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Conferences eyrie.private-mail Topic #634
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e readers to note that the Transbelvian contribution to the Red Fleet consisted of this factory and a pedalo boat sent to Leonid Brezhnev in 1972%2C which was sent back after the gearage system tried to eat one of his grandchildren.%0D%0A%0D%0AStill%2C when my father arrived at the State Print Works%2C washed and dressed with shining morning face after a stay in Vrygdryznz%27s most opulent and well-appointed hotel - a title it held by virtue of it being the town%27s only hotel%2C and even then it went to the judges - he was somewhat shocked to find that the pinnacle of Transbelvian printing technology was largely based on the Mark IV of his training years. The Belvoprint B9 was a hulking great machine%2C three times the height of a man and ornery as a herd of camels. Part of its innovative%2C unique%2C and utterly deranged design was that it was a linotype machine and printer all in one. This%2C those who know printing at all%2C was something of a problem.%0D%0A%0D%0ASee%2C typesetting machines of the vintage that the Belvoprint was designed after used liquid metal to form the letter press. The exact admixture eludes me%2C but the things that made up type metal in the Western world were lead%2C tin%2C and antimony. Not so Transbelvian type metal%2C goodness no. In order to harden the type even more%2C and thus save on metal used since the stamping wouldn%27t wear it out as fast %28so the thinking%2C if you can call it that%2C went%29%2C Transbelvian type metal cut it with iron. This had the minor downside of making the liquid metal a hell of a lot hotter than normal%2C with some interesting implications.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe moulds for the individual letters had some mechanical defects%2C as perhaps ought to be expected of a product of Glorious Traditional Transbelvian Industrial Workmanship. Chief among those was a tendency for the sides to warp and weaken under pressure%2C a circumstance under which they are often put due to the nature of hot metal typesetting. Additionally%2C linotype machines being what they are%2C if you incorrectly justified the matrices then a jet of molten metal would spurt out in some direction and hit the wall with a highly dangerous splat. Lastly%2C and most damning of all%2C the lower half of the machine was full of rolls of treated paper%2C which the astute among you will recall is rather flammable.%0D%0A%0D%0ALike I said%2C an interesting time of his life.%0D%0A%0D%0AThe print works managed to survive fairly well until ideologically-sanitized versions of Western literature began to be demanded. The Vrygdryznz works was selected for the production of %5Bi%5DLord Of The Springs%5B%2Fi%5D%2C a proletarian vision of Tolkien%27s works in which Sauron%27s burning%2C lidless eye is white rather than red and Aragorn is elected Supreme Soviet of the Democratic People%27s Republic of Gondor%2C among other and more insane changes. For a full account%2C see Dr. Emily Berkenstein%27s excellent translation%2C containing footnotes and details of the changes made by Transbelvia%27s Consumable Media Subcommitte %28Literature%29 and notes on Soviet Transbelvian literary heritage in general. Despite being a legal printer by training%2C my father was picked by the local party official to man the production of this work. To my mind%2C he succeeded admirably given what he had.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt involved reworking the entire Belvoprint setup to allow it to print books%2C and this is probably where everything started to go a bit wrong. Since the linotype slugs were so much harder%2C they had to print reams and reams of page 1-2 before setting page 3-4. Now%2C despite the enormous hatchet-wielding skills of Soviet censors and the vagaries of both the Russian and Transbelvische languages%2C %5Bi%5DLord Of The Springs%5B%2Fi%5D is%2C in its collected form%2C actually a good twenty or thirty thousand words %5Bi%5Dlonger%5B%2Fi%5D than the original books. The job was enormous%2C the time scale was ridiculous%2C and the means of production were Transbelvian%3B that collections from the Vrygdryznz works exist at all is to be lauded. However%2C there are not very many.%0D%0A%0D%0AAlcohol was everywhere in the print works itself%2C and the heat of the place was enormous. The place was a sea of sweat%2C the kind of parade of shirtless%2C hairy%2C burly men normally found in a Victorian foundry or certain special interest magazines of which you cannot prove I own a truly vast collection. The amount of books and pages destroyed by fire is incredible. 78%25 of the total run burned%2C and even the completed books were lightly singed and reeked of type metal and burnt vodka. Eyebrows became a distant memory. Chest hair became a liability. But the run did get out.%0D%0A%0D%0AAnd then%2C once the last of those pages had been shipped out to the binders in Zbgnvszk%2C only then did the venerable Belvoprint B9 decide its task was done. Nobody is quite sure what caused the explosion%2C since everyone involved woke up four days later with the kind of hangover only Transbelvian drinking culture can cultivate %28Father likened his to having the inside of one%27s skull attacked by several dozen outraged clams made of razor-sharp hammers%29. The blast had levelled the print works%2C and the noble firemen of the city battled the blaze for over 48 hours. The Transbelvian printing experiment was over.