There's a sale on our gabardine suits today
They're all 30 percent off on yesterday
There's Fortrel polyester, leather, wool and tweed
Just a VISA or MasterCard is all you need

We got every color, we got every shade
We're located next door to Willie's Fun Arcade
We got every fabric that was ever made
But I'm known in the city as the king of suede

We got portly and regular and extra long
Is my size up there?
We got tailors to fix it if it comes out wrong
Is my size up there?
We got all kinds of sweatshirts, you can take your pick
Is my size up there?
With the collars ripped off like in that Flashdance flick
Is my size up there?

Our prices are low, my staff is underpaid
You can buy off the rack or have it custom-made
And it's all guaranteed to never shrink or fade
'Cause of my reputation as the king of suede

If you need a tuxedo for your junior prom
Is my size up there?
We can get you the best one that's made in Taiwan
Is my size up there?
We got jackets with patches on the elbows too
Is my size up there?
And we'll sell 'em all factory direct to you
Is my size up there?

Well I never made it past the second grade
It took all of my life for me to learn this trade
But my friends are all thinking that I've got it made
'Cause I'm known the world over as the king of suede

There's a two-for-one sale on our three-piece suits
Check out our suede pajamas and our suede-covered boots
You can try on our suede underwear if you choose
Do what you want, but don't step on my blue suede shoes
King of suede

Don't miss out on our giant liquidation sale
Is my size up there?
Look for our color catalog in next week's mail
Is my size up there?
There's a sale on our double-knit slacks today
It's the same old sale as yesterday

Thirty years in the same location I have stayed
There I am right next door to Willie's Fun Arcade
I got tough competition but I'm not afraid
'Cause it's my destiny to be the king of suede
King of suede
King of suede
King of suede
I'll always be king of suede
I'll always be king of suede

- "Weird Al" Yankovic
"King of Suede"
"Weird Al" Yankovic In 3-D (1984)