He sits with the main body cradled in his lap, a scented candle balanced carefully on the dial and some rose petals strewn around the place. He awaits the call. He hears the phone's new ringtone, the old bell replaced with the silky-smooth jazz stylings of Kenny G. He answers, taking time to stroke the crimson plastic of the receiver. He listens to the voice within.

"Hey, you," he says, his voice husky and wanting.

"Corwin..."

A look of confusion spreads over his face like an oil slick. "Wait wait wait, back up. What? You're not Utena."

"I know, I know, I can't be her... Corwin, please, please don't be mad at me-"

"Seriously, who is this? I get one phone call, that was the arrangement we made-"

"It's me, Corwin. It's D."

"I don't know a Dee," he growls. His special time has been ruined. "I'm going to hang up now. How in the name of Muspelheim you even got this number, seriously, what is even the hell..." He trails off, remembering where he is, and makes to put the receiver down.

"Wait! Please!" The voice on the phone is desperate. "I'm D! You've used me for so long t-to help you! Think in Roman numerals!"

Confusion is replaced with understanding. "... Five hundred. Huh."

"You got wasted one night and I woke up a sentient being. Tech gods. Whatcha gonna do? Except hang up, that would be bad, don't, don't do that."

"My life is weird."

"You're in a committed relationship with two b-beautiful women and yet you're sitting alone talking to them via a sentient t-t-telephone, and you're only realising this now, bucko?"

"Point. Wait, you have a stutter?"

"A, a little. You thought it would be funny."

"... Why?"

"See prior remarks about being wasted."

"My life really is weird."

"Word."

There's silence for a little while, and then D speaks. "So... what happens now?"

"Now..." he gets comfortable, lying on his back and stretching like a cat in a sunbeam, "now we keep talking. Just you and me."

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

Yes, yes, recursive fanfiction ist verboten, but what else am I to do with material like that?