Scott Bernard

Scott Bernard is a mythic figure originally spawned by the corporate culture of the original Wedge Defense Force in the late 20th century. He is usually presented as an officer of the WDF, traditionally a VF-6 Alpha Legios Veritech fighter pilot holding the rank of lieutenant commander. He was originally associated with the wasteful use of missile weapons in combat, but his legend later expanded, as elaborated upon below.

Origin

Scott Bernard first appeared in an internal WDF memorandum submitted by a real WDF Alpha pilot, Lieutenant Fritz Koopman, to his training squadron's supply officer during advanced training in 1992. Koopman, a cadet lieutenant commanding Jolly Roger Squadron during its training-up phase, was replying to a demand by the air wing supply office for an explanation of the squadron's huge consumption of GPM-01 General Hosement missiles, which were the primary armament of the Alpha fighter at the time. In the memo, Koopman explained that the squadron member most responsible for the squadron's heavy missile consumption was one Pilot Officer Scott Bernard, who had the unfortunate habit of salvo-firing all 60 of his Alpha's GPM-01s if he fired any at all.

In fact, there was no such pilot as Scott Bernard, and the real reason for the squadron's heavy missile use was Koopman's strong focus on missile combat training. Jolly Roger Squadron's pilots averaged 40 hours of flight training a week during the advanced training phase (a figure that was not unusual for WDF fighter squadrons at that time), and ten Alpha fighters training for 40 hours a week are going to burn a lot of missiles. Koopman composed the memo as a sarcastic response to what he viewed as a rear-echelon bean counter's unreasonable harassment.

The legend expands

The joke was probably not intended to go any further than that, but for some reason - possibly the well-documented fondness of the founding WDF members for injokes and modern myth - it developed a life of its own. Pilots who went over the top in combat, especially with missile fire, claimed to have been touched by the spirit of Scott Bernard, or even said they had been on sick call for that battle and Bernard had replaced them in the cockpit. Any excessive use of missile weapons became known as "the Bernard Maneuver", "pulling a Scott Bernard" or simply "Scott Bernarding". Specifically, the act of salvo-firing an Alpha's entire missile load at once is almost always called Scott Bernarding, and even appears as such in official WDF training documents. In later versions of the Alpha fighter's operating software, the weapon select code that assigns all missile banks to a single firing key causes the message, Aye aye, Mr. Bernard! to appear on the fighter's center multifunction display.

Before long, "Scott Bernard" had been promoted to lieutenant commander and placed in command of an equally fictitious unit, Mars Division (so called because the WDF did not have a presence on Mars at that time). The mythical exploits of Scott Bernard and the Mars Division compounded from there. Not only were Bernard and his nonexistent forces blamed for any shortages of GPM missiles and Legios replacement parts that might come along, they were also credited with a number of achievements, each more far-fetched than the last.

Among many other adventures, Scott Bernard and the Mars Division were credited with:

- Destroying the Invid Hive, a similarly fictitious GENOM Corporation facility supposed to have been the source of that company's "Invid" series of combat mecha (in fact, the Invid equipment stopped appearing in WDF-GENOM battles because GENOM discontinued the line and replaced it with advanced combat boomers);

- Carrying out the first successful translunar spacefold with a specially equipped Legios (this would in fact not be done until 2405, and no fold drive-equipped Legios has ever been built);

- Destroying the Hamdinger Hive, the supposed source of the much-maligned WDF field ration known as the Hamdinger and saving the rest of the WDF from having to eat them any more (in reality, the Hamdinger was simply discontinued by WDF Commissary Services after more than two million negative comment cards were filed);

- Jumping the Valles Marineris on a specially prepared VR-052 Battler-class Cyclone (never done, or, as far as anyone knows, even attempted);

- Surfing Jupiter's Great Red Spot on a raddboard (not done until 2397, when it was accomplished by Xander Cage for a Xander Zone video feature);

- and many others. Full article: Legendary achievements of Scott Bernard

Interestingly, in almost all of the expanded versions of the myth, Bernard is a pilot of legendary courage and skill, not the trigger-happy wastrel he was originally conceived as - although many of the tales of Scott Bernard do still feature, somewhere in the action, a full-Alpha missile salvo, usually to exaggeratedly devastating effect. (For instance, in most versions of the Hamdinger Hive story, Bernard seals the Hive's destruction by Scott Bernarding into the Hamcore.)

Perpetuators of the myth

The Scott Bernard legend quickly expanded beyond the WDF, taking root in the corporate culture of the Royal Salusian Armed Forces as well. Some Salusian versions of the myth claim that Bernard is Salusian, perhaps even an illegitimate half-brother of Queen Asrial. For some reason, Salusian kennings often have Bernard's given name as "Stig" or "Stick".

In addition, forces as widely disparate as the United Galactica Navy, Federation Starfleet, United Earth Defense Forces, Greater Rigel Sector Co-Prosperity Sphere Strategic Self-Defense Force, and numerous small mercenary organizations have at one time or another claimed Scott Bernard as one of their own.

In their own way, several enemy forces from the WDF's Golden Age had a part in carrying on the legacy of Scott Bernard as well. Through intercepting and misinterpreting WDF comm traffic, a number of the WDF's traditional foes' intelligence services developed the mistaken impression that such a pilot really existed. There are even Kilrathi military records blaming Bernard and the Mars Division for the 2129 destruction of the Ghorah Khar shipyard in a daring hit-and-run Shadow Legios raid (an operation actually performed by the WDF's Nazgûl Squadron). At one point the Romulan Empire had a bounty of more than 20 million radaks on Bernard's head.

