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Forum Name: Mini-Stories
Topic ID: 92
#0, FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Gryphon on Jul-13-10 at 03:30 AM
When Gordon Freeman lost consciousness, he wasn't expecting to ever wake up again. Well, you wouldn't, if the last thing you saw before blacking out was a giant mutant brain hellbeast thing exploding in a giant corona of weird green alien light, would you?

It was therefore with mild surprise that he came to realize he was alive, sprawled face-down on what felt like some kind of nonskid flooring. He slowly raised his head to find that he was lying on the floor of what looked for all the world like a Black Mesa tram car, still wearing the dented and battered remains of his HEV suit. A quick check of his status indicators showed that all his weapons were gone.

This could be awkward, Freeman thought. He pulled himself slowly to his feet and looked around. Yup, a Black Mesa tram car, be it ever so industrial. Except... okay, that wasn't the Black Mesa Transit System outside the windows. In fact, it looked like nothing so much as a grand-scale version of the Windows "hyperspace" screen saver.

Okay. I was fighting a giant brain monster, it blew up, and now I'm on a Black Mesa tram that's flying through space at faster-than-light speeds, he thought. Let's face it, that's no weirder than anything else that's happened today.

"Ah. Mr. Freeman," said a voice. Gordon turned to see a tall, thin man in a blue suit standing at the other end of the car. With a shock of recognition, he realized that it was the same guy he'd seen over and over all day - on the tram that morning, in Kleiner's office, up on that catwalk. He'd kept turning up everywhere in Black Mesa over the course of the incident, always watching, always somewhere just out of reach. Blue suit, buzzcut, briefcase, like some kind of G-man from hell.

"Good work clearing up that... little mess in the borderworld," said the G-man. His voice was strange, the words perfectly ordinary but their inflections all wrong, as if he weren't a man at all, but some kind of machine that wasn't quite programmed correctly to emulate human speech. As he spoke, he regarded Gordon with cold, dead eyes.

"My... employers have recognized that you have considerable... potential, Mr. Freeman," he went on. "There have been some... delays in extending our offer of... employment... a member of a... rival firm was attempting to interfere in your recruitment." He gave a little smile that was just as forced and unnatural as his manner of speaking. "... But that's all been sorted out now. We'll have no further trouble from them. So I am free to make you... an offer."

Freeman eyed the G-man who was not a G-man with deep wariness. "What kind of offer?" he asked.

"A... simple one. You come and... work for us, placing your... unique... skills at our full disposal."

"Do you have any references?" Freeman replied. "I'm sure I don't have a job at Black Mesa any more, but that doesn't mean I'm open to just any offer that comes along. Who do you work for?"

"That is... not your concern," the G-man replied calmly. "But you always have... a choice. You can refuse our offer. Of course, in that case, we will have no alternative but to return you... to your previous location. There you will face a battle... of which you have no chance of surviving." Again he smiled his ghastly un-smile. "I will give you a moment... to collect your thoughts. Then I must have your answer." Turning away to gaze out the window, ostentatiously leaving Gordon to his deliberations, he added dryly, "Choose... wisely, Mr. Freeman."

Freeman's flesh crawled. He didn't know how he knew, but he was now absolutely convinced that this thing, whatever he was - he was surely not a human being - was the most dangerous and devious thing he'd encountered in this whole insane sequence of events. He had suspected for some time that this creature had engineered the Black Mesa incident. Now it suddenly dawned on him that it, or who- or whatever it represented, had done so just to force him to this moment. It and its "employers" had killed hundreds, if not thousands, of people, including almost all of Gordon Freeman's friends and peers, in order to forge him into some sort of... weapon. And then enslave him.

Why me? What the hell is special about me? he wondered, his mind racing. I survived as much by blind luck as anything else. Half the time I didn't even know what the hell I was doing! And now this... thing picks me out of spacetime and tells me I can work for its masters or die?

He looked around the tram car for anything he might use to change his situation - it had worked a number of times in Black Mesa - but there was nothing. It wasn't even really a tram car, he realized. He was unarmed, completely at this creature's mercy.

