Perfectly answers the question, both in general and for my purposes. Thanks!

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

The only arms factory in the country is Zbgnvszk State Arsenal (formerly Zbgnvszk Royal Arsenal), the products of which are virtually never seen outside the country. Part of this is because exports are strictly controlled, but mostly it's because nobody outside Transbelvia wants Transbelvian weapons. They're generally based on sound enough designs, some cribbed from the Soviets and others original; but the Transbelvians use a system of measurement known nowhere else in the world, and they unfailingly adapt the foreign designs they take up for ammunition derived from that measurement system. This is inevitably incompatible with anything manufactured outside the country. A Transbelvian PgR-51, for instance, is basically an SKS, but takes a round that's about 8.1x37mm with a really strange bottleneck angle. And holds nine of them.

Beyond that, ZSA products have a reputation similar to those of Transbelvian Automobile Factory No. 1. Those who know a bit about the engineering behind them are usually impressed, but everyone (including those people) is dismayed by the quality of materials and workmanship encountered. Transbelvian guns generally seem like they were made in a country with an imperfect grasp of steel manufacture, by people who don't get paid much and have ready access to hard spirits.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Leaving aside the advisability of a straight-blowback 9mm Para, even in the big-heavy-slide subschool, a gun whose chief design flaw is that it's held together by one spring - and can disintegrate dramatically if that spring is allowed to fail - should...

...really not be combined with Glorious Traditional Transbelvian Industrial Workmanship.

-----

The most wonderful thing about BBs
Is BBs are wonderful things
Their sides are made out of iron
Their guns are made out of pain
They're crashy smashy bashy flashy fun-fun-fun-fun-fun
But the most wonderful thing about BBs
Is there is more than one
The~re is more than one!

Sounds like a prime example of natural selection in action. Whoever designed such a beast would either be seriously injured or possibly killed in the testing or never, ever, under any circumstances be allowed to design another gun again. So, natural selection, or the Dilbert Principle.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

By his own creation, or by whichever unfortunate was assigned to do the actual hands-on testing...?

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

Oh, ye gods, the Gørştvšék 540. We do not speak of it, except in the folk epithet "Gørştvšék's eye!", which means roughly "may you die in a painful and humiliating incident entirely of your own making."

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

To be fair, the 540 was made at the tail end of Gørştvšék's career, and there was a lot of concern over senile dementia at that point. He insisted it would work, and he was right - for the first seven shots. As I understand it, Gørştvšék was looking for a revolutionary design that would be cheaper than other firearms, as reliable, and could be made for export. One out of three wasn't good enough.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

What I'd read about it said that the flaw that killed him was bad metallurgy on the breech letting it crack and the firing pin come out, and bending an extra tab of metal down to block that from happening would've been an easy fix that wouldn't've cost much. The 'disintegration' issue was more like the way US Army Berettas were ejecting their slides - no fun, and liable to result in a wild shot, but not otherwise dangerous to anybody behind the gun.

The thing was, everything in the gun is connected to the two side plates, which are held together by a key latch, which is blocked closed by a pin with a notch in it, and the pin is in turn held by That One Spring going into the notch. Assembled by a sober man who both knows and cares what he's doing, it's no less secure than any other design.

But, well. Transbelvia.

-----

The most wonderful thing about BBs
Is BBs are wonderful things
Their sides are made out of iron
Their guns are made out of pain
They're crashy smashy bashy flashy fun-fun-fun-fun-fun
But the most wonderful thing about BBs
Is there is more than one
The~re is more than one!

One Spring to rule them all,
One Spring to find them;
One Spring to bring them all
And in the Darkness bind them.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Clearly, the publishing industry in Transbelvia has some of the same characteristics as its firearms and auto industries. Was Lord of the Springs a good seller, or did it lose something in the translation?

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

I am going to politely ignore the wincing from the back. And the middle. And the front. =]

See, my dad was in the print trade during the Eighties, and back when he was doing his training they put him on a Mark IV press that looked like something out of the cockpit of a Defiant Steamrunner, that august and noble coal-fired hockey puck of IPO manufacture. To put this into context, he went to a printing museum in Canada in which, in pride of place, stood a Mark V press. Apparently he was interviewed at some length by the museum staff and I think he's now technically allowed to draw a salary from the Edmonton tourist board. But that's a story for another time.