Bernard during the Exile

After the WDF's 2289 collapse, the RSAF carried on the Scott Bernard legend. Its currency among Salusian pilots kept it from falling into abeyance - or worse, being co-opted by the GENOM publicity machine into an anti-legend to turn public opinion against the WDF, as many other real and mythical WDF figures and achievements were co-opted. There is even a tongue-in-cheek legend among Royal Salusian Navy pilots that Bernard hid out among them during the Exile to avoid GENOM's death squads, and that he not only returned to the WDF after its 2380 re-establishment, but played a crucial role in the exoneration of Benjamin "Gryphon" Hutchins.

Bernard in popular culture

Scott Bernard and the Mars Division have appeared often in pop culture. Bacon Comics published (and has plans to re-launch) a comic book chronicling Bernard's exploits, The Adventures of Scott Bernard. He was the subject of a popular 2251 novel, Steely-Eyed Missile Man, written by real WDF Alpha pilot Maia Sterling, and its 2255 sequel, Mars Division Rangers. The animated series The Bernard Files ran for 17 seasons from 2139 on the WDF Military Entertainment System as the B-part of the Afternoon Action Hour.

Scott Bernard is mentioned in the lyrics to Lynn Minmay and the Macross Marauders' 2015 #1 megahit "Blast the Bastards" ("Give it to 'em, fellas, charge and hit 'em hard / Let 'em have your missiles like you're Scott f---ing Bernard").

The rock band Fire Bomber had a #4 hit on the Billboard galactic rock 'n roll charts with their 2334 single "The Ballad of Scott Bernard".

There are unconfirmed rumors that a major motion picture starring Scott Bernard is being developed by Ishiyama action film director Chad Collier at Kanzaki Studios. Reports indicate that the film will be a movie version of Steely-Eyed Missile Man and may star author Maia Sterling's father, Maximilian Sterling, as Bernard.

See also

- Myths and legends of the WDF
- Modern mythology#Fighter pilots

References

- Sterling, Maia: Steely-Eyed Missile Man; Wedge Books, 2251
- Sterling, Maia: Mars Division Rangers; Wedge Books, 2255
- Rose, Martin F., et al.: The Bernard Files: The Complete Series: Collector's VDC Edition; Flying Yak Publishing, 2393
- Frankel, George D.: Space Heroes: Mythic Figures of the Expansion Age; Meizuri University Press, 2310
- Bacon, Derek, et al.,: The Adventures of Scott Bernard: Omnibus Edition: Bacon Comics Group, 2408
- Aldzinjal, Perrin: Wedge Rats: Fighting Alongside the WDF: Saenar Press, 2382
- "Redscape 454": The alt.wdf.scott-bernard.pow.pow.pow FAQ: Usenet, last updated 2405

External links

- Bacon Comics The Adventures of Scott Bernard website
- Mars Division Headquarters: The Scott Bernard Fan Site
- Memory Alpha Usenet archive: alt.wdf.scott-bernard.pow.pow.pow

And yes, this means that every mini-episode ends with "Everybody Explodes".

If you could imagine a munitional equivalent to the classic Scrubbing Bubbles commercials, you're somewhere in the ballpark.

- Lord Ilmartello!
After season 5 or so, it was harder to write the mini-eps than the proper ones.

I've read the autobiographies of Guenther Wendt and Gene Kranz. Every time this reference came up in the article — with its new meaning — it completely and utterly broke me. :)

("Steely-Eyed Missile Man" is a not-officially-official title from the early days of the space age, bestowed on anyone who Did The Right Thing and saved the day no matter how pear-shaped things went. E.g. the controller who decided not to call an abort — probably dangerous, possibly catastrophic — on an early manned flight that rose three inches, shut off its engines and settled back on the pad was given the title before his coffee was cold.)

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

> - Carrying out the first successful translunar spacefold with a specially
>equipped Legios (this would in fact not be done until 2404, and no fold
>drive-equipped Legios has ever been built);

and thought, "Cool, we've seen that!" But Corwin doesn't do it until 2405, in Hunted Rose. Did it happen earlier, and if so, have we seen it?

- Chad

I happened to read this with the song "Scotty Doesn't Know" running in the background, and now I have this image of a bunch of drunk fighter pilots all screaming "Scotty doesn't know, Scotty doesn't know, where'd his missiles go?" Scotty doesn't know!"

"A good plan executed now is better than a perfect plan next week" - Gen George S. Patton, Jr.

*gasp for breath*

PUNK. ROCK. MINMAY.

*more hysterical laughter*

*deep gasping breath, held for a moment*

You, sir, win the internet.

*yet more laughter*

Galactipedia
The Galactic Encyclopedia that Any Idiot Can Tamper With

BWAHAHA... and things just get better. Excellent meta-article.

Thanks for the laughs,
-T.Zukumori

=============================================

"What happened to this one here?"
"I did."
"Uh-huh... and how did you subdue him?"
"I know kung fu."
--cropped from Titans: Convergence by Benjamin D. Hutchins

Was it lengthwise, or width-wise?

;)

Given the recently-revealed events of The Bernard Identity elsewhere on these boards, one begins to wonder just how tongue-in-cheek this legend actually is...

-- Bob
-------------------
The President is on the line
As ninety-nine crab rangoons go by...