Trapped.

He hesitated, his survival instinct warring with his unwillingness to be anybody's puppet - and his fury at this man-shaped monster for all the misery it had caused in the course of this twisted experience. For a moment he considered just lunging at the G-man's back and trying to take him out with his bare hands, but he knew that wouldn't work. A couple of times back in Black Mesa, when it had become obvious to him that this sinister figure had had something to do with the incident, he'd taken shots at the G-man, but his bullets had had no effect. Surely his fists would do no better.

Just then, a glint of light caught his eye. He looked down and saw, lying on the floor at his feet, his crowbar. He could have sworn it hadn't been there when he awoke, but it was there now. Freeman felt better just seeing it there - there were times during the incident when it had felt like his only friend - but the lift was short-lived. Just as with his fists, if bullets hadn't fazed this creature, a crowbar wouldn't either.

... Wait. Was it... glowing?

"One minute left, Mr. Freeman," the G-man remarked without turning around. "Do make up... your mind, there's a good fellow."

Freeman bent down and picked up his crowbar. As his hand closed around it, he felt a shock of some indescribable vital energy race up his arm and suffuse his whole being. On the shaft of the crowbar, glowing runes appeared as if burning their way out from the inside:

I BELONG TO THE FREEMAN, SLAYER OF MONSTERS

Gordon didn't know what that meant, but he did know two things:

1) Just holding the crowbar, which was now visibly crackling with some unnameable energy, made him feel better, stronger, more on top of things, more alive than he had felt since the Resonance Cascade began; and

2) The taunting creature standing before him was definitely a monster.

"I've only got one thing to say to you," Freeman said.

The G-man turned his head, but still mockingly declined to face Freeman, as he replied, "Oh? And... what is that, Mr. Freeman?"

Freeman stepped into the blow with all the weight of his hazard-suited body behind it, swinging for the bleachers just like it was Little League, and just before the crowbar connected with the side of the G-man's head, he said,

"It's Doctor Freeman."

For the... what, he'd lost track now, third or fourth time that day, Gordon Freeman's world disintegrated in a blaze of unearthly light, and once again he wondered if this time was going to be the last one.

And then he was sitting up in what seemed to be a hospital bed. His HEV suit's familiar weight was gone; instead he appeared to be wearing a patient's johnny. Everything was blurry. He looked to his left and saw his glasses sitting folded on the endtable next to the bed, just like you would expect in a hospital - and next to it, rather less as you would expect in a hospital, his crowbar. He picked up the glasses and put them on just as a tall, beautiful woman with alabaster skin and long jet-black hair arrived smiling at his bedside.

"Welcome back, Dr. Freeman," she said. "You're safe now. I apologize for leaving you to deal with Muspelheim's agent by yourself, but there are certain protocols... " Her smile became a little sly. "... And I knew you'd be able to sort it yourself if I provided you with the right tool for the job."

Then she held out a hand, which, still blinking in bafflement, he shook.

"My name is Skuld Ravenhair," she said. "Welcome to the twenty-fifth century!"

"Whosoever Holds This Crowbar... " - a Future Imperfect Mini-Story by Benjamin D. Hutchins
Based on
Half-Life by Valve Software
Special to the Eyrie Productions Discussion Forum
© 2010 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited


#1, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Matrix Dragon on Jul-13-10 at 05:16 AM
In response to message #0
LAST EDITED ON Jul-13-10 AT 05:17 AM (EDT)
 
You know the weird thing, from my point of view?

I brought Half-Life on Steam last week, and finished it about two hours ago. This makes the ending so much better :)

Also, the line "It's Doctor Freeman," was great, and is the thing I've wanted to do, ME-Interupt style, to the G-Man for years.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter


#2, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Jul-13-10 at 12:07 PM
In response to message #0
>I BELONG TO THE FREEMAN, SLAYER OF MONSTERS

Yes! Cave his skull in, Gordon!! DOOOOOOOO EEEET!!!!

Every flipping time I saw him in the games, I shrieked "Go away! Stop making things worse!"

----
Now Playing:
Pendulum -- The Vulture (Immersion, 2010)

...

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >


#3, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by CdrMike on Jul-13-10 at 02:43 PM
In response to message #0
>"It's Doctor Freeman."

"You don't even have a degree!" Heh.

Can just see that now on the employment application for Tesladyne, under skills: "Possesses the power of The One True Free Man." I mean, how could you argue with that?


#4, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Peter Eng on Jul-13-10 at 03:38 PM
In response to message #3
>>"It's Doctor Freeman."
>
>Can just see that now on the employment application for Tesladyne,
>under skills: "Possesses the power of The One True Free Man." I mean,
>how could you argue with that?
>

"Well, Doctor Freeman, this part about possessing the power of 'The One True Free Man' is nice, but that properly belongs in the 'Other Assets and Abilities' section. However, that is a minor quibble in what is otherwise an excellent - no, stellar - application, and we would like to hire you. Can you start work Mon--"

*KABOOM*

"--right now?"

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.


#5, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Arashi on Jul-13-10 at 11:44 PM
In response to message #4
That would, of course, be the perfect time to start salary negotiations.

#6, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Matrix Dragon on Jul-13-10 at 11:54 PM
In response to message #5
>That would, of course, be the perfect time to start salary
>negotiations.

Clearly, you've never been an Action Scientist. That's the perfect time to grab your crowbar and gravity gun.

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter


#7, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Bushido on Jul-14-10 at 07:42 AM
In response to message #6
LAST EDITED ON Jul-14-10 AT 07:43 AM (EDT)
 
The proper time to begin salary negotiations is after you've put down whatever abomination SCIENCE! has just unleashed thus giving your new employer ample first-hand evidence of your abilities (and letting the abomination thin the herd of your prospective co-workers, making your own skills much more in demand and freeing up some of the department's budget).

#8, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Matrix Dragon on Jul-14-10 at 08:49 AM
In response to message #7
LAST EDITED ON Jul-14-10 AT 08:52 AM (EDT)
 
"In fact, the position you're interviewing for today became available due to scientific catastrophe."
"Define scientific catastrophe."
"In this case? Delphi agents and a volcano."
"What were you doing at a volcano?"
"Action Geology."

Matrix Dragon, J. Random Nutter


#10, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Prince Charon on Jul-14-10 at 09:07 PM
In response to message #8
... and suddenly, the fight with Sandalphon from Neon Genesis (and Exodus, IIRC) Evangelion springs to mind. The Eva pilots as Action Scientists?

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington


#11, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Jul-14-10 at 10:00 PM
In response to message #10
>... and suddenly, the fight with Sandalphon from Neon Genesis (and
>Exodus, IIRC) Evangelion springs to mind. The Eva pilots as Action
>Scientists?

Maybe! This would be highly accurate in the cases of Maya Ibuki and John Trussel.

You know what, thanks for mentioning this, Prince Charon. I've been reading here for a LONG time, but I really fell in love with the place during NXE. I'm off to re-read that epic masterpiece again.

----
Now Playing:
The Observers -- When I Held Your Brain In My Arms (Clowns in the Sky II, 1998)

There was a time, so bright and gay,
It seems like only yesterday.
When I held your brain in my arms!
Your adrenalin was like wine,
Sweet perfume was your endocrine!
When I held your brain in my arms...

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >


#26, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Prince Charon on Jul-20-10 at 09:12 PM
In response to message #11
Its worth the effort, but it takes a long time to get through.

“They planned their campaigns just as you might make a splendid piece of harness. It looks very well; and answers very well; until it gets broken; and then you are done for. Now I made my campaigns of ropes. If anything went wrong, I tied a knot; and went on.”
-- Arthur Wellesley, First Duke of Wellington


#9, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Peter Eng on Jul-14-10 at 06:15 PM
In response to message #5
>That would, of course, be the perfect time to start salary
>negotiations.

