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Subject: "Hoffman" Archived thread - Read only
 
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Redneck
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Oct-30-01, 02:59 PM (EST)
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"Hoffman"
 
  
HOFFMAN
Sector: Gallimaufry
Founded: Earth (United States), 2078
Principle Industries: Agriculture, explosives

Hoffman is one of the most successful of Earth's "Jenner Worlds." Earth has always had a consistent tendency to colonize *anything* which is even remotely conducive to sustaining life, and during the First Diaspora of the 21st Century, people would actually -volunteer- for genetic engineering so that they could inhabit environments which would spell quick and painful death, or at least a skyrocketing insurance premium.

Hoffman is a marginal class M world, for although it is littered with plant and animal life it has the mild handicap of being the most massive terrestrial planet ever discovered in Known Space. Gravity at mean sea level on Hoffmann is 3.06 G's, and only the unnaturally thin athmosphere allows organic life to exist at all here; an athmosphere proportionate to Earth's would be three times as dense as the pre-terraforming Venutian air.

As it is, Hoffman is only inhabitable by normal humans for a brief length of time; visitors must spend twenty-four hours in pressure rooms arriving or leaving the planet to accustom them to the air pressure, and the high gravity causes circulatory problems with prolonged exposure. One of the original scout party to the world nearly died of nitrogen narcosis- the bends- and another had to have a heart transplant several years later due to overwork.

But that scout party reported a potential bonanza. Hoffman was a green and fertile world, and the new plant life promised great things for the galaxy. The wiffle fruit would add another tasty staple to the galactic diet; a hardy grassoid, the Cable Weed, proved half again as strong as spun steel; and indeed many plants, such as Barbell Beans and Shot Put Nuts, fixated iron, copper, and heavy metals in such a fashion that the planet was, in effect, mining -itself.- None of these plants would grow outside their natural habitat, and so volunteers were found in the 2070s for a genetic modification to allow a Chicago-based corporation to exploit the world.

The result is the human derivative subspecies known as Hoffmanites. Hoffmanite males stand between seven and eight feet tall and tend to have a circumference of at least that much; although they look fat, very little of it actually is fat. Much of the bulk of a Hoffmanite is devoted to keeping internal organs from shifting about under heavy gravity.

Hoffman women average about a foot shorter and tend towards the voluptuous, aided by the same muscle complex which exists in the male. A Hoffman female who spends their entire post-adolescent life on 1G worlds need never worry about upper body support. Although much less massive, the women tend to be the -stronger- sex, with a much denser and more flexible musculature. (And face it, you -need- to be really strong if you're going to deliver a forty-pound baby- 120 pounds in a Hoffman hospital.)

Hoffmanites are designed to be immensely strong and highly resistant to impact or blast damage. This has led to various cultural rituals which resemble Klingon cultures in many ways. Hoffmanite family members or close friends, on encountering one another, will attempt to bash the other's head in or commit some other grievous bodily harm upon their loved one, on the theory that hugs really aren't demonstrative enough. Hoffman romance begins with high explosives and escalates from there. None of this causes the principals any lasting damage, of course, but witnessing two long-estranged loved ones greeting each other in the Hoffman manner has caused many a security force to panic. Also, for the sake of lowering property damage, many marriages on Hoffman are arranged beforehand to bypass the ceremonial wrecking-ball elopement.

Hoffmanites are completely cross-fertile with normal humans, but Hoffmanites find most normals about as sexy as grade-school children and, more practically, far too fragile to contemplate sexual culmination with. (Well, so long as -all- they do is contemplate it, it might be okay, but you get the message.)

Hoffmanites are agressively self-sufficient and tend to abhor ceremony. Most Hoffmanites consider themselves homebodies and simple folk, and very few leave their planet. Considering that, with the collapse of the colony's founding corporation in the fall of the short-lived Kingdom of Daleyland, the Hoffman people have become generally wealthy from their planet's resources, this is quite understandable. However, there are always a few malcontents who seek to escape New Hoffman's pastoral lifestyle, or who just prefer being able to lift a ton in 'normal' gravity, and thus it is not uncommon to see a Hoffmanite in any moderately crowded human habitation.