Just after he'd finished his training, the company he was working for at the time sent him on a mission of goodwill to the nascent Transbelvian legal printing industry in Vrgdryznz (not to be confused with Vrgdrvznz, which is at the opposite end of the country; Soviet naming traditions for you, I suppose). The plan was for the Vrdgryznz State Press Works to cope with the legal printing requirements of pretty much the entire Warsaw Pact west of, well, Warsaw; it wasn't so much that they were required to, but rather that the Transbelvian Ministry of Enforcement were desperate for Moscow to remember who they were and perhaps send some more money.

The result of this was, according to my father, one of the most interesting periods of his life in one of the least interesting places he'd ever been. I'd like you to imagine a provincial Transbelvian town during the downturn of Sovietism; traditional hgvrts houses like little wooden castles mixing with the panel-built tower blocks that typified the housing schemes of the USSR (they had different names in each Socialist Republic, and Transbelvia's were called vrynsf bgvknhz, meaning "large place of multiple dwellings from which urine cascades from the upper floors on feast days"), a muddy grey sky like an accountant had been smeared over it, little Belvs pottering about getting stuck in potholes and beached on piles of horse excrement and gravel... now make it duller. Everything that wasn't knackered, badly-varnished wood was slabbish, ugly panels of something that looked like concrete but lacked the latter's inherent elegance, and absolutely everything was grey, a uniform grey, largely due to the battleship-paint factory in Flzvnbgrv, the next town over.

Sidenote: at this point, it may behoove readers to note that the Transbelvian contribution to the Red Fleet consisted of this factory and a pedalo boat sent to Leonid Brezhnev in 1972, which was sent back after the gearage system tried to eat one of his grandchildren.

Still, when my father arrived at the State Print Works, washed and dressed with shining morning face after a stay in Vrygdryznz's most opulent and well-appointed hotel - a title it held by virtue of it being the town's only hotel, and even then it went to the judges - he was somewhat shocked to find that the pinnacle of Transbelvian printing technology was largely based on the Mark IV of his training years. The Belvoprint B9 was a hulking great machine, three times the height of a man and ornery as a herd of camels. Part of its innovative, unique, and utterly deranged design was that it was a linotype machine and printer all in one. This, those who know printing at all, was something of a problem.

See, typesetting machines of the vintage that the Belvoprint was designed after used liquid metal to form the letter press. The exact admixture eludes me, but the things that made up type metal in the Western world were lead, tin, and antimony. Not so Transbelvian type metal, goodness no. In order to harden the type even more, and thus save on metal used since the stamping wouldn't wear it out as fast (so the thinking, if you can call it that, went), Transbelvian type metal cut it with iron. This had the minor downside of making the liquid metal a hell of a lot hotter than normal, with some interesting implications.

The moulds for the individual letters had some mechanical defects, as perhaps ought to be expected of a product of Glorious Traditional Transbelvian Industrial Workmanship. Chief among those was a tendency for the sides to warp and weaken under pressure, a circumstance under which they are often put due to the nature of hot metal typesetting. Additionally, linotype machines being what they are, if you incorrectly justified the matrices then a jet of molten metal would spurt out in some direction and hit the wall with a highly dangerous splat. Lastly, and most damning of all, the lower half of the machine was full of rolls of treated paper, which the astute among you will recall is rather flammable.

Like I said, an interesting time of his life.

The print works managed to survive fairly well until ideologically-sanitized versions of Western literature began to be demanded. The Vrygdryznz works was selected for the production of Lord Of The Springs, a proletarian vision of Tolkien's works in which Sauron's burning, lidless eye is white rather than red and Aragorn is elected Supreme Soviet of the Democratic People's Republic of Gondor, among other and more insane changes. For a full account, see Dr. Emily Berkenstein's excellent translation, containing footnotes and details of the changes made by Transbelvia's Consumable Media Subcommitte (Literature) and notes on Soviet Transbelvian literary heritage in general. Despite being a legal printer by training, my father was picked by the local party official to man the production of this work. To my mind, he succeeded admirably given what he had.