If by "negotiations," you mean saying, "I'd better get overtime for this," while grabbing whatever tools are that Action Scientist's preferred ones, then I agree.

Other negotiations generally happen after the problem is dealt with, or possibly during the dealing.

Peter Eng
--
"HAZARD PAY! WHAT'S THE HAZARD PAY RATE?" he shouted, while he smashed his opponent with his baseball bat.


#12, RE: FI Mini: Whosoever Holds This Crowbar...
Posted by Meagen on Jul-15-10 at 02:34 PM
In response to message #0
This is incredibly awesome, yet somehow silly.

#13, Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Gryphon on Jul-15-10 at 06:44 PM
In response to message #0
I just realized that "GORDOOOOOOOOON... FREEMAAAAANNNN!" scans the same as another famous video gaming battlecry, and now I can't stop giggling.

--G.
"At least I have headcrab."
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#14, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by MoonEyes on Jul-16-10 at 10:26 AM
In response to message #13
>"At least I have headcrab."

Well, better that than the pubic version, I suppose...


#15, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Pasha on Jul-17-10 at 01:59 AM
In response to message #13

>"At least I have headcrab."

So. Very. Sick. of that reference.

--
-Pasha
What was that feeling again?
Oh yes.
-Rage-


#16, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Gryphon on Jul-17-10 at 02:05 AM
In response to message #15
>
>>"At least I have headcrab."
>
>So. Very. Sick. of that reference.

It's been, what, several years now? I figured it was safely past current.

--G.
HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#17, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Angryoptimist on Jul-17-10 at 03:57 AM
In response to message #16
>It's been, what, several years now? I figured it was safely past current.

Well, you know, it's been how many years since All Your Base and it's still--

>--G.
>HOW ARE YOU GENTLEMEN

ಠ_ಠ

(Well played, sir. Well played.)


#19, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Gryphon on Jul-17-10 at 01:28 PM
In response to message #17
>(Well played, sir. Well played.)

Thank you. Thank you. My work here is done.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#18, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Pasha on Jul-17-10 at 10:36 AM
In response to message #16

>>So. Very. Sick. of that reference.
>
>It's been, what, several years now? I figured it was safely
>past current.

A friend (and guildmate when I still played WoW) LOVES that guy. And so quotes it at every opportunity. He's even got the Leeroy Jenkins mini-figure...It's just annoying, that's all.

--
-Pasha (Soloed that room once, just to shut him up about how cool it was)
What was that feeling again?
Oh yes.
-Rage-


#20, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Astynax on Jul-17-10 at 09:25 PM
In response to message #18

>A friend (and guildmate when I still played WoW) LOVES that guy. And
>so quotes it at every opportunity. He's even got the Leeroy Jenkins
>mini-figure...It's just annoying, that's all.
>
>--
>-Pasha (Soloed that room once, just to shut him up about how cool it
>was)
>What was that feeling again?
>Oh yes.
>-Rage-

See, I enjoy it as a 'hurry the hell up already' hint to drop on random dungeon groups who seem to think we're all still wearing the leveling tissue paper gear.


-={(Astynax)}=-
"My Death Knight in DPS gear and spec can now tank heroics in WoW, there's no excuse for a properly geared tank to be giving a damned sight seeing tour."


#21, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Jul-17-10 at 10:47 PM
In response to message #13
Wahahaha. How in the hell did I miss this?

I was never a big WoW-head, but in RTSs galore, I drop the LEEroy bomb constantly. It's especially effective in Sins of a Solar Empire. Nothing like bellowing out that particular battlecry, just as a supermassive scout fleet hypers into orbit. It's even funnier for me, playing as the Advent, who are kinda like pseudo-jedi/fremen.

----
Now Playing:
FantomenK -- The Massacre (The Massacre, 2010)<http://8bc.org/members/FantomenK/>

LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERoy-Shepard.

...Wrex?!