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
  RE: Hoffman Shadowhavoc Oct-30-01 1
     RE: Hoffman JFerio Oct-30-01 2
         RE: Hoffman Shadowhavoc Oct-30-01 3
             RE: Hoffman JFerio Oct-31-01 11
                 RE: Hoffman Laudre Nov-01-01 14
                     RE: Hoffman trigger Nov-01-01 15
                         RE: Hoffman Sinapus Nov-01-01 17
                         RE: Hoffman Laudre Nov-01-01 19
     RE: Hoffman Redneck Oct-30-01 4
         RE: Hoffman Shadowhavoc Oct-31-01 5
         RE: Hoffman zojojojo Oct-31-01 8
  RE: Hoffman Berrik_NeueZiel Oct-31-01 6
     RE: Hoffman Ebony Oct-31-01 7
         RE: Hoffman Redneck Oct-31-01 9
             RE: Hoffman Ebony Oct-31-01 10
         RE: Hoffman Offsides Oct-31-01 12
             RE: Hoffman Redneck Oct-31-01 13
                 RE: Hoffman jcfiala Nov-01-01 16
                     RE: Hoffman Offsides Nov-01-01 18
                         RE: Hoffman Star Ranger4 Nov-01-01 20
                             RE: Hoffman Redneck Nov-01-01 21
                                 RE: Hoffman trussteam Nov-01-01 22
                                     RE: Hoffman Redneck Nov-02-01 23

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Shadowhavoc
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Oct-30-01, 10:39 PM (EST)
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1. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #0
 
   Well, that explains quite a bit. Although their greeting of bashing a body part would be rather interesting to see.


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JFerio
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190 posts
Oct-30-01, 11:07 PM (EST)
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2. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #1
 
   >Well, that explains quite a bit. Although their greeting of bashing a
>body part would be rather interesting to see.

Well, I can certainly imagine the way a Hoffmanite would act the first time he accidentally did that to one of us 'fragile' normals. Probably the way Hammer handled Noriko a little bit after his 'change'.

The image of Hammer arm-wrestling one, though... I can just hear one (or both) of them screaming from the dislocation of various joints... But then, Hammer himself probably just looks 'fragile' compared to them.

(Tired and probably in need of sleep still after Mile Hi Con. It was good.)





Jeffrey 'JFerio' Crouch
'It'll be all right... I think.' - Nene Romanova



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Shadowhavoc
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Oct-30-01, 11:13 PM (EST)
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3. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #2
 
  
>(Tired and probably in need of sleep still after Mile Hi Con. It was
>good.)


The Mile Hi what?


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JFerio
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190 posts
Oct-31-01, 07:52 PM (EST)
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11. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #3
 
   >
>>(Tired and probably in need of sleep still after Mile Hi Con. It was
>>good.)
>
>
>The Mile Hi what?

Mile Hi Con. A local convention here in Denver (33 years!) that focuses on literary Science Fiction and Fantasy. This last one had Kevin Anderson (Dune, Star Wars) and Harry Turtledove (who writes alternative fantasy history). Definitely worth it, especially with the Critter Crunch (BattleBots with no hazards and a weight limit of 20 pounds).

--
"Do Not Taunt" - Label on a package delivered to Riff by Sasha.
JFerio





Jeffrey 'JFerio' Crouch
'It'll be all right... I think.' - Nene Romanova



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Laudre
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Nov-01-01, 01:56 AM (EST)
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14. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #11
 
   >Mile Hi Con. A local convention here in Denver (33 years!) that
>focuses on literary Science Fiction and Fantasy. This last one had
>Kevin Anderson (Dune, Star Wars)

...Jeez, I shoulda come, if only so that I could get thrown out for heckling that talentless hack.

-- Sean --

http://www.thebrokenlink.org The Broken Link 4.0 is live!
"All tribal myths are true, for a given value of 'true'." -- Terry Pratchett
Follow my random thoughts
Follow my creative process


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trigger
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1500 posts
Nov-01-01, 10:46 AM (EST)
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15. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #14
 
   Now, now, you shouldn't heckle him.

You should instead tar and feather him for writing purple prose and screwing up some nice universes.

t.

Trigger Argee
trigger_argee@hotmail.com
Manon, Orado, etc.
Denton, never leave home without it.

Trigger Argee
Manon, Maccadon, Orado, etc.
Denton, never leave home without it.

"This isn't exactly the Olympic Games." - Corwin of Amber


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Sinapus
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Nov-01-01, 10:55 AM (EST)
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17. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #15
 
   >Now, now, you shouldn't heckle him.
>
>You should instead tar and feather him for writing purple prose and
>screwing up some nice universes.

Now, now... don't hold back. Make sure he knows how you really feel.

Patrick Chester
"...could you and your associates arrange that for me, Mr. Morden?"


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Laudre
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Nov-01-01, 05:41 PM (EST)
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19. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #15
 
   >Now, now, you shouldn't heckle him.
>
>You should instead tar and feather him for writing purple prose and
>screwing up some nice universes.