It involved reworking the entire Belvoprint setup to allow it to print books, and this is probably where everything started to go a bit wrong. Since the linotype slugs were so much harder, they had to print reams and reams of page 1-2 before setting page 3-4. Now, despite the enormous hatchet-wielding skills of Soviet censors and the vagaries of both the Russian and Transbelvische languages, Lord Of The Springs is, in its collected form, actually a good twenty or thirty thousand words longer than the original books. The job was enormous, the time scale was ridiculous, and the means of production were Transbelvian; that collections from the Vrygdryznz works exist at all is to be lauded. However, there are not very many.

Alcohol was everywhere in the print works itself, and the heat of the place was enormous. The place was a sea of sweat, the kind of parade of shirtless, hairy, burly men normally found in a Victorian foundry or certain special interest magazines of which you cannot prove I own a truly vast collection. The amount of books and pages destroyed by fire is incredible. 78% of the total run burned, and even the completed books were lightly singed and reeked of type metal and burnt vodka. Eyebrows became a distant memory. Chest hair became a liability. But the run did get out.

And then, once the last of those pages had been shipped out to the binders in Zbgnvszk, only then did the venerable Belvoprint B9 decide its task was done. Nobody is quite sure what caused the explosion, since everyone involved woke up four days later with the kind of hangover only Transbelvian drinking culture can cultivate (Father likened his to having the inside of one's skull attacked by several dozen outraged clams made of razor-sharp hammers). The blast had levelled the print works, and the noble firemen of the city battled the blaze for over 48 hours. The Transbelvian printing experiment was over.

It was a rather sad day, as the British legal print delegation boarded its thankfully not-Transbelvian plane and departed for the free shores of home; despite the ideological differences of the British and Transbelvian governments, the actual people on the ground had wanted it to work. I am fortunate enough to own a Transbelvian Springs signed by President Vugblat himself, and his inscription reads thus:

"To (MY FATHER'S NAME REDACTED), a fine example of his trade and his union; may our nations come together through the peace and nobility of the written word, and may our days be as sunny and beautiful as the prose within his work. Art in service of the People is the People's greatest friend, and therefore the greatest friend of mankind; and the tragedy of this cooperative exchange is that it lasted but a short while. For this book, and for all those that follow, you have the thanks of the Soviet Socialist Republic of Transbelvia and her Allies. Good luck."

That, good burghers of this forum, is why Transbelvia is such a dear country; for all its flaws and for all its total lack of resources, quality control, or competence, it strove to punch above its weight and make a name for itself. Then again, I'm British; we love an underdog, no matter how useless.

And Transbelvia's the most maddeningly, heartbreakingly, gloriously useless of them all.

Thank you for reading.

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

Is this fanfic? Does this count as fanfic? If it's wrong of me to post something like this, please remove it, but I love the ethos of Transbelvia and its wonderful incompetence.

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

This was an extraordinarily excellent aside, made all the better that it is easy to miss because of where it is positioned in the text.

>Is this fanfic? Does this count as fanfic? If it's wrong of me
>to post something like this, please remove it, but I love the ethos of
>Transbelvia and its wonderful incompetence.

Dude, I don't own the forums, but after Fly Girls, I think it's safe to say that collaborative organic endeavors of this sort are positively welcome.

-Merc
Keep Rat

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I know a few serious Tolkien geeks; it might be worth making the Berkenstein translation of Lord Of The Springs one of these days. I mean, what could possibly go wrong with that? =]

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

Technically, the copyright is still held by the Transbelvian government; however, I have ready access to good whiskey and blue jeans, so this probably isn't too much of a problem. =]

Well, it couldn't be worse than the somewhat dodgy Swedish translation, and I'm sure I remember a German translation that had an advert for instant soup inserted into the text...

(Yes, that was a Real Thing that Really Happened.)

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

I will have you know that there is absolutely NOTHING 'dodgy' about the Swedish translation.

It's an utter hack-job from a ham-fisted moron with delusions of adequacy, and all those books should be collected for an enormous bonfire! The name 'Ohlmarks' should be prohibited by law.

>and I'm sure I remember a German translation that had an
>advert for instant soup inserted into the text...
>(Yes, that was a Real Thing that Really Happened.)

There is an image for you. While Ohlmarks translation was, in all honesty, shit and he really sholdn't have been allowed NEAR anything in another language, at least he didn't do THAT. Are you sure you're not thinking about 'Bored of the Rings', though? I know there is a 'variation' of Minas Morgul in it, there known as 'Chikken Noodul'.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!

