As in, 'I'm at my'.
I went to see the vein specialist my GP referred me to for the second time today, which was supposed to be leadup to surgery. You can probably guess this didn't end well already, but here comes the rant.
The very first thing he asks is if I've been using the compression stockings as directed. I tell him, honestly, no - I can't, because I can't get the damn things on by myself and I have no assistance (this is, in all particulars, true). Fine. He suggests the velcro kind. Why he didn't suggest these to start with, I do not know. Possibly because they cost twice as much. Which, yeah, that's definitely an issue, because I don't have $140. But I didn't have the $60 for the first set, either, so now I'm about to be out $200 for specialized medical equipment I really cannot afford.
Apparently, he knew I wasn't going to wear the first set, because I told him I wouldn't the last time. (I said no such a damn thing, just for the record.) He then goes on a spiel about how I need to start doing 'pushbacks' (no points for guessing what that means). I try to tell him I eat maybe once a day, because I'm on a shoestring budget - he pays this absolutely no mind, because I'm a large person and obviously that means I eat too damn much. Actually, he doesn't pay any attention to anything I say, because I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Apparently I'm the village idiot, too stupid to know I'm dying by inches. And to cap it off, he informs me that if I don't comply with his demands by the next visit, I'm going to have to find another doctor.
To put some perspective on this: I cannot drive. I do not own a vehicle, I do not have a license, and I am terrified of driving in even light traffic. My father has cancer, and has had lesions removed pretty much once a month for the past six. On top of that, he has interstitial lung disease, which has reduced his lung capacity to something like 30%. In other words, he can't make the necessary drive (halfway across the state). My mother has three herniated disks, degenerating vertebrae, and cataracts - she can't make that drive either. My brothers all work out of state - no help there.
On top of this, my computer decided to give up the ghost about a week ago. The fan is completely shot, and in trying to disassemble the laptop's case to get at it, I discovered that it's wedged together in such a way that getting to that fan will effectively require me to break the mobo in half. I can get a replacement system (refurb) for about $250. Either this or the stockings, by themselves, would not be completely insurmountable obstacles. Both of them together? I... may be sitting here trying to force myself not to rock back and forth, laughing the scary crazy laugh, sobbing, and/or gibbering. Combine that with the deep rage I have toward that doctor, and you might begin to form a theory that this has not been the most pleasant of days/weeks/months for me.
You'd be right. I'm kinda going nuts here trying to figure out how to balance all these plates, and they're all off-center.