See... of his Star Wars stuff, I have to say that he has some (mostly Tales of the Jedi; I'd rather forget his post-ROTJ train wreck) good ideas, but in no way, shape, or form should he actually be allowed to be the one to write those ideas. He can't write a decent line of dialogue, can't write prose to save his life, can't plot worth a damn and he just got worse over time. Not better. And he's somehow managed to pull the wool over many, many eyes, including getting himself into cowriting the Dune prequel trilogy with Frank Herbert's son, Brian Herbert, who is actually a fairly good writer. (I think Brian did this because he himself is busy finishing the seventh Dune novel, the one that Frank had planned to follow Chapterhouse: Dune.) I would have given said prequel trilogy a try, except for having Anderson's name on the cover; I'll risk reading Dune 7 without them, thanks.

However, his attempt at an X-Files novel was utterly without redeeming quality. I put it down halfway through and didn't pick it back up.

-- Sean --

http://www.thebrokenlink.org The Broken Link 4.0 is live!
"All tribal myths are true, for a given value of 'true'." -- Terry Pratchett
Follow my random thoughts
Follow my creative process


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Redneck
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Oct-30-01, 11:57 PM (EST)
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4. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #1
 
   >Well, that explains quite a bit. Although their greeting of bashing a
>body part would be rather interesting to see.

Second issue of the 'Buck Godot' comic series, or the 'Gallimaufry' collection. Buck is a Hoffmanite, and he encounters an uncle while visiting the Gallimaufry.

Unfortunately, issue #2 is the one issue I don't have my hands on at the moment, so all I can offer is the following exchange:

(Buck drops a large crate on his uncle, stunning him momentarily)

UNCLE: ... "medical supplies?" (referring to what Buck claimed was the label on the crate)

BUCK: Weights for the hospital gymnasium.

UNCLE: Good one.

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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Shadowhavoc
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Oct-31-01, 00:10 AM (EST)
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5. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #4
 
  
>Unfortunately, issue #2 is the one issue I don't have my hands on at
>the moment, so all I can offer is the following exchange:
>
>(Buck drops a large crate on his uncle, stunning him momentarily)
>
>UNCLE: ... "medical supplies?" (referring to what Buck claimed was the
>label on the crate)
>
>BUCK: Weights for the hospital gymnasium.
>
>UNCLE: Good one.


If that happened to me chances are I'd be smoking a cigarette by the pearly Gates of Heaven talking to St. Peter about the Bucs.


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zojojojo
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610 posts
Oct-31-01, 02:03 PM (EST)
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8. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #4
 
   >the moment, so all I can offer is the following exchange:
>
>(Buck drops a large crate on his uncle, stunning him momentarily)
>
>UNCLE: ... "medical supplies?" (referring to what Buck claimed was the
>label on the crate)
>
>BUCK: Weights for the hospital gymnasium.
>
>UNCLE: Good one.

Help. I'm getting Police Academy (2? 3?) flashbacks...


-Z

---
We are Dyslexic of Borg. Your ass will be laminated.

-Z


---
Remember kids: guns make you stupid, duct tape makes you smart.


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Berrik_NeueZiel
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Oct-31-01, 11:40 AM (EST)
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6. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #0
 
   This leads one to wonder whether the Kingpin is a Hoffmanite. He -does- have huge muscle mass, after all.


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Ebony
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Oct-31-01, 01:05 PM (EST)
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7. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #6
 
   >This leads one to wonder whether the Kingpin is a Hoffmanite. He
>-does- have huge muscle mass, after all.

Possible, in the UF continuum. On a side note, the name "Hoffman" comes from Hoffman Estates in Seattle, where Phil Foglio's friend (and best man at his wedding, I think), John Buckminster, is Head of Security. This bit of Foglio trivia is brought to you by the letters Q, e, and the Winslow.

Ebony the Black Dragon
aka Draco Draconis Ebenium
known to Studio Foglio as Aaron F. Johnson,
Senior Editor, Living Room Games\
http://www.lrgames.com


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Redneck
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Oct-31-01, 02:31 PM (EST)
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9. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #7
 
   > On a side note, the name "Hoffman"
>comes from Hoffman Estates in Seattle

Hoffman Estates, as Doc could tell you, is a suburb of -Chicago.-

Just a couple miles away, in fact, from the hotel where Anime Central was held the last couple years.

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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Ebony
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Oct-31-01, 06:05 PM (EST)
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10. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #9
 
   >> On a side note, the name "Hoffman"
>>comes from Hoffman Estates in Seattle
>
>Hoffman Estates, as Doc could tell you, is a suburb of -Chicago.-
>
>Just a couple miles away, in fact, from the hotel where Anime Central
>was held the last couple years.

