LAST EDITED ON Dec-02-17 AT 02:27 AM (EST)
>I would have to admire the psychology of any sufficiently advanced
>species that did something like that as a prank.
Well, you see, what happened was me and Grelant Werth were sitting around bored smoking some Altares Ultraviolet and waiting for Q to show up so we could go get some munchies and some more Ultraviolet. Of course, Q was getting his kicks off of tormenting some poor pre-starflight society schlemiel who got unstuck in time from some harebrained experiment. You know how he gets when he's on one of those kicks. We figured it would be a decade or two before we saw him again and there was nothing on the TV worth watching.
So, anyway, we're pretty stoned out of our minds when Grelant looks at me and starts giggling. I mean, he was going to town with it. I asked him what was so funny, and when he was finally able to catch his breath and speak again, he said "I just though of the most twisted thing we can do to mess with those primitive 'Scientists' and 'Historian' types. They'll spend eons trying to figure it all out, and they never will."
OK, that got my curiosity piqued. I mean, when Grelant gets those kind of thoughts, shit gets WEIRD. I still can't figure out why he made the platypus. He must have been dropping some of that good shit he hides from me and refuses to share.
So I turn to him and said, "I'll bite. What's so damn funny?"
"Let's make a giant sphere around some remote, useless star."
Well, the state we were in, once it got through the haze in my mind I started laughing, too. "Holy zgwortz, that's totally insane!"
So, after spending a couple of hours looking for a good star in the boonies, we got to work on building it. About 3 days later we were done. I mean, c'mon, it's not like we were building a transwarp conduit or anything. Just basic 3 dimensional construction. Hell, we got the materials cheap because my uncle cut us a deal and sold it to us wholesale. No big deal, right?
So, we're finished and you know how that Ultraviolet is. We're gonna be buzzed for a couple of years so we're still laughing our asses off just looking at the finished job. Well, guess who decides to show up? Yup, Q. He looks at it, looks at us, then looks at it again and says, "Oh, I know just who to have come upon this."
"Oh, God, not that Picard dude again?" I reply. "He's so fucking BORING. I'm pretty sure he had his sense of humor surgically removed at birth. That man is so uptight you'd think he had a flag pole shoved up his ass."
"No, that Picard is from a different universe. He would just spoil it." Then he gets that evil grin and goes on, "Although, the flag pole thing is giving me ideas...."
"Dude, focus! Who do we spring this on then?"
"Well, I know of this race in a universe that Edison hangs out in. They think they are hot stuff because they are physically larger than most of the other species in their galaxy. Huge superiority complex, the whole nine yards. Lets spring it on them and watch their heads explode trying to decide what to do with it. Hell, they'll probably freak out and go all paranoid trying to find the race that could build something that makes them look like cavemen in comparison!"
So we try to figure out who he's talking about when it hits me. Man, I thought I was going to explode from laughing so hard. And poor Grelant had no idea who we were talking about, and you know how he gets when he's stoned and angry. I think he only blew up 50 stars as supernovas this time. We were pretty impressed later on the progress he was making in his anger management classes. So Q has pity on him and whips out some videos of these losers. It takes a few minutes for it to work it's way in, but when it does he gets that shit eating grin again and says, "Lets do it!"
Now we're just waiting for those Zentradi guys to show up. We can't wait to see the stupid(er) look on their faces!
Michael C. Fortner
"Maxim 37: There is no such thing as "overkill".
There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload".