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Subject: "Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Conferences Mini-Stories Topic #76
Reading Topic #76
Ardanielmoderator
Member since Mar-31-03
351 posts		 Aug-06-09, 11:45 PM (EDT)
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"Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
 
   6423 Boulevard of Champions
Fort Organa, Alderaan
Friday, August 31, 2379

"Rrrrgh. Nom. Nom nom rrrrr. NOM NOM! RRRGH!"
"Huh. Didn't know they *ate* lettuce, never mind by the head. Ain't Kilrathi obligate carnivores?"
"Scott? Honey? Can you go get the book and look up lettuce?"

* * *

Saturday, September 1, 2379

"Kelly, have you seen the video camera?"
"No..."

* * *

"Well, we *were* having salad with dinner, but the lettuce seems to have disappeared."

* * *

Sunday, September 2, 2379

"SCOTT! WHY IS YOUR BROTHER ON YOUTUBE?!"

*nomnonomnomnomnomnomnomnom*

"He's famous! He got five stars and everything, Mom! Well, except from that guy who can't spell down the bottom there. What's 'pure fucking reetarted bullshark testicles' mean?"


"Lettuce"– a Future Imperfect mini-story by Janice Collier
Special to the Eyrie Productions Discussion Forum
©2009 Eyrie Productions, Unlimited

"Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom" by Parry Gripp, http://parrygripp.com/

"fucking reetarted" and "pure bullshark testicles" remixed from the YouTube side of http://comments.thatsaspicymeatball.com/

Ard Collier
that Janice chick
drunken Usual Suspect and general menace


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Star Ranger4 Aug-07-09 1
  RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Nathan Aug-07-09 2
     RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Ardanielmoderator Aug-07-09 4
         RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Wedgemoderator Aug-07-09 5
             RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Vehrec Aug-08-09 7
                 RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Zox Aug-08-09 8
                     RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Ardanielmoderator Aug-09-09 10
                 RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Gryphonadmin Aug-08-09 9
                     RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story mdg1 Aug-09-09 11
                     RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story CdrMike Aug-14-09 12
                         RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Gryphonadmin Aug-14-09 13
                             RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story Verbena Aug-14-09 14
  RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story trigger Aug-07-09 3
  RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story BZArcher Aug-07-09 6

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Star Ranger4
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1735 posts		 Aug-07-09, 00:25 AM (EDT)
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1. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #0
 
   ZOMG Ardie!!! The sound clip totally puts this over the top... the whole thing is priceless, but when you add in that mp3!!!

Of COURSE you wernt expecting it!
No One expects the FANNISH INQUISITION!
RCW# 86


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Nathan
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990 posts		 Aug-07-09, 03:49 AM (EDT)
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2. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #0
 
   Hrk. sss...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's brilliant!


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Ardanielmoderator
Member since Mar-31-03
351 posts		 Aug-07-09, 02:33 PM (EDT)
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4. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #2
 
   LAST EDITED ON Aug-07-09 AT 02:34 PM (EDT)
 
Wedge and I knocked off work early yesterday, had a couple beers, and went down to Izzy's Deli for dinner, which provoked a conversation about childhood food adventures.

I blame Marty for "Nom Nom Nom Nom Nom" getting in there.

Ard Collier
that Janice chick
Usual Suspect and general menace


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Wedgemoderator
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1370 posts		 Aug-07-09, 02:42 PM (EDT)
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5. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #4
 
   And, of course, 'the book' they are referring to is Derek Bacon's So You've Adopted A Kilrathi....

Chad Collier
Smirking Kilrathi
The Captain of the Gravy Train


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Vehrec
Member since Feb-21-09
21 posts		 Aug-08-09, 08:44 PM (EDT)
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7. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #5
 
   Does the man have time to do anything else but write hundreds of amazingly specific, thoroughly researched and totally helpful manuals? I bet he has a book entitled 'So You're a Reincarnated Demon Lord...' that helps you deal with things like enemies from your past life out to kill you and the traumatic flashbacks to your last death. It probably doesn't sell very well outside Muspelheim and Hel, but them's the breaks in the publishing biz when you specialize.

“Navigare Necesse Est”-'I thought you knew how to steer this thing!'

Group Captain Konstantin Vehrec


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Zox
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213 posts		 Aug-08-09, 09:29 PM (EDT)
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8. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #7
 
   LAST EDITED ON Aug-08-09 AT 09:30 PM (EDT)
 
>Does the man have time to do anything else but write hundreds of
>amazingly specific, thoroughly researched and totally helpful manuals?