"I'm sure you can see, Captain Andersson, that your position is hopeless. Surrender is your only rational option now."

"Y'know... it's a funny thing about us Swedes. You think we're all nice, calm, reliable sorts of people, and then one of us goes and does something completely daft and unexpected. Like invent dynamite, or colonize North America, or fire photon torpedoes!"
- Olivia N. Andersson demonstrates the USS Ångström's voice-activated command override system

That reminds me, obliquely, that I must remember to include a character quirk I recently ran across online in Swede's portfolio. One of the Yogscasters, Rythian, is Swedish, and evidently from Malmö, Swede's hometown. Whenever they play Civ 5 on their channel—which they do a lot—he plays Sweden, but the first thing he always does is delete Stockholm and call his capital Malmö. If questioned about this, he generally either feigns ignorance of anyplace called "Stockholm" ("are you sure you're not thinking of Denmark? they have a lot of crappy cities in Denmark") or just dismisses it as too inferior to Malmö to be worth bothering about. :)

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Is this in relation to Ohlmarks' translation or my reaction to calling it 'dodgy'? :)

>That reminds me, obliquely, that I must remember to include a
>character quirk I recently ran across online in Swede's portfolio.
>One of the Yogscasters, Rythian, is Swedish, and evidently from
>Malmö, Swede's hometown. Whenever they play Civ 5 on their
>channel—which they do a lot—he plays Sweden, but the first thing
>he always does is delete Stockholm and call his capital Malmö. If
>questioned about this, he generally either feigns ignorance of
>anyplace called "Stockholm" ("are you sure you're not thinking of
>Denmark? they have a lot of crappy cities in Denmark") or just
>dismisses it as too inferior to Malmö to be worth bothering about. :)

And there's a bit of a laugh...because if there is ONE city that could be taken for a crappy Danish one, in Sweden, it would be Malmö.

Hell, the entire county is generally 'dismissed' as reserve Danes anyway. :P
On the other hand, Massive Entertainment is located there, so they do have ONE saving grace...

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!

Could be worse, you could be backup Norwegians.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Well, considering that my old man, despite having lived here for something like 40 years, was proudly and unrepentantly still a Norwegian citizen, I think backup Norwegian would fit me, actually. But I'm not a DANE, at least.
From both sides, I have a LANGUAGE. Danes? Have a throat illness!

:P

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!

<"Who Are You?" - The Who>

Ebony the Black Dragon

I'm not sorry.

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

Schoolboy error: The opening theme to CSI Miami (to which the sunglasses thing is a reference) is "Won't Get Fooled Again", not "Who Are You?" I'm afraid that's a two-minute penalty.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Poop. I don't watch the shows any more anyway (being in a relationship with an actual forensic scientist spoils the suspension of disbelief rather fiercely, and she won't watch them at all). Still, it's a fair cop. *goes off to sit in the penalty box*

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

Sure, I don't think any of the original three are even still in production. I hadn't followed any of them beyond whenever season 3 of CSI New York was (and whichever seasons that same year was for the other two).

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

...!
Gott's Leetle Feesh in Trousers!

It was a long-standing problem; apparently the publisher had an advertising contract with a certain well-known (only in Germany) manufacturer of instant soup. I've come across a mention of at least one of the early Discworld books getting the same treatment — PTerry wasn't pleased either, and eventually changed his German publisher — and possibly some of the Pocket Star Trek novels as well.

I have the collection of JRRT's Letters, and I'm trying to find the one where he reacts to finding out what happened. IIRC he was wonderfully scathing; almost as good as the time (just pre-WW2) when a prospective German (again...?) translator of The Hobbit wanted to know if someone with a good German name could prove his good Aryan origins...

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

Strictly speaking, Chet's and Red Robin aren't fast food chains, they're in what I believe they call the "casual dining" sector (they have table service and whatnot). Beyond that, this is kind of too broad a question to answer accurately. I mean, there are a million-zillion fast food chains now, and I can only think of a couple of dozen off the top of my head; and that's only the ones on Earth. Who knows what they're hitting the drive-thru at on Reticula Prime right now?

That said, you can pretty much assume that any fast-food place you can think of has at least one example kicking around somewhere in the 25th-century galaxy, although not all of them will be survivors of the pre-Contact era; some are revivals, like those modern companies that use old-timey IPs for branding purposes.

