Zoner being dark one
>could understand, life happens, some people get dark <I know I have an
>unhealthy attraction to all things black>. But, well, in UF, he's an
>immortal, and he has a hottie madly in love with him.That's how I saw/see me in that situation. I've got a dark personality - I lean towards cynicism, sarcasm, and bitterness. I go through extended periods of depression and short bursts of manic energy. I used to slip into VERY deep depressions a lot more often than I do now, but I still do from time to time.
For me happiness tends to be fleeting - I haven't been in a solid relationship since 1994 (too many affairs, flings, and what have you for a few years after that, then I picked up a stalker and that put me off any relationships for a year and a half or so, and only a year or so ago did I start testing those waters again), but even when I was in that one (and I still love her madly, it just wasn't meant to be, I think of her a lot) when I was away from her my mood would slip. Being with her definitely made me happy, but I think in some ways in only served to toss the rest into starker contrast. I have trouble just accepting good things in my life.
Anyway, Zoner in UF also has *massive* responsibilities. Yes, he's immortal, but that's not a picnic. Think of how many friends he's seen die, how many innocent lives lost in wars, all the missed opportunities and regrets he's piled up. Knowing me, and my personality, I would be very concious of those things. The way my mind works I still regularly think of stupid shit I did in grade school, people I hurt, etc, that I wish I had never done. That's the kind of thing my mind dwells on when not otherwise occupied... And benig a Detian he has perfect recall - I hate to think of the dreams and nightmares he has on bad days...
I'm a loner, and have been for most of my life. Being my friend is probably hell, and I really don't understand why people do it. I'm really rather anti-social, and a hermit (though not as much as Gryph and some of my other friends). I tend not to go to parties, etc, even if invited. I'm just not
comfortable in those situations. I think that Zoner, given 400 years, is probably like me - only moreso. He has friends whom he is *fiercely* loyal too, and enemies who *hate* him - and everyone else is just kinda there until they end up in one of the those two groups.
Because that's how I am. I'm not as giving as I used to be - I severely fucked up my life a few times by overextending myself mentally, emotionally, financially, etc, to help out people I care about. I learned the hard way to impose limits on myself, because if I burn myself out I'm no good to myself or anyone else. I used to want to please everyone all the time, and that messed me up and just made me unhappy most of the time, so I learned not to care what everyone thinks. I care what a few people think - friends, respected peers, people who have the power to mess with my life (ie, try to phrase things politely to the officer who just pulled me over, etc). But in general I'm who I am and people either like it or they don't. So in UF I'm open with my circle of friends - which is probably fairly large after 400 years, and with a Detian brain maybe I actually remember to call or write from time to time...
I have the love of a wonderful woman, something I know makes me happy in real life, and something that, in absence, leaves a hole, and yes, that makes me happy. But that is only part of life - I think Zoner's relationship with Yuri is something of a refuge for the both of them. In their daily lives they deal with war - death and destruction - and their own actions, directly or indirectly, have lead to the deaths of countless people over the centuries. Zoner has had to send a great many people into battle, knowing many will die. I'm sure that keeps him awake at night and it weighs on him heavily at times. Most of Zoner's life is pretty heavy, with a mix of bright spots - his friends and loved ones.
Post-Twilight Zoner will be rather different. You might've noticed all of the main cast are basically getting new origin stories. Time to refresh them, give them some new traits and mannerisms.
-MegaZone, megazone@megazone.org
Personal Homepage http://www.megazone.org/
Eyrie Productions FanFic http://www.eyrie-productions.com/