%0D%0A%0D%0AIt was a rather sad day%2C as the British legal print delegation boarded its thankfully not-Transbelvian plane and departed for the free shores of home%3B despite the ideological differences of the British and Transbelvian governments%2C the actual people on the ground had wanted it to work. I am fortunate enough to own a Transbelvian %5Bi%5DSprings%5B%2Fi%5D signed by President Vugblat himself%2C and his inscription reads thus%3A%0D%0A%0D%0A%22To %28MY FATHER%27S NAME REDACTED%29%2C a fine example of his trade and his union%3B may our nations come together through the peace and nobility of the written word%2C and may our days be as sunny and beautiful as the prose within his work. Art in service of the People is the People%27s greatest friend%2C and therefore the greatest friend of mankind%3B and the tragedy of this cooperative exchange is that it lasted but a short while. For this book%2C and for all those that follow%2C you have the thanks of the Soviet Socialist Republic of Transbelvia and her Allies. Good luck.%22%0D%0A%0D%0AThat%2C good burghers of this forum%2C is why Transbelvia is such a dear country%3B for all its flaws and for all its total lack of resources%2C quality control%2C or competence%2C it strove to punch above its weight and make a name for itself. Then again%2C I%27m British%3B we love an underdog%2C no matter how useless.%0D%0A%0D%0AAnd Transbelvia%27s the most maddeningly%2C heartbreakingly%2C gloriously useless of them all.%0D%0A%0D%0AThank you for reading.%0D%0A%0D%0A---%0D%0A%22She%27s old%2C she%27s lame%2C she%27s barren too%2C %2F%2F %22She%27s not worth feed or hay%2C %2F%2F %22But I%27ll give her this%2C%22 - he blew smoke at me - %2F%2F %22She was something in her day.%22 -- Garnet Rogers%2C %5Bi%5DSmall Victory%5B%2Fi%5D%0D%0A%0D%0AFiMFiction.net%3A we might accept blatant porn involving the cast of My Little Pony but as God is my witness we have %5Bi%5Dstandards%5B%2Fi%5D.%0D%0A%0D%0A%5Bsmall%5DIs this fanfic%3F Does this count as fanfic%3F If it%27s wrong of me to post something like this%2C please remove it%2C but I love the ethos of Transbelvia and its wonderful incompetence.%5B%2Fsmall%5D. ""
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                                      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Verbena May-14-16 14
                                      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Mercutio May-14-16 15
                                      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-14-16 16
                                          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse The Traitor May-15-16 17
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse SpottedKitty May-15-16 18
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse MoonEyes May-16-16 19
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-16-16 20
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse MoonEyes May-16-16 22
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-17-16 25
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse MoonEyes May-18-16 28
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse ebony14 May-16-16 23
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-17-16 24
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse ebony14 May-17-16 26
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-17-16 27
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse MoonEyes May-20-16 29
                                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse SpottedKitty May-16-16 21
   RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse SilenRevered May-22-16 30
      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-22-16 31
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Mercutio May-22-16 32
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Bushido May-22-16 33
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-22-16 34
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Peter Eng May-23-16 36
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse BobSchroeck May-23-16 37
                  RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse SpottedKitty May-23-16 42
                      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Peter Eng May-24-16 46
                          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse CdrMike May-24-16 48
                              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse BobSchroeck May-25-16 50
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse The Traitor May-23-16 38
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse ebony14 May-23-16 39
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse zwol May-23-16 40
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-23-16 41
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse McFortner May-24-16 43
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin May-24-16 44
                  RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Mercutio May-24-16 45
      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Peter Eng May-23-16 35
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Kendra Kirai May-24-16 47
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse JFerio May-24-16 49
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Peter Eng May-25-16 51
                  RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Kendra Kirai May-25-16 52
   RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse jonathanlennox Jul-14-16 53
      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin Jul-14-16 54
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Mercutio Jul-14-16 55
              RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin Jul-14-16 56
                  RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Mercutio Jul-15-16 57
                      RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse Gryphonadmin Jul-15-16 58
                          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse BZArchermoderator Jul-17-16 60
          RE: AGA: Rebuilding After The Apocalypse BeardedFerret Jul-17-16 59


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Eyrie Productions, Unlimited
Benjamin D. Hutchins
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