103.3 W. B. C. X. New Avalon's all rock station.

Hey there, New Avalon. This's the Iceman, Bobby Drake, bringing you another 80s Rock Friday. This one's in honor of my pal, my homey, my boss, the Chief of International Police Ops himself, the one and only Gryphon! He's turning 436 tomorrow, which means? Do the math... that's right - he was born in 1973, and that means, formatively speaking, He Came From The 1980s, wooOOOoOOOoOOOooo.

It's 8 PM in the City in the Sphere, so hopefully all you office types have made it home from work by now. If not, well, odds are you're the only one left in the office, so turn it up! Let's get things started with a little Black Crowes!

[The Black Crowes: "Twice as Hard", Shake Your Moneymaker]

The Black Crowes, "Twice as Hard", kicking off this 80s Rock Friday on WBCX. That was from their first album, Shake Your Moneymaker, back before they got too stoned to play their instruments.

"Ouch," I hear you cry. "That was cold, Bobby."

And yes, I admit it, yes it was.

But that's why they call me the Iceman.

Let's keep it rolling! Here's a song for a couple pals of mine who never miss the Iceman Show. You know who you are! It's Roxette with "The Look".

[Roxette: "The Look", Look Sharp!]

So I was on a job last week with my pal Logan, the man so bad he doesn't need a first name, and we ran into a couple of these ninja chicks, right? So they're trying to kill us, and we're trying to figure out where they planted the bomb - you know, a typical day at the office - when all of a sudden one of them looks at Logan and says, "Hey - weren't you in The Crimson Lizard's Big Score!?"

And I'll tell you, I haven't seen Logan caught flatfooted very often. The guy's one of the savviest, slickest, smartest operators I know, and in a fight there is absolutely nobody more dialed in than the Wolverine, right? But when she says that, he just stops in his tracks, gives her this look like she suddenly grew an extra head, and says, "Yeah... what's it to ya?"

And she says, "Oh, nothing - I just thought you looked familiar," and wham! her sister clobbers him with a bo staff, right in the... well... sensitive bits not protected by his metal skeleton reinforcements, OK?

Now, I'll let you in on a little secret. Logan's a mean, tough, nasty-faced hombre, but he's really quite a reasonable guy.

Unless.

You kick him in the balls.

The rest of the afternoon went something... like this.

[Ministry "Stigmata" (Live) In Case You Didn't Feel Like Showing Up]

That was Ministry with the infinitely superior live version of "Stigmata". I burned up too much airtime telling that last story, so I'm just gonna throw you right into another song get ready now!

[Duran Duran "The Reflex" Seven and the Ragged Tiger]

"The Reflex", by Duran Duran. I know a bit of trivia about the title of the album that came off of, but I promised I wouldn't tell anybody. I'll give you a little hint, though. Here's another modern 80s cover - it's the all-powerful Art of Noise covering that great old Nena tune, "99 Red Balloons".

[meta: The Art of Noise NA: "99 Red Balloons", Man, It's So Loud In Here; real: Goldfinger: "99 Red Balloons (Deutsche Turismo Perfect Edit)", composited together from the version on Stomping Ground and the version in the US Gran Turismo 3 by John Trussell - complicated enough for you?]

Man. Ain't that sweet? I'll do anything to catch an Art of Noise show. I've even been known to take a day off when they're in town. I had dinner with 'em once, last year after the Colosseum show, and they're the nicest folks, too. Kaitlyn reminds me of somebody I go way back with. And Azalynn... [sound of mic being covered] what? I was just - oh. OK. [mic released] I guess I can't tell you about that part on the air. Instead, I'll dedicate this next track to her. Long live ya, koala girl!

[Eric Clapton: "It's in the Way that You Use It", August]

... awwwwww yeah. That's the Master, Eric Clapton, with "It's in the Way that You Use It". OK, I gotta run some ads; see you guys in 4 minutes. I know the temptation to surf the dial is great, but you must resist... if you don't, you'll miss the intro to "The Prisoner" by Howard Jones, and you wouldn't want that, would you?

[Howard Jones: "The Prisoner", Cross That Line]

[Starship "We Built This City" Knee Deep in the Hoopla]

That was Starship with "We Built This City" - you know I once saw that song nominated on the Web for "worst lyrics of all time"? I don't think that's fair. I mean, sure, it's not particularly deep, but worst lyrics of all time?? Has that guy not heard "The Final Countdown" by Europe? I mean, you think "Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio" is dumb, check out this timeless gem of the poetic arts:

We're heading for Venus
And still we stand tall
'Cause maybe they've seen us
And welcome us all

... I mean, what is that about? OK, so, Europe has the excuse that they didn't speak the language the song is in, and so really had no business writing a song in it in the first place. But that didn't stop Peter Schilling!

