Narrator: Gryphon was not speaking hypothetically.

Dragnet theme plays here.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

Semi-related: I always thought we were too obscure for spambots to bother with over here. I don't know if I'm gratified or dismayed to learn that we're not. :D

--sofaspud
--

It doesn't happen often, touch wood, but it's always annoying when it does.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

Yeah, so, this happened again on practically every board in the UF forum. For bonus points, the spam was so incoherent I couldn't even tell what they were trying to sell.

And now there's another entry in the list of domains people aren't allowed to register new forum accounts from, so that's nice.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

"Baun transfer-in direction of go hurry shift is a unpleasant cross chop, nevertheless he as well provides an in just spin, pace hurry, significant swim and rip moves in direction of the desk as nicely."

Doesn't that make you want to buy his jersey, whoever he is? He has significant swim and rip moves in direction of the desk! Mr. Baun is also described as possessing "psychological processing electrical power" and a "significant engine". I can only conclude that he is some sort of cyborg.

Each post contained about two full screens of similar nonsense at the resolution and font size I'm running. My favorite sentence I actually bothered to read was, "Nonetheless levels of competition is constantly nutritious."

--G.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I know practically nothing about American football. For all I know, that word salad does actually mean something to people who understand the game.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I know slightly more than nothing, but searching on Baun (Probably Zack Baun, outside linebacker for the Saints) doesn't help make that word salad any more coherent.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

I'm going to be chuckling about these quotes for a while, since it just brings to mind mental images like a fully equipped football player charging full speed into a desk and either bouncing off in abject failure, or reducing it splinters.

>Doesn't that make you want to buy his jersey, whoever he is? He has
>significant swim and rip moves in direction of the desk! Mr. Baun is
>also described as possessing "psychological processing electrical
>power" and a "significant engine". I can only conclude that he is some
>sort of cyborg.
>

I think there have been video games involving football cyborgs, I vaguely recall something of the sort for the old NES (or maybe that was baseball, I just remember buying sportsball dudes new body parts to wreck opponents with.) Sort of hoping Cyberpunk 2077 includes enhanced sports in some way (even as background) just because that would lead to utter insanity.

>Each post contained about two full screens of similar nonsense at the
>resolution and font size I'm running. My favorite sentence I actually
>bothered to read was, "Nonetheless levels of competition is constantly
>nutritious."
>

Meanwhile this swings the imagery from cyborgs to hulking, vaguely orc-like cannibals who feast on their defeated opponents.

>FULL DISCLOSURE: I know practically nothing about
>American football. For all I know, that word salad does actually mean
>something to people who understand the game.

It's been a while since I thought about the game in-depth (back in high school sort of long, so north of 2 decades) but what's quoted is about 90% utter nonsense, with the remaining 10% being terms that might apply to the player but horribly out of context (i.e. "swim and rip moves" are legit techniques a defensive player might use to bypass some offensive player trying to block them.)

	-={(Astynax)}=- "This Space For Rent."

My mental image for "in direction of desk" has our cyborg player trying to check either into or out of a hotel, and having to do a lot of bobbing and faking to get across the lobby. Evidently the bellhops are trying to bring him down before he can reach the concierge.

>I think there have been video games involving football cyborgs, I
>vaguely recall something of the sort for the old NES (or maybe that
>was baseball, I just remember buying sportsball dudes new body parts
>to wreck opponents with.)

That rings a vague bell. Something kind of like Syndicate, except the meeples were some sort of future sports team instead of megacorp murder minions.

>Sort of hoping Cyberpunk 2077 includes
>enhanced sports in some way (even as background) just because that
>would lead to utter insanity.

Like that hopped-up cyborg roller derby thing that there's a big long chapter of Gunnm/Battle Angel Alita about. I think in the English translation they called it "motorball".

>Meanwhile this swings the imagery from cyborgs to hulking, vaguely
>orc-like cannibals who feast on their defeated opponents.

That's basically Blood Bowl, isn't it? My Games Workshop fu is weak, but ISTR playing it at least once at WPI. The Assistant Dean for Student Life at the time was a huge fan and used to run games of it in the Wedge occasionally. He was a pretty cool dude. Also had a huge Blues Brothers poster in his office.

