminds me of the time a friend and I quoted Real Genius during
>a role-playing game and just got blank looks around the table...

I mentioned Stephen Furst at work when he died. No one had heard of Babylon Five, much less Vir Cotto.

This saddens me.

>Now I feel old....

I've lost track of the times me and my coworkers at different jobs are talking about movies, I mention Buckaroo Banzai and I get the response "Huh?".

>>Now I feel old....
>
>I've lost track of the times me and my coworkers at different jobs are
>talking about movies, I mention Buckaroo Banzai and I get the response
>"Huh?".

In fairness, that may not entirely be because that film is old; the fact that it wasn't very popular might also be involved.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

>>
>>I've lost track of the times me and my coworkers at different jobs are
>>talking about movies, I mention Buckaroo Banzai and I get the response
>>"Huh?".
>
>In fairness, that may not entirely be because that film is old; the
>fact that it wasn't very popular might also be involved.
>

Not very popular, or just overwhelmed? It was up against Star Trek III, Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom, and Ghostbusters.

I'm still not sure how my family got it on our list of films to see in theaters; probably my mom knew something that I didn't.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>Reminds me of the time a friend and I quoted Real Genius during
>a role-playing game and just got blank looks around the table...

I quoted it to a friend, and did not realize there was someone she intensely disliked named Mitch.

"You've never seen Real Genius?
"No."
"Right. Come over this weekend, I'll make chili and we can watch it. And Big Trouble in Little China, too. And maybe Top Secret."

Ever watch someone watch a movie and suddenly, suddenly, an entire range of jokes made sense? It's like there's this ur-source of geek humor from Real Genius, and some people know the jokes and don't know the movie.

She also finally understood why it was funny to have Optimus Prime "in disguise" as the Pork Chop Express when helping some friends fight an ancient Chinese sorcerer.

(It was online RP. It doesn't need to make sense.)

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

>"Right. Come over this weekend, I'll make chili and we can watch it.
>And Big Trouble in Little China, too. And maybe Top Secret."
>
>Ever watch someone watch a movie and suddenly, suddenly, an entire
>range of jokes made sense? It's like there's this ur-source of
>geek humor from Real Genius, and some people know the jokes and don't
>know the movie.
>
>She also finally understood why it was funny to have Optimus Prime "in
>disguise" as the Pork Chop Express when helping some friends fight an
>ancient Chinese sorcerer.

..Wow. Just...wow. That whole movie would have been a LOT different if two street gangs started having a firefight in front of -Optimus Prime-.

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

I _was_ that guy first time I saw Army of Darkness.

>I have to confess I don't get it.

Here.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

Just noticed that I only used this one as a pre-sig stinger, but I like this scene from a terrible movie far too much not to give it a more extended revisit.

INT. An EARTHFORCE SHIPYARD, dirty and ill-maintained. INAZUMA'S Mental Model is seated in a metal chair, her wrists and ankles secured to its frame with heavy straps. She's also connected by clip leads to some sort of DIAGNOSTIC DEVICE with an oscilloscope. In the background, her SHIP BODY can be seen in a drydock berth, chained down with what looks like miles of anchor chains and surrounded by a heavy forcefield.

Nearby, ADMIRAL KURITA regards her with his usual look of bland sardony. A group of heavily armed and armored EARTHFORCE MARINES maintains a defensive perimeter. Outside that perimeter, AKITSU MARU stands by the door, arms folded behind her back, utterly expressionless.

KURITA
And you. Special Type Destroyer Inazuma. The supposed savior of the kanmusu resistance. Instead, you'll be its... pardon the expression... destroyer. My own fleet's greatest weapon.

INAZUMA struggles to keep the mounting horror and despair off her face, but mostly does not succeed--and at any rate, the rapidly fluctuating trace on the OSCILLOSCOPE would give her away.

KURITA
What's more, you gave me that weapon--yourself. Calmly. Coolly.

INAZUMA's face screws up like she might burst into tears; the OSCILLOSCOPE flickers wildly.

KURITA
(twisting the knife)
Entirely... without... incident.

The OSCILLOSCOPE'S flickering becomes so furious it's almost strobing--and then, suddenly, it flatlines and INAZUMA'S face, eyes still closed, goes totally blank. AKITSU MARU seems to realize what's happening before KURITA, who just looks puzzled.

AKITSU MARU
(with just the faintest widening of eyes)
Oh...

INAZUMA
(barely audible)
No.

Her eyes open suddenly, her expression becoming one of cold fury.

AKITSU MARU
(edging toward the door)
... shit.

INAZUMA
Not without incident nanodesu.

She rises to her feet, straps parting as if they were made of tissue paper. A FOG DATA RING appears about her head, the faint hex pattern of a KLEIN FIELD around her body, but instead of her disabled SHIP BODY coming to life, she manifests her KANCOLLE RIGGING from hammerspace--torpedo in one hand, anchor in the other, her shoulder turret tracking independently like a Predator's beamcaster.

BAD THINGS START HAPPENING to the EARTHFORCE MARINES.

--G.
"If possible, I'd rather save everyone, including the enemy. If possible nanodesu."
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

"Do not taunt Happy Fun Fog."

Should actually be in a story, this one.

Plasma-chan is loose! Run for your lives!

>Plasma-chan is loose! Run for your lives!

"Don't bother running. You'll only die tired nanodesu."

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Kind of ironic, a construct becoming sentient in a scene from a movie where the bad guys are forcing humans to become emotionless. Fits quite well. =)

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

AKITSU MARU
(Appearing to read from clipboard)
This is a control question, a riddle really. How would you say would be the easiest way to take a weapon away from a Mental Model?

The EARTHFORCE MARINES in the room immediately aim their guns at INAZUMA as her eyes widen. As she grasps for a response, HIEI appears behind her right shoulder, leaning over with a thin smile upon her face.

HIEI
(smugly)
You ask her for it.

"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against Akagi when food is on the line!'"

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

>"You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - the most
>famous of which is 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but
>only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against Akagi when
>food is on the line!'"

AKAGI
I've been slowly building up an immunity to bauxite.

MUTSUKI
(making sarcasm quotes with her fingers)
Pfff. "Slowly".

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.