You brought it real this time, Hutchins, and I don't just say that because this validates my own personal itches about Agreement. I'll try and get some cogent thoughts down in-between packing.

> Her dead, despised father, the scourge of his
>world, now an archduke of Hell? What in the world, she wondered, did
>they have his ancestors doing down there?

Probably not nearly as well, honestly.

Sozin strikes me as one of those guys who would be honestly, legitimately surprised to end up in hell. Azulon and Ozai would probably adjust very quickly, as they strike me as the sort of guys who know they're evil, deep down inside, even if they don't admit it to themselves. Sozin probably thought he was doing the right thing right up until the end. So he'd just be another listless damned soul.

Azulon, sadly(?) doesn't have his sons gifts. His was a small, petty kind of evil, and it was probably "marred" (in the view of the Pit) by some genuine affection and care towards Iroh. Much less of a sociopath than his younger son. I can see Ozai keeping him around as a low-ranking adjutant, maybe even a ceremonial post like cupbearer. It would please him aesthetically.

>She almost returned to her thoughts at that point, until it suddenly
>struck her just how identical they were... and all at once, she
>realized that everyone on the train was Lavrentiy Beria.

And boom goes the dynamite.

I had to re-read that sentence a couple times just to make sure I'd gotten it right. This is precisely the kind of demonic chicanery I go in for in a big way, and you execute it without flaw. It has sort of shades of the end of the first Half-Life going on, only even creepier because train full of Beria.

>Beria smiled very slightly and touched the brim of his hat with a
>forefinger, acknowledging the point.

The best part is how you know Beria is the kind of guy who is only magnanimous when he's winning.

>All around her, the others put
>down their newspapers and paperback books and began slowly converging
>upon her.

God, I'd love to see this animated. Or live-action.

>"I thought you said you were fireproof," said Azula reproachfully to
>one of them. None of Beria replied, except to resume their slow,
>relentless advance.

I think that you meant for that last 'Beria' to be 'Berias', as you use the plural-form-with-an-s everywhere else in the scene. However, I would deeply encourage you to consider making the plural form of Beria to, in fact, just be Beria throughout. Sort of a fish-is-plural-for-fish thing. I think it adds an extra little bit of style.

>Cosmonaut V.V. Bondarenko Interstellar Spaceport

Hah.

>"Aye aye, ma'am," said Boone laconically, and then - without any
>particular change in his calm, matter-of-fact demeanor - he drew his
>sidearm and shot her in the back of the head.

Two twists. I did not see that one coming. I think this one works even better than the former one.

I would suggest, perhaps, that you can maybe cut the middle part of the sentence; just make it straight up "and then, he drew his sidearm and shot her in the back of the head." Go straight for the punch without any warning or embellishment. But that's a very, very minor point and pure aesthetics on my part; this was WELL executed.

>"Holy shit!" Rose of Sharon Cassidy cried from the top of the
>after companionway. "Boone, what the fuck!"
>
>Boone paid his shipmate's alarm no mind, instead kneeling next to the
>sprawled body to make certain of his kill. This was a mere formality
>- she no longer had much in the way of a head - but Boone was,
>after all, a professional. As he checked her over, Cass slowly,
>unsteadily descended the companionway stairs and stood next to him,
>her hands trembling.

I feel like Cass would have drawn on Boone. Just as a matter of course.

>The form sprawled messily at Boone's feet retained the very convincing
>appearance of a thoroughly dead Sarah Inazuma for another three or
>four seconds... and then crumbled like a sand castle, falling away to
>a gently smoking scatter of ash and cinders.

Beria must be just... unbelievably good at his job in general.

>There was a pause while Veronica took the seriousness of his opening
>remark on board. Then, in a tone that mingled dismay, determination,
>and a hint of triumph, "Yeah. I've got something."
>
>Boone nodded with dark satisfaction. "Then let's get to work."

This is really good, Ben. More of this in general, please. It made me happy in all the right places in my brain-meats.

I don't feel like it detracts from the cold open in Nothing at all. I will be the first to admit that it might have done, executed differently. But the manner in which she was snatched and replaced makes the sense of... of... ethereal absence, I guess, to coin a term, that much more palpable. Where's Azula? What has become of her? Tune in next time to find out!

And to a reader coming in cold, it will still be unclear for awhile in Nothing as to if this is Ozai in the process of breaking her, or if that has already happen and we're at the main event. Yessssss.

Oh man. I wish I could go back and read it cold just because.

-Merc
Keep Rat