Examples that are readily found in New Avalon: Wienerschnitzel (most of which also have a Tastee-Freez in them), Jack in the Box, all the various KFC (depending on where you are in the galaxy, the C might not stand for Chicken)/Taco Bell/Pizza Hut permutations, and Dairy Queen. Dairy Queens are required by Avalon County law to be the kind that have burgers and stuff and not just seasonal ice cream stands. For reasons which are obscure to outsiders and even many Avalonians, virtually every one of the city's many Tastee-Freez locations that isn't in a Wienerschnitzel is in a Chinese restaurant, by virtue of which said restaurants also sell Big T burgers and fries along with their more traditional offerings.

The city also has one lone Hardee's out by NAU for studio in-joke purposes. Also, in the "fast casual" borderland, you have things like Johnny Rockets, Five Guys, and that Tex-Mex place I can't think of the name of that's slightly fancier than Taco Bell.

And of course there are Shyam Shacks everywhere, not just in Salutown, easily identified by their jaunty yellow roofs and giant revolving shyam-hoop signs. If you need a paper cone full of noodles and meat that you eat with a miniature oil filter wrench, and you lack either the time or the sobriety to sit down and unfold a napkin, Shyam Shack is your best pal.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Moe's Southwest is what you're thinking of.

Or at least I think it is. There's Chipotle and Qdoba, but they're more than slightly fancier than Taco Bell; their ingredients are clearly a cut above what the Bell uses. Moe's, however, serves substantially the same stuff you'd get in a Taco Bell, they just serve more of it and arrange it differently and their locations don't have that air of desperation that every Taco Bell does.

I... I know more about fast food than any one man should.

-Merc
Keep Rat

Oh yeah, I forgot to include the explanation of where this comes from. It's a reference to an odd thing that happened around where I live. I should start by explaining, for those who aren't familiar with it, that Tastee-Freez was a chain of restaurants offering classic American drive-in fare—burgers, French fries, a range of deep-fried items (fried clams were a popular thing at the ones here in Maine), along with various desserts based on soft-serve ice cream (which was their trademark, hence the name). They were similar to Dairy Queens, but less modern-fast-food and more '50s-drive-in style. They used to be one of the biggest chains in the country, and while there are still a few of them scattered around, they're quite rare now; as far as I can tell, mostly the trademark is used for the ice cream they sell at Wienerschnitzel hot dog joints. (Fun fact: Wienerschnizel restaurants don't serve Vienna schnitzel, which is a breaded veal cutlet.)

Anyway, when I was a kid, there was a Tastee-Freez in the little town over by the Interstate, 12 miles or so from here. It was run by a nice old couple who closed up shop and went to Florida every winter, and my parents (along with a good many other people in the region) would eagerly look forward to their return every spring. I have many fond memories of eating dinner in the back seat of our old Caprice, being careful to save room for ice cream.

When I was in high school, the old couple decided it was time to retire, but rather than close the place down, they sold out to a Vietnamese family who lived not far from us. They converted the Tastee-Freez into a Chinese restaurant—but it was also still a Tastee-Freez. Which meant you could rock up and get a burger and some chicken fried rice, a Coke, and a banana split. That was almost unfathomably cosmopolitan as dining experiences in late-1980s rural Maine went, and it was my and my high school crew's favorite place for years.

Sadly, not long after I moved back to the area in the early 2000s, the matriarch of the family retired and left the place in the hands of her daughter, whose local-born husband decided that what the region really needed was another bar, not an awesome Chinese restaurant-cum-Tastee-Freez. They made a gesture toward preserving the restaurant by adding a wing onto the bar with some seating and keeping part of the kitchen open, but the Tastee-Freez franchise and all its equipment went, and the magic was lost. A few years later, part of the building burned down and they never reopened. I pass by the site on the way to and from the Interstate—so basically all the time—and it still makes me a little bit melancholy.

Which is why there are Tastee-Freez Chinese restaurants in New Avalon. It's a cultural feature, the kind of thing that turns up in articles about going there in the tourism sections of other places' newspapers.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Some guesses on fast food in the UF galaxy:

Fast food has been invented on every planet that has a use for it. Cybertron has no native fast food; Mondas and Skaro had fast food, but precisely what it was is more a matter for archaeologists.

