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Eyrie Productions, Unlimited
Gryphon
Charter Member
20116 posts |
Feb-19-20, 04:24 PM (EST) |
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"absurd products dep't"
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LAST EDITED ON Feb-19-20 AT 07:39 PM (EST) Earlier today, while poking around looking at something else (about which you may hear more later), I ran across the most ridiculous product I've seen in a long time.That is the website for a product called The ABDO®, which is described as a portable gun safe and bills itself as "the future of concealed carry". It is a plastic box, molded in Tactical Black and styled in imitation of fancy flight cases, which you wear on your belt and put a tiny handgun inside. In your Hour of Need, theoretically, you activate a biometric lock with your thumbprint, instantly produce your tiny handgun, and Save the Day with its overwhelming—and completely unexpected!—firepower. Now, leaving apart for a moment the absurdity of trusting your life and/or the lives of others to a consumer-grade biometric sensor (which anyone who has ever unlocked a smartphone of the last two or three generations should find risible enough in its own right), this is hilariously unlike the way it's described. The website claims it "looks like a cell phone", immediately below a series of photographs of a man who appears to have a "tacticool" version of a traditional Japanese lunchbox strapped to his belt. This thing is a mall ninja bento. If the Sega Game Gear had come with an optional belt holster, it would probably have looked something like The ABDO®. (And yet, it can only contain the very smallest of firearms.) Even funnier, they also sell an Internet of Shit™ version of it, creatively called SMART ABDO®, which, and I quote, "brings concealed carry into the 'Smart' age by taking features that are traditionally found in devices such as a cell phone or laptop and integrating them into a portable concealed carry firearm safe. Keeping all of the features that make the basic ABDO® such an innovative carry device, the SMART version takes it a step further by adding functionality that includes GPS tracking, remote locking/unlocking, self aware alarm system to automatically lock when removed from the belt without authorization and much more." That's right, it's a version of an already ridiculous product which adds the functionality, security, and peace of mind of being controlled by a smartphone app to the mix. Picture needing the contents of that in a hurry. Swipe! "The SMART ABDO® App needs to be updated before you can access your weapon. New permissions required: SMART ABDO® now needs access to: body sensors, make & receive calls, camera, files & documents." It's rare to run across something that so perfectly combines "near-paralytically amusing" with "probably going to get someone killed someday". As few as five years ago, I would have been absolutely certain this was a fake product page created as a joke. We truly do live in a world where it has become impossible to distinguish reality from satire. --G. -><- Benjamin D. Hutchins, Co-Founder, Editor-in-Chief, & Forum Mod Eyrie Productions, Unlimited http://www.eyrie-productions.com/ zgryphon at that email service Google has Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam. |
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MuninsFire
Member since Mar-27-07
342 posts |
Feb-19-20, 10:15 PM (EST) |
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1. "RE: absurd products dep't"
In response to message #0
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>Now, leaving apart for a moment the absurdity of trusting your life >and/or the lives of others to a consumer-grade biometric sensor (which >anyone who has ever unlocked a smartphone of the last two or three >generations should find risible enough in its own right), >Most of those end up being openable by a distressingly wide variety of things like "chewing gum on the sensor" >Even funnier, they also sell an Internet of Shit™ version of it,
Oh no. Your hypothetical is all too benign. Waaaay too benign. -- In Xanadu did Kubla Khan A stately pleasure-dome decree, Where Alph, the sacred river, ran Through caverns measureless to man Down to a sunless sea |
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version 3.3 © 2001
Eyrie Productions,
Unlimited
Benjamin
D. Hutchins
E P U (Colour)
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