Boba Fett was, in general, a reasonably well-balanced fellow. Being President of the Institute Duelists' Society and its face to the school at large, and every person curious about it (which was quite a few people), he was able to deal with a lot of strange questions on a regular basis. However, the one he had now was quite vexing.

It was, he was pleased to realize when he woke up that morning, one to be answered shortly.

As he entered the office of the Society officers, the one desk that had rarely been used was occupied. The man sitting behind it, talking on the phone, had greyish-sandy hair that hung to his shoulders, a pleasant face set in a seemingly-permanent befuddled expression, and a reedy accent that spoke of the Crown Colonies (actually, Earth, but Great Britain).

"No, Jeremy, I am not coming over right now. I have an appointment, and paperwork to fill out, and protocols to get straight. I do not have a secretary for this sort of thing yet, and besides, you know I like to make sure of the procedures. Besides, the bloody delivery was supposed to be yesterday!"

The voice that came from the phone let out a loud bark of laughter. "Well, all right, Captain Slow. You're the one that wanted this thing, figured we'd get you to help put it together. We'll bring it over tonight. Besides, it'll be easier with you standing by and alphabetizing all the bloody spanners, anyway." The screen went black, and the man in the chair looked up to see Boba.

"Ah, you must be Boba Fett, the president!" He stood up, coming around the desk. He was wearing a pair of jeans and a shirt with the logo of the television show he was famous from.

"James May, your new interim advisor. Quite a pleasure!" He extended his hand, and Boba shook it. For someone famed on screen for his retiring manner, Boba was pleased to find he had a good, solid handshake, and the young Duelist found himself grinning.

"I'm familiar with your entertainment career, Sir James," and then was interrupted with a snort.

"Don't worry about the 'sir' part, don't use it much m'self if I don't have to."

Boba chuckled. "All right, then, but I'm not very familiar with your skills to be our advisor. I mean, I've heard about them, but that's different from seeing. I was wondering if I might ask for a demonstration?"

In response, James reached over to his desk and pressed a button. With a small whir, a small vase of oddly violet roses came out of a compartment in that very desk.

"I accept," he said, bowing. "In fact, I was going to suggest the same thing. You and, say, two others of your choice, and I'll be quite happy to demonstrate my skills. Oh, one thing - you use knives, yes?"

Boba grinned widely this time. "Yes. Twin daggers against a d'k tagh?"

"For you. I might use the bat'leth for the others, depending on who there is."

"I think," Boba said, "we're going to get along just fine."

--------

When the Society gathered, most of them were on the balcony, watching their new advisor stretch and do a few practice strokes. He was wearing the same jeans and "Top Gear" t-shirt as before. At 5 PM exactly, the main doors opened.

/* Zettai Unmei Mokushiroku (Industrial Mix)
J. A. Seazar
Shoujo Kakumei Utena Original Soundtrack Volume 1 */

With him were two other students. One was a dark-skinned young woman with the ridged forehead of a Klingon and a bat'leth of her own slung over her back, wearing the enlisted version of a traditional Klingon woman's warrior garb (the difference: considerably less shown cleavage) . The other was a smiling young Cardassian wearing a standard DSM athletics package (light sweatpants and t-shirt), with a pair of sensible boots.

"Sir James May, I have the honor of presenting to you the Deedlit Satori Mandeville Institute Duelists Society Vice President B'Elanna O'Brien, and its Treasurer, Stephen G. Dukat, Esquire." He bowed. "And as you know, I am the Society president, Boba Fett." He turned around, addressing the two that came in with him, as well as the rest of the duelists. "I have the honor to present to you our interim advisor, Sir James May. He is a noted duelist, having killed three in duels to the death, and honored by the Klingon Empire with the honorary rank of Thought Admiral. But today, he proves his right to be our advisor by fighting under our roof and with our rules."