The people of Earth have had the most success with franchising to other races; Tastee-Freez and Dairy Queen are especially popular on Salusia for obvious reasons.

Klingons have not successfully opened franchises on any worlds without a significant Klingon population.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

The very concept of Klingon fast food is simultaneously intriguing and terrifying.

-- Bob
I mean, just the equivalent of the McDonaldland characters alone... and let's not even get into rivalries and franchise wars...
-------------------
My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite.

I keep trying to parse that as "Klingon not-fast-enough-therefore-food"... ;)

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

...which is not the same as "Klingon Not-Fast-Enough food."

"Your delivery arrived in forty-five minutes! You have brought dishonor upon your House of Pizza!"

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

"That's the third delivery driver we've had ritually kill himself this week!"

Or the nightly news report:

"Tonight, a delivery driver lies dead, the victim of a duel with a Klingon customer. The victor is quoted as stating that the driver had no honor and was killed for bringing shame upon his House. Authorities are not filing charges, as the duel was in keeping with local laws regarding honorable challenges."

--------------------------
CdrMike, Renegade Time Lord

I suspect Ninjaburger would fit in nicely in an area with a Klingon demographic...

-- Bob
-------------------
My race is pacifist and does not believe in war. We kill only out of personal spite.

The most common dish is probably targh tIq qul, the heart of a targ served with weapons-grade vindaloo sauce, but also of note is the fifty-second variety of qagh. This is a syncretic dish that adds a mix of crushed chilies, turmeric, ground pepper, ground cloves, crushed mustard seeds, garlic, more chilies, onions, and white vinegar to the ghevi' into which the friendly, greedy worms are plonked for eating. Some of the more high-end places also add things like turmeric, cayenne, and clove extract to the 'Iw puj (diluted blood) upon which the starved qagh feast as they are fattened for eating, though the combination of blood and spices (as ever with this sort of thing) used in dishes varies wildly from family to family.

And yes, I am making all of this up. =]

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

This, by the way, is 100% real. I recommend the Dude.

Ebony the Black Dragon

"Life is like an anole. Sometimes it's green. Sometimes it's brown. But it's always a small Caribbean lizard."

Speaking of shyam, is it original to UF or did it come from a source (Ninja High School or otherwise), and why a miniature oil filter wrench?

Original (named after a boss I didn't particularly like at an old job), and it's not really a miniature oil filter wrench, that's just what the usual tool for eating it looks like to the 20th-century Earthman worldview.

Side note: Years ago, Zoner, Truss, and I were at an AutoZone store in Waltham, and we noticed a sticker on the entrance door reading

We all thought that was an odd shortcoming for Zoner's robot doubles to have. After some discussion, we eventually decided that he must have needed to take a five-point disadvantage during chargen, and went with "Cannot Open Safes".

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Michael C. Fortner
"Maxim 37: There is no such thing as "overkill".
There is only "open fire" and "I need to reload".

Probably, yeah. You ever try to keep the Corellians from selling something?

--G.
that's probably racist.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Only if you mean Corellian as an ethnicity (they're ethnically Atlantean, if I recall correctly) as opposed to Corellian as a nationality, in which case it's just stereotyping. :)

-Merc
Keep Rat

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

Yeah, if you look, anymore the only visual difference between the two brands happens to be what's written using the font listed in the Graphic Identity Guidelines.

(Precise explanation of why You Are Wrong deleted for brevity) :)

On the other hand, I wouldn't know the difference; I haven't eaten at either Hardee's or Carl's Jr.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

I have one of those jobs where it's generally best if I just say "I work with computers." :)

It's a little more complicated than this, but I'm basically a DBA, populating and maintaining the backend for the website of a company that makes K-12 school curriculum products. Mostly just a math curriculum at the moment, but they're starting on an English Language Arts program now that the math product is mostly in maintenance mode, and supposedly there's to be a history one after that. So one of these days, I might actually end up doing something relevant to my degree! Or not.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

-Merc
Keep Rat

Yes.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I mean. I know a lot of people do it. My mom did it (twice!) while raising three kids on her own. But it seems like it would be mentally ennervating.

-Merc
Keep Rat

On the other hand, keeping my day job means I don't have to be a TA.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

As a former TA, I cannot stress the wisdom of this choice enough.