[Peter Schilling "Major Tom (Coming Home)" Fehler im System]

Ah, Peter Schilling. I bet most of you out there never heard of him. Shame, really. He did a number of pretty-but-creepy songs with a sci-fi flavor, almost all of them containing messages which would be totally lost on an audience from anytime but the 1980s. The Art of Noise does a killer cover of his other big hit, "The Different Story (World of Lust and Crime)". I should play that for you sometime... but not tonight, since I seem to have lent that crystal to someone. Hey, if you're listening and you have my Live at the Café Royale crystal, bring it to the station.

Let's see, what's next. I think I'll take a request. Hey! You're on the air with the Iceman on 103.3.

Yo! Hey!

Hey!

Am I on?

Yeah, I said that already.

Oh, sorry. I'm on by subspace relay.

I'd never have guessed. What can I play for you?

Do you have "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by Aerosmith?

Why, are you on a blind date and getting suspicious?

What?

Never mind, man. Yeah, I got that, but I'm not gonna play it, 'cause to be perfectly frank with you, I hate that song. But! That album also has a pretty good Beatles cover on it, so here's that instead.

Uh... OK, I guess... Rock on!

And a big "Rock on!" to you too, brother.

[Aerosmith: "I'm Down", Permanent Vacation]

OK, that was Aerosmith with "I'm Down", which of course was originally recorded by the Beatles in a decade other than the 1980s, but, hey, my show, I make up the rules. OK, let's mellow things down a little now... we're coming into that stretch of the evening where some of you might be looking for a little quiet time, maybe a little romance... so sit back and let the Iceman soothe your troubled brow with a sweet little love song... eighties style.

[Def Leppard: "Hysteria", Hysteria]

There are 80s rock ballads and there are 80s rock ballads, and then there's the title track off Hysteria. Def Leppard! The greatest living band of the 1980s. And possibly the only one. Well, I guess the members of Rush are still alive, but they haven't made an album since Geddy Lee joined the Jedi Knights. Anyway, lessee... ooh! If you grew up in the 1980s, you were a John Cusack fan. You had no choice. Here's a track from his best movie - here's E.G. Daily with "One Way Love" from - you guessed it - Better Off Dead...

[E.G. Daily "One Way Love (Better Off Dead) Better Off Dead...]

Hey, if you haven't read Rahne Sinclair's new book yet, do. It's a funky historical fantasy called Knights of the Lambda Calculus and it rocks my world. And I'm not just saying that 'cause she's an old schoolmate of mine or because she gave me 50 bucks.

She's probably going to call up and yell at me now. I hope so. She's got the sexiest Scottish accent you ever heard. And speaking of Scottish accents, how about some Big Country? Here's the song with the riff that gets stuck in your head for days: it's "Harvest Home" on 103.3.

[Big Country: "Harvest Home", The Crossing]

So there's this girl I go way back with who's in grad school - you know, improving herself so that she can have a more satisfying and meaningful career than playing old rock records on the radio? - anyway, her master's thesis is about done and her husband tells me she's stressed to the gills, wondering if it's good enough and such.

Relax, kid. You're not only good enough, you're the best they ever saw. This one's for you.

[Cats Laughing: "Bright Street Beachhouse Back in Business Blues", Another Way to Travel]

That was the immortal (no, really. You think I'm kidding? Emma Bull's 175th book came out last month!) Cats Laughing with "Bright Street Beachhouse Back in Business Blues". Oh, and lest you guys think that I didn't set out to make something better of myself at any point, I'll have you know that before I came here, I once gave up being a super-hero once to pursue an exciting, rewarding career in the riveting field of accountancy. I have a degree and a certificate and everything.

But it's OK.

I'm in therapy now.

You're listening to the Iceman on 103.3 WBCX. And now, ads. Don't go away or I might get fired.

[Asia: "Heat of the Moment", Asia]

A song near and dear to the frosty heart of the Iceman, that was Asia's "Heat of the Moment".

I know it seems like half the time on this show I'm talking about my friends, but hey, if a guy doesn't have friends worth talking about, what does he have? Anyway, I have this other friend who's been going through a lot of changes in the past couple of years and she's not done yet. It's been quite a ride just watching what she's been going through. Here's another Art of Noise cover which I'm sending out to her tonight - a hard little rocker called "I Think I Like It"!

[meta: The Art of Noise NA: "I Think I Like It '08", Live from the Lido Deck; real: Boston: "I Think I Like It", Third Stage]

Now it's time for another love song - not that I'm bitter.

[The Smithereens: "Blues Before and After", 11]

The Smithereens! "Blues Before and After"! First Smithereens song you ever heard? Check! When they were the musical guest on Saturday Night Live? Check! Covered it with your own garage band? Check! You too might be an X-Man from the 1980s.

Well, we've only got time for a couple more songs tonight, so let's see if we can bring this show up to a higher plane. Let me dig around here and see if I can come up with the pinnacle of thoughtful, insightful, meaningful rock from the years between 1981 and 1993, which, as everyone knows, are the real stylistic boundaries of the Eighties. ... Ahhhhhh. Here we go. A highbrow peak which rock has yet to match. Sit back, put on your thinking cap, 'cause we're about to get cerebral on WBCX.

