The best part is that I don't even really need to write the rest of them. If you (the reader) are not familiar with the Team Fortress 2 shorts, the whole joke fails anyway; but if you are, then now that I've established the baseline, all I have to do is throw out bits like

LYNNE
(muttering to herself)
I think its mate saw me.

A red NEUROI PLASMA BEAM narrowly misses her head as she ducks.

LYNNE
Yes, yes it did.

or

SANYA
(puzzled)
What was noise?

YOSHIKA regards the MIYAFUJI ENGINE in her hand with bemusement for a moment, then gets an I-have-an-idea look on her face and casually flicks the remains of SANYA'S HEART off the electrodes.

YOSHIKA
The sound of progress, Sanya-chan.

or

MIO
I'm a grim bloody fable with an unhappy bloody end!

or

TRUDE
And that's why it's called a zoo!

and you can fill in the rest for yourselves. :)

(Particularly fond of Lynne as Sniper, I think. "Professionals have standards." :)

--G.
"I'm not a crazed cultist, Dad, I'm a witch. Well, the difference being one is a job and the other's mental sickness! Dad.... Dad. Put Mum on the phone."
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or...

SHIRLEY
'How do I stop some mean mother-Neuroi from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind?' The answer - is a Striker.

Orrrrrrr...

MINNA
Do you believe in magic/In a young girl's heart/Where the music can free her whenever it starts

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

PERRINE drags lugubriously on her cigarette, then exhales the smoke slowly.

PERRINE
One shudders to imagine what inhuman thoughts lie behind that smile. What dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty.

("behind that eyepatch" would work as well, if Mio hadn't already been established as the Demo. :)

--G.
"They've got more [CENSORED] than they have the likes of me."
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I'd've used Sanya as the Pyro, myself, given that her schedule makes her the most mysterious of the girls, but she was already the Heavy.

Perrine as the Spy is bang-on, though.

-----

"V, did you do something foolish?"

"Yes, and it was glorious."

YOSHIKA opens the fridge in the corner of sickbay. Inside are several hearts in Petri dishes and, in the back corner, the severed head of PERRINE, hooked up to a lantern battery and still smoking a cigarette.

PERRINE
Kill me.

YOSHIKA
Later.

She picks up the heart labeled MEGA BABOON and shuts the fridge.

--G.
LUCCHINI
You would not BELIEVE! How much this hurts.
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Now, now. Just because Minna once threatened to shoot Mio herself if she didn't retire, that doesn't automatically make her yandere. Poor girl wasn't thinking clearly,* that's all. It happens to the best of us sometimes.

That second image is weirdly adorable, though, for all that I'm generally not down with the "depict habitually lovelorn characters as psychos" fanart thing. To me that doesn't say she's just buried a romantic rival so much as "well, now we know what happened to General What's-His-Face," though. :)

--G.
* Her familiar was probably in heat or something.
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>Her familiar was probably in heat or something.

These things will happen when both emotions are processed by the same chunk of brains, no doubt.

>That second image is weirdly adorable, though, for all that I'm
>generally not down with the "depict habitually lovelorn characters as
>psychos" fanart thing. To me that doesn't say she's just buried a
>romantic rival so much as "well, now we know what happened to General
>What's-His-Face," though. :)

I tend to agree, and there is in fact a non-psycho version of the second one (that is also unreasonably adorable) that I ran across while tracking down the one that popped into mind to begin with.

Matt suggested an improvement.

--G.
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Well, she's out of rockets, so that's where the "ish" part comes in. :)

--G.
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Thirty feet away, avoiding her primary aiming arc and the backblast zone of her rocket launcher.

Peter Eng
--
Insert humorous comment here.

Ye gods, man, you don't pun at a woman on the second date.

--G.
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I punned at a woman on the first date.

We're married now.

--
Geoff Depew - Darth Mephron
Haberdasher to Androids, Dark Lord of Sith Tech Support.
"And Remember! Google is your Friend!!"

Yes, yes. Things were different in 1946. :)

--G.
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I'm trying to decide whether to think of this as like the engine of a Heinkel 162 (an actual jet engine) or a Fiesler 103 (the same pulse-jet as the V-1).

Definitely looking forward to the new episode.

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

Visually, more like the latter, albeit a great deal smaller. Or one of the engines on an Me 262, or a Boeing 707, for that matter. I mean, there wasn't a lot of visual variation in early-generation podded turbojets. :) It doesn't have that weird stovepipe thing the V-1 had, anyway.

(Also, ye gods, a pulse jetpack? That would be horrible.)

--G.
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Only marginally more so than the Fi103 itself, with the intake and its clattering shutters (and all the noise and vibration!) directly above and behind the pilot's head. I still find it hard to believe that flying assembly of kluges actually got to the point of flight training for operational use, before the project was cancelled.

--
Unable to save the day: File is read-only.

... Well, in fairness(?!), the Fi 103 was a suicide weapon. It didn't just have the engine from a V-1, it was a V-1, just with what we might now call a wetware guidance system. As such, it didn't really matter if the pilot was miserable and went deaf.

--G.
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Who's Heinrike? Have we seen her before?

------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her

She's a Night Witch, normally part of the 506th JFW out of Sedan. Had a cameo in the Strike Witches movie; turns up in fan art with Heidemarie a lot.

--G.
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------
Fearless creatures, we all learn to fight the Reaper
Can't defeat Her, so instead I'll have to be Her