So, I just had my first annual physical since I turned 50,* and that means regular screenings for colorectal cancer are now on my doctor's radar. However, instead of the expected colonoscopy, he sent in a referral for something called a Cologuard test. I guess the strategy with this is that if it's negative, we drive on, but if it's positive or ambiguous, then we send in the camera crew.

The test kit arrived on my doorstep yesterday. I'll spare you the details (although objectively, the procedure is kinda neat), but the upshot is that it's an apparatus for collecting and preserving a stool sample. You, uh... do the thing, seal the collection unit and then seal it again in what I think is the heaviest-duty plastic bag I've ever seen, and... ship it back to the lab by UPS Next Day Air** in the same box in which it arrived.

Which means this morning, I went to my local auto parts store, which is a UPS dropoff point, and placed it in their care. And I'll tell you what, it is a weird feeling to walk out of an auto parts store knowing that the box you just left on their counter contains a plastic tub full of...

Funnily enough, the box is very discreet—it doesn't have any biohazard markings on it or anything like that—but it does have the name and address of the lab company and a stylized "CG" logo, so to anyone unfamiliar with the, uh, product, there's nothing at all distinctive about it... but if you know, you know.

--G.
* fuck me, I still can't get used to that
** what can brown do for you, indeed
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Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.