[Anthrax: "I'm the Man", I'm the Man]

Yes! That was Anthrax with "I'm the Man", clearly the peak of erudition in the world of rock and roll.

Here's a shout out to all my fellow displacees, especially the cute ones.

[Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers: "Refugee", Damn the Torpedoes]

You just heard Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers with "Refugee", and that's about all the time I have tonight. Let's mellow things out a little bit with a nice little tune that has completely baffling lyrics - it's Dream Academy with "Life in a Northern Town"...

[Dream Academy: "Life in a Northern Town", The Dream Academy]

OK, New Avalon, that's all for me tonight. I leave you now with my esteemed colleague Bob "Woolly Bully" Freeberg and his mastery of modern rock. He'll keep you rocking all night long. I'm the Iceman, Bobby Drake, and I'm off to afflict the comfortable. I'll be back tomorrow when we turn the dial a decade and run off all the greatest hits of the 1990s, assuming I can find enough of them that I like to fill a whole show...

The Iceman, Bobby Drake.
Only on the station with no cute nickname:
103.3.
W.
B.
C.
X.

New Avalon's all rock station.

-Joe-

Matrix Dragon is right, everything does go better with Ninja.

>Unless.

>You kick him in the balls.

Er... Logan however, would probably disagree. I guess you can't please everybody :)

>[meta: The Art of Noise NA: "99 Red Balloons", Man, It's
>So Loud In Here; real: Goldfinger: "99 Red Balloons
>(Deutsche Turismo Perfect Edit)", composited together from the version
>on Stomping Ground and the version in the US Gran Turismo
>3 by John Trussell - complicated enough for you?]

Wow, that is complicated. It even beats out Jedi Outcast for most conviluted title ever.

>Yo! Hey!
>
>Hey!
>
>Am I on?
>
>Yeah, I said that already.
>
>Oh, sorry. I'm on by subspace relay.
>
>I'd never have guessed. What can I play for you?

"I can hear you, but you'll have to turn down your subether radio."

>There are 80s rock ballads and there are 80s rock ballads, and then
>there's the title track off Hysteria. Def Leppard! The
>greatest living band of the 1980s. And possibly the only one. Well,
>I guess the members of Rush are still alive, but they haven't made an
>album since Geddy Lee joined the Jedi Knight.

And a million Canadians rejoice.

>[Anthrax: "I'm the Man", I'm the Man]

I downloaded that song on a whim, expecting some 80's metal, and got 80's metal band rapping. I'll be confused for days.

It's nice to be reminded that the 80's had some decent music. Which reminds me, I have to tell a friend to stop force feeding me Iron Maiden albums when we road trip and to tell him that even in the 80's, headbands only work for wandering martial artist, which he is not.

------
Jon Helscher
(hoping the Iceman doesn't wear headbands during his set)

"At this point, it's not even about trying to make money. I just don't want to be totally humiliated."

-
Micah Hakubi
Bastard Optimist at Large
"Where Angels never dare..."

>I guess the members of Rush are still alive, but they haven't made an
>album since Geddy Lee joined the Jedi Knights.

Okay. I have to do it, because it certainly seems like you set it up, so I might as well knock it down... He's now a Gedi Knight?

> Anyway, lessee... ooh!
> If you grew up in the 1980s, you were a John Cusack fan. You had
>no choice.

Yup. Pretty much. Yeah.

Did I ever mention that my online "Teenagers From Outer Space" campaign, once called "legendary" by independent third parties, was 75% constructed from elements cribbed from both "Better Off Dead" and "One Crazy Summer" (mostly the former)? Definite proof.

>Here's a track from his best movie - here's E.G. Daily
>with "One Way Love" from - you guessed it - Better Off Dead...

Mmm. Yeah.

-- Bob
-------------------
Selsun Blue is people!

Koala girl? If Kathrine Pride was concerned about being indirectly referred to as "in reproductive prime" by an earlier comment of mine on another thread, I can't imagine Azalynn's reaction to this one...

Brian

While Eris is competent, for real Chaos seek Arioch.

Blood and Souls!!

Gryph and I have gone around about this before, but I maintain his best movie was not, in fact Better Off Dead.... It was, in fact, Say Anything... (Now, if you want to say his best comedy, then I'll go for BOD.)

But hey, I've always figured Bobby's mind got a little fried by that accounting he did.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"I find your lack of clue disturbing."

Why are they still using FM radio? It's so easily disrupted, particularly in areas with lots of metal or tall buildings/mountains/what have you.

I'd've imagined that 'radio' would be based on subspace or subether, with a 'global' frequency or callsign or something. Probably with a subchannel for video from the booth or something. Kind of like a galactic XM or Sirius radio with video tacked on.

Obviously there's a subether/subspace feed though...well, whatever. Just surprising that FM radio is still around four hundred years and change from now, even in this rather...odd galactic civilication. :)