I can think of one way he could manage it--gate cloning. :)

(from http://www.schlockmercenary.com/d/20020714.html)

---
Rob Madson, a.k.a. Zox
http://lordzox.com/
It is said a Shaolin chef can wok through walls...


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Ardanielmoderator
Member since Mar-31-03
351 posts		 Aug-09-09, 04:07 AM (EDT)
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10. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #8
 
   Wasn't that strip about UFTruss?

Ard Collier
that Janice chick
Usual Suspect and general menace


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Gryphonadmin
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9438 posts		 Aug-08-09, 09:46 PM (EDT)
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9. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #7
 
   >Does the man have time to do anything else but write hundreds of
>amazingly specific, thoroughly researched and totally helpful manuals?

Well, let's be honest: Derek Bacon does not personally do absolutely all the research and writing for the So You... series, any more than all the various O'Reilly manuals are actually written by Tim O'Reilly. His is the guiding spirit and the imprimatur, but his own hand is not specifically responsible for every word between those distinctive white, blue and red covers.

Though the three most famous and numerous titles in the series, So You've Just Arrived from a Parallel Dimension, So You're Not the Master Race, and So You've Become Unstuck in Time, are all his own work, as is the rather more niche-y but in its field indispensable So You're Not Who You Thought You Were: Coping With Manchurian Deprogramming and the enormously popular So You Shouldn't Have Eaten That.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


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mdg1
Member since Aug-25-04
464 posts		 Aug-09-09, 09:15 AM (EDT)
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11. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #9
 
   Maybe the first book was So, You Are Writing 23 Books: Meeting Impossible Deadlines

Mario


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CdrMike
Member since Feb-19-05
154 posts		 Aug-14-09, 04:21 AM (EDT)
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12. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #9
 
   >Well, let's be honest: Derek Bacon does not personally do
>absolutely all the research and writing for the So
>You... series, any more than all the various O'Reilly manuals are
>actually written by Tim O'Reilly. His is the guiding spirit and the
>imprimatur, but his own hand is not specifically responsible for every
>word between those distinctive white, blue and red covers.
>
>Though the three most famous and numerous titles in the series, So
>You've Just Arrived from a Parallel Dimension, So You're Not
>the Master Race, and So You've Become Unstuck in Time, are
>all his own work, as is the rather more niche-y but in its field
>indispensable So You're Not Who You Thought You Were: Coping With
>Manchurian Deprogramming and the enormously popular So You
>Shouldn't Have Eaten That.

However, not all were #1 hits of their day. Even now, So You've Just Crawled Out of a Vault: Surviving in a Post-Apocalyptic World still comes in second place behind The Wasteland Survival Guide on most galactic book lists.

--------------------------
CdrMike, FNG
"Who was that pointy-eared bastard?"
"I don't know...but I like him."
- Kirk and McCoy, Star Trek


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Gryphonadmin
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9438 posts		 Aug-14-09, 02:06 PM (EDT)
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13. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #12
 
   >However, not all were #1 hits of their day. Even now, So You've
>Just Crawled Out of a Vault: Surviving in a Post-Apocalyptic World
>still comes in second place behind The Wasteland Survival Guide
>on most galactic book lists.

What most people don't realize: It's spelled "Moira Brown", but it's pronounced "Derek Bacon".

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


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Verbena
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296 posts		 Aug-14-09, 05:49 PM (EDT)
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14. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #13
 
   >>However, not all were #1 hits of their day. Even now, So You've
>>Just Crawled Out of a Vault: Surviving in a Post-Apocalyptic World
>>still comes in second place behind The Wasteland Survival Guide
>>on most galactic book lists.
>
>What most people don't realize: It's spelled "Moira Brown", but
>it's pronounced "Derek Bacon".

*snrk!* I did ALL of Moira's quests, with all optional objectives, so I know the feeling. Perfect.

"They say one should not speak unkindly of the dead, so I say, 'nice try'." --Lezard


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trigger
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1299 posts		 Aug-07-09, 12:14 PM (EDT)
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3. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #0
 
   Nice mixed media. It made my morning...

t.

Trigger Argee
trigger_argee@hotmail.com
Manon, Maccadon, Orado, etc.
Denton, never leave home without it.

"I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me." - HST


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BZArcher
Member since Nov-8-05
373 posts		 Aug-07-09, 05:45 PM (EDT)
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6. "RE: Lettuce: A Future Imperfect Micro-Story"
In response to message #0
 
   oh, my, god.

You've no idea how badly I needed that laugh. :)

Thanks, guys!

---------------------------
Hope Rides Alone


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