May bowed. "It is my hope that I can prove myself to this august body that I am worthy to be its faculty advisor. Qapla'!" There was some applause at this, as the Society's first advisor had lately returned to the Klingon Empire for unknown but rumored-to-be-dangerous reasons, and May had a bit of that in him, but a few of the Duelists weren't sure he was going to be too much help in the martial sense.

As Boba Fett lunged at him, his paired Fairbairn-Sykes' edges glinting in the light, every moment of doubt went away.

/* Guui Guuwa Guuest (Allegory, Allegorier, Allegoriest)
J. A. Seazar
Shoujo Kakumei Utena Original Soundtrack Volume 3 */

With a single Klingon dueling knife, May held his own against the society President for about 30 seconds, then did a duck-and-bounce that took Boba's rose. As Boba stepped back, Stephen Dukat whirled his tajiri and leapt to the offense. James did the same, drawing the bat'leth and meeting him halfway.

It took another twenty seconds, but Dukat's fate was never in doubt, even when he took advantage of a complex parry set to headbutt James, who blinked, grinned, and returned it. That lost Stephen the momentum, and his rose.

And with a cry of "Kahlesste kaase!" B'Elanna O'Brien charged him. She showed no fear as she came at him with a traditional charge-attack, which he promptly dodged instead of parrying. She spun, using the momentum of the charge to keep going, backing away out of his range and making him come to her.

They clashed brilliantly, B'Elanna with all the fire in her soul and James with deadly precision matched with a glimmer of glee, one side of the room to the other. As it progressed, they started to get fancy, throwing in flashy maneuvers and bits of flare, playing to the crowd, who recognized it and still cheered them both on as it built to its finale.

James struck, reversed, and lashed out with a foot, tripping B'Elanna, who sent a calculated but wild-looking swing with her blade. The area bloomed with rose petals the color of Klingon blood, and when they settled, both had lost their roses.

James reached out, offering a hand, which B'Elanna took as it was offered, and got up. They grinned widely at each other and said at the same time, "You have the klin in you." Then she bowed to him, and he returned it. Turning to where Boba stood, near the stairs, with Stephen Dukat, he called out, "Excuse me, Mr. President, but have I proven myself?"

The entire Society answered him with a cheer as they came down from the balcony.

When the cheering and hand-shaking and back-clapping finally ended, he raised his hands and said, "IF I COULD HAVE A MOMENT OF ORDER, PLEASE!"

This was punctuated by an explosion loud enough to be heard in the practice room, and then a loud thump from the wall that faced the parking lot.

When they'd gotten out there, they found the following:

• One (1) Richard Hammond, smoldering lightly, having slid down the side of the Castle from where he'd hit about ten feet up.


• One (1) Jeremy Clarkson, halfway down Castle Hill (in the diametically opposite direction from Richard), also smoldering slightly


• One (1) exploded barbecue grill and


• One (1) Stig, undamaged, roasting marshmallows over the still-burning remains of the grill.

Nearby, on a large table, set up like a buffet, were:

• One (1) intact roast pig


• One (1) rather large bowl of potato salad, with matching ones of macaroni salad and cole slaw


• One (1) small stack of hamburgers


• One (1) small stack of hot dogs


• One (1) large basin of Boston baked beans


• One (1) platter of topping and vegetables for said hot dogs and hamburgers and


• One (1) platter of veggie-burgers.

After taking in the sight, James sighed, and turned to the Duelists. "Well... this was going to be a sort of celebration for making the grade, but it appears that someone made a mistake with the grill."

"Medic," Jeremy groaned from down the hill.

"This is what happens," James continued, gesturing at his collegues, "when you don't follow procedures and make sure you get everything sorted."

----

Thankfully, no one was too badly hurt (although the grill was declared unusable), and the Duelists and their new advisor had a lovely time.

And everyone rather liked the Stig's s'mores.

"Getting Things Sorted" (a Symphony of the Sword Mini-Story) by Geoffrey M. Depew
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