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >


#22, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by jadmire on Jul-19-10 at 04:54 PM
In response to message #21
I don't play WoW myself, but Guild Wars has a character inspired by Mr. Jenkins, a Dwarf called Kilroy Stonekin, and I expect to be spending a LOT of time with the fellow this week as I put my new character through a certain quest repeatedly to gain the XP needed for Legendary Survivor. (In fact, I killed off a very promising character and ruined the chance for LS this past weekend precisely with a classic Leeroy Jenkins move. :\ )

#23, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by CdrMike on Jul-19-10 at 08:26 PM
In response to message #21
>LEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERoy-Shepard.
>
>...Wrex?!

Heh, I do feel bad for Jenkins in ME1. Young, eager to fight, first time in combat, inexperienced. You can't see it, but there's a bullseye painted on his armor. Only things that would have doomed him more is if he'd shown a picture of his family, only had a week til his hitch was up, or been wearing red armor.


#24, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Gryphon on Jul-19-10 at 08:52 PM
In response to message #23
>Only things that would have doomed him
>more is if he'd shown a picture of his family

Just as bad, really; Eden Prime was his home planet.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


#25, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by CdrMike on Jul-19-10 at 11:02 PM
In response to message #24
>Just as bad, really; Eden Prime was his home planet.

True. Then, to really drive the nail home, they have him not only describe the planet as quiet and peaceful, but assert that he left there because he wanted to see some action. Might as well have had "Sacrificial Lamb" tattooed on his forehead.


#27, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by A Vile Gangster on Jul-21-10 at 00:00 AM
In response to message #25
>"Slate Fistcrunch!" "Buff Hardback!" "Bob Johnson! Oh wait..."

My favorite will always be Big McLargeHuge.

----
Now Playing:
Faith No More -- Everything's Ruined (Angel Dust, 1992)

Things worked out better than we had planned.
Capital from boy, woman and man.
We were like ink and paper,
Numbers on a calculator.
Knew arithmetic so well...

< THIS SPACE FOR RENT >


#28, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by BZArcher on Jul-21-10 at 07:33 AM
In response to message #27
>>"Slate Fistcrunch!" "Buff Hardback!" "Bob Johnson! Oh wait..."
>
>My favorite will always be Big McLargeHuge.
>
>----

You're dramatically undervaluing Blast Hardcheese.


#29, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by E_M_Lurker on Aug-01-10 at 03:04 AM
In response to message #13
>I just realized that "GORDOOOOOOOOON... FREEMAAAAANNNN!" scans
>the same as another famous video gaming battlecry, and now I can't
>stop giggling.
>
>--G.
>"At least I have headcrab."

While I get where you went with that, my first thought on reading the above line involved terrible 80s Saturday Morning cartoons. Try the emphasis like so:

"GordON.... FREeEeEeEeEeEeE-MAAAAAAAAAN!"

--The Evil Midnight Lurker what Lurks at Midnight
"An object at rest--CANNOT BE STOPPED!!!"


#30, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by pjmoyer on Aug-01-10 at 09:52 AM
In response to message #29
>While I get where you went with that, my first thought on reading the
>above line involved terrible 80s Saturday Morning cartoons. Try the
>emphasis like so:
>
>"GordON.... FREeEeEeEeEeEeE-MAAAAAAAAAN!"

"Unga-bunga, need therapy."

-- Philip





Philip J. Moyer
Contributing Writer, Editor and Artist (and Moderator) -- Eyrie Productions, Unlimited
CEO of MTS, High Poobah Of Artwork, and High Priest Of the Church Of Aerianne -- Magnetic Terrapin Studios
"Insert Pithy Comment Here"


#31, RE: Only semi-relatedly,
Posted by Gryphon on Aug-01-10 at 03:27 PM
In response to message #29
>While I get where you went with that, my first thought on reading the
>above line involved terrible 80s Saturday Morning cartoons.

Yes, that scans properly as well. It may actually be closer to accurate, too, given the HEV suit's annoying tendency to run out of power at the worst possible times.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.