a) punctuation (comma) error

        "Th-that wasn't a s-s-spaceship," Kate muttered, "th-th-that
w-was a f-f-fossil."
        The answers came later ,when Mac McKenzie rode up on the
shuttle bus, looking much less stressed out than he usually did after
an interstellar voyage.

And the other (which I caught on my second read.

b) Now which one is the stunt double:

<snip>
metaspace, which took the better part of the day.  It was like their
old trips to Toronto on a grander scale.  The band, their sound man
and rhythm guitarist in training, and the Beautiful & Talented Road
Crew of Utena, Wakaba and Juri Arisugawa (who had replaced Dorothy
when the robot girl joined the band) slept in orbit that night to save
on parking fees.  The next afternoon they put down in the city of New
<snip>

and a bit later...

        Corwin, his mother, his half-brother Leonard, the Shannon
twins, Nall, Fuu Hououji, Saionji, Wakaba, Urd, Mia, and B'Elanna
Torres arrived shortly thereafter.  Koopman Memorial High in New
Avalon, where Corwin, Nall, Len and the Shannons went to school,
wasn't on break, so they'd had to wait for classes to get out today,
<snip>

It seems as if Wakaba was it two places at once, but maybe I just missed something.

Nitpicking aside, I really liked this part, Gryph. It covers a lot of ground without seeming to rush over parts, and elegantly brings in new elements, such as the Norns coming to DSM, and Liza's transformation. In fact, seeing how Liza would be reborn was the part I was awaiting the most. Now, it's Clarissa's fate. I can see it (her) going either way, it really depends on how successful she is in her parent's wishes.

You've also done a neat closing, where we (the readers) await the coming holiday. None of the characters is in dire peril, but it's a cliffhanger nonetheless.

I'm looking forward to the next part Gryph. Thanks for creating such an enrapturing tale.

--Chris

"What is the difference between a fighter and a warrior?"
"The warrior is (easily) defeated, especially at higher levels."

Maybe she went out to the car for something and met the other group coming in. :)

(If you'd tried to figure out a way to explain it as not a mistake, instead of just pointing it out, I'd have had to give you a Marvel Comics No-Prize or something. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor in Chief, Netadmin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/