--G.
-><-
Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod
Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/
zgryphon at that email service Google has
Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

I don't watch football any more, but I used to, and yeah, it sounds like someone took random football terms, put them in a blender on "frappe", and gave them to some Russian spambot to procedurally generate a jersey ad.

The whole scene sounds like something out of those old ESPN bumpers, with athletes in a cube farm. (I have a couple favorites, but I think the best one was when a soccer player kicked a recalcitrant printer, and it spit out a red card.)

------
Authors of our fates
Orchestrate our fall from grace
Poorest players on the stage
Our defiance drives us straight to the edge

If he played Blood Bowl he was definitely a Pretty Cool Dude. I play it a lot, and I enjoy designing rosters. There's actually a huge rules update coming out sometime next year, along with a big shiny new vidya gaem using that ruleset around the same time.

For those who don't know, Blood Bowl is a game that hates you and wants you to suffer and wants your lovingly-crafted team of rising stars to get mangled on a milk run game against a dozen or so halflings. More specifically, and less facetiously, Blood Bowl is a turn-based 11-a-side sports-themed miniatures board game with a high degree of randomness and propensity to turn on an absolute dime. The teams are based on factions from the Warhammer Fantasy universe, so you get all that fun stuff - but it's based on the old Warhammer Fantasy universe, so you get the ridiculous stuff as well. Goblins with chainsaws, snotlings manning rickety wagons, a dwarf piloting a gigantic magic steamroller covered in spikes, it's all there waiting for you! Another key point is that the game is really about building your team of rank amateurs into a lethal force of Insert Race Heres - there's an experience setup in the game that works very well, allowing you to pick extra player skills from certain categories depending on what dice you roll. This means you can really build a narrative with your players and show off how they've developed! Before watching them break their own necks failing a 2+ D6 roll to score a game-winning touchdown. That happens a lot. Well, it happens to me a lot. =]

I highly recommend giving it a try over at FUMBBL, the free online version of the game that uses the current ruleset and rather charming 8-bit-ish graphics. If you want a more graphically polished experience, try Blood Bowl 2, a fine multiplayer game with a low price tag, an established community, and terrifying spaghetti coding style born from indifferent Frenchmen hitting a computer with a string of onions until it worked sort of okay-ish. See you on the field! It's jumpers for goalposts and elves for breakfast. =]

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

This is really, REALLY not a game for people who get angry at dice. Source: me, undergoing Deep Mental Strangeness when everything went wrong for the seventh game in a row and subsequently spending three hours screaming abuse at the family of disinterested parakeets that lived above the vegan chip shop over the road from my flat.

It occurs to me now that my life is a bit weird.

Is that actually all that much different from a really fun, well-run game of Paranoia...? <eeeeeeeeeevil grin>

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

---
"She's old, she's lame, she's barren too, // "She's not worth feed or hay, // "But I'll give her this," - he blew smoke at me - // "She was something in her day." -- Garnet Rogers, Small Victory

FiMFiction.net: we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have standards.

Blood Bow the PC game, specifically the second game, is not, perhaps, the greatest game ever made. But it is summat like the TOG, as described by Jingles. It's not good, but it IS hilarious. Particularly since the makers of the game have got Jim Johnston and Bob Bifford spot on. Jim and Bob, for those that don't know, are the iconic commentators of all games Blood Bowl. Jim is a vampire, and Bob(nicknamed "The Biff") is an ogre, and they're the voices of Channel 7. As an illustration, if you haven't played in a while, then as the game starts, Jim will say, "AH! You're back!" and then add in an undertone, "Can't TELL you how long we've been waiting!"

...!
Stoke Mandeville, Esq & The Victorian Ballsmiths
"Nobody Want Verdigris-Covered Balls!"

The Deliverator Deliverates.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIn4DexsU0g

By all accounts, this was pretty much shovelware crap that Atari cranked out back in the day. I only remember it for the one and only memorable bit of the game - the splash screen where a synthesized female voice cheerfully proclaims, "Welcome to CYBERBOWL!"

Hey, we're the Internet's Largest* Producer of Quality Fanfiction.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

* as measured by weight