Really? Could've sworn that he'd said Seattle. <Riff> Let me check my notes </Riff>

Ebony the Black Dragon
aka Draco Draconis Ebenium
known to Studio Foglio as Aaron F. Johnson,
Senior Editor, Living Room Games
http://www.lrgames.com


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Offsides
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1220 posts
Oct-31-01, 09:13 PM (EST)
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12. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #7
 
   >This bit of Foglio trivia is brought to you by the letters
>Q, e, and the Winslow.

This brings up the question: does The Winslow exist in the UF universe, and if so what is it here?... (And has Nall met it yet :)

Offsides

#include <winslow.h>

#91;...#93; in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #pi;
#include <stdsig.h>


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Redneck
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Oct-31-01, 11:14 PM (EST)
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13. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #12
 
   >>This bit of Foglio trivia is brought to you by the letters
>>Q, e, and the Winslow.
>
>This brings up the question: does The Winslow exist in the UF
>universe, and if so what is it here?... (And has Nall met it yet :)

Does that answer your question?

(Actually, that's not a canon UF pic- it's the cover for an art portfolio by Jason Meador, 'Stop Motion', for sale from WLP. But I -love- the image.)

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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jcfiala
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Nov-01-01, 10:52 AM (EST)
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16. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #13
 
   >(Actually, that's not a canon UF pic- it's the cover for an art portfolio by
>Jason Meador, 'Stop Motion', for sale from WLP. But I -love- the image.)

Ooohhh... I want a color print.

-john, humorless toad
The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
-Victor Borge


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Offsides
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1220 posts
Nov-01-01, 12:29 PM (EST)
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18. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #16
 
   >Ooohhh... I want a color print.

At the risk of sounding like a troll: Me too!!!!!! :)

Offsides

#include <winslow.h>

#91;...#93; in order to be a realist you must believe in miracles.
-- David Ben Gurion
EPU RCW #pi;
#include <stdsig.h>


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Star Ranger4
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2206 posts
Nov-01-01, 10:44 PM (EST)
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20. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #18
 
   >>Ooohhh... I want a color print.
>
>At the risk of sounding like a troll: Me too!!!!!! :)
>
>Offsides
>
>#include <winslow.h>

Then might I suggest wandering by Red's page and ordering a copy?

___________________

Vaughn doesn't know I exist. I guess this explains why the rest of reality keeps ignoring me as well. >_<


Of COURSE you wernt expecting it!
No One expects the FANNISH INQUISITION!
RCW# 86


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Redneck
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Nov-01-01, 11:28 PM (EST)
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21. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #20
 
   >Then might I suggest wandering by Red's page and ordering a copy?

None of WLP's portfolios is in color. Simply put, I refuse to try to send out -one picture- by mail order safely, and a ten-pic color portfolio would have to run $30 to $50 per port to cover royalty and print costs. OTOH, the black and white portfolio shown has 14 illos and only runs $10.

The artist himself sells color prints at conventions, but I don't have contracts for those.

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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trussteam
Member since Aug-9-13
Nov-01-01, 11:53 PM (EST)
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22. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #21
 
   >None of WLP's portfolios is in color. Simply put, I refuse to try to
>send out -one picture- by mail order safely, and a ten-pic color
>portfolio would have to run $30 to $50 per port to cover royalty and
>print costs. OTOH, the black and white portfolio shown has 14 illos
>and only runs $10.

Ever considered selling portfolios with one "cover" illo in color and the rest in black and white? I've seen a few different artists do that at conventions. (Susan Meyer comes to mind.)

--truss.


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Redneck
Charter Member
Nov-02-01, 00:16 AM (EST)
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23. "RE: Hoffman"
In response to message #22
 
   LAST EDITED ON Nov-02-01 AT 00:19 AM (EST)

>>None of WLP's portfolios is in color. Simply put, I refuse to try to
>>send out -one picture- by mail order safely, and a ten-pic color
>>portfolio would have to run $30 to $50 per port to cover royalty and
>>print costs. OTOH, the black and white portfolio shown has 14 illos
>>and only runs $10.
>
>Ever considered selling portfolios with one "cover" illo in color and
>the rest in black and white? I've seen a few different artists do
>that at conventions. (Susan Meyer comes to mind.)

Only briefly. That -one- cover pic adds $1 to the cost of production, and in my experience it doesn't make the portfolio itself any more saleable.

Susan Meyer disagrees, which is the main reason why I'm not publishing her portfolios anymore.

Redneck

Red wizard needs money badly...
www.wlpcomics.com
White Lightning Productions - don't tell the Pope


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