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Subject: "The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II"     Previous Topic | Next Topic
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Apr-22-10, 01:11 AM (EST)
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"The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II"
 
   I was just hunting around in the offcuts bin looking for something else when I ran across this and realized I liked it too much not to share it. In an earlier draft of The Fulcrum of Fate Part II, I created a different character who was going to be Bolo's investigator. Rather than having been ambushed and braincracked by the enemy, she was just going to be getting stonewalled by Ivan. Although I liked the new character very much, I realized as I worked on the sequence that my plan for her didn't work . It wasn't very Jedi-like for an investigator to hit a brick wall and just call for backup, and there wasn't going to be much tension or any action at all in a scene that amounted to Len getting Ivan to talk by being taller.

So I trimmed this bit off, thought it over, and eventually settled on the course of action we saw in the released episode, with Bolo's investigator being Juhani from Knights of the Old Republic - which naturally led to her ending up fighting Len, because being introduced in the throes of that sort of Dark Side pseudo-fall thing is sort of her dharma.

I hope to find a place to re-introduce Deshka someplace, but in the meantime, here's how she was originally going to be introduced in Fulcrum II - rendezvousing with Len in a Mexican restaurant somewhere near the spaceport where he arrived on Nar Shaddaa.

	There he was met by the faintly mind-boggling sight of a
Rodian waiter in a sombrero, who directed him to a side booth. The
person waiting there was a Chadra-Fan female, a diminutive furry
creature with colorful robelike clothing and the big-eared, snub-nosed
face of a giant fruit bat.
Len slipped into the other side of the booth and said, "Hello,
I'm Len. A mutual acquaintance told me you were looking for a hand."
The Chadra-Fan grinned, baring many small, sharp teeth, and
squeaked in an accented voice that reminded Len of the time he and
Achika had gotten high on helium after a birthday party, "Hi! I'm
Deshka. You must be Bolo's latest victim." She tilted her head
inquisitively. "Do you like pina coladas?" she asked, pushing a
large, garishly colored drink festooned with a paper umbrella across
the table. "I ordered a margarita, but I think our waiter's a little
deaf."
Len regarded the drink a bit dubiously.
As if summoned by the remark, the waiter reappeared, this time
with a datapad at the ready.
"Can I start you off with something to drink, sir?" he asked.
"Coke, Pepsi, a margarita? Maybe some ginger ale?"
"Uh, just water for me, thanks," Len said.
Turning to Deshka, the waiter said, "Is there a problem with
your pina colada, ma'am?"
"It's a perfectly fine pina colada, I'm sure," Deshka replied,
"but I'm after a margarita, son! A big one! With juma! Don't bring
me anything in a glass smaller than my head. If your margaritas are
too small, run to the Chinese place next door and get me a scorpion
bowl. And we need some nachos. Run along, now!"
When the slightly flustered Rodian had collected the pina
colada and retired, Len eyed his contact a little warily and asked,
"So... what can I help you with?"
"Well, there's this junk dealer," Deshka replied. "He's got a
shop a couple blocks over and about ten levels down. I've traced a
couple of black-market Jedi artifacts to his shop, but I can't get
anywhere with the guy. He's one of these people who can't quite
believe it when a Chadra-Fan says anything more complicated than
'eeeeeee gimme my dreeeeeenk.'"
"Ah," said Len diplomatically, for it was at that moment that
the Rodian waiter returned with a glass of water for him and a truly
colossal girly drink for his companion.
Once the waiter had gone, Deshka took a sip of her giant
margarita and shrugged. "Anyway, I admit it, -presence- isn't really
my thing. I'm all about being overlooked, which makes it tough when
events turn such that I need to put the arm on someone. So I asked
Bolo for backup. I'm hoping the guy will talk to someone a little...
taller."
Len nodded. "OK," he said.
Deshka gave him an appraising look with one twinkling black
eye, the other having slid almost shut.
"You think it's weird, don't you? The drinking, I mean."
Len made a neutral face. "It's not my place to judge," he
said, drawing a squeak of laughter from the Chadra-Fan.
"Hee! You must've studied under Aldous Gajic. You sound just
like him!" Drawing herself up impressively, Deshka went on, "Well,
young master, I'll have you know this is a perfectly natural process
you're witnessing. My people commune with the Force through the
benevolent intercession of ethanol." After a thoughtful pause, she
added, "Or -I- do, -anyway-."
Len smiled. He wasn't entirely certain about her approach -
he'd never encountered a Jedi anything like Deshka before - but he had
to admit he liked her style.
"Whatever works," he said.
"Good!" Deshka squeaked, thumping the table with a tiny clawed
hand. "Now. Soon as we eat, here's how we're gonna play this... "

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Admin
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.


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  Subject     Author     Message Date     ID  
The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II [View All] Gryphonadmin Apr-22-10 TOP
   RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Tzukumori Apr-22-10 1
   RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Apostate_Soul Apr-22-10 2
      RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Nathan Apr-22-10 3
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II ebony14 Jul-19-11 13
      RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Gryphonadmin Apr-22-10 4
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II CdrMike Apr-22-10 5
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Apostate_Soul Apr-22-10 8
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II BeardedFerret Apr-22-10 9
              RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Gryphonadmin Apr-22-10 10
                  RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Verbena Apr-22-10 11
                      RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Bushido Jul-19-11 12
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II McFortner Jul-19-11 14
      RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Arashi Apr-22-10 6
          RE: The Cutting Room Floor: Fulcrum II Bushido Apr-22-10 7


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