>CAVE JOHNSON HERE. HERE AT NERV WE KNOW HOW TO MAKE GIANT ABOMINATIONS WRAPPED IN FOUR FEET OF METAL.

>NOW THE LAB BOYS SAY WE SHOULD BE USING EXTENSIVELY TRAINED MEN TO PILOT SAID ABOMINATIONS. I SAID TO THEM “MY BOY LOVES THESE THINGS! HE CAN PILOT ONE!”

>”I don’t care what the higher-ups say, and I don’t care how many manuals we have to reprint! I’m in charge and I’m officially re-naming the damned things! Angels have wings, halos, and perky C-cups! Do YOU see any melons on those monsters? Didn’t think so, smart guy.”

>”Alright, so we’re all clear - enemy targets are officially re-classified as ‘Weird Freaky Space Monsters’. Got it? Good.”

>”Just a warning that your Synch limiters have been disengaged for the last 5 minutes, and this can in some rare cases cause your body to discorporate into an orange liquid we like to call life gel. Don’t worry about it though. Seriously, don’t, visualising the scenario whilst piloting an Eva is what actually triggers the reaction.”

>Cave Johnson here investors. Now, you may be wondering, what does NERV do with all the money you send? Well, we’re busy. You can tell because you’re here listening to this prerecorded message tape because us movers and shakers are out there in the field doing science and protecting mankind. And as for progress on the Eva models?

>Well, the lab boys tell me we’ve raised the synch ratio needed to keep our brave pilot’s metaphysical existence from being devoured by the soul sucking monstrosities that they use. It’s up 3%. Progress, wonderful thing. Always comes with solid, crunchable, and backable numbers.

>Cave Johnson, we’re done here.

Light, the new avatar of chaos